I am afraid of death yet I'm afraid of writing short stories. I am afraid of how it will turn out. It will be a shit story or some weird psychoanalysis of who I am or where I am at. I don't like self loathing. I loathe myself when I write creative stories. I loathe my creative stories. I really should loathe myself for writing so many damn blog posts. I do not. I just finished Heidegger's "Question Concerning Technology." It was ok. I also finished Byung-Chul Han's "Good Entertainment." I thought that was fucking excellent. Now, I'm grasping for reading material again. I would hit up "Gödel, Escher, Bach" but I don't feel like doing math problems at 3am. I wish I was in my sister's basement producing music. Under the watchful eye of Warhol Beethoven prints.
God, that man is inspiring.
Did anyone know that Aristotle was a marine biologist? Yeah, he studied at the Plato Academy for 20 years, didn't get the head master position when Plato died and was like fuck this I'll travel across the Greek Isles as a marine biologist. Probably the first in the history of the world? That is absolutely incredible to me. What a fucking baller. I would love to be a marine biologist in the Greek Isles. And he wrote Metaphysics. Absolute hero.
In the middle of the night it feels like I have all the time in the world:
I don't. I will die. Thom Yorke is full of shit. OK Computer is a great album for the hustle and bustle of everydayness though. In Rainbows was the soundtrack to my trip to Malta. I would LOVE to be a marine biologist in the Greek Isles. I would also love to just go on and on about Radiohead but...
I would like a flat in Paris, a log cabin in the Black Forest, a small place in a small town in the Swiss Alps, a trailer in Hampton Beach, NH, and a shack somewhere in the Caribbean.
There are many more places in the world I could probably be happy.
I LOVE GERMANS!
I've been to Dusseldorf, Köln, and a lovely ride down the Rhine River to Bacharach. I would love to check out Berlin and the Black Forest.
I am a white boy from the Midwest that felt like an outcast. Of course I like NIN.
I wonder if I'll ever go back to my hometown. I lived there for 18 years. There's not much there. There is nothing special about it.
One of my favorite songs of all time:
I probably will never go back to my hometown. There is no reason. My grandparents are dead. Gone. Never coming back. Let me flee death with authentic sex with the atopic Other. My first kiss was in 5th grade at Rob S.'s Halloween Party. We were playing spin the bottle and I luckboxed the most beautiful girl in school. What an exhilarating experience but obviously there was no intimacy or feeling to it.
Marylyn Manson from Canton, OH
Maynard from Ravenna, OH
Trent Reznor from Pittsburgh, PA got famous in Cleveland, OH
This is where I grew up.
I was never into Marylyn Manson so much but I thought "Beautiful People" was a good track.
I liked this song too:
So much better:
Interestingly enough I was chosen as a homecoming court escort with first kiss girl. My grades were good and I was captain of the the lacrosse team I suppose but I would rather sit in my room mixing vicodin and vodka and watching Puroreso (Japanese Professional Wrestling). Misawa vs Kawada was fucking ¡Orgasmo! I loved ECW too. I could get that on a small black and white tv with the tuner and would watch every week.
United States. Apr 12 2020 07:41. Posts 8535
