So, I stopped blogging lately becouse some strange symptoms that disrupted my overall performance for the last 3 months or so. I'm listing the worst of them first from 1 month ago. They all started progressively since March:
1. Bad quality sleep (6hs max with a few awakenings). Cant nap during my active times
2. Overall painless muscle weakness. Usually lower back and legs
3. phantom burning/cold burning/nerve pinching sensations in most active muscles (abs, leg adductors, lower back)
4. High pulse rate perceived when facing any activity like eating, watching an action video, walking more than 1 Km, etc
After lot of medical test and advice. I've been basically told by a psychiatrist that I had pannic attacks (strange since I never lost my mind) and should start psychotherapy (no medication needed). I accepted to start therapy (at least I think its good long term), to change my habits to always trying to sleep at night at the same time and avoid coffee after lunch. On this process I discarded the following
a. Muscle/tendon/cartilage damage
b. heart arrhytmia
c. Mg deficiency
But still have some pending checks with
d. Endocrinologist: Becouse I have high T4 hormone
e. Neurologist: I fear some type of neuropaty or nerve damage in a critical zone
Today Im feeling better. Im eating more, sleeping better (not as good as I want). Started to play poker, read books and exercise again. Just need to get rid off this strange burning sensations in my muscles.
No poker updates. Just went break even from my last post or maybe I won just a little like 1K.
Inspired from last Floofy's post.
So yesterday was my last day in the hidden poker mecca known as Jacksonville FL. The only new thing I got to do tonight was spend 8 hours waiting for a fish to donate $400 to me that never came. I eventually retired from hunger and called it quits. Still had a few lolworthy moments where I bet $200 into a $75 pot and got tank called, so on and so forth. It feels so unnatural not to balance yet the more I get used to it the easier poker seems. "Like really? I just tell you how much money I want you to give me, and you do it?" Fascinating how live fish have not even considered what the implications of pot odds are. The only time I hear the term is when someone raises $40 pre, gets 1 call, and the BB says he has to come along too, heh.
So where does this leave me? A dead end job that I'm seriously thinking about putting in my 2 weeks notice with. I have 40k in available credit card debt should I have to let my expenses/rent ride and a healthy skillset to land a new job if things get really bad. Should I do it? Should I make the move?
Lifetime earnings since I began tracking in November: $8000 @ 256 hours. What could possibly go wrong? :D :D :D
"To put it bluntly, the discipline of economics has yet to get over its childish passion for mathematics and for purely theoretical and often highly ideological speculation, at the expense of historical research and collaboration with the other social sciences. Economists are all too often preoccupied with petty mathematical problems of interest only to themselves. This obsession with mathematics is an easy way of acquiring the appearance of scientifically without having to answer the far more complex questions posed by the world we live in."
- Thomas Piketty, Adbusters, Blueprint for a New World V: Politico, Nov/Dec 2014 - #116 - Vol. 22 No. 6
I caught my reflection in the window walking towards the card room tonight, and my how handsome and confident I looked. I had quite the swagger due to my ability to crush donks like you've never seen. I sit down, and within 45 minutes manage to dust off $1500 to my opponents. Dafuq just happened. Oh yeah I know, because I am god's greatest gift to poker I can sniff out every bluff. Whats that you say? You're value betting a 6699T runout? I PUT YOU ON AIR SIR. Oh, A6o. Yeah that makes sense.
Luckily I came to my senses and just stopped with all the hero call bullshit and won it back
See my last blog, where I (and most people) are driven mostly by fear of loss, are anxious all the time, and actually need anxiety to perform at optimal levels, some more than others. This is my notes from last couple chapters from his book http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/0...7817-1BC2C122000005DC-320_233x423.jpg
In the book , Dutton outlined "7 Deadly winds" of psychopaths:
1) Ruthlessness
2) Charm
3) Focus
4) Mental Toughness
5) Fearlessness
6) Mindfulness
7) Action
People spend too much time thinking about what might go wrong, that they don't really live in the present moment. Living in the past or too much in the future makes the present decisions sub-optimal. E.g. people were faced with 20 coin flips where the payouts were -$1 and +$1.5. Normal people stopped taking flips most of the time at some point to "preserve winnings". Psychopaths took all 20 flips, and didn't have issues with e.g. killing one person to save 3 others etc.
He argues that psychopathy is very useful in the stressful modern world, more so in professions like: Surgeon, Lawyer, Stock Broker, Poker player...
The key is becoming a Method Psychopath Capable of stepping into these qualities when required, but still being capable of restraint so you don't end up chopping random virgins into pieces yet can navigate in the stressful modern world.
He draws the parallel with sports psychology and flow, where top golfers state e.g.
Play like it is nothing when it means everything. Let go of mistakes in your head, even good shots, just focus on the next one. And forget about consequences as well
That's why athletes set e.g. process goals - it forces them to focus on the present moment and forget about the distractions of the past and the future.
Psychopaths have a natural talent for such things. For example, when they are faced with an extreme situation their heart rate goes DOWN slightly, and so do other tests - they are gearing themselves up to the challenge. They also solely focus on the task at hand, not even seeing the threats they could be fearful of - they are not courageous as they have nothing to fear, they just see the things needed to do in order to get what they want.
THE FULL CIRCLE
So what does Dutton Recommend you do in order to be capable to act more as a psychopath?
Yep. It's pretty much the first mental game material I came across, and what tons of nosebleed players are doing According to Ike Haxton - mindfulness and meditation.
The practice of right mindfullness constitutes the sevenths step of the noble path, one of the teachings of Buddha written some 2500 years ago.
The Mind is deliberately capped at the level of bare attention, a detached observation of what is happening within us and around us in the present moment. In the practice of right mindfulness the mind is trained to remained in the present, open, quiet and alert contemplating the present event. All judgments and interpretations have to be suspended, or if they occur, just registered and dropped. Such training consistently applied eventually leads to the arising of insight and the qualities of dispassion, non-clinging and release. Psychopaths possess such qualities naturally.
Mindfulness based intervention has been shown to be a particularly effective meta-cognitive strategy when dealing with the symptoms of anxiety and depression, two conditions that psychopaths are singularly immune to. The therapy uses Buddhist teachings, but adds a kind-of Naive child like inquisitiveness which is strongly reminiscent of the core "openness to Experience" factor of the big 5 personality structure of which psychopaths score very high on. Anchor the thoughts entirely in the present, screen out the chatter of the past and the elusive future and anxiety begins to subside, perception begins to sharpen, and the question becomes one of utility, what we do with this NOW, this enormous, emphatic present, once we have it. Do we savor the moment like a saint or seize it like a psychopath. Do we reflect on the nature of experience or do we focus our focus entirely on ourselves, the the pursuit of instant gratification.
See Wh00zel' quote here:
On September 03 2015 03:56 thewh00sel wrote:
Agree with approaching like an 8 year old. Be excited and intrigued at every option in every street of poker like a video game with no consequences except that if you die you reset your 100bb or w/e and start again. I definitely have all my best sessions with this mindset.
A study was mentioned of an emotional response test, where they simulated an explosion next to you. There was a reaction in every person, but hardcore Buddhist monks performing one of their meditation techniques - they were able to observe the thought, even notice it more clearly than others, but the measured reaction was miles lower than anyone else.
So the solution to be able to acquire the positive qualities of psychopaths seems to be mindfulness, living in the present moment - being aware of your emotions but merely observing them I see it now where I got hit by the largest 1 week downswing ever since I remember, clocking at some 24buy ins. The biggest effect is in that has is that it throws me off the focus on the present moment, on playing my hand as well as I can with distracting thoughts of past and projecting fear into the future - something a psychopath or a skilled Buddhist monk would never do. And it's the same when interacting with people, (chicks especially - In a podcast a PUA from "The Game" itself recommended meditation leading to aware situational openers as a way to go) Failing that, the last piece of advice came from a psychopath in a mental institution: The trick is mindfulness, or ,failing that, abusing your imagination into "What if I didn't feel this fearful way" and do the right thing anyway.
notes and little bits from the book as I typed them in my phone:
wisdom
sad people rember more
surgeons are psychopaths. in alternative universe murderer can be a surgeon or world leadee
disorders can be helpful - nash psychotic
women were physically weaker- evolutionary thet had to develop emotional radar to recognise dangerous ppl like psychopats.
they unedrstand and recognise emotion, but dont feel it.
utalitarian(stuart mill, bentham) people - psychopaths. fat guy train dillema
inhaling sweat from 1st time skydivers made fear part of brain 40pct more active in testee ppl uner rmri scanner. psychopaths are unaffected. they dont have anxiety and are unaffected by what others think.
buddhist monks might be psychopaths -unaffected by others, only filled with compassion.
emotion by numbers
full longboat wreck- ps. decidef fast.
herding - animals when threatened huddled up together, so do ppl. stock - go "irrationally" vs the herd
bond - psychopath
self disclosure meets reciprocity.
distracting quickly will make the person forget they told us stuff
psychopaths are driven by reward, learn slower when threaten by punishment than normal people, (reverse of behavioral value function curve?!!). dopamine reward 4x higher induced by promise of reward. true psychopaths seek reward at any cost, with intense focus.
psychopaths have talent at recognising emotion. they know what it is not what it's like. they dont feel anxiety.
moderate psychopathic traits most succesfull
extreme persuasion radio show
give rejection the finge and rejection gives it back - pickup, racking up rejection.
mental toughness - what if you dont need courage as you dont have fear. courage is just emotional blood doping.
people spend too much time thinking about what might go wrong, that they don't really live in the present moment.
the trick is mindfullness, or use imagination " what if I didnt feel this fearful way, and do it anyways".
living in the past makes present sub optimal - e.g. the plus ev coimflip where people preserve winnings instead of maxing ev
paychopaths never procrastinate as they don't project fear of future
Method psychopath- capable of stepping into these qualities as needed.
st paul psychopath- changing to jews, law, outlaws,poor...
stoicism is coveted under pressure
play like it is nothing when it means everything. let go of mistakes or good shots just focus on the next one. forget about consequences.
process goals force athlete to focus and forget about other things.
they focus on task, not seeing a threat. ropes, focused on climbing, ignored fear.
P.S. I'm glad I finished this thing. It was a great listen, but there's loads of moral dilemmas like "would you strangle your own infant if it's crying, you and other jews are in a basement and if you don't the Nazi's are sure to found you out and kill the whole group" and I'm all about trying to feed my mind with constructive and positive thoughts, and it was pretty draining.
Just to mention: I got the tip from the book from this podcast on confidence and Anxiety, that changed my approach towards life to a very large degree: http://www.menprovement.com/mpp024/
More nods thrown LP's way. Just sticking to strat #1, bet whatever I think they will call/fold. Got everything from $200 pre to $30/$100 pot bets with the results I wanted. Set a new single session record for me winning about 600BB's at one table. Obligatory chip porn below: 2/5 NLHE
Took the advice given in the last thread. Recognized that while 54s in the CO is a perfectly fine hand to play, and has potential for iso'ing against competent online regs, raising this in a live game is just pure spew. So I started overlimping a lot, from MP to LP. I think the worst hand I raised the button with was JTo vs 2 limpers. My preflop raise size was dependent upon who was in the pot and what I thought they would call. I actually got a lady to call $150 pre after she put in $20 with KTo. Even more interesting was I got the same guy at my table from the other night who abuses position constantly. I decided he was borderline maniac status and that trapping would be better than brute force. I snapped off 3 multi-street bluffs and he became visibly frustrated.
Hey guys, so thanks all for the advice in my last blog post. I wanted to give you guys an update
3 weeks ago, my symptoms had gotten REALLY bad. I had pressure all over the chest, along with pressure in throat, constant bloating, lost appetite, chest pains, anxiety at night, difficulty sleeping, acidic taste in mouth, it was horrible.
My family doctor had also prescribed me Ativan, which does help and allow me to sleep, but i want to avoid taking too much of this shit, i know it can be really addictive.
He also gave me antidepressant for my anxiety, but it had no real effect yet.
So i went to see a new doc, which said its anxiety+reflux. Anxiety making reflux worst, and reflux making anxiety worst. So he doubled my anti-acid. It actually did reduce my symptoms a lot, but i wasn't cured, and the pharmacist said its really weird i need this much anti-acid with my diet/age.
4 days later, i saw an ostopath, which said there was really something physically stuck, and she said she "cured a lot of things in my body". She did seem to do something, and i did feel good for like a week.
I also started seeing a psychologist, but we cant find the reason for my anxiety. She even sent by e mail lots of information about anxiety, but i really don't see myself in this thing. All the things they say about people who have generalized anxiety disorders are things which are the polar opposite of me, except for a few things. For example, they say people with GAD are perfectionnist... im the opposite of that.
As i said in my last blog post, so far, i must have seen like 10 docs, all of them said its anxiety, which never made sense to me. But one doc, a cardiologist, said i don't look like an anxious person, and said i have H pylori. That sounded weird to me, but i asked my Family doctor to test me for it. He told me hes pretty sure it had nothing to do with my symptoms but accepted to test me for it since a cardiologist advised it....
So 1 week ago, i saw my resutlts.... POSITIVE. i was like omg.
Yesterday i saw my doc. He still insisted its anxiety, doubled my anxiety meds, but did give me antibiotics for the H pylori.
I read some on the web, and H pylori symptoms is pretty much all the symptoms ive been having. H pylori also often cause anxiety....
So i think this is whats been giving me all those troubles for 6 months, and if i didnt insist on seeing so many doctors, i would still be stuck with it...
I probably did devellop some anxiety because of it tho.
Day 5 - downswing or just suck?by NewbSaibot, September 09
Nothing special today. Ran into another table with light raisers. I want to say they seem like they've probably learned some stuff from online forums but it just seems terribly misapplied. I mean there can virtually never be a good reason for raising 25s or K7o utg can there? I decided not to let it get the best of me and stopped with all the iso-raising, however I was still having difficulty playing 5 way pots every time I did open. My standard preflop sizing is 4xBB+1. So 3 limpers = $35. This means nothing to them, and I guess thats ok but you know what comes next. Dry flop that somehow connects with everyone but you. Am I raising too small? Or is my range too wide?
For instance 3 limpers and I have KTs in the CO at 2/5NL. What do I want to make it assuming they are all your typical 90vpip fish?
Damn, I thought I was better than this, but I still let tilt get the best of me today. Finally had an encounter with the kind of penny stakes fish that used to drive me insane online. One guy raised 74s utg, called my 3bet preflop, then 3bet the flop after I tried to steal it from him and showed a pair of 7's on an Ace high flop after I folded. I didnt feel outplayed, but more like he's just insane since I hadnt had any run in's with him to date. I start 3betting him every time he raises with limited success. A few folds here and there but mostly calls that I kept having to lay down on the most random of fucking boards that he just wouldnt go away on. I chip him up at least $300 before the inevitable happens.
Reg: $2700
Hero: $1100 (As8s)
Reg: BTN raises to $20
Hero: BB raises to $75
Reg: snap calls
Flop: 624ss
Hero: bets $110
Reg: snap calls
Turn: 624Tsss
Hero: bets $315
Reg: snap calls
River: 624TTsss
Hero: tank jams for effect
Reg: snap calls
Reg shows T6hh for a runner runner boat. This is what used to drive me to punching monitors back in the day. You just attack and attack and attack some insane fish and when you finally hit that pivotal moment where you're both deepstacked, they fucking hit a miracle one last time. I even commented on it earlier after he kept beating me with his dog shit hands that "we're gonna get into it eventually I know it buddy!" He eventually left and I got moved to a table full of black guys. That didnt go well. Got shoved on twice preflop by rags and lost, and got a guy to call $50 pre with 52o and $150cbet on a gutshot and get there.
Was doing decent, up 2 buyins playing aggressively raising over limpers etc preflop, could tell I was irritating a couple of players who just werent used to not being able to limp for $5 every single hand, when finally I 3bet AK to $60 and get snap called by one of the tilty players on my left. Flop comes down 649r and in about 5 seconds he suddenly says "265!" indicating an allin. Now we were heads up and I was leaned all the way back in my chair with my arms crossed, so there's no way he thought I checked. I immediately was like "huh?" and everyone at the table erupts to inform me that the action is still on me and his bet is binding if I check. I understand this but everyone including the dealer kept reinforcing this as if I was about to make some grave mistake "sir, sir, sir, the action is on you. His action is binding, just know that ok? He has to put in 265 if you check" blah fuckity blah to the point I was thinking "OK EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND!". I knew something was off. This out of turn bet just made no sense whatsoever because there is absolutely no way he thought I checked. I even apologized for a second and said "hey man I wasnt trying to make you think I checked to you somehow". And I'm looking at this board and I'm like why the fuck does someone 2x pot a rainbow dry as fuck board like this? Especially one that I was 100% going to cbet with AK.
The pressure got to me with the dealer still staring at me intensely trying to make sure I understood the rules so I folded. Obviously faggot on my left shows the bluff and taunts me with it. As the deep stack of the table I promptly racked up and left sort of as a statement that you just chased off $1500 with your $60 win dipshit, hope you're happy. I think leaving was the right move anyway because I was pretty damn tilted and knew if this guy is an angler he's probably just getting started and I dont have time to deal with cheaters.
I only travel to play in card rooms 2-3 times per year and yet I still recognize many faces and all of their playstyles. Who knows if they remember me, but they are clearly regs. They hug the cute dealers and bump fists with the floor manager. They possess all the cliche superstitions a poker player has. They make repeated requests for the deck to be washed and celebrate the arrival of a new dealer. What blows me away though is that they'll then make some tactical well-thought out decision to change tables because the current one is too nitty or something. They play like total fish and yet have been keeping proper notes and analyzed the current table to recognize it's just no good, meanwhile I'm just sitting there like "are you nuts!? This table is GREAT! What the hell are you judging your decision to move from?!"
I even got the chance to play with a famous reg who's supposedly loaded and good. He shoved his first hand in the dark and then lamented about waiting until the rebuy was over for the tourney he was sitting out in. He said he doesnt play until the rebuy is over because it's just a bunch of fish shoving on each other and he needs to wait until they tighten up and take the game seriously. He had plenty of bling and did seem wealthy, but this is a guy I'm supposed to fear because he's like a 5/10 pro or something.
Just wanted to share, that after a year, I've finally added 10kg (22 pounds) to my Squat and broken the 500 pound barrier with (230kg back squat). On the same day I did 225 and 230 and had to put all my soul on that lift.
I've been squatting everyday no matter what for the past 2 month (except sundays), letting how "I feel" dictate the intensity (weight), mostly doing singles. Self-regulated intensity is the most advanced training method but it's def worth it, if you can totally be honest with yourself and have at least a few years under the bar.
My only limitation is a nagging small glute tear, which healed but I re injured it. (it only bothers me on Back Squats with 200kg or more)
Now I'm dialing the intensity down to let it heal, and will start adding very light 2x squat sessions and focusing on other core skills. Basically targeting to put in even more volume to build an ever more solid base to reach 240kg by the end of the year.
Both of my business (My Crossfit Gym and my Sports supplier) are doing great and should allow me to make a comfortable living within a year, I think.
U.S.A. bout to get stacked, we got about half of our country supporting this guy for presidential election.
All he does is yell out the word "jobs", blames everything on China, and then when it comes to immigration his plan is to build a wall along the border and deport all current illegal immigrants. He over simplifies every problem the U.S. has which helps create his appeal to the general U.S. population who don't like to apply critical thinking to any parts of their lives.
Bill O'Reilly asks him "Do you support gay marriage?"
Trump replies "No, I'm against it"
Bill: "Why"
Trump: "I don't know, I just don't feel good about it."
The fk?
Note: The show is on a right-wing conservative network, and the host is usually ignorant on many topics. When Trump is on, Bill seems like the voice of reason.
I took the next week off from work to go grind it out in the live card rooms of Florida. With the weekend I'll have a total of 10 days of playtime which should be a good experiment. The goal is to experience the lifestyle of a professional poker player. It's easy to go on a holiday weekend and just have a good time, it's another to play every single day to the point that you wish you were doing something else instead. I need to know what that feels like and how I'll handle it in case after day 5 I'm like "holy fuck I hate this, I want my normal job back". So my days will generally consist of playing from around 7pm-2am, going to bed around 3am, and sleeping till 1pm. Eat breakfast, maybe early dinner, study a little, then go back to cardroom. I may try some daytime shifts since I've been told the card rooms are bumping almost all day long and a night life might not be necessary, even though I'm a night owl anyway which suits me best.
To help create this "normal every day life" during my time here I actually booked a room through AirBnB. I hate staying in hotels and figured maybe some schmuck's house would feel more like home. I snagged a room in a nice house in a country club. Indoor pool, lakeside, paddle boats, secured entry, full kitchen, the works. The guy himself is really chill, just some older businessman in his 50's with a family all grown up doing their own thing. I brought my computer and everything since he has a desk in my room so I'm pretty well set up here. This is SO much better than a hotel already. Even though it's not my home it still feels like my home. Plus the shit is way cheaper than a hotel. My fav hotel here would have cost me $1500 to stay. This guy's house is $500.
Beyond that, my life could get pretty boring. Eat/sleep/poker. But thats the point, because I already know I like doing two of those things. Last thing I want to do is quit my job, move to a foreign city, and just hope I like my new career path. I'll be playing 2/5 NLHE exclusively as that is the lowest limit one can make a living at and I dont know PLO.
This was my first night playing in about 3 months. My table was a little nitty but since I play full ring live like 6max online I can usually open it up a bit. The key element here was just the atmosphere. So many people say they hate live play mostly because they can play so many more hands online. From the moment I sat down until the 5 hour mark I loved every bit of it. Just the socializing, talking about Narcos, making racist jokes at each other, talking about poker and the 10/20 game going on above us, it all just felt right. Online players get bored from lack of hands. I get bored from lack of conversation. It's such a huge life commitment to dedicate yourself to the live format since it requires so many personal changes in your lifestyle. However I think those changes can actually keep you healthy. They create balance, something many live grinders are sorely missing. I actually enjoy waking up, taking a shower, eating breakfast, getting dressed, driving 10 minutes to card room, grinding, leaving for dinner, coming back, going home, settling in for the night and watching some TV. It's as close to a normal lifestyle as you can get coming from the American work force.
Didn't play for 2 weeks due to a very nice holiday with my gf and son.
Downside is I forgot how to play. Shot at 5nl pretty much went to shit (first winnings were pre holiday).
Just going to play 2NL again and hope for the best.
At this historic moment, as climate-change-induced resource wars appear imminent and spontaneous revolutionary fervor is erupting around the world, it would be good for the people of America, and those who want to be America, to do a bit of soul searching. It would be wise to take this opportunity to ask some fundamental questions about US foreign policy which are continually ignored. Why do we maintain an all-but-irreversible worldwide system of over 1,000 military bases, stations and outposts? Why do our troops serve on the soil of 175 of 192 member states of the United Nations? And why, at a time when our national debt is spiraling ominously out of control, are we spending more on our military than all the rest of the nations of the world combined?
Of course, the deeper psychological question at the heart of all this is: What are we so afraid of? Why are we trying so hard to control everything? Why can't we relax and be less fearful of the other?
And then, finally, there is this inspiring and uplifting question to ponder: Can we rediscover our ideals as a nation and learn once again how to cast that magical soft-power spell which so enthralled most of humanity in the decades after World War II?
Why not?
Kalle Lasn
Adbusters May/June 2011 – #95 – Volume 19 Number 3
Hey guys. I want to start playing poker again. So can a credited player transfer me 500 PS for 500 paypal? 250 x 2 transfers and I will send first both times. Thank you!
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