Need feedback now!!!

Feedback whatever comes to mind, but some stuff I'd like to hear about

1. Do you feel like you have a good idea of what Nourish does, having heard my presentation?

2. Do you feel excited to learn more? Do you have questions you'd like answered?

3. Does this entice you to get involved or support Nourish?

This is the "final draft", I have to present this on Tuesday, so whatever you have to say is very very valuable because I need to begin committing this outline to memory..

You say Nourish International several times back to back in the first paragraphs, gets redundant. Maybe lead some of the paragraphs with "Our project" or something

Are you trying to sound professional? It is well written but it is not going to sound like normal conversation, it will sound like you are reading an essay

Sounds like a cool project Hope it goes well for ya buddy

yah, I am pretty inexperienced in giving presentations and how to set the right tone. I have some humor in it that will come a bit naturally/isn't conveyed in text ("Marketing members know that... "Hey guys, uhhhhh we're selling bracelets" isn't the most effective way.."

I am not sure I want it to be much more casual though. My presentation is really a crash course in what the organization does but I also have to generate excitement and make it sound like its as big of a deal as it is...

I will post a recording of this for anyone interested, would be extremely helpful to me.. gonna practice a few times to try and get a true reflection of my skill level and how I am expecting to present this in the recording


thanks carthac

npnp

BTW, when you practice, don't use your speech paper. Use bullet points on an index card in a way where you can look down, see the bullet point, and speak from memory. You will maintain eye contact that way, and it will seem more engaging to the audience

First of all:
What is your goal taking this?
What is your audience?

If you want regular students hooked and you want them to get excited I'd agree with Carthac that you should strip it down and loose the official tone - just imagine you believe in the project and are talking to your buddy for the first time and you want him to get on board, you wouldn't try to make it sound as a marketing leaflet or official advert I guess - always adapt to the audience and always try to be on the same level as them and 'speak in their language. The best speeches I heard during uni and that got everyone listening were very unofficial, with some outrageous phrases (they had very serious and official settings though) - you would get disrespect B2B but at student level it got everyone listening and interested.

I personally find it hard to have memorized speeches when I am selling an idea to someone, you need to engage with the prospect through body language and tone of voice, I always focus more on remembering what I have written than how exciting the thing/idea/product is and how great it is for the other person, but that's just me - I have a piss poor memory

EDIT: And yes, as Carthac said, if you can do it have just bullet points with main headings, with couple word sub-examples under each heading if needed. You can show them on a powerpoint too - nobody will ever listen to all you say and remember it, just show them vital things what you want them to know and explain it in detail when presenting.

If you still need help remembering the details use cards for each section, and use them when you can't remember but only then, and always shuffle to next section/card so that when you can lost you don't have to search a massive A4 for where you lost the thread

The meeting I'm presenting this at is a "Bring a friend event" basically we are trying to get a bunch of new faces who have never heard of nourish & have no clue about it into the room, so they are my audience.

the goal is to get people interested in getting involved. after this we are going to have a few brief words from our existing members about ways they've benefited from being in nourish and why they are excited

then we're going to have a brief Q&A, and the "official" part of the meeting will end so everyone can just hang out and make friends etc. gonna have some candy/snacks.

---

Well, the casual side of it is going to come from the executive members coming up after me and saying what they like most about nourish and stuff.

I really don't know how to revamp all of the information I need to convey into a casual way...

I'm going to record myself presenting it and you guys can tell me if I still sound overly stuffy.

When your giving the presentation, be confident and don't forget about the players who were frauded by the crooked organization that enriched their pockets with stolen funds. Die howard

In the intro, cut out the last sentence, it's to hollywood cliché like.


When you read, "there's suffering in this world", maybe look a little downwards, and a little sad. Think that'll have a really good impact.

And when you go at it at the next sentences, look up, all eager and caring like.

The first few sentences of "Internaltiona Projects" felt very boring, remake them or remove lol

Rather have "what can a student do to contribute?" What has been done before? then start listing, make it come out as a challenge "can we top this guyz" kinda thing.


In that Ventures, "engine of change" sounds a lot like something Obama might say, I'd use another word.

Remove the word unique in the sentence under that again, makes it sound to try hard, and has oposite effect.

(So far, no jokes has been in there, maybe do them on the fly if something happens, impulsive jokes are best, but look at where a joke might fit, it's good to keep them hooked, often make fun of yourself jokes are best)

In the Think of it part at the bottom, You'll make great friends is a statement, change it to something a little less formal "you might even make some friends" or something along those lines.

All in all, it looks good, but it feels a little too formal, and stoic, loosen it up a bit here and there.

Ok, my 3 cents

TIP:

I was a bit lazy, and just skimmed, if I have to do something propper, and I'm not too lazy to do it, I like to go over it 5-6 times, show it to 3-4 different people, go through that I'm not over using words etc, but you may have already gone over it 5-6 times if not more =]

Yeah but who are the new faces - what is the demographic? Is it just a random sample of general population?
I assumed they are students - you should know who your audience is and target it towards them

Awesome!

which uni do you go to?

And Marius has a good point - never be nervous, try to enjoy yourself, loosen up. If you believe and are excited in what you are presenting and stand there with the only goal - to get others excited in the same way and let them know about this great thing - then presenting is fun for both you and them

obv I possess and will try to best use basic public speaking skills guys lol, I am more concerned with the substance and if you guys come away with any more questions or excitement about the project.

<3
I'm at USF (university of south florida, tampa)


thx for feedback so far guys!

ok give me 30 minutes to try and commit the material to memory, when I'm rehearsing aloud so far I am still stumbling over what's next lol

On February 05 2012 13:29 AndrewSong wrote: When your giving the presentation, be confident and don't forget about the players who were frauded by the crooked organization that enriched their pockets with stolen funds. Die howard

lol
yo, want to pledge that 400k to Nourish's overseas projects?

Edits for you. You need to be using "We" language not saying "Nourish International does X" like it's something you're not a part of.

Bring-A-Friend

~(intro slide)

At the beginning of this semester I knew it was time to get involved with the change we’d all like to see in the world: Less suffering. More smiling faces. We also know that our time in College is not only for classroom learning, but for gaining the experience we need to turn our knowledge into skills. Because of this I was immediately hooked when McKenzie told me about Nourish International.

~Our Mission

Nourish International is a charitable organization founded and dedicated to helping those who need it the most by providing communities of people with the tools and resources they need to sustainably improve their quality of life.

~Who are we talking about?

There’s suffering in this world. On our planet of seven billion people, over one billion don’t have access to clean water. Tens of thousands of children grow up malnourished while others simply starve to death. People of all ages in these communities often lack basic healthcare, these are places where an ingrown toenail might result in an amputated foot. These are people who get up and work everyday just to sustain themselves.

~International Projects

With the guidance of our headquarters each student chapter selects a project to contribute to. We have been a part of many projects since our establishment in 2003.

For example:

In 2010, our members from Brown and Cornell raised $1500 to create a sustainable garden in El Salvador.
University of Texas at Austin raised $5000 to provide education to 50 Peruvian Artisans, helping them use their skills in the crafts to earn money.

Members of our UC Berkeley and Ohio State Chapters raised $5000 to develop an Orphanage in Bolivia.
Our chapter has joined with a Peru-based community project called Moche. Through this partnership, we are contributing to the construction of a clinic which will provide essential health services to local Peruvians.

~Students Overseas

Not only does each chapter contribute to basic necessities like the cement, nails, and cinder blocks, but our members themselves travel abroad to learn and teach.

Our members in El Salvador built and seeded three gardens, taught the community to make and use organic pesticides, and taught local students English, and nutrition facts.
Our members in Bolivia installed a water system, and appliances, painted the community room, and instituted hygiene and tutoring programs at the orphanage.

This summer in Peru our members will be helping build phase two of a health clinic, allowing it to begin providing services to locals.

~Ventures

How about us, stateside? We are the engine of change. Chapter members spend the semester creating: planning, marketing, and executing a wide range of campus events, business partnerships, and our own small business initiatives. We call these Ventures, and the money we raise is essential to the success of our project.

Ventures our young chapter has already undertaken include: Selling bracelets from Nicaragua, Sidewalk Symphonies, raffles, and an upcoming Date Auction!

Each Venture gives a unique opportunity to gain real-world experience. Even the Ventures which appear simple don’t happen on their own. In order to sell bracelets, Our members had to figure out what to sell, who to get it from, and how to handle inventory. Where on campus could we sell? Our marketing members know that, “Hey, guys! We’re selling bracelets!” isn’t the most effective way to get the word out. To bring it all together, members had to organize themselves and work the table.

~Upcoming Events

Coming up soon we have a Sidewalk Symphony at Toast, and a date auction here on campus.

~Think of it

Your membership and support will lead to so much. You’ll make great friends. By participating in ventures you will use and develop your creativity and business skills to create, plan, market, and execute a variety of Ventures. International projects benefit people directly. Projects give you insight into other cultures and how to work with them. Every activity here will build real world skills and the confidence that comes with experience.

Some of my new friends, existing members, would also like to share a little bit about Nourish International and why they joined.

Thank you!

Also instead of saying "our members" you could say "In x WE did x" probably a better way of putting it. You want to use inclusive language as much as possible. In terms of other important information be prepared to know exactly how much money is getting to where it's supposed to and how much is just being spent on further fundraising initiatives. If you can set up "monthly giving" through regular small donations that happen automatically through direct withdrawal it will lower your fees dramatically in terms of raising money and allow a lot more money to go directly to the cause you care about. Monthly giving destroys individual donations by a wide margin. There are many charities right now who contract out to professional fundraising organizations like Public Outreach for this reason. As you guys are just volunteering and working for free it's not as much of an issue. Just something to keep in mind if you're spending a lot of budget on fundraisers that aren't bringing in as much money as you want them to.

On February 05 2012 13:29 AndrewSong wrote: When your giving the presentation, be confident and don't forget about the players who were frauded by the crooked organization that enriched their pockets with stolen funds. Die howard

lol. every time i shed a tear

On February 05 2012 14:21 Bejamin1 wrote: Also instead of saying "our members" you could say "In x WE did x" probably a better way of putting it. You want to use inclusive language as much as possible. In terms of other important information be prepared to know exactly how much money is getting to where it's supposed to and how much is just being spent on further fundraising initiatives. If you can set up "monthly giving" through regular small donations that happen automatically through direct withdrawal it will lower your fees dramatically in terms of raising money and allow a lot more money to go directly to the cause you care about. Monthly giving destroys individual donations by a wide margin. There are many charities right now who contract out to professional fundraising organizations like Public Outreach for this reason. As you guys are just volunteering and working for free it's not as much of an issue. Just something to keep in mind if you're spending a lot of budget on fundraisers that aren't bringing in as much money as you want them to.

thanks benjamin, I agree with the we/our stuff. Definitely meant to include more of that but I kind of brainfarted after the introduction section lololol. Modifying now.

cool stuff with the other info. our fundraising/ventures will definitely benefit from that.

Come on, the whole internet is waiting to see your rehearsal attempt :O

personally, i hate presentations that are filled with lot of text in powerpoint, they tend to be very long and boring.

Try to simplify every slide to just a few words or keypoints of what you are or going to be talking in a specifc theme. For example

"At the beginning of this semester I knew it was time to get involved with the change we’d all like to see in the world: Less suffering. More smiling faces. We also know that our time in College is not only for classroom learning, but for gaining the experience we need to turn our knowledge into skills. Because of this I was immediately hooked when McKenzie told me about Nourish International."

Dont paste all that in a slide. Maybe just a slide with the following points

"Nourish International" in the top center, then

- Change in the World: Less suffering. More smiles
- Gaining experinece.
-Knowledge into skills.


And with your speech you fill the gaps, or explaing what are those points, no need to explain them with text in the slides. With more text you tend to read more the slides, and look less profesional. Just talk natural and let the slides be kind of remainders of keypoints of the presentation.

wut?
each slide is going to have like two words and a picture, "Our Mission", "Ventures", etc

On February 05 2012 14:45 LemOn[5thF] wrote: Come on, the whole internet is waiting to see your rehearsal attempt :O

sry brah brah, I'm tweaking the intro. I'm starting to get it pretty decent with the fluidity. No promises on when I'll post it but soon soon soon

On February 05 2012 15:30 Night2o1 wrote: wut? each slide is going to have like two words and a picture, "Our Mission", "Ventures", etc

oh sorry, didnt read well that part hahah, well you have the point

ok so I put this together

it is wayyyyyy fuckin hard to write and master a speech in one day -_- I made quite a few errors on this take but I practiced powering through them....

going to practice as much as I can tomorrow but yah, this is still the general idea

feedback welcome..


I started the speech from the point where our President has introduced herself and welcomed everyone, and introduced me



thanks for taking the time to check it out guys.

in other news I'm rather pleased that I got a 92% on my first test in my accounting "weed-out" course

ok I'm actually listening to myself, here's what I am noticing

-wish I could weave a story into this -- feels like that got lost with all of the information I ended up trying to pack in

-I'm going to practice as much as reasonably possible in the next 40 hours until I figure out a way to where it comes out in a more natural pace.

-and so I don't get confused on the ventures part

-definitely not say 'work that table' as a brainfart

ballin'

die howard with a vengence

In honor of LP, in the middle of your speech, try to throw in a die howard without anyone noticing

I love USF, the nicest school people wise in my experience in Florida. GL there you have Mon's Venus and the Hard Rock Cafe!

On February 06 2012 14:25 mnj wrote: I love USF, the nicest school people wise in my experience in Florida. GL there you have Mon's Venus and the Hard Rock Cafe!

yah people seem pretty cool overall^^

you still around these parts?