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RiKD    United States. Mar 15 2018 03:45. Posts 5124
I feel like things are not that good? I mean I continue to write blog posts that few will read and almost none comment on. I mean that is a small part of my life but I think it takes power from me. I really think being on facebook is disempowering as well. It's just bullshit I don't need. Who to add, who to not add. I haven't seen any events that I am missing out on yet either. The most de-energizing is to get caught just scrolling through my feed like a mindless zombie just not even entertained or really just pissed off I got hooked. Fuck it. I'll use it as email and patiently wait for all these events I'm supposedly missing out on.

What I need to be doing is crushing it at work and then get over to the Charleston Tibetan Center to do some meditation under the guidance of a Buddhist teacher and then grab some dinner with a friend at a bomb ass diner.

Blogging kind of feels like a junk activity. I will probably still do it just because I am hooked but right now I am not happy about it. So, I will stop.

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k4ir0s   Canada. Mar 15 2018 05:52. Posts 3443

Well, your blogs are equivalent to journaling which is pretty beneficial for the things you're struggling with imo

I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -Oly 

PuertoRican   United States. Mar 15 2018 08:27. Posts 11278

Rekrul is a newb 

RiKD    United States. Mar 16 2018 00:46. Posts 5124

I'm a little less bummed about blogging right now I think because I can't think of anything to do while waiting to pickup a pizza for dinner. I want to kind of re-examine my internet habits.

I go to liquidpoker the most. I blog sometimes. k4ir0s is right in that it is mostly my thoughts and emotions. In meditation I am supposed to quell my thoughts and emotions or more so control them. Fresh, clear mind with attentiveness and awareness secure from the sight seeing of thoughts and emotions. So, I think kind of diving in to my thoughts and emotions or indulging in my thoughts and emotions may not be the healthiest activity from a Buddhist perspective. I could be sitting and meditating for 20 min. but I didn't want to do that. I actually fell asleep and slept through the Refuge Recovery meeting tonight which would have gotten me out of the house and with people and I would have gotten a solid meditation in and probably went out for dinner with interesting people, good people, I wanted to write cool people but I am thinking about stopping the usage of cool.

Reddit I only use for r/gonewild pretty much. I can find myself just scrolling through at times pretty mindlessly.

Gmail is legit and I only check it once a day if that so that is cool (lol)

Twitter is stupid. I was using it for cryptocurrency news and I am a hodler so don't really use it anymore unless I am really bored.

YouTube fine. I don't mindlessly watch too much stuff on there.

PornHub is probably higher but I hid it in case others want to use my computer. I haven't really been on there too much recently. Better than just mindlessly watching videos for who knows why. Porn is not that entertaining and no one is really doing anything interesting.

Steemit lul. I thought it was a cool concept but I never go there anymore.

That's about it. So, not too bad.

It's a shame I fell asleep though. The human connection and community really makes life seem worth living for me. Maybe I will give some people a call after dinner.

Loco   Canada. Mar 16 2018 08:45. Posts 19410

Kairos is wrong, your blogs are not equivalent to journaling. I understand why he would say it is, but it's naive because it ignores multiple variables.

Meditation isn't about controlling your thoughts and emotions, it's the opposite of that. You learn to give up the compulsion for control. You do that by allowing thoughts and emotions to rise and dissolve without being caught up in them.

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. (Mencken)Last edit: 16/03/2018 08:49

RiKD    United States. Mar 16 2018 14:26. Posts 5124

Control is maybe not the best word but you do get some control over your thoughts and emotions if you can let them be there and dissolve rather than let them continuously take up headspace. If I can have a thought or an emotion and then get back to the body and the breath right away rather than get lost that is control. Awareness or attentiveness are better words. If I can avoid going on thought and emotion journeys or falling asleep I am doing a good job.

My sister brought up an interesting point though. Sometimes thoughts and emotions pop up or re-emerge that are something to reflect on later perhaps (if one can remember). I didn't agree that one should dwell or explore during mindfulness but rather if it is striking and important one will remember.

I think it is still important to share thoughts and emotions. Going out with friends or having a long conversation with my sister are probably better avenues than posting on LP. A proper journal would probably be good too but then there is no dialogue which I enjoy.

My sister also brought up a good point that I need to express myself. I need to draw and paint again. I need to use my imagination and creativity. I need to write poetry and short stories again.

My sister is awesome and leads a pretty awesome life. I need more people in my life that are awesome and lead awesome lives. I need to be more awesome and lead an awesome life.

Loco   Canada. Mar 16 2018 17:28. Posts 19410

To be honest, I don't think this activity-- which is dependent on your attachment to this website-- is helping you. There's really been no sign that it has helped in a long time. You're just... kind of stuck in a loop, looking for stimulation when you could be doing something useful. Or even just something more relaxing -- at least you wouldn't be getting disappointed because there is a lack of activity here which you have no control over. Which is what you should be expecting, I mean, this is a pretty dead site. I've been the main person you've been exchanging with, if not the only one who did so on a regular basis, so that's kind of weak, and, just so you know, I'm not planning to remain active on LP anymore. I'm going to be more active elsewhere and I hope you do the same sooner rather than later.

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. (Mencken)Last edit: 16/03/2018 17:53

RiKD    United States. Mar 17 2018 03:47. Posts 5124

Pretty much.

It is a habit. One that is not so bad on the surface.

There are really a whole lot of better things I could be doing with my time. It does pass certain blocks of time pretty well though. Like, I just came on here real quick to wind down a little bit and let my medications settle in my belly. It is likely better than r/gonewild, facebook, twitter, steemit, youtube, pornhub, etc etc etc.

RiKD    United States. Mar 17 2018 14:21. Posts 5124

Another time when I can write something. I am waiting for the owner to get here. I don't really have enough time to write anything substantial. I would like to delve into cures for loneliness, boredom, depression, anxiety. One cure for me was going to Paris. I have a friend who is very much alcoholic that spoke of vacationing in Sweden with a best friend. He drank and used drugs like a normal person and not an insane person. Probably, the easiest explanation is the rat park experiment. I think it's been said before connection and imagination. Occupation matters, stay away from dominance hierarchies, stay away from materialism, reduce the ego, increase the compassion and love and understanding, exercise, work towards a bright future whatever that may be but don't chase happiness or pleasures, meditate, to be continued...

Does anyone have some good drum n bass suggestions? Like musician's drum n bass? Not pop.

rOm   Canada. Mar 17 2018 21:41. Posts 59

This guy has loaads of good sets, 90's dnb is my preference!

RiKD    United States. Mar 18 2018 15:27. Posts 5124

I am going to miss our internet conversations Loco.

RiKD    United States. Mar 18 2018 16:38. Posts 5124

r0m, thanks for that. It's getting me going. I just asked a DnB dj friend of mine and he'll take it from here. I just wanted to make sure I was digging it before asking for suggestions from someone that obviously breathes the stuff.


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