GTO Wizard Poker Arena

I can't remember the last time my blog had poker content.

Poker and gamer content.

Maybe I need to drop Discord and LP. I'm still trying to figure out how to get some enjoyment out of life. There is so much conflicting wisdom. I was watching a Phil Galfond video about envy in which he said envy can be a good thing because it's a truth about what you want. I can't help envying people. I can think about why I envy someone and what I'm going to do about it.

I am compelled to leave monuments. I don't have to do that. I don't have to do anything really. Although I am forced to work for a number of reasons. I don't see poker as an out but I realized the other day that I really do love and enjoy poker. If I could have 100 buyins skin in the game hu nlhe and face ppl not bots. Going on ACR and grinding up from micros is not an option. Remember when you could get checks and wire transfers from PokerStars? Remember when you could jet over to Buenos Aires and Malta and significantly reduce tax burden? Or, have gambling tax law in the USA not be fucked? I don't want to play 6max really. I don't want to play PLO. I mean I could throw $1,000 onto a site and try to stick at 100 NL but the learning curve now is probably massive. I may never end up beating that game. There doesn't seem to be any options besides paying $99/month to play an AI heads-up. That might scratch my itch.

Fucking GTO Wizard Poker Arena should not be a foundational pillar of my life!

There are 2 things I fucking hate right now about GTO Wizard.

1.) I take a great exploitive line against a weaker opponent and get penalized ladder points. I don't know if you would believe me but there are some very weak opponents on a freeroll poker app.

2.) Another frustration is that the machine shows me the best play but it doesn't give any indication why it is the best play. Sometimes I can figure out the likely reasons. Other times I'm just kind of scratching my head. It kind of reminds me of trying to brute force learning all the notes on the fretboard of the guitar.

Oh well, I refuse to put money online again unless I can get a reasonable check or reasonable transfer and the tax law isn't so fucked.

I am on tilt.

My dog died, books feel like a chore, I'm burned out on music. My foundational pillars are crumbling. I'm getting fat again but food is the only thing I enjoy. I just want to 2 table actual humans heads-up at nlhe with some skin in the game. That, or find a video game like Diablo II or Grim Dawn. Is Path of Exiles worthwhile? Something like that.

On the brightside I've always got gardening. If my jalapeno peppers do well I am going to save the seeds and start from scratch (I bought a plant for my first trial).

I am not very grateful at the moment. I am rarely grateful. It is not a good attribute to have.

I have to water the plants. I am grateful for gardening.

On April 18 2026 01:45 RiKD wrote: I can't remember the last time my blog had poker content. Poker and gamer content. Maybe I need to drop Discord and LP. I'm still trying to figure out how to get some enjoyment out of life. There is so much conflicting wisdom. I was watching a Phil Galfond video about envy in which he said envy can be a good thing because it's a truth about what you want. I can't help envying people. I can think about why I envy someone and what I'm going to do about it.

Envy may show what you want but it can also just be a flawed way of thinking. Often the grass is greener on the other side right and very often it's just a flawed perception. I'm just nitpicking on what you wrote though.

My envy is more like I would like to play the guitar like Jimi Hendrix, John Mayer, or Mk.gee. I don't really bother with if I would want their life or not. Just their guitar skill. Obviously, they made sacrifices to play the guitar that well though. But, if I realize that that is a truth that I want to play the guitar better it might motivate me to touch the guitar more.

To make it poker content. It is a desire to wear Prada shirts, gold chains, and sit on a multi-million dollar bankroll and have the skill of Linus Loeliger but I know that I don't want to play/study 16+ hours/day for years. I also don't care about gold chains but I do like Prada clothing and I did enjoy having a large bankroll at one time.

I'm still on the fence if desires and motivation are good or it's better to just have no desires. The thing is at the moment I can't control my subconscious desires. I see a nice ass in yoga pants and my libido is aroused. I can't seem to help that. Let's say that I need to play 1,000 games of Poker Arena to make top 100 on ladder. What's the fucking difference if I play 100 games or 1,000 games? Why am I even playing in the first place? I do desire stimulation and transcendence. I am forced to work. I am a wage slave or a debt slave or whatever you want to call it slave. I am not contente with meditating all day or praying. I am a human being. An ape who showers and wears clothing. Do I really want to do Meph or Baal runs for hours at a time? No. But, what if the game was new? Even better than Diablo II?

The hours I have off... I desire them to be meaningfull in someway or at least seem meaningful. I'm looking for opium but I know I can't smoke opium because it will ruin my life. So, I need something like opium that won't ruin my life. Starting out a match with 25bbs and moving up blinds every 4 hands is kind of stupid. There is very little skin in the game until probably diamond league. Maybe that's what I need to do is grind until diamond league but then what? Then, the season ends and there is a new season and then what?

I ended up buying ARC Raiders and I will be playing with friends and family. Maybe that can scratch the itch. I played it a bit last night solo and I liked the skeleton of the game. The atmosphere was kind of nice. I'm sure it will be more fun playing with friends / family.