I still must get used to winning sessions again after all that bullshit that happend in September ...
7th October + 73$ ..2K hands
8th October + 134$ ..2K hands
9th October + 83$ ..800 hands
startet the session and had a very bad feeling in expectation to getting crushed from the beginning. ( Sounds lol but when ure just through an insane sick downswing u really must get used to the feeling of not getting crushed every hand again )
All the session was like : Oh shit i have AK and flop Kxx on a dry flop and get called my flop bet .... I probably will get crushed horribly be KQ on river Q for stack ....
Everytime i had Aces i was like ... oh shit they probably will get cracked anyways ...
reason is dealer and onlinepoker absolutely soulcrushed me for 13K hands before i finally pulled of 2 winning sessions the last 2 days.
So today i somehow was full of fear from teh very first hand to experience some sick down again.
Unfortunately i really couldnt deal with it and had to stop the session at hand 810 having +83$ profits being in so much fear of losing it
LOL Sad ...
Well i must get used to winning again.
This session today really made me realize how much soulcrushed my poker confidence in online poker not being rigged was by the downswing in September.
Every AA or KK hand i get preflop i feel like shit being in fear of losing my stack >-< lol
Everytime i hit a Set or top2pair on flop i see the worst turn and river cards comming ...
Well but i am pretty sure having 3 winning sessions in a row is the first step into the right direction.
Yesterday i had a sparring session with my Trainingsparther who will also fight in the competition.
He is 77KG and i am 67Kg weight.
We put helmets on and did some very hard sparring ( Royal_Rumble knows which helmets i mean)
I was using my new Rogue Competition pro gloves ( very good and hard gloves imo)
We sometimes do that cause u can go really hard with this helmets in MMA gloves and therefore get some more realistic feeling in hard sparrings than u would get without helmet and Boxing gloves.
In the second round of our sparring 3x2 minutes boxing i hit him really really hard with a right hook.
seconds after the impact he first kinda stumbled backwards ... then our trainer immedeately stopped the sparring when he saw something wasnt all right.
My partner put his helmet off and his eyes looked totally doped.
then he tried to walk out of the trianing room and was guided to the toilette where he started puking for 10 minutes.
concussion
voila ...
Well i hope he will be okay soon again and can still fight in 2 weeks.
I cant even win Nl20 anymore
and i am basically semi broke ...
I dont know how it feels to win at poker anymore
I have some fading picture in my mind of having a 2,000$ profit month in August ....
I think few month ago there was a guy making 1,5K on Nl100HU in just 3 days crushing through villians
Sitting on a wealthy bankroll thinking about what things he can buy next ...
Now there is some semi depressed clueless 23 year old with 8 big losing sessions out of the last 9 sessions
ALl this sessions i lost between 3-10 buy ins .....
worst downswing in my 14 month poker carrer ...
The only significat difference i notice in my game compared to the old days when i was winnig is teh following.
I always start the session up like 1-2 buy ins now and end it down 3-10 buy ins
In the past i always startet session down 2-4 buy ins and ended winning 3-6 buy ins ...
I have the following few options now
1.) QUit poker
2.) get a stake
3.) cash in the tiny rest of my winnings from online poker back into my poker account
Today i will have my first day of poker after 10 days break being in Dublin.
I will start at Nl20 Ipoker since i will be very very strict about BR management from now on.
This will be a good test to my discipline.
I guess it will feel strange after having played up to Nl200 last month.
I am here at an Internet location in Dublin writing this blog entry.
internet connection is very slow compared to what i am used in Germany so i wont write too much here )
I arrived in Dublin on Saturday 1pm.
Weather is surprisingly nice. Sunshine and about 15-17C most of the time so far.
girls kinda suck.
It seems that in Ireland 90% fo the girls are fat overweight meatballs .....
Besides that the city is hell a expensive
normal meal in a restaurant standart size is 13€ average
0,5L guiness beer at a lcal pub = 4,50€
Mcdonalds meal ~ 8 €
0,2L Cocktail in a bar ~ 10€
we have found some verz cheap alcohol though which is the main source of getting drunk every day so far
HARP beer 0,5Liters 1,15€.
It tastes like water but makes drunk and is cheap.
so its fine
overall were having a good time allthough i am kinda dissapointet so manz grilz here are so uglz
1.) I hurt my knee badly in MMA training and cant walk atm ...
fucking depresses me ...
2.) Poker fucks with me like in the old Party poker days ...
down -490 $ today ...
so essentially i am not rolled for Nl50 anymore ...
So u may ask how in the world i can lose 10 buy ins in 1 session of 2K hands of NL50 !!!!!
to be honest i dont really know T_T
I played some hands bad here and there cause i probably wasnt nit enough after playing so many NL100 HU hands ...
+ i just get coolerd and sucked out an unreal amount.
every overpair QQ KK AA runs into a flopped villian set in a 3 bet pot ....
every KK preflop all in runs into AA
every AA preflop all in gets sucked out by random trash
every villian draw hits ... my very strong combos never hit ...
well
Down to NL20
Sad life
maybe i can grind Nl2 together with Neilly and Crownroyal some day
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