When i was in Vegas i was doing some shopping at an outlet mall, waiting in line at Ralph Lauren to pay i look at this woman and im like "damn she looks like Ava Devine" then i keep looking at her and im like "omg it must be her"
I go to snap this picture on my phone and she looks round and sees me and looked a little angry and i was like "oh man she knows im some porn fiend"
She left and i went to the till to pay. I was pretty stoked i saw her...
BUT THEN! She came back in to get some boxes and was now stood RIGHT next to me. I couldnt take my eyes off her. The worlds filthiest woman was standing right there. Ive seen her get pissed on, give a rimjob to a midget, fist her own ass and lick her hand clean - the list goes on. Ive sprayed my load countless times to her movies and now she was infront of me in the flesh and i start to shake a little.
She turns to leave and i just think "oh fuck it if i dont ask if its her ill regret that shit for the rest of my life"
I turn to her and say "Excuse me..." (didnt quite think my line through because how do you ask if someones a porn star in public)
So i whispered "are you Ava?...."
she went "YESSS!" gave me a big hug and said "I saw you looking at me - youre so cute" (ship it)
The guys at the till ask "hey are you famous?"
I reply "yeh shes pretty famous"
so they ask "are you in movies?"
Ava looks at me with her dirty grin and i smile back and say "Yeh shes been in some movies"
I ask for a picture and Ava throws one arm around me, and then the other hand instantly grabs on to my cock and balls and she starts gently massaging them as i line up the camera.
I snap a picture and she gives me a big kiss on the lips (oh man the things that have been on those lips - but i fucking love her)
She says goodbye to me and the staff and I am just unable to contain the smile plastered on my face - I just had my package fondled by a pornstar - shes handled a lot of dicks in her time, and now mine is on that list.
w00t
I highly recommend her movies. I know some of you will be like "oh dude shes not hot" but when you hear her explicit filth that comes out her mouth its like the hottest fucking thing in the world. Shes absolutly wild and deffinatly lives a genuine sicklife.
He was in the year below me (im 22 now). I didnt really know him because i always thought he was a bit wierd.
Anyway, hes made the local headlines this week because hes become a dangerous paedophile.
I remembered back at school he used to be able to do a really good impression of Donald Duck. I bet that came in useful later in life when luring children into the back of an old van.
Heres an clip from the news paper article:
He kept children's underwear under his bed and developed perverted obsessions about having sex with babies and children.
Police found more than 12,000 child porn images on his computer and evidence that he had distributed them.
He also sexually abused a boy just six years old.
So i googled his grimey ass and found his myspace
in favourite films he lists "Toy Story"
and under "Scared Of" he lists Black People and The Police... thats too bad.
If you need more proof - just look at this picture i found of him LOL! (this is genuine)
at this gay club with a frind who is actually a gay.
this guy i=never stops talking to me in the toilet line
"im waiting for a cubicle"
"lets share" he says
"urrr..... nah, im good on my own"
"oh come on dont be shy"
"nah seriously...im good"
some time later after dancing and my friend almost getting beaten up for dancing with some chick im outside smoking and he comes out
"hey you want a smoke?"
"nah im all good"
i spot some hot chick in a really short skirt
"man, what about her>?!?!"
"you like women?"
"well... yeh dude"
then he offers me to smoke some weed so im like "HELLS YEH"
hes like "OK COme down here
we end up down all these allies and im sketching out
he starts rubbing my balls nd peen
"urr... dude be easy" i say
"if i was easy id be sucking you off right now..."
"control son control youself"
"i bet youve got a massive cock"
"well yeh obv i have"
then these french come round the corner
they ask us a question but i dnno what he saying so im like
"yo wanna light?"
he agrees
our faggt man agrees to light
"ill be back in 2 mintes just gotta.... go round here" i say
i leg ff round the cornder and dont stp nning till i hit the clb and im fully fucked off my face.
i lock myself n a toilet and tell my mate im gonna get a taix home but hes like "nah dont worry we will go together in 10 minutes"
we hold out till the nthen go to a shop thats still open a nd get a pie and shit
i still feel
violated
he fully undid my fly
and tried to rub my penis
and claimed i had a "semi"
which was a lie coz i was like "nah dude youre just making shit up" i dont have a semi nor am i turned on by you rubbing my package but ill let you for the time being
he was a teacher or some shit
so
fucking hell
LOL
he tried to go down on me but i denied it. Id probably have allowed him had i been able to get a stiffy to a lok.
our accomodation vs the other student accomodation
the first time round (semester 1) they fucking smoked us and it was embarasing.
this time they didnt even have a team that turned up but rather than just surrender the trophey they said 15 vs 15 (rather than 20) so we were like "yeh sure"
FUCKING SMOKED THEM
all 3 rounds, so easy
this girl paid my entry fee coz im such an epic drinker of beer - i wasnt even in the top 3 of chuggers but its consistency i go for - 6 cups non stop. how i do.
After a lot more drinking of free beer and some dancing (with girls who apparently arent interested in a sick young balla - their loss) me and my friend head to this guys flat and we dont even know him.
we get their and their flat is fucking crazy. All i can think about is staying there and robbing their xbox and shit and they wouldnt even know
We give up and head home. Cops stop us on the way and say "we'll give you a ride home"
"can you give us a ride to our place?"
"nah we'll give you a ride to the station"
fat fucking lot of use you are cunt fuck off!
we get back to ours and my mates like "this is gay as" i realise why quite fast.
There are 3 south-african guys trying to be hard cunts and impress the hot blonde. My mate is so close to getting wasted by these dudes that i defuse the situation.
Hot blonde hugs me (yeh how i do nigga) but the SA's persist in hanging around and after a while of talking about how great their country is (fuck off back there if its so good) i butt in about the english still in the rugby world cup.
Anyway we seperate the potential trouble makers and then the south africans decide theyre leaving.
I actually (lol) call the police - theyre driving home. I give them the plate, car type, direction they went - hope they got stopped and have to go court over this shit.
Then the rest of the night i dominated singstar in every form of it
so we started the night semi-sober playing sing-star which i fully dominated.
ive a very goo singing voice obviously. The more drunk i got the more i wanted to sing
I dominated Rick Astley and it kind of felt like i was rickrolling the whole room when i was singing it.
So we leave to go to the bar about 10:30ish
Get some free drinks sit around a table chatting jive and sippin on lager.
finish the lager and we build a tower out of the empty jugs/cups/bottles
everyone says i cant balance 1 bottle on top of another at the top of this tower. fucking nits - i prove them wrong
i smash 2 bottles - mazeltov!
We go in and dance
Theres these 2 chicks. 1 chick starts dancing with this guy in a Pippen jersey (i mean - come on lol) her mate is kind of trying to dance with us
i turn my mate to dance with her and hes like "no way man"
i dont understand this coz shes kind of porky sure but her tits were nice and id have slammed that back so hard. Whatever.
We dance some more and decide its time to go.
On out way out i pass comment about this guys Pippen jersey - something along the lines of "nice jersey - is it 1995?"
he shouts at us and we continue to shout back as we walk off.
We stop to take a piss on a building. my friends say "hey that guy is following us hes in the bushes"
im like [sammy farha] R U SRS LOL [sammy farha]
turns out he actually is and he pops out as we're walking off.
We continue to make up freestyle about his jersey as we leave
we get home and we find this shopping cart so were fucking about and this chik gets her rollerblades - i decide i can squeeze in to them.
theyre like 4 sizes too small but just as i get my 2nd foot into them (its been like 8 years since i skated) Scotty Pippen and his mate walk past.
im like "ok this is it im about to die in a pair of ill-fitting rollerblades"
thankfully they didnt recognize me (thems were too pussy blud)
then i walked to the garage and got 2 pies a big bag of crisps and some mnm's (peanut)
then i wrote this blog
the end.
i have a picture of the tower i will upload later - too drunk right now.
wish id danced with the fat loner chick she was actually quite hot.
drinking contest tomorrow. im probably competeing. Since im like a legend round here. if i dont its all good because i want to get drunk and dominate at singstar again.
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