need transfer stars>ftp
Xervean, Dec 07 2009
Need to transfer 800'ish from stars to ftp. any1 interested?
Thelemic Purge
Xervean, Dec 01 2009
Before beginning I will say that I have decided to do a series of these blogs on a variety of topics that interest me. Such as religion, philosophy, psychology, physics etc. Obviously there may not be widespread appeal but I think some people will find my posts helpful. I definitely would have 2 years ago. So without further ado.
I have made the decision to eliminate all negativity from my life in 2010. This is my new years resolution. However I am not waiting until new years I will begin now. Time is merely an illusion anyways and there is only the moment of now.
Why do I say "Thelemic" purge. Well Thelema is a religion developed by the legendary occultist Aleister Crowley. He is probably best known for the song by Ozzy titled 'Mr Crowley". And for being on the cover of the Beatles Sgt Pepper album. There are many legends surrounding his life. Most of which that he founded satanism and was an extremely evil man who sacrificed children and animals and had massive orgies. Obviously he didnt found satanism that was Anton Lavey (and he doesnt even believe in Satan). And if he had sacrificed children he would have went to jail. The children sacrificing rumor arose from his writings but what he was actually talking about was a sex magic ritual involving his semen.. hence dead children. At the time he wouldnt have been able to get published if he had said anything about sex or masturbation. But the press had no problems with him writing about killing children haha. Some occultists do sacrifice animals and guess what they eat them afterwards. In fact this is exactly what the Indians used to do with Buffalo. They would use every piece of the buffalo in their lives. This is no different than a Christian praying for his food. Just instead of thanking God they are thanking the animal for giving his life so that they could live. The reports of the orgies are likely accurate however.
Dont want to talk to much about Crowley but I will say that basically he was a ceremonial magician. He was initiated into the order of the golden dawn and was later kicked out for causing dissension among the ranks and trying to rise to the top and take it over and get all the hidden knowledge that they had. Shortly after he was expelled from the order he went out on his own and created his own order the AA and later became the leader of the OTO. After marrying his first wife they went to Egypt and slept in the Great Pyramid. Later they were in a museum in Cairo in front of a statue that happened to be exhibit 666 and she had a religious experience. In the hotel room she was supposedly taken over by a higher human intelligence and dictated to Crowley the book of the Law. The book became the basis of Crowleys new religion Thelema as well as the focus of the remainder of his life. The general idea of the creed is "Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the Law, Love under Will". Now by this he doesnt mean do anything you want. He means that you should follow your true will and be true to yourself and not to social conventions. Crowley is a very interesting character who got a kick out of bad press and misconceptions. He felt it was better to be infamous than not famous. There are even rumors that he was a spy for the British government during WW1. Someone wrote a book about this and its pretty interesting.
The word Thelema actually means "WILL". Crowley throughout his life would do things to train his Will. He believed his will to be supreme. He would constantly take heroin and then quit cold turkey as an act of will. Another thing he did was to pick a word say "I" and not use it for weeks at a time. If he would mess up and talk about himself in the first person he would cut himself with a razor blade he kept in his pockets. This was in an effort to train his mind to always stay mindful.
Obviously I dont plan on cutting myself. I think what I will be doing is pinching myself if I catch myself say anything negative. I will use absolutely no curse words. Not say a bad word about anyone. And say nothing negative at all. This is what I will be undertaking during the next year and beginning now. This will help me stay positive and happy all day long and improve every aspect of my life.
And no im not an occultist, just very interested in all forms of religion and philosophy.
Love is the Law, Love under Will!
On Karma and the Multiverse
Xervean, Nov 30 2009
Ok lets begin by discussing Karma. What is it exactly? Well most people think of it in terms of if you do something bad it will come back on you say 3 fold (like the Wiccans believe). People tend to think of it as like a mystical thing imposed on us by the gods where you will eventually get what you deserve.
What karma actually is though is simply cause and effect. Every single thing that you do in life creates possible effects. So Karma naturally is the entirety of the chain of cause and effects. If you do good things your entire life, good things will be far more likely to happen to you. People will like you and you will have many more opportunities in life. And of course on the flip side if you do evil, people will hate you and seek to destroy you (or you will destroy yourself).
What is the multiverse theory? Well basically one interpretation of it is that in anything occurs the universe splits out into bubbles one for every possibility that can ever occur. Say you roll a 6 sided die. Well there is a different universe created for each possibility of what it lands on. This theory is a possible explanation of quantum mechanics basically. Check out Schrodingers cat. I copied this from wikipedia:
Schrödinger's Cat: A cat, along with a flask containing a poison, is placed in a sealed box shielded against environmentally induced quantum decoherence. If an internal Geiger counter detects radiation, the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when we look in the box, we see the cat either alive or dead, not both alive and dead.
Also I read about this sick quantum mechanical/multiverse russian roulette theory that if you play it you will never lose because everytime you pull the trigger you cease to exist in certain universes and only continue in the ones where the chamber is empty.
PS DONT TRY THAT AT HOME
If this is true what are the implications? It would mean that there is a universe where I have never lost a single hand of poker and I am the king of the internet. Also there is the universe I am in now... along with infinitely many other ones. I believe we create our own realities. Every single decision I have ever made has led me to this moment. Now dependant upon the decisions we make for say in poker the greater the probability that we end up in a great universe thats what we want.
So next time you lose a hand as a 99% favorite simply think that in all of those other possible universes you are a winner. Keep in mind that if you keep making good decisions you will eventually end up where you want to be. The secret of life is controlling Karma aka cause and effect.
-20 buyins lol
Xervean, Nov 30 2009
ooooooooh two blogs in a single day!
Just completed my first 20 bi downswing everrrrrrrrrrrrr! Which means I clearly got carried away with the whole bluffing thing. Works great with a good image. But not so much when people see you get sucked out on in massive pots. Anyways I estimate I should only be down 10-12 buyins and the rest was probably bad play due to bad bluffs with bad image and being too loose oop which happens when u dont lose for 3 weeks. On both of my -10 bi days the 10 bi were all lost in a span of about 250 hands or less. The rest of the session had little variance. So I am clearly not adjusting my bluffing frequency correctly when my image is bad. Also im losing some massive deepstacked pots where im 300bb+ and so far I have had the best hand each time but cant get the job done. I just need to stay mindful of my image after losing a big pot like that and probably just nit it up ceasing any and all bluffing operations.
The good news is I do not even feel the slightest temptation to move up stakes and try to get even. In fact just the opposite. I feel compelled to play 25nl until I start winning and feeling confident again even though im still well rolled for 50nl.
Just a minor bump in the road. No big deal. I will go over my play and accept what happened like a mature adult and not like a spoiled child.
I stole Christmas?
Xervean, Nov 29 2009
Ok so sometimes at my job I take the supervisor calls when we get enraged customers (I do tech support). I usually get major laughs with these calls because they are mad about not having a computer for two weeks or something. OR they are retarded and run a business off of one laptop. But this lady called in about a Nintendo Wii that doesn't work. Her warranty contract however has been expired for almost a full year. She said that the reason she didnt call sooner was that she had complications with a pregnancy in which she had to be hospitalized for months. At this time she said that her fiance left her with the kids and split. Then she says her child was very sick and couldnt leave the house for a long time. Then the house got flooded and they lost everything.
Now I told her that it was expired and is no longer covered by the plan and she began crying hysterically over a 75$ repair bill that she couldnt pay. She says that she had to buy her kids winter coats and she cant afford one herself. And that they will have nothing under the tree this year. She told me that if I deny this I will steal christmas from her kids. She asked if I would like to tell her kids that they wont get anything for christmas. All the while keep in mind she is crying hysterically. I of course have no choice but to flat out deny it. Normally im a cold hearted bastard but I think she was definitely being sincere and not making up random bs like most of our customers.
Thinking of it afterwards though I actually began to feel guilty that im going to go home and play online poker throwing 75 around like nothing, when this hardworking lady has had the shit kicked out of her by life and can barely afford to feed her kids. I felt like maybe I should have shipped her 75 in the christmas spirit or something. I didnt think of it at the time, and its clearly not my place to do so... Nor could I even do so now if I wanted to because I have no clue what her name was or anything.
I am free!
Xervean, Nov 28 2009
I am currently filled with joy. So much so that I am about to cry out of happiness. And the kicker is I just lost 10 buyins hahaha! I of course was very upset and disappointed like always... But then I just started thinking of things I am thankful for. I am so fortunate that I can play this game and win or lose 500 in a day and not have it effect my life. I am so thankful for my family for bailing me out and giving me a place to stay when I was dead ass broke, with a mountain of credit card and student loan debt and no job. I just accepted my situation and realized how lucky I really am. I could be out on the streets or something if I didnt have good parents. Instead I have a good job and the ability to win long term at a game that I enjoy. I release my pride and ego tonight and just revel in how good I really have it. I truly am free at last.
Kind of cool
Xervean, Nov 19 2009
I haven't lost a session since I figured something out about my game. Its been over two weeks now. Dont play a whole lot... just 1-2k hands a day avg. Just kinda cool I guess. Gonna make a prediction that i'll be crushing midstakes in 3 months for a good clip. Dont really tilt anymore. Almost 100% buddhist now. Anytime I feel bad beated or whatever I just think of death and how we can take nothing with us, and that the origin of all suffering is attachment. After that im pretty much instantly calmed down. Also think of my favorite Tao Te Ching quote "he who feels deprived once had privilege".
Revamped my game
Xervean, Nov 12 2009
After being extremely unsatisfied with my game at 100nl I made a cashout and moved down to 25nl to completely rework things. I used to be one of the biggest winners at 100nl-200nl for a longtime. This is back in 2006-2007. But times have changed. I felt like I was getting owned in 3bet pots and really playing bad overall. I mean dont get me wrong I was still winning like 4bb100 or whatever but I just wasnt feeling confident in my game. I felt like a lot of the regulars were owning me bad and I was just getting money from the fish. And ya I mean a lot of them were just retarded aggro monkeys but still they were putting me in super tough spots that I def wasnt comfortable being in. The game has changed a lot and I had to man up and admit that my skill level hasnt increased with the competition over the years. So basically what I did was really try too up my aggression. I had been brainwashed by the cardrunners cbet flop then give up unless scare card hits style for far too many years. So what did I do? I unleashed the beast. Careful to always stay mindful of whats going on and my image.. I think how can I win this pot, whats my opponents range etc. If I think he is marginal I will overbet all streets and he cant call with his random trash... and if he does I insta adjust. I find by 3 barrel bluffing a ton I pickup so many decent sized pots that it more than makes up for the badbeats I get. This goes back to what doyle says in super system. (btw I recommend his new autobio its amazing) Anyways I play 6 tables now usually only like 1-1.5k hands a day or so. Lifes going pretty good. Probably going back to school next year.. which will be exciting for sure. Also have a 2k prop bet going with someone I know. Its a 6 month bet of who can lose the highest % of BF %. So this will def get me off my ass and in the gym every night. Also the dieting and exercise will help my focus and stamina.
need transfer
Xervean, Sep 23 2009
I need transfer for 3.2k from stars to ftp.. anyone interested?
Success
Xervean, Sep 18 2009
I have put in a good amount of hands this month. Its went pretty well. I started playing again in late august and I have swiftly moved up from 10nl to 100nl. I have the responsible gaming setting set to cap me at .50/1 so its impossible for me to tilt highstakes. Here is my hem so far.
My stats seem fairly passive. Way more so than I used to be. but the thing is people are so overly aggro and constantly monkey off. Anyways I would like to talk with some people in the 100-200nl range. My aim is aaronice if you are interested.
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