I know I said I wouldn't

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RICHI8 United States. Apr 23 2009 00:45. Posts 1341

I know I said I wouldn't make a blog post again until I was rolled for NL100. However, this time I feel that I could not resist. I realized today that I need this blog. I need people in the poker world to talk to. To sympathize with, to empathize with.

My last blog entry was back in February I believe. From that time I've been bouncing back and forth between NL25 and NL50, mostly playing NL50. While I have times I feel like I'm starting to have success, I have days like this that just crush my soul, bring out the worst qualities in me, and just down right make me depressed.

I know I can beat this game and when I'm at these tables I feel an edge over the competition. I don't even know what to write. I'm sure it's all been said before. I'm just sick of running in circles. I can't give up though.

A new pressure has been put on my shoulders. It's 95% certain I'll lose my job within the next 2-3 months. I have enough saved to live for 8-10 months but I'm really going to look to poker for some income while I job search. I've been playing more and studying more. I've really begun to feel like poker is what I would want to do for a living anyway. I have a passion for nothing but money. That was a problem I had when looking for a major in school.

But anyway on to today. I loaded $600 onto PS to take advantage of the 20% reload bonus. My intentions were to just hit the bonus and then withdraw the $600 like many people do. Well I am here today to tell you that over ~1300 hands I lost $618. I didn't stand a chance. I really need to do a 3 buy-in stop loss. I'll admit I tilted a little bit, although I did stay quite focused and slowed my game down and took extra time to think. I still should have made a stoploss.

Today I acted in ways I had not acted since I was a juvenile playing Starcraft. I was shouting at my computer, cussing. I even punched my wall. I took a break to get myself together. Had a long conversation with a girl I've been talking to and went for a drive to the ocean to just think and cool off.

Between my this job crisis, my grandpa being hospitalized, and this poker circle it's just been too much lately. I can't quit though. Anytime I've ever quit at anything in life success has been just around the corner. I try not to quit at anything any more as I know giving up was something I used to be bad at.

Anyway, if you read this I truly appreciate it. If not, it felt good just to get it in words and out there. I'm looking for some more poker friends so if you have MSN and would like to talk poker, life, or just anything feel free to add me. MSN: ez4utonv@hotmail.com

Oh, and here's todays graph:

I'm considering setting it as my desktop as motivation.

0 votes

RS_II United States. Apr 23 2009 01:14. Posts 748

wow dude... I really feel ya...

there have been some really similar things that have caused me to fail at poker at times . If you know you are a winning player, then the biggest issue that I have worked on substantially is the pyschological aspect to your game. discipline, tilt control, focus, etc... Having poker friends is the best thing for you... Thankfully i've had a friend who has been very successful at poker that has helped me out tremendously in the psychological aspect... he shared with me some really solid advice... that I'll never forget... it was to the tune of "playing poker the right way(proper bankroll management) is just part of what you need to become a successful poker player"...

anyway given what you said about depositing $600 and losing $618, as illustrated, seems to look like you have an issue with playing wayyyy under rolled.

SKoT: I got 99 problems and a bitch aint 1

RICHI8 United States. Apr 23 2009 01:28. Posts 1341

I'm not under rolled. It was $600 in addition to my current roll just to get the 20% up to $120 stars reload bonus.

angryfishes Australia. Apr 23 2009 02:50. Posts 410

downswings suck but winning players pick themselves up and plough thru from the depths of the red to the mountains of black

rmb at the start of this month when i told you i had a 400 swing in one day? the next 2 days i was in the black again and now im having a great month. also began using concerige lol ezzzzziest money no more bonus clearing.

life will be good for u again

lebowski Greece. Apr 23 2009 05:10. Posts 9205

dont rely on poker for money unless you play at least nl200 imo

new shit has come to light... a-and... shit! man...

exalted United States. Apr 23 2009 10:35. Posts 2918

Actually I've totally been here. I had this stupid Fulltilt bonus that I wanted to unlock, and ended up losing 8.9k trying to unlock it, obviously using the "move up if you lose" strategy, culminating in a NL5000 hoedown where I lost.

exalted from teamliquid :o