The Beach

I always liked this movie. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

It's not a must-see, or even amazing in any way, but it reminds you how travelling can give you a sense of freedom, and that all of the shit we go through in our daily lives is only temporary and can be done away with just by visiting other parts of the world.

I want to touch more on meat vessels and physical attractiveness. The buddhists say we are just consciousness within a meat vessel that allows us to help people. I may take it a step forward and say we are meat puppets enslaved to our brains and conditioning but I will leave it at the buddhist level and say that yes that is a possibility. If we are jive with the boddisatva way of life are meat vessels are there solely to help people. In fact, the consciousness is passing up enlightenment in order to help people. Great. I meditated for 30 min. on the beach today. I found bliss in paying attention to how the sun felt warming my skin and the wind felt blowing against my body. About 5 min. later I found myself near a drop dead gorgeous female specimen. Her thick, wild red hair and the way her booty was moving and I forgot all about meat vessels and helping people and all of that. I wanted to be inside. The libido run amok. Then there are times when it is more softly. Oh, she's lovely. I even kind of fancy the ones that are a bit out of shape. It means that they might like trying out new restaurants and over eating. They might be into things besides exercising and pampering. One thing I did notice after meditating was the lack of any insecurities. There was not even a thought. I did not even think about this is who I am, I just was. So, there is a fact. I am not that physically attractive on a beach. I am tall, I have tattoos, my hair is kind of cool but I am kind of pale and skinny pudgy. Nothing that really stands out or grabs a woman's attention but if I can carry this state of emptiness. A state of lacking insecurity and just being a meat vessel with a consciousness... I was going to say I could pick up a bunch of chicks which may be true but it kind of breaks down there. This is kind of what always happens with me and buddhism. I am not looking to pick up status but I have in the past but that is not who I am anymore. I guess I just see myself finding another like hippie chick buddhist. I could see myself with a kind of southern belle hipster chick. I have dated one in the past it seems to be one of my types and quite prevalent in Charleston...

Man, now I am interrupted again. Another brag. Straight up amazing American cookout type of spread. I am trying to get my thoughts and observations out on all this stuff but it seems to be buddhism and dating, buddhism and modern America, dating and modern America type of deal.

Loved that movie even if I watched it like 10 years too late

rikd dont hate yourself. thats the worst thing that can happen to a person. the second you realize it all doesnt matter then it all really doesnt matter.

Leo is great. I remember that movie was shot in actual secluded beaches in Thailand if I remember correctly. I will definitely have to check it out.

So, it seems to always get back to dating with me. Like I know who I will end up with if it is anyone.

I think what I was trying to say is the beach is a different area to pick up. Some random dude meditating and going on walks is just not going to pick up on the beach. That should not really even be a goal. It could be a little different if I had my dog with me. It would more easily start conversation and I could show there is a certain type of mind in the meat vessel but on a beach the meat vessel will always be a consideration. It is out in the open. It is right there. So, what I am saying is the meat vessel should not have as much importance as it does and for some it does not and for some it does greatly. 20+ years of outlier model conditioning has fucked us all up. A great ass is great with or without cellulite it makes no difference. I can't find myself saying ass does not matter though. It is something more than just advertising. It is carnal. It is primal. Being 400 lbs. is not desirable or attractive. That seems to be a mental health issue at a certain point. Still, it is just a meat vessel that will die just like every other meat vessel. It will age, it will get old, it will accrue scars and saggyness. We still have biological markers for strong candidates for reproduction. That combined with advertising may never change although it seems to be universal that sitting in a Porsche is attractive more so than defined cheek bones. This may change even more as we go on as technology takes over. I think it is part of why there is a nerds are cool movement. Nerds are cool. Playing Starcraft 16+ hours a day is not a very cool thing to do but then again if you are Flash it is pretty fucking awesome. I am not Flash. I suck at Starcraft. I played different video games for 12+ hours a day and got pretty good. Not good enough to do anything cool like travel for free or get free stuff. Poker changed that. Poker has kind of a cooler vibe than video games thanks to movies and culture but it really kind of shouldn't. Anyways, playing poker 12+ hours a day did get me cool stuff like travel and freedom and money. I think where I am going with this is that I need to find something to occupy my time that makes me a cool nerd again without the negative nerd traits (to a point). I can play the jock card but that has never really been me. I don't thrive in jock environments. I thrive in cool nerd and artist environments. Getting really high for a week and beating Metal Gear Solid is cool nerd zone imo. I am still taking showers and going out to eat at cool places with friends. Doing about 100 pindle runs in D2 instead of going to a party, or showering, or eating is just straight up nerd status that should be avoided. I don't know I am sick of writing about this. Getting high for a week and playing Metal Gear Solid when broke is pretty shitty too.

But, what I am saying is there is different spheres. Maybe I don't do well on the beaches of Rio or any beach without a dog but if I get a job where I can be a cool nerd or artist or a regular at a meditation group or just me doing something I like or I am good at. Ideally I don't put fixed constructs on anything anyways.

Sometimes it is like I am creating dissatisfactions in these blog posts. Life is great at the moment with a lot of maybe somewhat underlying worries. I am aware of a lot of them and they show up from time to time. I just always end up back here writing about stuff instead of watching a movie I don't want to watch or watching tv I don't want to watch or getting addicted to how many pindle runs I can do in an hour. I think it is just healthier but maybe it is not. Just another habitual pattern and comfort that maybe time is better spent doing something else. Oh well, I really do love LP and hope everyone experiences joy and minimal dissatisfaction.

I hope you are seeing a shrink dude. You definitely need to talk to someone

On May 10 2017 00:15 lucky331 wrote: rikd dont hate yourself. thats the worst thing that can happen to a person. the second you realize it all doesnt matter then it all really doesnt matter.

I don't hate myself. Sometimes I wish I could be like 12% body fat and in shape over night but that is obviously not happening and I am not taking any actions to get there. I go to the beach I see where I am lacking. I am also having a good time. It is not even really an envy issue. Good for people with good genetics and lifestyles conducive to beach bodies. I am not necessarily rejoicing in their gifts but that's cool. It is like when I drive home and see the Porsche in the neighbors drive way. He is a cool dude and good guy for all I know. Good for him. It still reminds me that I am lacking in an area that society values. Is society fucked up or am I fucked up? I actually think it makes sense to value a lot of the traits having a Porsche signals. That still does not mean much of society is not fucked up. It still does not mean I am fucked up. I definitely am but if I am holding anger and resentment that is always on me. That is why I am reading all this buddhism stuff anyway. It helps me live as gracefully and beautifully as I can but there will always be other influences. It will always go up against the existentialists and absurdists.

I don't really like a lot of the labeling I have been using. Human beings like labeling. They like the color red and the color blue. They like the color black and the color white. They like the Cowboys versus the Redskins. Skater, jock, nerd, punk, emo, goth, that is all middle school shit. I just am who I am. I don't think I was wrong though. It would be an interesting experience, adventure, and journey to get a job in line with who I am inline with who I want in a woman but running around trying to please women is the wrong way to go about it. Just live an attractive life for who I want to attract. There is also just be who I am and see what it attracts. I may not be too thrilled with the results at the moment or I may be falling into negative perfectionist patterns. Inspiration or time for acceptance? That is always a question. I wanted Kate Upton but that is not looking too promising. Same for Marion Cotillard, Mila Kunis, or my girl Rihanna. I am actually pretty happy with some of the women I have dated in the past. They did not work out for this reason or that but it is just always interesting how the cookie crumbles.

On May 10 2017 07:45 FullBRing wrote: I hope you are seeing a shrink dude. You definitely need to talk to someone

Yup. I am missing my shrink from back home and all my friends. There is always a friend to talk about this stuff. Just go for a walk and talk. Go to a diner and talk. Grab some dinner and talk. Go for a ride and talk but I am missing ALL of this. I am dumping it ALL on LP. Oh man, it is pretty brutal. Sorry guys.

On May 10 2017 13:02 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On May 10 2017 00:15 lucky331 wrote: rikd dont hate yourself. thats the worst thing that can happen to a person. the second you realize it all doesnt matter then it all really doesnt matter. I don't hate myself. Sometimes I wish I could be like 12% body fat and in shape over night but that is obviously not happening and I am not taking any actions to get there. I go to the beach I see where I am lacking. I am also having a good time. It is not even really an envy issue. Good for people with good genetics and lifestyles conducive to beach bodies. I am not necessarily rejoicing in their gifts but that's cool. It is like when I drive home and see the Porsche in the neighbors drive way. He is a cool dude and good guy for all I know. Good for him. It still reminds me that I am lacking in an area that society values. Is society fucked up or am I fucked up? I actually think it makes sense to value a lot of the traits having a Porsche signals. That still does not mean much of society is not fucked up. It still does not mean I am fucked up. I definitely am but if I am holding anger and resentment that is always on me. That is why I am reading all this buddhism stuff anyway. It helps me live as gracefully and beautifully as I can but there will always be other influences. It will always go up against the existentialists and absurdists.

it is what it is. dont think to much and too deep about these things. get some pussy and have some fun.

On May 10 2017 13:25 RiKD wrote: Show nested quote + On May 10 2017 07:45 FullBRing wrote: I hope you are seeing a shrink dude. You definitely need to talk to someone Yup. I am missing my shrink from back home and all my friends. There is always a friend to talk about this stuff. Just go for a walk and talk. Go to a diner and talk. Grab some dinner and talk. Go for a ride and talk but I am missing ALL of this. I am dumping it ALL on LP. Oh man, it is pretty brutal. Sorry guys.

good podcast listening helps a ton man, most of these are basically therapy when you feel alone, podcast conversation formats like the "OLD" JRE feel like you're listening to friends that are the best humans on earth because it's kinda raw but filtered at the same time, you get great insight and advice but it doesn't really have to be that mean and nasty to one's feelings because it never feels it is directed towards your person.

THe newer episodes of JRE are mostly garbage except for some interesting cats like peterson harris milo etc. It's the old podcasts which really pierce one's soul and feel really therapeutic