I went in to the local Goodwill to say hi to a friend who just became Assistant Store Manager at the store. That store is definitely hiring. I felt that it would cheapen the interaction between my friend and I if I just cut in with anything regarding hiring at the store. Also, being in there it is most definitely retail and I had flashbacks and mixed feelings. The store is definitely pseudo anti-capitalist at least compared to a store like Nieman and Marcus. The highest price tag in the store is like $10 and they have shelves of stuff that isn't going to sell. There was not that much thought put into merchandising and marketing. I don't know. I'll probably just continue to think about it until it's too late. It's not time yet for me to kill myself.
I come on here for something surprising, something different, something lively, something human. I am addicted to the opposite of boredom. If it weren't for boredom the opposite of boredom would not be so stimulating.
In Radiohead's Nude the singer Thom Yorke tells us, "Don't get any big ideas, they are not going to happen."
My big idea is beating capitalism. I don't think I've done it even though I have been unemployed for the last 6 months. Being unemployed with no income has led me to be too lonely, isolated, atomised. It's hard to have a social life when you are trying to live on such a small amount of money. It's not really a big deal to eat meals at $3 / meal. It is a big deal to just sit in my room and waste away.
Going back to work. Well, it's going to be work. The key is monitoring the level of compulsion for performance and efficiency. If that is what the job requires there are times I will lose myself at work. There is no way around it. Then I am kind of fucked. The active life takes over and there is no room for the contemplative. Shaky from the day's work I will look for quick fixes in recreation and "rest." I will have not beaten capitalism.
"Don't get any big ideas, they are not going to happen."
I still have not figured it out but I am getting closer.
I am like an experiment. A speed runner. I push it to the limit in regards to unemployment and idleness. I will be stronger. My spirit will be stronger. But what if I had the Fender Stratocaster, all of the pedals, the synthesizer, the whole nine.... NO! It's not about that. Consumption is the enemy! What about the girlfriend and the omakase and the blow jobs? Again, it's not about that. This is about running experiments on how to beat capitalism. Que sera, sera. What will be, WILL BE! Thy WILL BE done! And it WILL BE no other way.
Jesus realizes he will be betrayed and tortured. Gets down on his knees and prays Thy Will Be Done and has the strength to live out his life. I would pray for that strength but I do not know who I would be praying to. Although, I don't have all the answers. I can't really suss out infinity. Something is missing in my life. Well, a lot is "missing" in my life but I am ok with that but something deep in my core is missing. My spirit is strong but something is just a bit off. I have anxiety and panic issues that my psychiatrist and therapist don't know how to treat. That is fucking frustrating. The easiest answer is that I don't go to AA anymore. AA had something that helped with what I am missing and I am being stubborn but also my anxiety and panic issues make AA annoying. But, I am listening to "All I Need" by Radiohead and everything feels ok.
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Stroggoz New Zealand. Apr 13 2024 13:06. Posts 5299
Anyone else think Jesus was kinda lacking in humility when he claimed to be the messiah?
One of 3 non decent human beings on a site of 5 people with between 2-3 decent human beings
So, I am sitting here brainstorming... How am I going to do it? How am I going to beat Neoliberalism? First and foremost, I like this idea that we humans are backwards. Our relationship with Nature is a destructive one. So, we have to live backwards.
When I go to the grocery store I try to go when there are no cars out on the roads and no people in the stores.
I try not to be a total rube consumer. By that I don't necessarily mean I'm a smart consumer. I try to not be a consumer at all but I need food to eat and clothes to wear.
The master is capital. How do I kill capital? How do I walk away from capital? Capital owns me. It compells me to work / perform / produce. I can kill myself. I am trying to find other ways. There might not be other ways. Is there a world that I can work / perform / produce at a decent enough level where I gain some freedom and don't exploit myself to the point of burnout and depression and anxiety?
Fuck Protestants and their obsession with work. I have to work and produce though or else I will run out of capital. New breaks and tires in order to get to work is not cheap but the start of all of this is needing a car and money to go grocery shopping and buying food. That is the start of it all. It's got me going to this job interview tomorrow and everything just keeps on going.
Simone Weil says when you become a slave you lose half of your soul. I am a slave to capital whether I am employed or not employed so I guess half my soul is gone. Getting a job is almost like becoming a slave twice. Maybe I will have a quarter of my soul left.
I don't know if there is such a thing as the Sovereign Individual. That means that someone beat society completely by themselves which seems impossible. That does not mean that being sovereign is something not to strive for. It is just that under most definitions it is unlikely that any of us will become a supreme ruler. I would not mind possessing supreme and ultimate power to tend to my garden or play the guitar but I think what most people are thinking about is something like Elon Musk and I don't even think he has a good life. For starters, working 16+ hour days every day of the week is the opposite of what I would be interested in.
United States. Apr 12 2024 21:42. Posts 8557
