How To Save Civilization

hmmm

I've lived 'em all. I wouldn't suggest it. Somehow I am still here.

In otherwords, if my mind thought those things and my mind lived those things then I lived those things even though I probably didn't live those things or did I? Some were dreams, some were (altered) consciousness, some were I don't know. I talked about this with a friend of mine who is also Bipolar I and he got it right away as he had had similar experiences. I'm sure metaphysics has covered this topic but I've never delved into it at an academic level.

Just chillin' listening to some early Bon Iver and sippin' some tea. I was motivated to tune up my 6-string electric and play for a while. The strings need to be changed and I'll need a setup at that point but I wish I could just magically exchange the strings. The action is perfect on that baby. My guitar teacher did a really good job with my guitar. But I think I am going to start taking piano lessons. I'm also taking up my 4-string p bass to my brother's. He is a cello virtuoso so can probably play it pretty well. Definitely better than I could. If he likes it I figure I'll give it to him. My nephew is getting pretty good at the drums. Some father-son groove sessions could be a lot of fun.

I don't know if I mentioned it but I got a macbook air the other day and got Logic Pro as well. I like the interface and experience. It's a little tough learning all the hotkeys but it's not hugely different to any DAW I've used but the hotkeys are a bit different. It seems pretty easy to use though and figure out. I'm looking forward to getting together with some people and making some music.

As far as saving civilization. I'm kind of taking a break from that endeavour. I'm more concerned about the Rat Park. Elon and The Overlords are gonna Overlord. All the tech bros are going to change course to the race towards Kardashev II. I suppose it's better than crypto and NFTs. That is kind of what I'm talking about meaning. Someone spending their life's energy and attention on NFTs..... Go into energy or transportation. That is where I would like to go. Specifically solar energy. Being an essential worker in a grocery store doesn't feel bad. It doesn't particularly feel that good either. I realize someone has to be there to help these people with their food purchases but let's not blow it out of proportion. I think I got a better feeling seeing the slabs moving out of the continuous caster in a steel mill but most of that steel was going to exposed automotive (think Fords or Toyotas). I remember times lying in my bed all day depressed listening to sad NIN songs because I felt numb at the poker tables. Just grinding extracting from rich fish. There were also times when I was battling and winning and those were the best days. If I could live how I was living in Buenos Aires or Malta I could definnitely put up with poker. Actually nothing would ever work out until I got a better grasp on my alcoholism and Bipolar I. I feel like I am ready or close to ready to try my hand at something a little more challenging and in an area like solar energy. Or I'll just stay a bum and read and make music and go for walks and type up blogs on here.

I don't think there really is meaning. There are wants and desires. I think we can trick ourselves that there is meaning. There was something magical though about seeing a truck show up with 44,000 lbs. of your material like clockwork. The tundish getting constructed. Watching the ladle come over and hot steel pour into the tundish and into the mold and turn into slabs that would be taken out on rail to the reheat furnaces and finishing area. Then the coils getting shipped out to Ford and Toyota. Some of the masons drove cars they helped build. It felt a lot better than bumhunting and extracting from fish. But in poker it definitely felt good to not have a boss and to do whatever the fuck I wanted. I could also do whatever the fuck I wanted within reason in Steel. As long as my numbers were good I could do just about whatever I wanted and I did. I was a wild stallion. I think I have been broken but I still have that wildness in me. I don't know if I'll ever truly get rid of it. It's like that movie Cool Hand Luke. But going to Hell broke me badly. I don't ever want to go back there.

So, I don't know. I'm in a weird place right now. I don't think I'm rooting for insurrections or the economy to crumble but I don't want Elon and The Overloads to have total power in the race to Kardashev II. Insurrections and economies crumbling are inevitable though. Every Middle Eastern and African nation are probably on that path specifically with the continuation of climate change. Syria is a shit show but maybe at least we got Rojava? I don't know. It seems wrong to root for collapse. I have to think more about this.

Boy, I sure write a lot sometimes. It had to be written.

It makes less sense that I write it here where my "audience" (of 2 people) probably don't read anything past 3 lines. We may find out if they even read that far. HA!

It had to be written though. It's partiallly how I process things.

I have the day off today but there are a lot of things I have to do to get ready for vacation. E X I S T E N C E. Existence seems to be weighing heavy on me right now.

Man, I don't know how to save humanity. I don't know how to do anything. I barely could get laundry done today.

I did find a place I might be able to take piano lessons. I have no interest in learning how to perform classical pieces which I am afraid they might like to teach that. I'm really going for broad musical lessons that happen to be on the piano. Just something that when I plug in my 88 key midi controller I will feel a bit more confident that I have some idea of what I am doing. I don't want to be so limited on the keyboard by my lack of skill. Hopefully, it will translate to the guitar and the bass.

It's gotten down to working 3 really tough shifts until I get to go on vacation. There is also the stress of getting ready for vacation.

I am back to spending all my money on music. I think I'll start with piano lessons and see how that goes. I have a piano I can practice on.

Then, depending on how the lessons go I'll pick up:

- Arturia KeyLab Essential 88 mk3 MIDI controller
- Motu m2 Audio Interface

I already have the Steinberg UR12 Audio Interface which is decent but I would have to get a USB-C chord and install drivers and I'd think I'd just rather upgrade.

I also already have an Akai MPK mini MIDI controller but it's kind of shit and limiting. It served its purpose but now it is time to scale up.

On June 26 2026 04:07 RiKD wrote: I am back to spending all my money on music.

Good luck with that

I can't tell if that is genuine or not.

Loco is past due for dropping something dope but I don't want him to force it. I'll be alright either way but I am bored and thought of that.

I want to go for a walk but it's 97 outside. I guess if I stay in the tree shade I could pull it off.

I think every time we utter "Loco" the return gets pushed back. We probably won't see him 'til Autumn now. I don't blame him. We got J posting the gambling chronicles, I'm posting half-baked manifesto rough drafts, and PR stops by every 2 weeks to add nothing of value.

Hope you are doing well brah. May your job not suck too bad and may you retire early with a burgeoning investment portfolio.

LOL LOL LOL

I don't have much to share. Enjoying the new boards of Canada album, give that a spin. Backrooms is a good watch. Obsession too but it hit a little too close to home for me.

I bought a house and I'm about to move in. That's my biggest investment currently, but more importantly I needed it for my health. I'm unemployed currently, will be back on the grind after the move most likely. If not, maybe ill do a retreat.

Congrats on the house!

What kind of retreat are you thinking about?

I'm actually pretty happy holed up in my bro's place in the Midwest. It's probably more of a retreat than an action packed vacation or going to the spa or something. I am getting a bit of cabin fever after 2 days of them being at work and no one being around though. My sister said she would get lunch yesterday but didn't call until 3pm to say she didn't feel like doing anything. It's ok I'll see her tonight at dinner and tomorrow.

I would love to rent a cabin in the woods in Maine. Maybe by the ocean too. Just go for a lot of hikes, read a lot, and meditate.

I've been reading the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous too in the downtime. That was the only thing I had downloaded on my phone when I was trapped 30,000 feet in the air so I started reading it and have continued reading it trapped in a suburban household. The only things in walking distance are farms and a golf course. Not that I even want to walk anywhere at 3pm in 95 degree heat.

Maybe I'll go to Costa Rica again. I would get on a plane for Costa Rica.

Maybe Newb should go on a "retreat" to Las Vegas. Enough debauchery and enough hoes will make anyone forget for at least a minute.

White water rafting the Savage River and eating wild pineapples from the tree is my kind of day.

Getting STDs and having a child out of wedlock is not my kind of day.

My brother mentioned the other day that he thought he might rather be a high school math teacher with tenure. His manager reports to the CEO. The salary can purchase a lot. He seemingly has endless paid vacation. He has a beautiful house. I think maybe I went wrong with not wanting to be a high school teacher or a lawyer but I can't help not wanting those things.

I played lacrosse with my nephew yesterday. I haven't touched a stick since I was in college but I still got it. I could see myself coaching a high school team as an assistant. I was bad D-1 college level athletically but skill wise and strategy wise I'm up there with anyone.... No, not really but it's not too far off with some study.

I jammed with my nephew yesterday too. He laid the beat down on the drums and I played bass. For like 2 minutes there I thought maybe I had acheived enlightenment but then my nephew lost the beat and the groove got fucked up and we were back on planet Earth. Even though I think I'm going to go with the piano in the near future I'll probably take the bass and amp with me. My brother hasn't shown any interest in playing. Really, if he picked it up tonight and had a good time I'd be totally fine in leaving the bass and the amp. I don't know what happened. The hot weather like reset my bass and it doesn't buzz anymore. It's a lot more fun to play.

I keep thinking about going into solar energy but I don't know where. I am afraid of electrical and heights and ladders and roofs so installing is out. I don't have a material sciences degree even though I've studied it quite a lot. Account management or product management maybe I could bullshit my way through it until my studying could catch up. I still am not comfortable driving all over the place. That cuts out a lot of jobs. My resume is a bit of a disaster as well. I have 2 breaks of 2 years in the last 10 years and it's all food and beverage and retail jobs.

I have been super stoked to not be required to be on shifts the last half week even if I'm not getting paid vacation. It's making me realize I should plan more vacations even if they are not paid but it's also making me realize I need to find something where I can get like 5 weeks paid vacation.

I'm looking forward to going to Tennessee to see my Uncle. I've never been to Tennessee. That will be a day of mountain hiking and coming home to some home cooked Pad Thai by my Aunt. Mixing nature and food is basically the pinnacle for me. I should remember that. Walking and reading are pretty strong pillars for me but nature and food might be a stronger base. I heard a story about Henry David Thoreau (Walden) that he would leave Walden Pond and go to his mother's for home cooked meals. I don't know if that story is true but I would have to find some good food up in that Maine cabin. I wouldn't want to just eat wild blueberries although I would probably love to do that for a day or two.

I guess it is about time to start getting ready for dinner. I don't have to figure out Life in one afternoon. Peace.