All Quiet on the LP Front

U r like my pet guinea pig that I mess with so I will my u my friend

if they hadnt closed it for years now they probably never will
it's 10$ per year to pay and Nazgul has deep memories to not let this site go

offtopic: listen to Tool's Aenima album, it will blow your mind

I admit that I've been busy with work lately (I'm a school teacher), so I haven't posted much lately.

My school year ends on June 10, but I leave to Europe on June 12, and will be there until August 1. I will be in Italy for 2 weeks or so, then probably go to a nearby country for a week, before traveling to Belarus for 4 weeks.

LP seems dead because there are only a few of us who actually make new threads, while others just lurk and only talk shit from time to time. Once one of those few thread creators goes inactive due to being busy, this website starts to look dead.

On May 30 2022 01:58 PuertoRican wrote: I admit that I've been busy with work lately (I'm a school teacher), so I haven't posted much lately. My school year ends on June 10, but I leave to Europe on June 12, and will be there until August 1. I will be in Italy for 2 weeks or so, then probably go to a nearby country for a week, before traveling to Belarus for 4 weeks. LP seems dead because there are only a few of us who actually make new threads, while others just lurk and only talk shit from time to time. Once one of those few thread creators goes inactive due to being busy, this website starts to look dead.

Lol @ "seems dead"

On May 29 2022 20:14 dnagardi wrote: if they hadnt closed it for years now they probably never will it's 10$ per year to pay and Nazgul has deep memories to not let this site go offtopic: listen to Tool's Aenima album, it will blow your mind

Except if Baal thinks it is time to close it down and he tells Nazgul this then it probably gets closed down.

LOL at listen to Tool Aenima. I've probably listened to that album 20+ times easily. I go back and forth but I typically think that Lateralus is better.

L0c0

On May 30 2022 20:32 Loco wrote:

Who dis

What's the best crypto wallet these days?

I always used a Trezor Wallet but I cashed out all my Bitcoin and smashed it to pieces with a hammer when I was manic.

I'm trying to get my money off of Ignition and it seems like Bitcoin is a decent option. I've heard if I go the check route I'm going to likely get grilled by my bank and they may charge a clearing fee.

On May 31 2022 01:08 RiKD wrote: What's the best crypto wallet these days? I always used a Trezor Wallet but I cashed out all my Bitcoin and smashed it to pieces with a hammer when I was manic. I'm trying to get my money off of Ignition and it seems like Bitcoin is a decent option. I've heard if I go the check route I'm going to likely get grilled by my bank and they may charge a clearing fee.

just like u dont need solvers to play 10nl

u dont need hardware wallet for the amount of crypto you have.

stop overcomplicating things

I've never done this before. That's why I am asking how to do it.

"It" referring to my best option for getting my funds from Ignition to my bank account. There is also the option of sending it to a hardware wallet and keeping it as BTC. If it is on an exchange it is not BTC.

On May 30 2022 20:32 Loco wrote:

Dang... I was so handsome.

This is pre-2010, maybe around 2004-2006 because I had a shaved head. I have had my current length of hair since at least 2007, because I had some ugly hairstyle at WCG 2007 grand finals in Seattle.

On June 01 2022 02:55 PuertoRican wrote: Show nested quote + On May 30 2022 20:32 Loco wrote: Dang... I was so handsome. This is pre-2010, maybe around 2004-2006 because I had a shaved head. I have had my current length of hair since at least 2007, because I had some ugly hairstyle at WCG 2007 grand finals in Seattle.

Lol I don't get it why is loco randomly posting a photo of u.

Also y u going to italy/belarus specifically

https://puertoricanbw.ytmnd.com

I don't know why I continually ask poker questions on this website. The answer is always go to poker discord which it has been that way for years although there are blips of poker discussion on here so it's probably just an addiction thing.

The reason I am cashing out of Ignition is because they were down for over a week for me. It's not like it's a great site anyways. The whole thing was just a souring situation besides the actual event of playing poker. I enjoyed that thoroughly even though it could have been improved if any one of the betting hotkey, BB view, RNG software would have worked. FWIW, I almost doubled my money not including bonuses in the small amount of hands I played. But, it is a struggle to play while working full-time. Losing probably 40%+ of the time and having the willpower to keep it together after a long day of work is definitely not fun. If I am playing Inside I will inevitably die just like I will inevitably lose in poker but Inside I usually quickly learn from my mistake and then beat that part of the level. In poker, maybe I didn't play any hands particularly that bad. It's a weird system. I can win a hand and play it poorly or I can lose a hand and play it well. Sometimes I don't know when I'm "dying." Sometimes I am missing spots to bet, raise, or fold and I won't even know. I was surely making bet-sizing mistakes all over the place. Poker is also never ending. Inside I don't have to play optimal and I can still beat it. There is a finite ending. Then, I can move on to Little Nightmares II. Which the downside is I feel it's not as good of a game as Inside but it is still there and it's engaging and fun. If I could get situated on a legit site where I can get cozy with some betting hotkeys, BB view, and RNG and not have difficulty putting money on or getting it into a bank account I would think a lot more highly of poker. In some ways the strategies involved with poker trivializes most video games. That is what is alluring to me. The flow state with poker is probably better. Not that I am one that should be chasing flow states. That is probably partly what led to my risk of ruin getting to unacceptable levels back in the day. Flow states and greed. I do enjoy a good flow state though. Not sure how I fix that. There is more to life than attention and flow states.

I have to work because I have bills but it still seems like I dislike my job and the surplus money just goes to careless things really. There is never a time where I feel like I am set or that I have enough but I don't want to go back to a year a go or so where I had no job and was destitute.

There is a J. Cole song called t h e c l i m b b a c k . where at the beginning he says:

Am I doing this for growth or fame? What is more important? Getting or letting go?

I think I have become pretty stagnant. There feels like there is no growth in my current job but I am lazy and fearful of getting a new job. Poker allowed me to not care because I was growing so much there and it's damn fun and addicting. It shows more now that I have been playing more video games. There is a part of my psyche that tells me playing video games is a waste of time and for losers. Another part of my psyche says who cares they are fun. Isn't fun one of the end goals of life? What does that Yale course say?

- Exercise
- Connection
- Meditation
- Gratitude

Something like that. Probably not a bad start anyway.

I wouldn't say I'm unhappy per se. I'm just a bit dissatisfied in the moment. I'm probably happier obsessing about poker until I'm not.

On June 02 2022 03:37 RiKD wrote: I don't know why I continually ask poker questions on this website. The answer is always go to poker discord which it has been that way for years although there are blips of poker discussion on here so it's probably just an addiction thing. The reason I am cashing out of Ignition is because they were down for over a week for me. It's not like it's a great site anyways. The whole thing was just a souring situation besides the actual event of playing poker. I enjoyed that thoroughly even though it could have been improved if any one of the betting hotkey, BB view, RNG software would have worked. FWIW, I almost doubled my money not including bonuses in the small amount of hands I played. But, it is a struggle to play while working full-time. Losing probably 40%+ of the time and having the willpower to keep it together after a long day of work is definitely not fun. If I am playing Inside I will inevitably die just like I will inevitably lose in poker but Inside I usually quickly learn from my mistake and then beat that part of the level. In poker, maybe I didn't play any hands particularly that bad. It's a weird system. I can win a hand and play it poorly or I can lose a hand and play it well. Sometimes I don't know when I'm "dying." Sometimes I am missing spots to bet, raise, or fold and I won't even know. I was surely making bet-sizing mistakes all over the place. Poker is also never ending. Inside I don't have to play optimal and I can still beat it. There is a finite ending. Then, I can move on to Little Nightmares II. Which the downside is I feel it's not as good of a game as Inside but it is still there and it's engaging and fun. If I could get situated on a legit site where I can get cozy with some betting hotkeys, BB view, and RNG and not have difficulty putting money on or getting it into a bank account I would think a lot more highly of poker. In some ways the strategies involved with poker trivializes most video games. That is what is alluring to me. The flow state with poker is probably better. Not that I am one that should be chasing flow states. That is probably partly what led to my risk of ruin getting to unacceptable levels back in the day. Flow states and greed. I do enjoy a good flow state though. Not sure how I fix that. There is more to life than attention and flow states. I have to work because I have bills but it still seems like I dislike my job and the surplus money just goes to careless things really. There is never a time where I feel like I am set or that I have enough but I don't want to go back to a year a go or so where I had no job and was destitute. There is a J. Cole song called t h e c l i m b b a c k . where at the beginning he says: Am I doing this for growth or fame? What is more important? Getting or letting go? I think I have become pretty stagnant. There feels like there is no growth in my current job but I am lazy and fearful of getting a new job. Poker allowed me to not care because I was growing so much there and it's damn fun and addicting. It shows more now that I have been playing more video games. There is a part of my psyche that tells me playing video games is a waste of time and for losers. Another part of my psyche says who cares they are fun. Isn't fun one of the end goals of life? What does that Yale course say? - Exercise - Connection - Meditation - Gratitude Something like that. Probably not a bad start anyway. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy per se. I'm just a bit dissatisfied in the moment. I'm probably happier obsessing about poker until I'm not.

do you get pussi?

No. Do you?

Not sure why so many people think good puss is the answer.

There is hunger, there is libido, there is death. Then we humans can really fuck things up from there.

I like to write. I like the clicking of the keyboard. It is a bit psychotic to constantly write to myself on an open forum though. I am dissatisfied. I don't know what to do. The thought of playing poker ruminates. I buy a Trezor wallet instead. I don't trust blockchain.com. That is not security. I think about how the current season is probably a good season to buy BTC. I don't really want any BTC though. My Trezor wallet can break or I lose it somehow. I lose the seed phrases somehow.

I don't want to live life just chasing flow states or just wanting to feel good. Good puss is good for about 15-20 min. then what? Ok, ok. There is fun in the seduction stages. The build up. The anticipation. Some real good puss has got me walking a little bit more fierce and standing a little taller for a couple of days. I suppose there is some sort of positive feedback loop that can be good for life in all of this. It's better than sitting in a darkened room hunching over the keyboard writing nonsense for God's sakes.

Poker is more fun than Little Nightmares II.

I tried to fill myself up with some poker tonight but the site is still down for me. I just want to play some damn poker is all.

Filling myself up is certainly not achievable with poker. That is a terrible idea but getting involved and playing some hands and working out strategies is a fun thing to do.

It's hard to know what to do sometimes when the dissatisfaction hits. I suppose I lucked out and came across ContraPoints new video which in a way relates to my recent problems. Drugs are not an option so I mostly turn to good novels and sleep. I suppose drugs are an option but one I have written off. I don't think God or prayer is going to save me. I don't have to find my peace in a lie as Bill Callahan says.

I'm just doing a little brainstorming before I read a good novel and go to sleep. That is one of the few things I have found that works lately. I get a decent amount of socialization at work but not the really rich stuff that is possible when I am more free. I think as far as good puss goes that is cool and all but what most people really yearn for is companionship and love. Love can not be the end all answer though because love is messy and heartbreak hurts. The agony of Eros (Byung-Chul Han). There is no end all answer. Life is tough and then we die. I think what people really want is a smooth day. In the midst's of a fast life there is an inherent tiredness. Though a bored life is no fun. People are different too. I am old enough and wise enough that I don't need to be playing high stakes poker by day and partying by night. Occasional nights out are fine with the right people. As I said, I don't want to be in this darkened room hunched over a keyboard too often but some nights that's where I want to be.

I hope that my co-workers caught up a bit with things down at the fashion store on my day off. It's never fun to walk into a shitstorm.

There are always hopes and wants in my life. They are ongoing and changing. I feel like at this point in my life I just need a good anime. Like a Studio Ghibli I haven't seen or something like Ghost in the Shell or Akira. I don't know. Who knows? Not God. "He" is dead and we killed him. I would like to go to a rave. Like a really heavy techno rave. I would like to go to a punk show. I don't know if I can manage to break out. I've come close but I just can't seem to do it. It makes me wonder if I really do like people more than things. That is probably the question that would turn me from just barely more autistic than normal to man, I might be autistic autistic. I am an overly empathetic and sensitive person though so that doesn't check out and I do think that I like being social and I like people more than things. I easily get obsessed with things and I love numbers. I figured out how to count cards at blackjack and kelly bet. That made me happier than the guy in Memento when he found John G. The dealer and floor person clocked me at green chip blackjack since I wasn't even attempting to hide my bets. It's just more fun to have x edge and slide on a stack of greens versus diminish bet sizes. There is no real hope doing it solo anyways unless you are very good. The hourly is not great and it gets tougher to hide moving up stakes. Plus, one has to be a maniac to try and count cards full-time.

So, now that poker is not an option unless I want to try ACR which I'm not sure if I do I'm back to the drawing board. My life is strange and it does not feel like I am living it to the fullest but this little bubble is cozy.

I really think you would benefit from listening to Goggins' audiobook. Life is essentially about evolution. For us, that's self-overcoming. The task is essentially this: using your dissatisfaction and transforming yourself through it, so that you can like the person you see in the mirror a little bit more than you did yesterday or last week. Figuring out what to do to make this happen is not that difficult, what's difficult is committing to it. Goggins took that to an extreme level, bordering on the insane, but there's much to learn from that, and he could spark the changes that you've been unable to make in your current state.

On June 03 2022 04:50 Loco wrote: I really think you would benefit from listening to Goggins' audiobook. Life is essentially about evolution. For us, that's self-overcoming. The task is essentially this: using your dissatisfaction and transforming yourself through it, so that you can like the person you see in the mirror a little bit more than you did yesterday or last week. Figuring out what to do to make this happen is not that difficult, what's difficult is committing to it. Goggins took that to an extreme level, bordering on the insane, but there's much to learn from that, and he could spark the changes that you've been unable to make in your current state.

True commitment is important.

Say what u want about loco but he has committed to his "loco technique" for years.

Imo likewise I have committed to my own strategy.

Its better to really commit to something than to half-ass some thing. Look at your poker project which failed miserably. You wernt committed at all. In fact you were just using it as a ruse to interact with people.

The problem with committing to non-capitalism type stuff is sort of that you are heading right into an eye of an hurricane. Its pretty difficult to maintain this long term. Ppl like loco, jlost, tutz, yourself will say namaste blah blah blah but deep inside I don't think its genuine.

On June 03 2022 04:50 Loco wrote: I really think you would benefit from listening to Goggins' audiobook. Life is essentially about evolution. For us, that's self-overcoming. The task is essentially this: using your dissatisfaction and transforming yourself through it, so that you can like the person you see in the mirror a little bit more than you did yesterday or last week. Figuring out what to do to make this happen is not that difficult, what's difficult is committing to it. Goggins took that to an extreme level, bordering on the insane, but there's much to learn from that, and he could spark the changes that you've been unable to make in your current state.

What is the significance of the audiobook? I already read his book.

Ah, well, he's adding a little bit to the content of the book by being basically interviewed by his ghost writer in-between chapters or something. And well, it's Goggins. You get to have him in your ears. He's like the authoritarian father that you can choose to have whenever you've been too self-indulgent and it's time to clean your shit up.

I have lost weight and continue to do so. I don't even qualify for the military due to my age and mental illness and would not want to join anyways. I have no desire to run ultra-marathons. I don't have this reverence for Goggins that you do. It is true that there is some magic in that first transformation from fat fuck working a shitty (literally) job and overcoming that but as far as I can tell therapy and just natural things happening in my life is what gives me any sort of spark.

It doesn't matter what you choose to commit to. Goggins chose running because it worked for him. Because he hates running. Pick something else you hate and struggle against it without constantly flip-flopping and making excuses, and you've solved nearly every problem you think you have. It's easy on paper but hard in practice, and that is why you're not doing it. You're defaulting back to poker because it's familiar and easy, not because you hate it and you're committing to become very good at it. Your words: "it's fun". Also your words: "I don't want my life to just be about chasing fun times." And indeed, why would you? It's an infantilizing life. Infantile and narcissistic. But clearly if you have these thoughts then you can't deny that you are thirsty for some kind of Sysiphean journey, a challenge you can always turn to. That's why I'm saying it's worth taking Goggins seriously, because that man is not about fun, and we live in a world filled with fun and self-indulgence, and you rank at the top of that hierarchy or else you wouldn't be constantly writing to yourself on here, so don't tell me the "natural flow of your life" is all you need.

What you need above all are constant reality checks and personal accountability. And that is not unique to you, it is something you share with everyone else who suffers from bipolar disorder. You're all driving cars that don't have a mirror that shows your blind spot, and you're all saying "there's no blind spot" or, "nothing's dangerous about that". I know it's not fun to admit but it's the hand you've been dealt. You need people to keep your thoughts in check and you need medication to improve your neurochemistry. And Goggins is useful because he can be a constant reminder that you're giving a very small % of what you could be giving at any given moment towards improving yourself.

It's no wonder Contrapoints is a dissatisfied drunk. She's a rich narcissist and she's continuously rewarded for it, what the hell could motivate her to change?

haha i skip a lot of rikds essay again but im back so it isnt gonna be too quiet. got my nice break away from LP n just relax. lifes chill again lol

loco is right its always nice to challenge urself and not be in a comfortable spot all the time gotta be on the tip toes once in awhile to keep sharp

On June 02 2022 15:51 CurbStomp2 wrote: [ do you get pussi?

pussi isnt even that special, its so easy nowadays its pretty cheap. what is special is making real connections. that shit is rare now

On June 03 2022 14:10 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On June 03 2022 04:50 Loco wrote: I really think you would benefit from listening to Goggins' audiobook. Life is essentially about evolution. For us, that's self-overcoming. The task is essentially this: using your dissatisfaction and transforming yourself through it, so that you can like the person you see in the mirror a little bit more than you did yesterday or last week. Figuring out what to do to make this happen is not that difficult, what's difficult is committing to it. Goggins took that to an extreme level, bordering on the insane, but there's much to learn from that, and he could spark the changes that you've been unable to make in your current state. True commitment is important. Say what u want about loco but he has committed to his "loco technique" for years. Imo likewise I have committed to my own strategy. Its better to really commit to something than to half-ass some thing. Look at your poker project which failed miserably. You wernt committed at all. In fact you were just using it as a ruse to interact with people. The problem with committing to non-capitalism type stuff is sort of that you are heading right into an eye of an hurricane. Its pretty difficult to maintain this long term. Ppl like loco, jlost, tutz, yourself will say namaste blah blah blah but deep inside I don't think its genuine.

hiems isnt wrong, in the past i was misleading but im a change man. when i say namaste i thoroughly wish u namaste

On June 04 2022 04:53 Loco wrote: It doesn't matter what you choose to commit to. Goggins chose running because it worked for him. Because he hates running. Pick something else you hate and struggle against it without constantly flip-flopping and making excuses, and you've solved nearly every problem you think you have. It's easy on paper but hard in practice, and that is why you're not doing it. You're defaulting back to poker because it's familiar and easy, not because you hate it and you're committing to become very good at it. Your words: "it's fun". Also your words: "I don't want my life to just be about chasing fun times." And indeed, why would you? It's an infantilizing life. Infantile and narcissistic. But clearly if you have these thoughts then you can't deny that you are thirsty for some kind of Sysiphean journey, a challenge you can always turn to. That's why I'm saying it's worth taking Goggins seriously, because that man is not about fun, and we live in a world filled with fun and self-indulgence, and you rank at the top of that hierarchy or else you wouldn't be constantly writing to yourself on here, so don't tell me the "natural flow of your life" is all you need.

Camus said we should imagine Sisyphus as happy. I don't buy it. We should imagine Sisyphus as having a relatively normal range of emotions. I already have a rock that I hate by the way and that is work. I don't even really know what my claim is here. That I under-rate Goggins? I am not trying to say you over-rate him. Clearly, he has meant something in your struggles with x. I don't buy it that you hate lifting weights. I need more than the natural flow of my life which I didn't say that exactly. Natural sparks like a beautiful woman and whatever motivated me to show up to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or Food Not Bombs, etc.

What you need above all are constant reality checks and personal accountability. And that is not unique to you, it is something you share with everyone else who suffers from bipolar disorder. You're all driving cars that don't have a mirror that shows your blind spot, and you're all saying "there's no blind spot" or, "nothing's dangerous about that". I know it's not fun to admit but it's the hand you've been dealt. You need people to keep your thoughts in check and you need medication to improve your neurochemistry. And Goggins is useful because he can be a constant reminder that you're giving a very small % of what you could be giving at any given moment towards improving yourself.

I have no problem admitting that that is the hand that I have been dealt. There are not enough people in my life that can help me check my blind spot(s). It's not always easy to trust people that are not my family and therapist and doctor. Even bipolar buddies are not always reliable. This does not mean that I should have Goggins on loop. I don't even particularly like Goggins and that is beyond the fact that he reminds me that I am giving a very small % of what I could be giving at any given moment towards improving myself. I could also listen to Tim Dillon on loop that tells me to be as self-indulgent as possible because the world is collapsing so have fun while it lasts. It's a tempting proposition but one that ultimately does not ring true. But, I also don't think that torturing yourself for an eternity because it probably makes you stronger is that great of a proposition either.

It's no wonder Contrapoints is a dissatisfied drunk. She's a rich narcissist and she's continuously rewarded for it, what the hell could motivate her to change?

Enough pain. When the drink stops working is a terrifying moment.

As far as poker is concerned. What was I supposed to do? Claim that I was going to be the best poker player in the world even though I already had a chance at that and failed? I played against Jungleman and got blood-bathed. I played against Phil Galfond and lost money. But, now I can study solvers for 12 hours a day and get them back after all these years? There's already people studying 12 hours a day for 2 years or more. I can't reconsider after the site went down and did not allow me to play cash games for 2 weeks now?

I don't know if it's too easy either. I made mistakes and misplayed hands to my knowledge quite a lot not including the spots I did not pick up on. It is a difficult task to memorize the charts and there is still plenty of poker that has to be played at low levels. No one except for like LLinusLLove and probably others have spent enough time on solvers to integrate all of the spots. In some ways I could have been learning chess but I have always had a fondness for cards.

As far as I'm concerned, it's a good thing you suck at poker and can't become a high stakes degen again, because that's just one bad day away from the psych ward and a possible suicide attempt. Poker should have stayed in your past and you've unearthed it because you were too bored and too scared to face the emptiness in your life. Gambling with commitment sure as hell isn't the answer, but my point was that you were not even trying that, you just tumbled back down into it lazily, "for fun", because that is what you do, and who you are, and you are right to be dissatisfied with yourself.


Yeah I don't hate lifting, or at least I don't hate every exercise. But there are days I would rather rest, or not do a crazy amount of squats, or do neck curls and extensions at the end of a 2 hour workout. But this is not the only thing I have chosen to struggle against. What I do is irrelevant, what matters is the process and being patient with the results. I am not dissatisfied as I used to be playing poker or other games online full time. I'm more social and self-confident. For example I went to buy a new guitar off of marketplace a few days ago and this random 24yo girl who sold it to me? She's quickly becoming a good friend. Maybe more eventually. And I'm going to a Phoebe Bridgers concert with her next week and it'll feel awesome to realize how I've made that happen as I listen to great live music. To think I am the kind of guy who can do that. Would I ever have made this happen if I was in your self-pitying state or obsessing over a game? Not a chance.

And it's crazy because it only takes one small event like that to potentially change your life. But if you're not open and taking chances committing to new things you're not creating opportunities for anything new to come into your life down the road. Every day ends up being exactly the same, as Trent Reznor wrote.

The Sisyphus who is pushing the boulder up the hill is more fulfilled than the one who is hunched over the keyboard writing nonsense, as you put it. That's all that matters. And the Sisyphus metaphor is always going to be extremely limited because we are a social species, and there are no real Sisyphus. There are just people who want to be seen, accepted, loved, and it's a fact of life that we have to work endlessly for those things.

And wage labor is what almost everyone has to struggle with, it doesn't count. I'm talking about something you personally choose to do every day that you don't have to do. Wage labor is not truly voluntary as we all know, but building a life that has any degree of meaning has to involve volition.

Yes life is going to kill us all but if you are using volition you get to pick your poison and you'd be mad to want to choose constant self-indulgence in my opinion.


“The whole life of the individual is nothing but the process of giving birth to himself; indeed, we should be fully born when we die - although it is the tragic fate of most individuals to die before they are born.”

- Erich Fromm, The Sane Society

Loco strikes again lol

lol goggins ain't got shit on wes watson.

On June 05 2022 04:26 Loco wrote: As far as I'm concerned, it's a good thing you suck at poker and can't become a high stakes degen again, because that's just one bad day away from the psych ward and a possible suicide attempt. Poker should have stayed in your past and you've unearthed it because you were too bored and too scared to face the emptiness in your life. Gambling with commitment sure as hell isn't the answer, but my point was that you were not even trying that, you just tumbled back down into it lazily, "for fun", because that is what you do, and who you are, and you are right to be dissatisfied with yourself.

I do suck at poker now. What is sad is that someone like hiems is probably better than me. I don't know if he's got the hand reading or the chutzpah or basically any number of things to be a player but as it stands today he may or may not be better than me. I was trying. I did immerse myself back into the game and got a lot better and I see no reason why that would not continue. It was not some ruse to socialize. Dealing with tiredness, struggling for willpower after work in losing sessions was definitely a practice. It is a good practice in just sitting in the muck and sitting there and sitting there but we both know this is not what is right for my life.

Yeah I don't hate lifting, or at least I don't hate every exercise. But there are days I would rather rest, or not do a crazy amount of squats, or do neck curls and extensions at the end of a 2 hour workout. But this is not the only thing I have chosen to struggle against. What I do is irrelevant, what matters is the process and being patient with the results. I am not dissatisfied as I used to be playing poker or other games online full time. I'm more social and self-confident. For example I went to buy a new guitar off of marketplace a few days ago and this random 24yo girl who sold it to me? She's quickly becoming a good friend. Maybe more eventually. And I'm going to a Phoebe Bridgers concert with her next week and it'll feel awesome to realize how I've made that happen as I listen to great live music. To think I am the kind of guy who can do that. Would I ever have made this happen if I was in your self-pitying state or obsessing over a game? Not a chance.

Speaking about the guitar. I struggle with that. I've played at least a little bit almost everyday for a while now. I hate that damn thing and I love that damn thing. I can't even play with my pinkie which we may have figured out is because it's double jointed and weak or my lithium or whatever but I keep playing. My fingers are too big for my guitar but I keep playing.

I struggle with AA.

I'm not just sitting in dark rooms playin' vidya and eatin' tendies. It's not that bad but yes, of course, it could be better.

I get the message. Obviously, it would be better to accompany fascinating women to great live shows. I'm certainly not going to accomplish that grinding out 10 NL or even worse attempting to get good at StarCraft. Meeting people seems to get harder every year. The easy way out seems to be AA but I hate AA and it is actually difficult so in your world view that would seemingly be something to latch onto but if I deem it stupid then that would be flip-flopping and giving up. I work 10-7 or 1-10. Most people in this category are retail or food and bev. I am not going to go to bars or lounges or clubs to meet people unless it is a date which I would prefer coffee. I thought about going down to the local games shop and starting to play Warhammer 40k or something like that. I just think about how poker is more fascinating than Warhammer.

And it's crazy because it only takes one small event like that to potentially change your life. But if you're not open and taking chances committing to new things you're not creating opportunities for anything new to come into your life down the road. Every day ends up being exactly the same, as Trent Reznor wrote.

There could be a positive or a negative to everyday being exactly the same. Early in my recovery for maybe a season or 2 or 3 everyday was exactly the same and it was great. I went for a walk in the woods, I did some reading, I went to a meeting, and I socialized with friends until 5am. I would have to re-listen to that song but that album is basically Trent's recovery album. I don't want to push my experiences with recovery on Trent or vice versa which a lot of people in recovery try to do this but yeah.

I don't know man. I know you are trying to help and I appreciate it. I will just say that in the moment of some of these blog posts I am one person and when I am cracking jokes with co-workers or playing a blues scale I am a different person. But, I can't be that latter person all the time and I don't know if I can avoid being the former hunched over dissatisfied keyboard jockey. It's life. I'm trying. Am I trying as hard as Goggins. No, that guy is fucking crazy. Am I trying more than Molina that drank himself to death? Well, maybe. I don't have any great albums under my belt and my organs aren't great but they are all still working so all I can do is try. Maybe it doesn't look like I am trying but I am trying. I think that's from a song off of Farewell Transmission.

I mean I don't even know where I could go right now to socialize. 9pm on a Sunday in Fort Happiness, Southern USA when everything closes at 10pm and I don't drink. But, I just thought of somewhere and maybe Loco is getting through to me... To be continued...

On June 06 2022 00:28 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On June 05 2022 04:26 Loco wrote: As far as I'm concerned, it's a good thing you suck at poker and can't become a high stakes degen again, because that's just one bad day away from the psych ward and a possible suicide attempt. Poker should have stayed in your past and you've unearthed it because you were too bored and too scared to face the emptiness in your life. Gambling with commitment sure as hell isn't the answer, but my point was that you were not even trying that, you just tumbled back down into it lazily, "for fun", because that is what you do, and who you are, and you are right to be dissatisfied with yourself. I do suck at poker now. What is sad is that someone like hiems is probably better than me. I don't know if he's got the hand reading or the chutzpah or basically any number of things to be a player but as it stands today he may or may not be better than me. I was trying. I did immerse myself back into the game and got a lot better and I see no reason why that would not continue. It was not some ruse to socialize. Dealing with tiredness, struggling for willpower after work in losing sessions was definitely a practice. It is a good practice in just sitting in the muck and sitting there and sitting there but we both know this is not what is right for my life.   Yeah I don't hate lifting, or at least I don't hate every exercise. But there are days I would rather rest, or not do a crazy amount of squats, or do neck curls and extensions at the end of a 2 hour workout. But this is not the only thing I have chosen to struggle against. What I do is irrelevant, what matters is the process and being patient with the results. I am not dissatisfied as I used to be playing poker or other games online full time. I'm more social and self-confident. For example I went to buy a new guitar off of marketplace a few days ago and this random 24yo girl who sold it to me? She's quickly becoming a good friend. Maybe more eventually. And I'm going to a Phoebe Bridgers concert with her next week and it'll feel awesome to realize how I've made that happen as I listen to great live music. To think I am the kind of guy who can do that. Would I ever have made this happen if I was in your self-pitying state or obsessing over a game? Not a chance. Speaking about the guitar. I struggle with that. I've played at least a little bit almost everyday for a while now. I hate that damn thing and I love that damn thing. I can't even play with my pinkie which we may have figured out is because it's double jointed and weak or my lithium or whatever but I keep playing. My fingers are too big for my guitar but I keep playing. I struggle with AA. I'm not just sitting in dark rooms playin' vidya and eatin' tendies. It's not that bad but yes, of course, it could be better. I get the message. Obviously, it would be better to accompany fascinating women to great live shows. I'm certainly not going to accomplish that grinding out 10 NL or even worse attempting to get good at StarCraft. Meeting people seems to get harder every year. The easy way out seems to be AA but I hate AA and it is actually difficult so in your world view that would seemingly be something to latch onto but if I deem it stupid then that would be flip-flopping and giving up. I work 10-7 or 1-10. Most people in this category are retail or food and bev. I am not going to go to bars or lounges or clubs to meet people unless it is a date which I would prefer coffee. I thought about going down to the local games shop and starting to play Warhammer 40k or something like that. I just think about how poker is more fascinating than Warhammer.   And it's crazy because it only takes one small event like that to potentially change your life. But if you're not open and taking chances committing to new things you're not creating opportunities for anything new to come into your life down the road. Every day ends up being exactly the same, as Trent Reznor wrote. There could be a positive or a negative to everyday being exactly the same. Early in my recovery for maybe a season or 2 or 3 everyday was exactly the same and it was great. I went for a walk in the woods, I did some reading, I went to a meeting, and I socialized with friends until 5am. I would have to re-listen to that song but that album is basically Trent's recovery album. I don't want to push my experiences with recovery on Trent or vice versa which a lot of people in recovery try to do this but yeah. I don't know man. I know you are trying to help and I appreciate it. I will just say that in the moment of some of these blog posts I am one person and when I am cracking jokes with co-workers or playing a blues scale I am a different person. But, I can't be that latter person all the time and I don't know if I can avoid being the former hunched over dissatisfied keyboard jockey. It's life. I'm trying. Am I trying as hard as Goggins. No, that guy is fucking crazy. Am I trying more than Molina that drank himself to death? Well, maybe. I don't have any great albums under my belt and my organs aren't great but they are all still working so all I can do is try. Maybe it doesn't look like I am trying but I am trying. I think that's from a song off of Farewell Transmission. I mean I don't even know where I could go right now to socialize. 9pm on a Sunday in Fort Happiness, Southern USA when everything closes at 10pm and I don't drink. But, I just thought of somewhere and maybe Loco is getting through to me... To be continued...

LOL

I don't think you're trying as hard as Molina just because you are still alive and not drinking. His whole life was centered around music, and part of being a rock musician is having booze around you all the time, it's inevitable and it's part of that life. And his mom was an alcoholic since he was born; he was basically doomed with the worst genetics for alcoholism. He received an enormous amount of help from friends, fans, family and his wife, but none of it was enough.

Every day is not exactly the same if you have a routine that involves getting a little better at something good for you and if you're socializing—in the real world. Because those things are never the same thing, they involve novelty, and they involve putting yourself out there. They can open up opportunities if you are patient enough with the process.

Yeah, he would get up at dawn or before dawn every day to write songs. That must be a Herculean struggle.

I went out for pizza with a group of people tonight. I forgot about one of my friends who would organize this every Sunday. I saw him last week and thought I'd shoot him a text even if I had no intentions of going to the meeting. He said it made him happy that I showed up. He kind of prides himself on being an extrovert and pushing people to be more social. So, if I wouldn't have seen him last week which I hadn't seen him for 2 years and Loco didn't push me on here there is no chance I'm going. Not like getting pizza with people is some peak of Everest feat but it was fun and yes novel. It made me realize that it is difficult work. The only reason I was invited was because I have a special connection with the guy who organized it. I knew 0 other people there but my social skills aren't bad so we had a good time. I realize my trust with the organizer came back rather quickly but it's usually not like that. There is a long road ahead. There is something quite special to me to roll a 97 and open a 67dd to 2.5bbs in the HJ but there are so much more enriching game trees possible if I go outside and spend time with people.

I can still scratch my poker itch too as I got invited to a local private game.

the gay dnagardi will be pleased now that u r quittin pokah and spendin time socializing

The money is not in my bank account yet. I could still ship it to ACR although I haven't heard good things.

stop wasting your money on online poker, ill bet u wont be a winner in any world wide site in cash game. if you want to play for fun thats okay but do not expect to make money anymore. good luck competing against bots or 3rd world country buddy. great that you went out to have a bite with a old buddy n some of his buddies. There are lots of value building relationship that online poker doesnt offer. I skip your other essays rikd, just read that last post

you can always play hiems heads up and see who is better on a free money app but for money. i would like to see if hiems is better than me too or hes just playing with a ton of fish in PA. hiems wanna play some nl50 or nl100 heads up for money? i want to see if you are better than me lol

i havent play serious cashgame in a pretty long time. i do not remember the last time i played more than 300 hands in 1 session must have been at least a year now or longer

rikd if u want to keep playing poker for fun u can play me heads up i guess any stake u want n if i win ill donate the money to people in need, n if u win /wrist lol

jk i wont /wrist ill be happy 4 u but that means i suck a lot now lol if i cant even beat u

We should bring back a Lp head up tournament. I bet we could get few players

On June 06 2022 07:32 lostaccount wrote: stop wasting your money on online poker, ill bet u wont be a winner in any world wide site in cash game. if you want to play for fun thats okay but do not expect to make money anymore. good luck competing against bots or 3rd world country buddy. great that you went out to have a bite with a old buddy n some of his buddies. There are lots of value building relationship that online poker doesnt offer. I skip your other essays rikd, just read that last post

To be fair u r right jlost.

Poker is dead/dying for the most part. I still will continue on though.

BTW I love how I've been saying all along loco is this weird Rasputin type figure in rikds life lurking in the shadows constantly exerting control over his minion and rikd and loco vehemently deny it ...

But here we are in this thread and everything is exactly like how I described it LOL...

jlost,

Is it possible to play rake free and just cross-book?

I probably would quit you if I was down $100. I could also give the winnings to charity.

Yea that’s what I mean we download the free app n play rake free n cross book

Sounds good, I’ll stop at 100$ too then

BTW jlost I really like that poem u wrote

On June 06 2022 16:24 hiems wrote: BTW I love how I've been saying all along loco is this weird Rasputin type figure in rikds life lurking in the shadows constantly exerting control over his minion and rikd and loco vehemently deny it ... But here we are in this thread and everything is exactly like how I described it LOL...

I think you're just mad that rik can have a social life if he wants to, meanwhile the only people who want to be near you must have a monetary reward for it.

On June 06 2022 21:15 hiems wrote: BTW jlost I really like that poem u wrote

thanks buddy im the lai bai but in english version unless u want to learn chinese n read my chinese poems

On June 06 2022 22:54 Loco wrote: Show nested quote + On June 06 2022 16:24 hiems wrote: BTW I love how I've been saying all along loco is this weird Rasputin type figure in rikds life lurking in the shadows constantly exerting control over his minion and rikd and loco vehemently deny it ... But here we are in this thread and everything is exactly like how I described it LOL... I think you're just mad that rik can have a social life if he wants to, meanwhile the only people who want to be near you must have a monetary reward for it.

we are have weakness and strength my friend, dont need to compare. just keep working on oneself n improve.

jlost,

I slept on it and I think I'm going to back out. It would be good practice if I was planning on playing a bunch of heads up online but I'm not. It appears ACR has a major bot problem and they aren't great at cash outs. I wouldn't be playing heads-up at low stakes anyways due to the ridiculous rake. Before last month I hadn't played a hand of online poker since 2010 and I haven't thought about hunl seriously since 2009.

On June 06 2022 22:54 Loco wrote: Show nested quote + On June 06 2022 16:24 hiems wrote: BTW I love how I've been saying all along loco is this weird Rasputin type figure in rikds life lurking in the shadows constantly exerting control over his minion and rikd and loco vehemently deny it ... But here we are in this thread and everything is exactly like how I described it LOL... I think you're just mad that rik can have a social life if he wants to, meanwhile the only people who want to be near you must have a monetary reward for it.

So let me get this straight...

Ur saying I'm envious of rikd? Lol...

On June 07 2022 02:08 hiems wrote: Show nested quote + On June 06 2022 22:54 Loco wrote:   On June 06 2022 16:24 hiems wrote: BTW I love how I've been saying all along loco is this weird Rasputin type figure in rikds life lurking in the shadows constantly exerting control over his minion and rikd and loco vehemently deny it ... But here we are in this thread and everything is exactly like how I described it LOL... I think you're just mad that rik can have a social life if he wants to, meanwhile the only people who want to be near you must have a monetary reward for it. So let me get this straight... Ur saying I'm envious of rikd? Lol...

You're envious of the part of people's life that you don't have.

On June 07 2022 03:34 Loco wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2022 02:08 hiems wrote:   On June 06 2022 22:54 Loco wrote:   On June 06 2022 16:24 hiems wrote: BTW I love how I've been saying all along loco is this weird Rasputin type figure in rikds life lurking in the shadows constantly exerting control over his minion and rikd and loco vehemently deny it ... But here we are in this thread and everything is exactly like how I described it LOL... I think you're just mad that rik can have a social life if he wants to, meanwhile the only people who want to be near you must have a monetary reward for it. So let me get this straight... Ur saying I'm envious of rikd? Lol... You're envious of the part of people's life that you don't have.

On June 07 2022 03:34 Loco wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2022 02:08 hiems wrote:   On June 06 2022 22:54 Loco wrote:   On June 06 2022 16:24 hiems wrote: BTW I love how I've been saying all along loco is this weird Rasputin type figure in rikds life lurking in the shadows constantly exerting control over his minion and rikd and loco vehemently deny it ... But here we are in this thread and everything is exactly like how I described it LOL... I think you're just mad that rik can have a social life if he wants to, meanwhile the only people who want to be near you must have a monetary reward for it. So let me get this straight... Ur saying I'm envious of rikd? Lol... You're envious of the part of people's life that you don't have.

Yuu r rite loco I m jealous of yuu...

On June 02 2022 18:57 RiKD wrote: No. Do you? Not sure why so many people think good puss is the answer.

I would get average lefty pussy if i kept my mouth shut, jogger pussy or crazy pussy. I don't want those. can't get good right wing pussy cause I don't work and never will.

On June 07 2022 10:49 CurbStomp2 wrote: Show nested quote + On June 02 2022 18:57 RiKD wrote: No. Do you? Not sure why so many people think good puss is the answer. I would get average lefty pussy if i kept my mouth shut, jogger pussy or crazy pussy. I don't want those. can't get good right wing pussy cause I don't work and never will.

Lol curbstomp is so crazy.

What do u have against joggers lol..

On June 07 2022 04:24 PuertoRican wrote: Show nested quote + On June 07 2022 03:34 Loco wrote:   On June 07 2022 02:08 hiems wrote:   On June 06 2022 22:54 Loco wrote:   On June 06 2022 16:24 hiems wrote: BTW I love how I've been saying all along loco is this weird Rasputin type figure in rikds life lurking in the shadows constantly exerting control over his minion and rikd and loco vehemently deny it ... But here we are in this thread and everything is exactly like how I described it LOL... I think you're just mad that rik can have a social life if he wants to, meanwhile the only people who want to be near you must have a monetary reward for it. So let me get this straight... Ur saying I'm envious of rikd? Lol... You're envious of the part of people's life that you don't have.

Was loco good at brood war?

Somehow I get the feeling u beat him a bunch.

Seems like loco is on his 20th and final exodus...

haha no offense hiems i like rikd more than u cuz he never disrepsected me but i still like u but i like u way more than loco if that helps any,

On June 07 2022 00:51 RiKD wrote: jlost, I slept on it and I think I'm going to back out. It would be good practice if I was planning on playing a bunch of heads up online but I'm not. It appears ACR has a major bot problem and they aren't great at cash outs. I wouldn't be playing heads-up at low stakes anyways due to the ridiculous rake. Before last month I hadn't played a hand of online poker since 2010 and I haven't thought about hunl seriously since 2009.

play 4 fun monies i be happy to battle u at nl2 or whatever stake u want

On June 09 2022 08:43 lostaccount wrote: haha no offense hiems i like rikd more than u cuz he never disrepsected me but i still like u but i like u way more than loco if that helps any,

When did I disrespect u

if u forgot then i wont bring it up again but u did, via discord chat

sometimes hiems u dont think u disrespecting ppl but u r

Y u think I blocked u on discord

It’s okay hiems I forgave u now, like u n rikd equally now. No need to bring it up anymore

Poll: What do u prefer?
(Vote): Living in the city
(Vote): Living in the countryside
(Vote): Somewhere inbetween
(Vote): Living with Floofy

Floofy ftw

On June 09 2022 14:52 lostaccount wrote: It’s okay hiems I forgave u now, like u n rikd equally now. No need to bring it up anymore

Jlost u r like a Buddha combined with a Frog lord sage king .


Godspeed.

What is a frog lord?

U know rikd if we play nl2 hu I’m just gonna jam every hand 99.5% vpip might misclick once in an while

Sounds like optimal strategy

On June 09 2022 16:16 ggplz wrote: Poll: What do u prefer? (Vote): Living in the city (Vote): Living in the countryside (Vote): Somewhere inbetween (Vote): Living with Floofy

Who here has had sex with loco?

His wife obviously