RiKD   United States. Mar 02 2020 05:56. Posts 6008
I don't know. I was talking to a friend today who was struggling quite a bit. I remember when I was in early recovery I used to compulsively write journals and it got me through some sketchy times and suggested that she keep a journal. It got me thinking that journalling still gets me through some times so I'll write one. But I don't really feel an urgent need to get stuff down. That woman ended up sharing quite a bit to me on the walk back from the restaurant. I hope she can find some peace tonight. She thanked me for being her therapist for the night. I do what I can. That's really my mo these days. How can I be useful? She is a sex addict with 11 days with out sex and is going a little crazy. Part of me wants to be that guy that picks her up and we go back to her apartment and share some orgasms and more intimate conversation but for the better I am not that guy. It actually feels better to be there for someone who is struggling and suffering than the gratification of flirtations and fucking. We should all be in this together. Yeah, she would feel better getting some clitoral attention and vitamin D but I am not going to be that guy to fuck with her recovery. Not at the moment at least... No tellin' what tomorrow will bring.
Food Not Bombs was cool today too. I realized one of the people there is the first ze/zir person I've ever met. Ze is super cool. It feels weird and clunky to use these pronouns to be honest. Just takes some getting used to I suppose. The oven broke at the headquarters so we had to split up and cook the food at different peoples' homes. The only prep work was mincing up some garlic which I did pretty quickly so once we were at our comrade's house it was mostly just chilling and talking as the food cooked which was cool. These Food Not Bombs people are really my people. I'm so glad I jumped off the cliff and finally went.
The new job seems ok. So far I actually make more on slow days than I did at Whole Foods and I think I prefer the work over making pizzas all day and cleaning up. We will see.
We will see.
I wish I could write blogs like Mark Fisher but that is just like unreasonable I think. He may be the best blog writer I've ever come across. Really one of the best writers I've come across. I suppose just writing personal journals comes more easily to me. I don't know if I ever have the hankering to write essays supported with all sorts of sources. That takes a lot of work. I would know I'm a history major. On big projects I felt like I had to be an expert on every source and it was kind of maddening. Although typically to make an argument you just need to dig through the databases and library shelves to find the "correct" sources. Many sources are typically pretty easy to just throw out depending on the argument. Then the attention to detail needed with all the footnotes was always a pain in the ass. I don't feel that I missed out on not going into academia. Today was a good day. I just need to figure out how to structure my life so more of my days can be like today. It might start with moving from full time to 30ish hours or less if I can swing it. It could also start with doing a job that is actually useful. If I could find a NGO that suits me that doesn't have dubious donors I think that is the goal. There are so many things I'd rather do than work. Some may think that is laziness. I just think it should be normal. I'm sick of my labor being exploited. I'm sick of the way the oligarchy is structured. Like I had a dinner with my parents and family friends who were all boomers. I had to hold my tongue so much. It is appalling what they actually believe. I was angry. Mark Fisher says that political anger fends off depression but the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that resentments will get me drunk. I think they are both right so it is a slippery slope. I am doing more work with unions with I am absolutely loving. I am one that believes in worker collectives rather than the government as being more effective for change. That's where the true power lies. Bernie is no savior but it certainly wouldn't hurt if he were in the White House.
I think that's about it. But I will say it again that everyone should check out Burial.
RiKD   United States. Mar 02 2020 05:57. Posts 6008