Digesting

On May 19 2018 13:56 RiKD wrote: No, I don't want to go back to work for a corporation. Not until I absolutely have to.

I think a corporation prefers it when you absolutely have to work for them anyway. I hope you see that using up your savings just so you can sit around and not have to work for a few months is just a temporary freedom that is going to leave you with far less freedom once you run out of money and have even fewer options.

This is very true blackjacki2. Duly noted.

Go back to poker ezpz :D

Morin isn't just a history major, he holds 27 doctorates from universities all around the world (honoris causa) and in many different fields. Yes, you do have to be dedicated to read stuff like this and really try to understand it. Isn't it nice to be dedicated to something for a change? It should be. It's a lot more gratifying to progress through a difficult book than looking for the next dopamine hit with food, porn and misc internet browsing.

I don't really want to study translation. People read less and less and the type of job you get with a translation degree is typically pretty dismal. You translate bureaucratic shit. If you're lucky you can do freelance, but if I did that I wouldn't even have the time to translate Morin, I'd be too pressed to pay the bills translating things I don't care about. Also his first book from his main work is already translated in English but it's no longer being pressed. The interest just isn't there yet due to the massive influence of postmodern philosophers in the US.

On May 19 2018 20:02 LemOn[5thF] wrote: Go back to poker ezpz :D

I don't know how that's ezpz. It's easy to say I am happier now than when I was playing poker. The truth is I don't know the truth. I don't know if I've ever been as happy as when I was killing it at the tables and really living life to the fullest. That was RARE. When I was killing it I was usually like a scientist completely immersed in his work. Even going out to dinner with friends I'd rather just eat some cereal or make a tuna melt right quick and get back to the tables. Many times eating while I played. It did allow me freedom and it did allow me to see bits of the world and meet a lot of amazing people but downswings were the worst. Depression even worse than that. You know, I don't think I experience as much suffering today as I did then but the highs certainly aren't as sweet. Out of curiosity I was looking at some of Stroggoz's hands today. I wouldn't want to play against Stroggoz. He's killing it. It would be kind of exciting for me to play around with PLO Solver. I wish they had that when I played. But, honestly, the number one reason is I just don't think I have it in me anymore. It would be interesting if I still lived in PA what I would do. I'd honestly probably start playing again. 5ptbb/100 at 100 NL is 10c/hand. Even if I'm only getting in 400 hands/hr that is $40/hr. Better money than I can currently make with my marketable skills. Now, there is the aspect of the meaningless of poker or more importantly the exploitive nature or potential harm caused. I know for a fact it is not that fulfilling to me but neither is fucking chopping up produce and cheese all day. So, I don't know. If I lived in PA I would most likely get a bankroll together and get serious with PLO Solver and see where that lands me these days. So, what does that mean? I should probably do that but I don't have enough for a bankroll and living expenses at the moment. Is that really a good strategy? It's not really considering opportunity cost. I am actually reasonably happy to have 6 years of work experience since poker and to be out of poker. I don't know if I could just jump in half way. I'd want to give myself 6+ months of living expenses and put all my effort into it. What happens when I get bored with it? What happens when I hit the inevitable downswing? What if I can't even beat 2/4 these days? You know, I meet up with a guy like PoorUser who is the definition of a killer and he is talking about his hopes to get into grad school and I hope he gets accepted. Killers everywhere strategizing on how they can get out. I remember those days. I made $10k last year. Clearly I am not doing so well materially but I feel like I am in such a better place in so many regards. I can remember not even being in a downswing but just so isolated and so depressed just staring at the PokerStars lobby wanting to vomit and lying in my bed listening to this on repeat:



I remember going on walks along the Maltese coast thinking if today was going to be the day I jumped. I would even rock climb by myself with no safety equipment just to feel something.

I remember in Buenos Aires walking by a bum late at night with no one around after losing a shit ton of money wondering if murder might make me feel something.

Yes, LP, I have had both suicidal thoughts and homicidal thoughts. I also have had genocidal thoughts. I have thought about murdering all clit mutilators in Africa, the 1%, and anyone involved with Dick Cheney.

Actually, it was also this song:



Ahhhhh:



- 1 batch choclatey, sugary breakfast
- 2 cups strong black coffee (black like my soul)
- break off pieces of hash to liking
- DANK weed
- little bit yummy tobacco or a lot
- gravity bong until you might pass out
- BIG cup strong coffee
- MUSIC
- CRUSHING the tables for hours

That might be my perfect drug. I shouldn't try to go back to it.

also:

- 4 red bull vodkas
- 2 strong ecstasy pills
- RAVE

also:

- codeine
- pass a blunt around in a hot tub

also:

- just flat out take 2 boxes of wine to the face. Man, that's old reliable. Not perfect but it works.

You know I still have that fantasy of fucking in a church. I still have the key. Such a brilliant song:



You know, after writing this all out it makes me remember that I am a crazy fuck and I shouldn't be playing poker professionally.

On May 19 2018 21:07 Loco wrote: Morin isn't just a history major, he holds 27 doctorates from universities all around the world (honoris causa) and in many different fields. Yes, you do have to be dedicated to read stuff like this and really try to understand it. Isn't it nice to be dedicated to something for a change? It should be. It's a lot more gratifying to progress through a difficult book than looking for the next dopamine hit with food, porn and misc internet browsing. I don't really want to study translation. People read less and less and the type of job you get with a translation degree is typically pretty dismal. You translate bureaucratic shit. If you're lucky you can do freelance, but if I did that I wouldn't even have the time to translate Morin, I'd be too pressed to pay the bills translating things I don't care about. Also his first book from his main work is already translated in English but it's no longer being pressed. The interest just isn't there yet due to the massive influence of postmodern philosophers in the US.

Ok, but he went to school for history. I don't even know how the fuck he accomplished 27 doctorates. It's hard to decipher from the Wikipedia page. He was in World War 2 activities then he was in communist activities then he just sort of knew everything ever. One of them that stood out is that he just went to the Salk Institute of Biological Studies just to learn and they let him and that's what he did. Was he just reading books 8 hours a day? How did he do it?

Dopamine from food, porn, tinder, etc. is so fucking bullshit and fleeting. I am considering just abstaining from it entirely. Food is the tricky one. I ate a broccoli soup tonight that would qualify as something that I should be eating. I drove by the popular fast food down here tonight. It makes me sick how I used to stuff my face with that garbage. Wash it down with 32oz of sweet tea.

You bring up some good points on the translation. That's a bummer. Maybe pick one of your favorites and translate it for the good of society/culture. As much as I like Foucault and Derrida they aren't quite Morin. Is Morin more well-liked in France than the PoMos?

He was part of a round table type gathering of intellectuals that shared an interest in cybernetics and how science and philosophy could influence politics and they sometimes had very prestigious guests. One of them was Jacques Monod (Nobel Prize winning biochemist) who eventually recommended to Jonas Salk to invite Morin to his institute where he was working. Morin had all expenses paid because he was a very promising scholar. He spent about a year there and he wrote a daily journal which he later released, explaining what American culture was like at the time, what he was learning and how it was contributing to his own theories.

He's very famous, probably as famous as Foucault in French culture as a whole, but in different circles. He's a well known public personality, regularly appearing on TV, radio and various conferences, but he's not taught in philosophy classes I don't think. His work is too boundary-pushing to be taught in university, it doesn't belong to any tradition and wouldn't fit on a curriculum. He does have one Coursera course which I took online with a business school and which focuses on complexity theory and organizational studies.

I remember losing $50k in a day. I wasn't used to that. I got up, sat on the couch, and just sat there for a while. I was just sort of numb. Actually, the truth is I was stuck $50k listening to the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack. I still can't listen to it to this day with out feeling negative emotion. I turned on some Enya and won back $25k. I think I made more money to Enya than any other artist. $25k was still the most I had ever lost in a day and I was sitting on the couch trying to digest what just happened. So, I decided to lay in bed and binge watch Dexter. I still remember thinking maybe that is the rush I need in life is to murder someone. I didn't really like the idea of murdering a bum. He was rather helpless. What I really wanted to do was murder bad guys. I was very close to joining the military after going broke. Very close. When I go psychotic it's always let's get ISIS, let's get African dictators, let's get clit mutilators, let's get Dick Cheney. I have no training though so the headlines will read "Bipolar psychotic found dead in the river. It looks to be a suicide" and it may just be a suicide one day. I don't think the military would accept me today and when I think about it the military is a horrible place for me and overall a pretty shitty institution. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't controlled by corporate interests.

I remember my Spanish teacher urged me to keep a journal when I was in Buenos Aires. It would have been interesting. I still remember being up all night partying and going into my lessons still drunk. Those are some of the times where I think my manic was masked by my alcoholism. Although I don't think it was alcoholism at that point. I really liked my Spanish teacher. He loved Nietzsche and Borges and many times we just discussed philosophy or culture. He said I was his favorite student or best student or both. I couldn't have been his best student because my Spanish sucks. Actually, it was ok back then. I remember I saw a prostitute pretty early on and was so drunk I could barely speak English let alone Spanish and she basically raped me. I wasn't complaining it was hot. Liberation through great orgasm eh? William Reich made a gun like contraption that he said could capture orgasmic energy and also to defend against aliens???? Maybe I shouldn't listen to that guy. Anyways, so I go back and see this particular prostitute months later and we can make conversation and make jokes and we fuck for a while and it's fun. My Spanish improved! We share a cab back into Palermo and she starts showing me pictures of her kid. Really fucking weird. I never saw her again. I never spoke to my Spanish teacher again either. That is kind of a shame. We had some really good discussions. I may still have his email somewhere.

Those were good days though. I could just kind of crush 2/4 at my leisure and do whatever I wanted. I had a large enough bankroll and extra cash that I didn't give a shit about downswings. In fact, I didn't really experience them because my winrate was large enough and if I was losing I would just fuck off for a few days or a week and be back fresh to crush when I felt like it. I think that is the ideal. Sometimes you get a good feeling and that's when you make the most money but also the freedom to enjoy life helps with the downswings.

I think that is such a key though. Having a large bankroll and extra cash. Not money tied up in a house or a Roth IRA. I am talking straight cash homey: literal cash sitting in your suitcase, a checking account, and now bitcoin. Fuck it. A year's worth of expenses. As a poker player you should be a specialist in poker with your gambling. Why put it in the stock market? I can't be against buying land or property but man if I can have a years worth of expenses in cash I don't fucking care if I'm losing 3% to inflation. You never know what type of gambling situations might arise and don't be fooled it's all gambling. As Edgar Morin correctly posits: ALL CHOICES ARE WAGERS.

What does this all mean for me today? I am not sure. I think it is unlikely that I could just walk into 3/6 or 5/10 online and beat it. I don't really like poker as much as I used to. It's just not a great profession for me. I'd much rather read Edgar Morin, take walks on the beach, train.... Doing that all day can't last for forever. I figure I take today off as it's Sunday and just start applying to reasonable stuff tomorrow. I'll probably be happy either way as long as I am stimulated and not too isolated.

you can take out the principal on a Roth ira penalty free, so it's as good as cash.

what % of your br did that 25k loss represent?

I could of swore I paid a penalty on my Roth IRA. Maybe that was my 401k but I thought Roth IRA too.

My bankroll was $50k after the loss because I remember thinking I could play 2/4, 3/6 comfortably, and I could still play 5/10 and the good 10/20 and small shots in 25/50 if I wanted.

damn.

You can take out principal penalty free but not the other money. Maybe you paid penalty on the portion that wasn't principal, or maybe it was cause it was a 401k idk. fwiw i havent done it myself so maybe im wrong here but as far as i know that is how it works.

Well, I was digesting but now my Kindle's battery is low.... Duh duh duhhhhhhhhhhh

I figured I would start up on "Profit Over People" by Noam Chomsky. Didn't you hear the new princess of the world talking about him???? I've only had that book in my Kindle for 3+ years. Anyways, I kind of like having at least 1 non-fiction book in rotation and at least 1 fiction book in rotation. "The Dispossessed" is really good. I don't even think about re-reading "Money" by Martin Amis but I need a non-fiction until "Homeland Earth: A Manifesto for the New Millenium" by Edgar Morin gets here. "Profit Over People" will be a good introduction to neoliberal economics and Chomsky. Who knows where I go from here. I was thinking about re-reading the Communist Manifesto and then reading Capital 1-3. Maybe I break into the local university library and get on some JSTOR and see what I can dig up on the russian government, chinese government, lenin, mao, etc. I don't know if it gets that deep just yet. I'd rather go into things like "Homage to Catalonia" by Orwell or other books on Stroggoz and Mexie's lists. In order to make libertarian communism/socialist anarchy plausible it almost has to start with that 100 million number, if it is in fact true, and why it happened. Where does the anti-communist rhetoric stem from? I like that one article about starting with anti-anti-communism not pro-communism. We have to start somewhere.

Here's something I didn't know about until Badmouse made a short remark about it

Fuck, there is no activity in the forums. Things are really slowing down. It was pretty good there for a few days.

My Kindle is charging so I just boredom ate some bullshit so now not only does my Kindle have to charge but I have to digest some more food before lying down.

They say it is best to write in the morning when we are closest to our dream state and not bogged down by daily responsibilities. They say it takes about 30 min to an hour to really start to wake up for the day. I like eating some breakfast and spending some time on the forums before I go train. I like to train about 2 hours after waking up. That seems like kind of a long time to be hanging out on the forums. I should probably spend that time reading articles and I do but I like the interaction aspect of the forums. Just something to kind of continue waking up for the day as my body temperature rises a bit. What's the guys name? James Robinson from currentaffair.com? I should read his stuff. What sort of news sites do you guys visit? And, no I don't want to read about the royal wedding or the Kardashians. Just something I can have a couple coffees with and actually educate myself a little bit on what's going on in the world.

A benefit of going on a vegan diet is that it is difficult to overeat. That is not entirely true though. I could go out and get all you can eat oysters and fries fried in peanut oil with a gallon of sweet tea. I am not a true vegan at this point though. More like a vegan still breaking his vegetarian habits. Going with out meat is never that difficult for me it's if there is some cheese on some pasta, some milk in some coffee or protein shake, a skyyr if I felt I didn't have enough protein that day. My breakfast is perfect and easy. Pumpkin oatmeal with walnuts and blueberries. Lunch and dinner are the wildcards. My mom is vegetarian so dinner usually isn't that bad for a vegetarian because I either go out to eat or my mom typically makes something vegetarian but it is rarely vegan. The thing is even if you go out to a steakhouse you can just get like 3 baked sweet potatoes without butter. I really should watch "Earthlings" again.

I don't know what I am doing with Tinder. I get some exciting matches and it draws me back in.

The Real "Dangerous" Ideas

This is the 2018 follow up to "Earthlings". Joaquin Phoenix is narrating it with Rooney Mara. It explores standard Australian farm practices which are said to be miles above American ones in terms of animal welfare.