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Back to Life |
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RiKD  United States. Mar 17 2017 05:10. Posts 8535 | | |
Back to life, back to reality
Back to the Gggrrriiinnnddd. Work went by pretty quick today. Pretty smooth. Most situations in my life these days are better than when I walk in the doors and punch in. I shudder at the thought of doing it again tomorrow. Today was just ok but I have 4 more days before I am off again. That is the grind. I start my leisure time with some Nicolaas Jaar but it does not have the same magic. I wore it out. The dopamine was deciding to be coy. At least I can get fed. Do I need this food? No but I don't need to fast for the night either. A pound and a half of red seedless grapes is a good start. I eat the things like I use to drink decanters full of red wine. Oh, how I love red grapes. I wish I did not eat the bread and left over soup quite as mechanically as I do. It's good but sometimes I long for some exceptional chaana masala with extra buttery naan bread and pistachio kulfi. Perhaps some shrimp and grits with an entire pecan pie. Fried chicken, mac n cheese, collard greens. The list goes on. My inner fat fuck wants to emerge. Retrogression yo-yo is a future possibility. I am somewhat angry as I type some of this out. I bang on the keyboards with the frustration of not eating a burger and fries with a chocolate milkshake to die for. That I will be dying for. Claude Cardiovasuclardisease and Suzie Stroke are coming for me. Danny Dementia and Carrie Cancer. Some pretty tough blokes and bitches. Why do I always worry about this stuff? How to manage life. It is a tough one. I just want to escape.
I just want to escape. From the job, from the circumstances, from cancer, from death. My leisure time starting at 9pm makes it a bit difficult on a Thursday night. I get taking care of pets, same ole same ole dinner of habit, dishes, and then read or watch tv. I have been going with Parts Unknown with Anthony Bourdain. It lets me vicariously travel and eat the great meals I am longing for. Well, would it not be better to work towards getting to some of these places I want to go to and truly living life? Am I a case of someone that is living a life of quiet desperation? Uggghhh, I don't want to live a life of quiet desperation! I also don't want to get too far out of my shell. I am not even sure what that means. I was thinking there is a life that is quite a nice fit and there is a life where I give up my shell for some crazy shell that does not fit me and never will. I don't know if I like the fit of my life now. I hate waiting games. I want to move to Charleston. I hope that is not running to Charleston. Wherever I go, there I am. No matter where I go, I have to bring myself. I am ok with myself these days. I still wish I had a passion, a meaning. I may have some direction. It just takes a while to get down the path. I better enjoy the path. Make the best of it. It is all I have. One day the flowers will bloom. The air will smell of a perfect faint, hint of magic. The next, all that will be clear is the sight of the dumb old mud road that never ends. Sing when you can. Dance when the feeling hits and please bring some friends along. Ask for help. Be grateful for this hell hole not resentful of this wonderland. Oh, the suffering. If we can just let go of the suffering and find ourselves on a porch in a rocking chair with a banjo and a giant cup of sweet tea. Cool breeze and harvest moon. We can sing songs of triumph and despair. We can escape the void. We can live.
I am interested in strawberries and dark chocolate. Bone Thugs n' Harmony. Creepin' on ah come up. What the hell am I creepin' on this time? Not a few million and fucking 10s. I am from Cleveland though. Cleveland is the city where I come from so run run. I must never forget my roots. They are a part of who I am. The good and the bad. I do have a love of money though. Who doesn't? How am I getting mine? I don't need much. Only about $2 billion. Nahhhh. Honestly, I heard recently that some people somewhere deemed that money does not buy happiness after $75,000. If I am trying to stay in a condo in downtown Large City and live that life I think that number is off but for most of us... well, at least me, that seems about right. Poker money was like lol. Just do whatever whenever and chasing the baller life. Shake my head. Man, I don't know. Everyone is different. This life can be tough. Just have to keep on existing. The fates will carry us regardless of what we want to do. They already control what we want to do. They control what we think, what we want to do, what we will do, and what will happen. Let's light a joint to that. Cheers! Champagne for all. Hot tub overlooking LA passing BIG blunts.
How do friends get disjointed? It is hard to stay real close with people living all over the world more or less broke and tied down. Just making it each month, no vacations, trapped. There are friends that live in the same city! Thank Zeus! Man, it's really just people I like spending time with. If I gotta move that's what I gotta do and find some people I like spending time with in the new city and people I really like I just gotta keep in touch from time to time. See how people are doing. Keep hitting that reefer sending me straight to heaven. Keep hitting these keys sending me straight to heaven. I don't need heaven or hell just give me some peace and serenity... and a gal with some perfect tits that likes to ride cowgirl. Fire in the fire place and a cup of green tea. Alright, that's about it for now. Honesty, serenity, tranquility, all that great stuff to everyone. Peace, love, I'm a hippy and may the fates and the muses be kind.
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PuertoRican United States. Mar 18 2017 02:29. Posts 13044 | | | |
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hiems United States. Mar 18 2017 03:02. Posts 2979 | | |
I'll give u 20 dollars PayPal for ur greenstar. |
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| I beat Loco!!! [img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] | |
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RiKD United States. Mar 18 2017 03:07. Posts 8535 | | |
I was singing the song when I made the title. Such a classic.
Blackberries. Fire in the fireplace. Getting drunk on the cognac that is Camus. |
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TianYuan Korea (South). Mar 19 2017 08:21. Posts 6817 | | |
I hope your job involves writing in some way. If not, it should. |
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RiKD United States. Mar 20 2017 02:52. Posts 8535 | | |
Thank you. Maybe it should. Sometimes I am just compelled to write. It makes me feel better. It is good for me. It is like scratching an itch and doing a proper cleaning of things. It brings me a pleasant transcendence while bringing me closer to truth.
Also, sometimes I just want to maybe discuss something on here. I have always enjoyed that. I am reading "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Camus and just finished "Eat to Live" by Dr. Fuhrman and have no one to discuss these things with. I am not even particularly liking the Camus but it is a great topic. This longing for discussion might be filed under get better friends which could be true but that is why the internet is great. I have met many of my best friends through the internet. I want to write, I want to read, I want to discuss so maybe I belong back in academia but of course it is way cooler to be an artist and have discussions in the local coffee shop. I have found that that does not always go well. So, I always come back to the internet. Hi Internet! Hi LP! Hi fellow humans! Pleased to meet you. Let's not kill ourselves today. Pain and misery be damned! Of course, there is real pain and misery but thankfully I do not have that today. I will thank the fates or the programmers or both. I am just a robot fumbling through an obstacle course. They gamble on how I will do. What times I will achieve. They know about the first time I french kissed a girl in front of a crowd when I did not know how to french kiss a girl. They know about how everyone laughed and I cried on the way home. They know about the time I was manic in my crush's bedroom. Doing five star frog splashes off of the top of a ladder onto her bed. The only one smashed that day was the pillow I call Rupert. The point is they know my past, they know my brain, they know what will happen next. So, why do they gamble if they know what will happen? They don't. The fates and the programmers know all. While I know nothing. What's next always feels like gambling to me. |
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