Read about Alex Honnold, the reigning free climber in the world. He climbs 2,000-3,000 foot walls with no gear; Just shoes, chalk and his mind.
I have been dealing with anxiety for the last year and a half. For a while I had uncontrollable panic/anxiety attacks every day for a few months, followed by a few months of constant head aches. A few months after life started to become more normal but still the odd migraine. I still feel anxiety over things that use to excite me, like flying or heights or even theme parks.
Everyone has messed up thoughts of dying or conceiving of trauma but those thoughts never affected me before, however after being off Accutane for 4 months, all hell broke lose on my nerves. Is it from the accutane? who knows, I have the same thoughts and perceptions as I always have, but never before in my life did I feel this sort of anxiety/panic/loss of control. I finally knew what millions of people go through that I once thought should be a simple mind/reality control. I had no perception of control and that made it worse.
I believe that no matter how bad you think your nerves are you can still control them, but that just means you have to actively try harder. To be honest, I believe the only thing that sets poker players apart is their focus, their control of the mind. If your nerves/stress/anxieties are too strong they will block your focus in making the most correct play.
When I see Alex Honnold climb up a cliff with no regard for his life, I see Jungleman/Galfond, climbing up the stakes. It's their focus that allows them to make emotionless plays, knowing that if they play correctly they will win.
What helped me the most with my anxiety/panic attacks was focus that I got from starting yoga and reading about mindfulness from a Buddhist. It's has only been 9 months that I've been feeling better'ish, still struggling at times, still struggling to keep my fears low enough to play Midstakes poker. I'm at one of the highest points in my life and yet these last 2 years have been my hardest to live through.
I have been in the pursuit of fearlessness and I believe one day I will find the inner peace to live fearlessly. The process towards this outcome drives me, through genuine intrigue. I hope anyone else struggling at life, or in poker, can find within themselves what they are looking for.
So I decided to put a small bankroll on Everest Poker to play some but soon found out I have no possible way to withdraw money from there. I was wondering if anyone with an Everest account would help me out, ill send 200$ to you on Everest and then I trade that for 200$ on stars.
This is no scam, I feel cheated on anyone and I am willing to take a risk. I will send the money first (u'll get 219$, some for the trouble).
Dont get me wrong, the title os this blog is a joke, I love my girlfried and would neve cheat on her. I just watched this video and I couldnt stop hitting the replay button mostly because os the girl in bright green. I love skinny latin girls who can dance
Eh my plan of playing a lot of tables of 50nl on stars didn't go any better and ended up busting my small deposit lol (good thing I couldn't figure out how to deposit more than 1k). Very last hand was pretty funny after looking back at it. Used all the vpp to get crappy cashback then decided to proceed to a 200nl hu table and ship every hand with my last 180~ until someone called and I ended up losing ATo vs 66 in a flip, and I don't know why that made me feel better instead of worse.
Guess I'll go back to grinding 4-6 tables 100nl on Prima. Don't think I'll be playing on Stars for while.
graph (was probably slightly tilted near hand 19k~ and started playing like shit as well) http://i.imgur.com/qCUqd.jpg
Legend Hand of God
Paladin lvl 51 till "Nightmare" Act3 ~ 18h
yay ...
Well my 4 main conculsions from this are
1.) Diablo 2 is still fun even for the 50th time
2.) Torchlight was kinda dissapointing monotone
3.) Legend Hand of God was kinda buggy but overall surprinsingly fun and i think it definitely was a ton better than torchlight
4.) Diablo 3 will probably be much better than any D2 clone of the last years ever was
Here are some screens for those who never played Hand of God and want someting till D3 comes out
Inventar/Char screen of my paladin when he was LVL 48 right before going into battle with the Ac2 Nightmare end boss (big dragon) http://i.imgur.com/fwg9j.jpg
U can imagine its pretty much like Diablo with just some minor changes that u get used to after 1-2 hours
There are Unique and magic items , there is an Inventar and u can invest Points in Strength, Dexterity,Life,Magic when u level up
U can boost these stat points using items ( thats why they are blue in my picture)
Unfortunately every char only has 2 Skill trees and can only invest Talent points till a maximum of 10.
U can get skills as high as 20 with the help of items though ( thats why some of my skills are 13)
Well its a lot simpler than Diablo2/Lod but well the fun is about items anyways
heres is a video to get you a better impression of the game. ( Its not me in the video ... its a random german guy whoms Video i found on the internetz)
This is Act 3 Final Boss in Normal mode
Graphics are much better than it looks in the video and are actually quite nice and gameplay is as u can see very typical D2 style
Only downside to the game is that there is quite a lot of bugs even with patch 1.02 final
Most bugs that accour though dissapear when after restart the game.
U can either buy it for ~ 10$
or get the SKIDROW Version ( allthough u have to get gamecopyworld no CD and a german Patch 1.02 ... but it works)
So I'm still looking for a new Z, debating whether or not to wait until the '12 models come out. Could be awhile considering rumors that the Tsunami likely slowed down production.
Anyway we know which exterior color to get, but what about interiors? I originally went with black, but I'm starting to think a Persimmon color would really pop and give it that Italian sports car look.
Recorded my first winning month in September playing .1/.25 and small-stakes mtts. Feels good.
Got my Liquidpoker stuff, had to pay an extra $50 for customs which sucked but can't really complain. Feels good.
Reached gold on Party Poker. Good Feeling.
But...
Getting crushed live, lost about -$1,400 in my last 10 sessions coming from a +$1,000 swing. Playing bad, and running bad =[. Trying to work on my tilt issues.
Had my worst day ever yesterday, down -$200 being stupid I guess... Which is 8bi =[ for like a 3 hour session.
But...
Reading up on my game, trying to minimize mistakes, and a general feel-good, motivated and dedicated approach to getting better, overall,
Bleh so tilted at our healthcare system. I'm a broke college student and I need an x-ray on my hand since it seems the knuckle hasn't healed after 6weeks. Its still like 175% normal size and painful.
Introductory cost $310 dollars plus tax to see a doctor and get an x-ray.
Obviously I'll just be one of the millions without access to healthcare who will pay the price throughout my life for things like this I couldn't afford to get treated. My country and society will pay the price in my lifetime's lessened productivity if I become depressed over the state of my body or if this heals into some kind of arthritis and I can't use my right hand for any god damn thing.
I heard about some thing where you can go to the emergency room and get in and out real cheap, but I obv don't want to carry about 1k more in debt so I can have a cheap visit now.. but I heard it doesn't work like that so.. anyone know about this system?
At least I'll be able to get in and out of a mediocre mid-level college with only $40k in debt ROFL fuck you America.
Fuck you.
ps. luckily I have family that isn't completely broke and willing to help me with this but.. ugh I don't want to burden em.
full of regs at stars and iccup = every session makes me wanna go zzzzzzzzzzzz
thinking of switching to live cardrooms and bw lan parties with friends to get that winning feeling in '08 lol
play poker on weekends, friday night, saturday. goal 5k month / keep getting better
pass professional license examination
practice at least 1x a week talking to girls
research 1x-2x a week business stuff
work on poker stuff 1-2x a week
focus more/perform better at work
stay fit, try and work out ~5x a week
I'm the best man for one of my friends' wedding, and am organizing a 2-night bachelor party binge in Vegas a week before Christmas (a Sat and Sun night). As the group of us are all in/will be in med school, none of us are incredibly balling atm.
I'm trying to find a reasonable deal for a 4-5 star place (be nice to keep it below $400/night average) I've always stayed at the Wynn or Encore when I've been to Vegas in the past, but I'm up for trying new places.
Deposited some money on Stars a week ago. I wanted to try 14-20 tables for a change and is Stars probably the best place to do so (prima and ipoker gets my eyes tired really fast from all the glitter in their software- even just playing 4-6 tables). The software is so smooth/clean that I feel like I'm playing better because I can see how the action went easier lol.
Moved down to nl50 to get used to playing a lot more tables, good thing too because I am running poorly right from the get go. Not too worried at all, still think I have an edge and hopefully putting more volume in will help a lot.
Just ordered it. I've had a shitty Omnia HD and it's bugged the fuck out. I bought it overseas and unlocked it here but I just don't get the good support / service if I just bought a US phone. So I ordered the Samsung Galaxy II. If you guys follow smart phones, this is the BEE'S KNEES. U jelly? U 'mirin? Ya u 'jirin.
New apt, bonus hand, and aug + sept resultsby barbieman, October 03
Sup LP
It's been a while since i last blogged, some stuff has happened in that period of 10 months.
Most notably I binked a bonus hand on boss media in February this year, I moved into a new apartment in August
and I've had my two best poker months in August and September.
Two months ago, a friend and I moved into a 70ish square meters apartment, with two bedroom, a living room,
two bathrooms and a kitchen in Linköping that costs us $870/month. My bedroom is a whopping 10 square meters and looks like this http://img829.imageshack.us/img829/122/myroomt.jpg
Began the month playing a mix of NL400 and Nl200. Lost 3,5 BI's on NL400 and was running bad on NL200,
decided to to stick to NL200 for the rest of the month after being down $2k, wanted to secure at least
a positive month. After the lowpoint at $3,2k I started running really good and basically couldn't lose.
I was definitely also playing very well. Last 2k hands I played like shit though, which still annoys me a little.
Obvisouly really happy with the results, especially after being down so much. With RB I've made about $6k both months http://img580.imageshack.us/img580/8775/sep2011.png
Not gonna care about ending in the black this month, just play my A-game and NL400 as much as possible.
I want to move up and stay at NL400 as soon a possible. I will move down to nl200 after losing 3 BI's
and the move up again after winning 6. The reason is purely psychological and I will feel zero stress
if do it like this. I did feel 100% comfortable when I was down 3,2k last month, feeling very confident
I'd win it back. But I know I won't always be that confident, so why not to it this way, to avoid any stress whatsoever.
GL to everybody in October
This was around the 15th of February I think. I was going to visit my parents in Örebro to attend my grandpa's funeral.
Don't worry, didn't know him too well and he had been delirious for a long time.
I got up around 5am after 3h of sleep to catch a train. The front tire of the bus I was taking to the train station got a flat tire.
When the bus was pulling in to the bus stop, it pulled in to close to the curb and the front tire caught a lot of friction from the concrete
and the tire exploded just as the bus came to a complete halt. About half a meter from where I was standing. Ouch, my ears.
Which resulted in me missing the train by about 5sec, maybe a little more. when I was 2-3m from the doors, the train slowly began to roll away.
Faaantastic, a 3h trip just got prolonged by 90min.
Later that evening, the 25 billionth hand promotion on boss media was going to end. The winner of the hand would get €25k and the other players
on the table would split another €25k. When it was getting close to the magic number I started opening up as many tables as I could on
the lowest level. Which was 2/4c and meant somewhere between 10 and 18 tables, because boss media sucks for mass-tabling. It was getting
closer and closer to the magic number, and I was constantly timing out on tables and trying to find the tables I was sitting out on
as well as not timing out on any more. And at the same time looking at what number the hand was. I got dealt in on the 25 000 000 002th hand.
For a hand to qualify as a milestone hand, there had to be 3 or more players playing the hand, and it had to be on a real money cash game table.
If not, the milestone hand would move on to the next hand. I'm on the button and it's folded to me, since this might actually be the milestone hand
I just shove with my K4o, my heart is pumping like mad and both blinds fold.
OK, now what, did I win? the rolling news banner is still telling the players to take part in the 25th billion hand promotion.
I go to both opoker.com and to boss media's homepage. Nothing. No mail, nothing. After waiting for 1,5h for any news I just decide to
go to bed cause I was super tired.
After coming home from the funeral the next day, I have an e-mail from the management of opoker, subject says
"A big congratulation!" Uhm... OK, alright. Let's see here... It says, that I won the milestone hand. Riiight, just gonna check my account.
€25k more than yesterday, np. At this point I'm shaking from all the adrenaline and feeling insanely good and happy. My pupils are as big as
fucking saucers and I can't stop smiling. It felt better than the best part of a shroom trip. that the body and mind can react like that
without the help of a drug is amazing, teach me how, now. I told my family and called my two closest friends but also told them to not tell anyone.
I took the family out to eat and when I got back to Linköping I treated a couple friends to food + beer.
I won €25k in a milestone hand on boss media. I made an calculation estimating that it was about 1/250 to be dealt the milestone hand if you played 14 tables. I was really lucky, but pretty fucking good odds.
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