Hey guys here in my garage, more knowledge from 6 years of journaling. I don't even k now the person who wrote this stuff or where I got it, I never read it back, and I certainly didn't act on a lot of it. They are randomly pulled from random years , it's fun to remember what I was up to.
- Growth is the most important thing in credit systems, or rather belief in growth that keeps the credit and stock system going. Consumerism pushes you towards happy states, rewards as it needs growth, or that belief in growth, or the credit system would collapse.
- adds, mentality, culture see fear, sadness as wrong states that need to be changed through consuming, inspiration. But Who says that feeling happy is important at all?
Buddhism
- you feel emotions but don't get attached to specific ones. Happy feeling is caused by neurotransmitters, they have baseline level, oscillate around it.
- what comes up, must come down naturally.
=> You actively seek to feel the states, happy ot anxious. You can move your neurochemistry in the long run through attitude, diet, exercise.
Suffering is not negative emotions, its not pain, sadness or depression. Suffering is clinging to specific states and repressing others.
This too shall pass. Maybe.
-Love brings flow. This ultimate focus on the present moment, hormones, focus on the other person and the high, this is why people seek it. You can move do that at any point, not with love only. People seek out these moments like the tractor scene on Garden State with drugs, alcohol, love, fucking, but you cab find that in focusing on people, normal situations. Just BE right here, indulge, feel, enjoy. Feel through the swings, feel and embrace your spectrum, embrace who you are instead of distractions. Repressing your emotions takes a lot of resourced, let it go! Feel through emotion, focus on performance, you can have a literally manic episode, crying cursing yet play amazing with enough awareness.
Corey wayne dating: Hang out, have fun, hook up. Sooner kr later you associate each other with good feelings and sexual energy. To fun something truly real, you find joy in all states, dark side inside you and others.
Leaders use silence.
When you feel pressure you get to choose whether you feel it as anxiety or excitement that can turn into energy.
-fucking c*unts, fucking 88 I can't beat the limit, annoying reg shit fuck, 98 raises, AK calls me fuck anxiety I'm bad can't win, feel pressure, c*nts runbad aaaAAa fuck, I fucking hate them, feels like I just burn money when I play, don't want any people to see how I play, ashamed afraid to face my game, spewing, not enough tables, tired omg, I even go through this shift c*nts always AA, spazzes get aces omfg, shig fuck 88 fuck c*nts counterfeit, this is bullshit, losing big pots small pots, getting fucking raised, trapped, fucked by all, shift fuck c*nt dick asshole I can't take it want yo play Games, fo whatever else, c*nt shift deck asshole, all hurts cat is here, often stomach pain omg, shit dick, fucking dick, pain, AAAaaaAAa, fucking read HU, lose lose lose over over over, fuck topvl, shift dick, can't stand playing, want it too bad, might be time to quit push, 6 weeks to give it my best, I can't do it I play part time etc. I won't call can't just play,but my plays di nit mean shut fuck I was many mistake, want to check in T9 To break sesh, open chrome distract myself, not focusing at all,.mind fog, shift fuck got pummeled by aggronshits nit sute what to do 22 minut3s, eternity to end session, hate playing so much, brings me anxiety. Feels good to face it, fear of aggroreg, want to open Internet so hard so stressed itbud surreal, c*nts, so many bad hands fuck shit, I hate playing it feels hard, why...lack of work fuck 88 check raised fucked, so many hwbcs, raised this shit omfg c*nts 88 raise, lose lose lose fuck.
Present day comment: this is actually hilarious, I call it "Spew" when I go spewing thoughts on paper in a mad fashion, over exxagarate the emotions go all out. This isn't even all of it, it's good 30 pages that look like this, I did this often, but this is one of my longest rants for sure, what the hell was that 88 hand that triggered it! Wish I knew! Sadly, I didn't write what years these are from
I'll crack open a Beer throw away the notepads I looked at, and bring you more KNOWLEDGE!
|
|
