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NewbSaibot   United States. Dec 11 2022 08:08. Posts 4922
So about 3 years ago I took one last shot at poker prior to accepting a full time job after entering a very dark phase of my life being borderline homeless, uber driving, etc. In that time I won enough to make me reconsider going back to the office life, but after so much suffering I had become risk averse and did the obviously 'smart' thing; be miserable for 3 years working in the safety of a cubicle. In fact during that time I probably had more suicidal thoughts than I did while homeless. All this while fully furnishing my unit, getting an insanely hot girlfriend I did not expect to be able to pull off (she ended up going back to her ex) and getting a promotion. Still, it just wasnt enough. My life continued to feel devoid of something.

Meanwhile my poker ambitions just went on the backburner. I took a weekend trip here and there and would usually break even or maybe win 1k, not entirely sure what my objective was other than dipping my toes in the water to see how it felt again. Well that time finally came, I decided to use up all my PTO and take a nice long extended trip to just purely grind and nothing else. No socializing, no dates, no sight seeing, just eat/sleep/grind and literally nothing else.


Kinda fascinating how the results nearly mirror my last full shot which you can see in a previous blog titled "February results". So what now? I mean honestly I feel like I'm done just replicating my results and then backing out at the last second. My roll is certainly much more healthy now, about 35k instead of the 10k I started with all those years ago. I guess the scary part is that if I'm still deluded by unsustainable winrates then I might not survive this time if I fail. Like it'll just be too much to handle you know? I cant go back to the darkness of failure. This has to be my one last shot, at everything. But what else is there left for me if I stay the course and just keep working an office job? I certainly have not been happy doing that. In fact if anything I've never felt more unhealthy and exhausted.

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listening to edzwoo has made u a nit... *sigh* - ZalforLast edit: 11/12/2022 08:13

Santafairy   Korea (South). Dec 11 2022 08:15. Posts 2193

you feel unhealthy and exhausted and therefore want to do literally nothing except eat sleep and play poker is that correct?

It seems to be not very profitable in the long run to play those kind of hands. - Gus Hansen 

CamilaPunt   Brasil. Dec 11 2022 13:07. Posts 2420

For me the eat sleep work does not work

I need balance which includes more
Socializing, family, exercise, breaks etc

I think its prettt vital for mental health to at least do some of these things.

PuertoRican   United States. Dec 14 2022 05:19. Posts 12822

I could never have poker be my main source of income. Even when I played a lot of poker in 2003`ish, I would mainly play SnGs in order to get in and get out with some aggressive play and worry about volume.

Playing several tables for many hours every week sounds so stressful. Congrats to those of you who were able to make a living out of it, and actually have something to show for it in 2022.

Rekrul is a newb 

NewbSaibot   United States. Dec 15 2022 09:55. Posts 4922

Yeah this is happening. Close to having a 10k month and we're only half way through. Job sucks, underpaid for what I do, company is rescinding work-from-home policy and trying to suck people back to the office, boss is trying to establish dominance demanding I come in for an in-office meeting but wont tell me about what, tried to abuse me & my team for manual labor hauling equipment around which I had already told her I wouldnt do, I refused her meeting, so she scheduled a virtual meeting with me & the IT director to discipline me, I straight up no showed that fuckin shit, debating if I'm even going to be nice and give them 2 weeks notice or just resign on the spot after all my PTO is burned up, I own several critical services that nobody knows how to use, keep fuckin with me assholes.

But beyond all that, the simple work life balance with my 9-5 job just isnt there. My poker schedule might sound equally poor but it isnt. I wake up at 4, hit the card room by 7, grind till midnight or whenever I feel myself no longer playing my A-game, get home by 1, make dinner, watch TV, etc then go to bed around 6AM. I feel better than I ever have, just need to figure out the social aspect so Im not a total hermit. I may consider adjusting my schedule to play the graveyard shift with the absolute degens like 12AM-4AM, this way I can open up my evenings for dates/girlfriends etc. But outside of all that, I've already been complimented by 2 people about how much better I simply look, and how I behave. "You finally look happy again".

listening to edzwoo has made u a nit... *sigh* - Zalfor 

Santafairy   Korea (South). Dec 15 2022 19:31. Posts 2193

  boss is trying to establish dominance


in all seriousness though you need to be more calmly assertive and less broody

you have to turn the tables WHOA POKER IS PLAYED AT A TABLE - SYMBOLISM

you need to speak slowly and respectfully at all times because that's never wrong. including in meeting planning process. you need to plan your points and make sure in your head they make sense. remember everything is a negotiation.

you say very simply when it comes up, what are you dissatisfied with? (you aren't hauling shit around like we want). the terms of my employment state my responsibilities are xyz. I was hired to perform x well and handle y situations and own the z services that nobody else here knows how to run which are critical to OUR (make sure you subliminally make everyone feel like a happy family) functioning.

like you can leave your job or not it's nobody's business but yours and of course i don't care, but you are not maximizing the EV to just be like oh forget 2 weeks notice bye bitches which is mcdonalds level behavior. there may be opportunities you don't know exist here which may also help you in ways you similarly wouldn't know

bosses are busy and not any more intelligent than anyone else so it's your job to explain things to them so they can understand. they can't read your mind and nor can you read theirs of why they want you to suddenly be a human forklift? if i'm understanding right. tell them to make a hauling equipment team and put you in charge of keeping it running and say you need x people on payroll to keep that running smoothly in addition to your already existing duties of seamlessly managing critical services. get private meetings like ask boss if she knows what IT guy's plan is for running everything that you run. and explain you can take your expertise elsewhere if you think you aren't meeting expectations that you never knew were set (not exactly these words/tone but you see the idea), and in that case, ask if they think the revenue lost from critical things you run breaking down, and the added cost of trying to hire one or more people to replace you, would be preferable to rewarding your performance in the areas you are actually responsible for and expanding that responsibility and independence

bosses also have bosses and are mere humans who need to be convinced of things (in this case rearranging your professional arrangements in a beneficial way)

right? and hit the gym to get this ragequit angst out of your system it's not helping

It seems to be not very profitable in the long run to play those kind of hands. - Gus Hansen 

NewbSaibot   United States. Dec 16 2022 23:40. Posts 4922

Definitely need to hit the gym. Lost about 15 lbs on pure diet alone (175 to 160, im 5'11 so lean) and now it's time to strengthen up. I hadnt had sex in so long it really impacted my performance in the beginning. Working out to improve stamina is worth it alone.

The whole relationship with my bosses has become an ego thing at this point. She's better suited to managing a Pizza Hut than IT professionals. You're right about the McDonalds behavior; but thats the kind of employee she wants, so thats the kind of employee she's going to get now. I tried the diplomatic approach and it became obvious that her management style is nothing more than a messenger for the whims of upper management. She placates both sides so that she always come out on top. I've spoken with her on cordial terms several times about practices that need to change, things my team needs to be both happy and successful, in particular to avoid flight risks, etc etc etc. Not one of them was ever fulfilled. In the summer they shut off the A/C to save on the utility bill and stuck a couple of box fans in our office, thermostat read 78. In the winter they refuse to turn on the heat so everyone wears coats now, thermostat reads 66 on average. I thought about filing a complaint to HR about this. Total disregard for pandemic related measures, using my team as props for when executives fly in to town and tour the office, the list goes on. Fuck all this noise.

They've scheduled another 2 on 1 meeting with me next week, I intend to attend this one and just play everything off as some harmless misunderstanding, and then do fuckall for the next 2 weeks while I pack my shit to relocate.

listening to edzwoo has made u a nit... *sigh* - Zalfor 

Santafairy   Korea (South). Dec 17 2022 10:53. Posts 2193

try meeting her managers? it sounds like you don't have issues with the company in particular so don't get outplayed by this one person

i can't know all the ins and outs but my main point is just this: whether just poker or just this job, at the moment you have your feet in two swimming pools and reducing your... income? career? to just one of those fields by throwing that away is less ideal than keeping both alive in some way

It seems to be not very profitable in the long run to play those kind of hands. - Gus Hansen 


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