Some Thoughts

Yeah, a lot of living is about reminding one self of what we know but is easy to forget, I think. Cioran said, 'What I know at sixty, I knew as well at twenty. Forty years of a long, a superfluous, labor of verification.' I'm not nearly that old yet but I find that's very true so far.

I'm not sure this obsession with acquiring 'nice' stuff is an innate drive of sorts. I think it's more to do with the capitalistic society we're born in. It's just a symbol of success in such a world, and that's what we're really interested in (or desperate for). I think people who chase these things are essentially showing their insecurities and how lost they really are. When I see those people I often think of this:

Is it wrong to have nice things? I can care less for nice things, until one day i was shopping for a car. At first i was going to buy a used car for cheap and practical. Until i talked to my father in law and he said get 'a famous car' so i went and bought a new luxury car lol.

I mean i duuno. I still try and be humble and not snobbish but sometimes you just need to make a statement in this world.

The world is ruled by money and power. My dad told me this when i was younger but it never quite resinated in me until i grew older and experienced it. As much as i tried to grow up proving him wrong, i feel he is more right as each day goes by.

^ There's no problem with having nice things in itself. The problem is when your nice things own you. If you can't be without something or you constantly obsess about having newer things to fill the existential void, then it's a problem.

Your dad wasn't wrong, but he simply made an observation about the world. You make it sound like you've been given a prescription when it's in fact just a description. At least to me it sounds like you're assuming that if the world is this way, then you have to be as well. I think that doesn't follow at all from describing the world as such. The world is the world, and you are an individual with the freedom to not pursue money and power if you desire something else.

So what happened to the girl ?

On July 23 2016 17:18 Loco wrote: Yeah, a lot of living is about reminding one self of what we know but is easy to forget, I think. Cioran said, 'What I know at sixty, I knew as well at twenty. Forty years of a long, a superfluous, labor of verification.' I'm not nearly that old yet but I find that's very true so far. I'm not sure this obsession with acquiring 'nice' stuff is an innate drive of sorts. I think it's more to do with the capitalistic society we're born in. It's just a symbol of success in such a world, and that's what we're really interested in (or desperate for). I think people who chase these things are essentially showing their insecurities and how lost they really are. When I see those people I often think of this:

In many ways I find it true. It brings to mind a night in my 20s. I was 25. Partied all night. Came back home. A compadre and myself were sitting on the patio with fantastic views of Mediterranean farmland and ocean as the sun was rising. Just completely relaxed, detached, sharing a joint and conversation. Many of these conversations are exactly what Cioran describes. The thinking and truths in certain conversations are more advanced than baseline. Baseline seemingly being when we are back in the machine attached and fearful. Meditation seems to help. Nature for sure. Mountains, forests, secluded beaches. The lake district at the very North of England. Their has always been a magic to Paris for me. Rodin, Monet, streetlights, ironwork, escargot, mousse de chocolate.

I have been reading a lot of Joseph Campbell recently. He talks a lot about following ones' bliss. After students were misinterpreting that advice for a hedonistic lifestyle he changed it to follow your blisters. I like that.

I have a theory. There are all different kinds of social spheres. I will use Jay Z as an example. Jay Z is likely not insecure. He sets the trends in his social sphere. Someone like Lebron James is likely not insecure even though he is following Jay Z. Money and power is important in this sphere. There could be a guy in this sphere that is at the top in Smalltown, USA but may have an extremely hard time "keeping up" in Manhattan. That makes me think of "Keeping up with the Kardashians" which makes me sad. Whole legions of people attempting to keep up with that lifestyle with constant supplementation of promoted ideas, offerings, and products. Hard cycle to break. I am thinking about going into this more but it is complicated. I was thinking about how a very attractive young lady in LA would probably do well in this sphere and likely be happy. When their looks start to decline, existential crisis is likely to ensue.

I will finish with this. One thing that popped into my mind was a piece from "The Real Life of Sebastian Knight" by Nabokov:

He was describing the time in Sebastian's life in which he was in a season of falling in love with his future wife and losing himself to what was to become his best novel. Nabokov wrote about how these were going to be his best days. I loved that he wrote that truth (for that hero in that story) but it is a potential truth for anyone at anytime (not writing a novel and falling in love concurrently but best days). I find it cool to think about that on a different path than the novel took it could be truth that Sebastian in old age, divorced with a new wife, body aching and virility declining has some of his best days fishing, teaching a literature class, and playing bridge at night with his buddies after a nice home cooked meal of fresh insalata caprese, linguine with clams, and pistachio ice cream with his wife and friends. Everyone says they only want a little ice cream but all inventory on hand gets consumed.

A season of flow state bliss can follow with a season of depressed existential angst. It does not have to stay that way. Finding a right size in the right social sphere, purpose, and occupation is the path.

RikD, I share every thought you post, and I can relate to it very much. Poker greatly accelerated the illusion of materialism for happiness. Basically, it made ourselves realize at such a young age (and with no support) that we cannot live this sort of life. Our souls essentially want to find happiness, or die. We have seen and felt too much, we cannot live like this any more. We have the knoweldge. Ignorance is an impossibility, and I look on the average person with extreme jealousy that they can be content.

However, the silver lining is that there is a rebirth. Everything has been torn down, the personality, the sense of self. Now who am I really? And what do I do? When we slowly realize our new path with our eyes now open to the truth of the world, we can be happier than we have been since the time of being a child.

It is said we lose the glowing ball of happiness we had as a child around the age of 8, and that a process has to be gone through to get it back. It is many things in different cultures, becoming an adult rituals, to 20 years of buddhist meditation to break the ego. Poker can break the illusion of the fake world down enough for a certain type of person that there is no going back.

LOL, enjoy. I went through hell for a few years, its been getting better and worse at times. I am still very lost, but if I really want to be happier and try to do the right thing, it usually works.

Just so you wanna know, I have visited shamans, buddhists of 30 years meditation practices, energy healers, a psychologist, etc, and have had a lot of conversations. If I write down my dreams every morning, eventually I start having the same dream about my ex girlfriend from 10 years ago every day. So yeah, lots of crazy shit!

Wish you the best, and always reach out for support if you can.