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Performance Anxiety

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Floofy   Canada. Sep 15 2013 20:27. Posts 8691
So hmmm first i guess ill give an update on my last blog post...

Didn't really work out with the roomate... got her in room, but when i tryed to cuddle with her she was too shy n stuff. I think i just suck with virgins... Anyways that girl was a problem since i couldn't invite other girls to my room anymore. I'm fine with the friendzone. A cute 19 year old girl who's still a virgin is that way for a reason i guess.

And the second girl well, we keep talking some on facebook but i'm not too optimistic about it.

Now here's the interesting part.

Friday i saw a new girl... we went in some bar, and then she invited me to her appartment. After some kissing on the couch, she went to the bathroom and when she came back i started making out a lot, pushing her on the wall, touch her everywhere, etc.

After some preliminaries, we started fucking, but the problem is, i masturbated intensily for the last 2 days to porn and idk i wasn't really at my top shape. In addition to this, the bed was doing a really annoying sound that totally distracted me. And finally, i also think i might have performance anxiety... i know very well if i suck in bed she's way less likely to see me again, while if i fuck like a god she will almost surely see me again unless i really fuck up somewhere. So for this reason it seems to stress me out and make me perform bad.

Anyways what happened i we had sex like an hour and a half (different positions, some eating her out, some fingering, etc), and after that my dick was just exhausted, so we called it a night, but i am pretty sure she was really disapointed i didn't cum because she even asked about it, like "hey is it my fault if u didn't cum, really sorry u didn't finish". I tryed to explain her that its not her fault but i'm not sure she believed me. Also, i'm pretty sure my dick wasn't at 100% erection quality during the thing, which can easily make it way less enjoyable for her. She hasn't really talked to me again much at all, pretending to be busy...

Anyways, i'm not sure if ill be able to see her again, which is disapointing because this was probably the most interesting girl i fucked so far (going for a master degrees, slim, smart, fun, simple) but the main question is, any tips for lack of sexual stamina? I think i'm starting to get the hang of the whole seduction thing, but i need to get back my fucking skills. I got the size, but not the stamina, which is just bad.

I think i'm gonna try to cut down a lot on masturbation, go hardcore on cardio, keep on working out, keep a good diet, starting again those herbs things, but even with all that idk if it be enough to really get back my strong erection quality from back when i was a teen.

I saw pills on the internet called "penis enhancement" pills, such as virgx or extenze. These things seems to gather a bunch of natural ingredients that boost blood flow and libido, and i'm actually considering trying it out.

Any advice is welcome.

Note: is it weird she wanted to fuck in complete darkness?

Note: please, no MAJOR flaming or you could get banned from my blog. You can be harsh, but needs to be constructive. If you don't like my blog then just gtfo.

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james9994: make note dont play against floofy, ;(Last edit: 15/09/2013 20:30

RaiNKhAN    United States. Sep 15 2013 20:47. Posts 4080

furst

The biggest Rockets, Sixers, and Grizzlies fan you will ever meet! 

nlloser60   . Sep 15 2013 20:57. Posts 304

pics or gtfo, this is all lieeeesssssss.


Arirang   Canada. Sep 15 2013 20:58. Posts 1673

sekund

edit: thrid

 Last edit: 15/09/2013 20:58

ugly   . Sep 15 2013 21:00. Posts 162

U r tryin way too hard for what exactly I dunno


Luhos   United States. Sep 15 2013 21:15. Posts 51

Floofy, I wouldn't suggest to use these "penis enhancement" pills....You're young and healthy and most of the ingredients in these are bullshit with little to no evidence behind them. If they really did anything, whoever developed it would submit a drug application to get approved by the FDA and make a gold mine; look at Viagra. Secondly, you just said you had sex an hour and a half. That seems good to me? I really think your first guess is spot on and you get anxiety that's causing you to not be able to finish, if that's the case it's psychological and these pills that are supposed to physically enhance your physiological erection are really out of line. Thirdly, I believe girls that don't want to have sex with the lights on can be a normal situation; mainly because the woman is self conscious of her own looks, but this really sucks for you. Men don't want to have nothing to look at, you should reassure her that she looks great and turn a light on. I'm sure being able to have some visuals to help stimulate you will help you be able to finish.

Also, you taking any street drugs or alcohol? Obviously these type of drugs can cause some unwanted effects. Also if you have depression SSRIs can have a side effect of sexual dysfunction. If you're taking one and its causing some erection problems you should talk to your doctor to either change the dose or switch to a different agent.


Tien   Canada. Sep 15 2013 21:19. Posts 1605

in before walls of texts.

Only one life to live 

Floofy   Canada. Sep 15 2013 21:39. Posts 8691


  On September 15 2013 20:15 Luhos wrote:
Floofy, I wouldn't suggest to use these "penis enhancement" pills....You're young and healthy and most of the ingredients in these are bullshit with little to no evidence behind them. If they really did anything, whoever developed it would submit a drug application to get approved by the FDA and make a gold mine; look at Viagra. Secondly, you just said you had sex an hour and a half. That seems good to me? I really think your first guess is spot on and you get anxiety that's causing you to not be able to finish, if that's the case it's psychological and these pills that are supposed to physically enhance your physiological erection are really out of line. Thirdly, I believe girls that don't want to have sex with the lights on can be a normal situation; mainly because the woman is self conscious of her own looks, but this really sucks for you. Men don't want to have nothing to look at, you should reassure her that she looks great and turn a light on. I'm sure being able to have some visuals to help stimulate you will help you be able to finish.

Also, you taking any street drugs or alcohol? Obviously these type of drugs can cause some unwanted effects. Also if you have depression SSRIs can have a side effect of sexual dysfunction. If you're taking one and its causing some erection problems you should talk to your doctor to either change the dose or switch to a different agent.



Hmmm ok thanks for the advice about pills. But i did hear of some people saying it worked for them... i don't really care about the money if its gonna fix my problem.

Also yes it lasted for 1h30, but keep in mind there was pauses, and my erection wasn't total the whole time, sometimes it got weaker. Sometimes at the end, it even went limp and had to kiss again and stuff to get it back.

ur probably right about the lights

james9994: make note dont play against floofy, ;(Last edit: 15/09/2013 21:41

2c0ntent   Egypt. Sep 15 2013 21:42. Posts 1387

Don't need all of this diagnostics.

Stop jerking off. Your challenge then will be balancing how not to bust too early but the benefits are well worth it. Eventually it will all go full circle and the benefits of your not jerking off will infact help you bust when appropriate.

+-Last edit: 15/09/2013 21:45

Floofy   Canada. Sep 15 2013 22:13. Posts 8691


  On September 15 2013 20:42 2c0ntent wrote:
Don't need all of this diagnostics.

Stop jerking off. Your challenge then will be balancing how not to bust too early but the benefits are well worth it. Eventually it will all go full circle and the benefits of your not jerking off will infact help you bust when appropriate.



if anything a lot of women seems to prefer a short but intense session, over someone who last for an hour but isn't even fully erect.

So you think just stopping (or dratically reducing) masturbation can solve this?

james9994: make note dont play against floofy, ;( 

nlloser60   . Sep 16 2013 01:16. Posts 304

btw. to get best sex in ur life take mdma in crystals - avoid pills


Gnarly   United States. Sep 16 2013 02:04. Posts 1723

do you do the male equivalent of kegals?

Diversify or fossilize! 

Loco   Canada. Sep 16 2013 08:14. Posts 19945

You were lacking in visual excitation on top of physical stimulation from wearing a condom (I'm guessing, and hoping)... I don't even know how you could desire to go at it for 1h30 in such a situation. I think you need one or the other, otherwise it just doesn't sound exciting at all to me. I don't think it's a good experience/sample to decide whether or not you have some kind of anxiety issue in bed. If you weren't excited from the beginning then it's probably because of your masturbation habits, yeah. If you don't get excited easily in general (I am somewhat like that) then you'll be in a better situation if you have a partner with which you don't have to use a condom as contraception. With random girls like that though you have to be safe which sucks... it's only really good if she can finish you off orally.

Those who make a peaceful revolution impossible, will make a violent revolution inevitable.Last edit: 16/09/2013 08:15

lebowski   Greece. Sep 16 2013 08:44. Posts 9096

women are usually more insecure and get distracted/turned off by random stuff easier, that's why many of them prefer the lights closed.This changes over time if things go great at sex imo
You should enjoy the banging process while it happens because if you don't women will smell it from a mile away and their own insecurities will start popping up and destroying what's left of the mood. If you have a nice time and don't give the vibe that you're trying too much to make something work (performance anxiety?? wtf this isn't a concert, more like a jam session ) most women will relax too and start enjoying everything more.

I'm obv not saying that you shouldn't try to please her, I'm saying do it without forgetting to have a nice time yourself. You aren't Peter North and this isn't a competition; you think that by overachieving in sex you'll keep the woman, but trying too hard brings the opposite result, because it doesn't smell self confidence. Btw you should do some introspection to find out why you would even need to impress random girls this much by over performing , my guess is that your life is centered too much in sex and the way women see you, try in some way to get more content with being just by yourself, get your own genuine self approval and such forms of anxiety will dissolve with time

new shit has come to light... a-and... shit! man... 

lebowski   Greece. Sep 16 2013 08:52. Posts 9096


  On September 16 2013 07:14 Loco wrote:
You were lacking in visual excitation on top of physical stimulation from wearing a condom (I'm guessing, and hoping)... I don't even know how you could desire to go at it for 1h30 in such a situation. I think you need one or the other, otherwise it just doesn't sound exciting at all to me. I don't think it's a good experience/sample to decide whether or not you have some kind of anxiety issue in bed. If you weren't excited from the beginning then it's probably because of your masturbation habits, yeah. If you don't get excited easily in general (I am somewhat like that) then you'll be in a better situation if you have a partner with which you don't have to use a condom as contraception. With random girls like that though you have to be safe which sucks... it's only really good if she can finish you off orally.


so true, in the dark+condom+ 2 day masturbation marathon what sort of experience did you expect floofy lol

+100 on the condoms ... such a huge difference

new shit has come to light... a-and... shit! man...Last edit: 16/09/2013 09:20

Loco   Canada. Sep 16 2013 09:54. Posts 19945

Oh yeah I just remembered something... if you really do think you have a problem with this, you would benefit from looking into it. It's sometimes referred to as the "law of reverse effort" (or effect). I first read about this years ago in a book by Viktor Frankl, the neurologist/psychiatrist. I just dug up a random hypnosis website which has a pretty clear explanation of it: http://www.southernhypnosis.com.au/about/The_Law_Of_Reversed_Effect/

In my experience it is very true and it's quite likely to be your problem. Basically, your conscious mind is interfering with what should be automatic (dealt by the unconscious). Just like it is when you consciously try to fall asleep, it's not enough to actually make you sleep, and actually produces the very opposite reaction. The more you fear becoming flaccid and the more you want to impress her and perform, the less likely it will happen, and the more likely the opposite will happen, because the conscious mind doesn't have control over bodily processes, so it simply interferes. On the other hand if you somehow condition yourself to treat such a matter with very little importance and allow your mind to relax, there will be no interference and it'll solve the problem. If it doesn't, 'performance anxiety' isn't your problem, and it's time to get that Viagra, old man. Now, seeing how hasty you are to solve your problem with money, please don't start looking for an hypnotherapist... you don't need it, just a little bit of research and perhaps learn some meditation technique and it should do it.

Those who make a peaceful revolution impossible, will make a violent revolution inevitable.Last edit: 16/09/2013 10:12

Graisseux   Canada. Sep 16 2013 10:16. Posts 474

After 3-4 times with same girl, problems will vanish without you doing anything special.

You can't change girl every week and expect sex to be perfect. Every guy experienced this after getting a new girl at least once in their life, you are not special.

Why is everybody making it so complicated? Not the way to go LOL.


Floofy   Canada. Sep 16 2013 11:37. Posts 8691


  On September 16 2013 07:44 lebowski wrote:
women are usually more insecure and get distracted/turned off by random stuff easier, that's why many of them prefer the lights closed.This changes over time if things go great at sex imo
You should enjoy the banging process while it happens because if you don't women will smell it from a mile away and their own insecurities will start popping up and destroying what's left of the mood. If you have a nice time and don't give the vibe that you're trying too much to make something work (performance anxiety?? wtf this isn't a concert, more like a jam session ) most women will relax too and start enjoying everything more.

I'm obv not saying that you shouldn't try to please her, I'm saying do it without forgetting to have a nice time yourself. You aren't Peter North and this isn't a competition; you think that by overachieving in sex you'll keep the woman, but trying too hard brings the opposite result, because it doesn't smell self confidence. Btw you should do some introspection to find out why you would even need to impress random girls this much by over performing , my guess is that your life is centered too much in sex and the way women see you, try in some way to get more content with being just by yourself, get your own genuine self approval and such forms of anxiety will dissolve with time



I do try to perform pretty well because it makes me think i'm more likely to see them again. I remember the second girl i had sex with, i was really good with her (could last forever, good size, hard erections, and she really loved the way i ate her). This girl i recently added her on facebook and one of the first thing she asked me to do was to go fuck her ASAP.But yea, i'm starting to think i might be better off just doing a more "normal" time, like 20-30 min, but being sure i actually cum at the end, and that my erection quality is good, instead of trying to last sick ammount of times but sometimes mess up things.

james9994: make note dont play against floofy, ;( 

Floofy   Canada. Sep 16 2013 11:38. Posts 8691


  On September 16 2013 01:04 Gnarly wrote:
do you do the male equivalent of kegals?



occasionally but not in a serious way. is that important?

james9994: make note dont play against floofy, ;( 

Floofy   Canada. Sep 16 2013 11:40. Posts 8691


  On September 16 2013 07:14 Loco wrote:
You were lacking in visual excitation on top of physical stimulation from wearing a condom (I'm guessing, and hoping)... I don't even know how you could desire to go at it for 1h30 in such a situation. I think you need one or the other, otherwise it just doesn't sound exciting at all to me. I don't think it's a good experience/sample to decide whether or not you have some kind of anxiety issue in bed. If you weren't excited from the beginning then it's probably because of your masturbation habits, yeah. If you don't get excited easily in general (I am somewhat like that) then you'll be in a better situation if you have a partner with which you don't have to use a condom as contraception. With random girls like that though you have to be safe which sucks... it's only really good if she can finish you off orally.



I def don't get excited as easily as when i was a teen. As a teen, a simple boobie pic could get me rock hard. Looking at girls in class could get me rock hard. Sometimes nothing at all could get me rock hard! Nowadays i kinda need either a video or touching/kissing an IRL girl.

Btw, you guys seem to be forgetting about the whole bed sound!!! it might sound stupid but its a serious turn off to hear this massive sound produced by the bed, that was way worst than the dark.

james9994: make note dont play against floofy, ;(Last edit: 16/09/2013 11:43

 
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