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I think I am writing this blog out of boredom and maybe glimpsing a bit of despair. That's what boredom entails anyways. If you get bored enough it is difficult not to confront your own death. I am winding down my days off to head back into work tomorrow morning. Besides Refuge Recovery meetings I am mostly isolated. My parents are gone for 2 weeks. Besides my habit of napping I feel I use the time to my benefit. I really don't know if writing this blog is beneficial. I should just meditate and tend to the garden. I linger on that sage suggestion. But, no, I will write on. An addiction some (accurately) say. This blog has brought me a lot of useless chatter but also some jewels. Like any good addiction there is intermittent reinforcement.

...

So, I decided to meditate and tend to the garden. There was a phrase that kept coming to me in meditation: Ever vanishing present. The ever vanishing present. I can snap my fingers in 1/365th of a second. That isn't even the present. The flower is closer to annihilation the instant it blooms. It wilts regardless of rain or shine. What are we doing in this ordinariness, this everydayness?

This isn't therapy. Perhaps it was. That whole ordeal was foolish. Transparency in an online blog is foolish. Taking risks in a format like this is foolish.

I had the thought of caring about my viewership. I hope k2o4 is right in that some sort of spiritual vibe is passing through the air. It would be for the benefit of all of us. I don't think this is true though. This is a dwindling gambling and entertainment website.

I had an acquaintance tell me yesterday that I have changed dramatically since he first met me. I carry myself better and seem very comfortable in my skin now and that whatever I am doing to keep doing it. Part of that is caring less what people think about me but it's hard not to indulge in a compliment like that a bit. I have been mostly open in that meeting what I have been doing. I have been renouncing worldly things, meditating, and studying Buddhism. Previously, with the help of LP I studied Neoliberal Economics, Anarchy, Edgar Morin, Byung Chul Han, etc. It is all documented here. The worldly society is bunk guys. See, I don't want to fall into self-congratulatory bs which I may have just done. Taking refuge in the 3 jewels changes things. Abstaining from substances and sex changes things. Eating only the bare necessities in food. It's a lot of little things. Giving almost all my clothes to charity. Meditation. Learning. Reflection. These are all things I should not forget.

I am unsure of the point of the last paragraph. Perhaps to document. Perhaps to make sense of it all.

Ever vanishing present moment. Let's make it count.


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Well hello there people who still use LP,

Don't shoot, I come in peace

I first started posting blogs back in 2007, and boy did I post a lot. I'm happy to see that I still have the record for most blog posts on the site, holding strong at 633 (but DustySwedeDude is catching up, so I have to start posting again to hold onto this auspicious achievement).

It used to be so damn busy here, a hustle and bustle of online poker activity. I guess that was the poker boom, and the end of BW, and the arrival of smart phones, and the rise of social media's domination of content... all factors which I'm guessing led to this slightly ghost town vibe.

But that means those of you who are still here, are truly dedicated. I appreciate that, cause out of all the online communities I joined into, this is definitely the one I shared the most with. I was close with my StarCraft teams, but I was generally the manager and focused on running the thing rather than enjoying it. Here at LP I was just focused on poker and me, and it was fun to meet so many of you during those times, to learn poker, to talk shit, to be exposed to all sorts of interesting topics and debates... ahh good memories.

When I quit grinding after my trip to Southeast Asia, I continued on the path of being focused on me, and finally experienced the joy of attending school because of wanting to be there, not because someone is forcing me. I decided to use my time in school as an opportunity to research and learn about everything I'd ever been curious about, and come to my own conclusions. I'd gotten really good at copying other people's statements on controversial topics, and while they worked during interactions out in the world, I didn't actually know the logic or data behind why the statements were true, or even if they were true.

Going back to university and taking it seriously was a big awakening to me, as I first got my mind blown by all the mainstream info about how amazing the universe is, and then got my whole world shattered when I realized the mainstream answers were limited and it was ok to jump off the cliff into the crazy answers, into the world of investigating consciousness and what this reality really is. And when I say shattered, I mean things were falling to pieces all around me, I had no idea how to interact with the world anymore upon realizing that so much of my behavior was wrong or beliefs were not true. I went back to school as a 26 year old in 2010, but halfway through I'd crumbled back to my 12 year old self, as I realized that everything I'd used to build my personality during my teenage years wasn't based on me, just based on copying in an attempt to survive. I had to relearn how to be around people, and new techniques for dealing with the anxiety which had always plagued me. It was a total nervous breakdown, which I soon learned was also my spiritual awakening.

The biggest realization I had was that healing was important. I'd always done my best to be tough and strong and recover quickly and not feel it and numb the pain and don't be a pussy and be a man. My closest friends as a teenager were all going through the same thing, and we'd often become friends because we met by punching each other in the face, and we'd be tough during the day but when we got drunk enough at night tears and bro hugs would arise. Then we'd go destroy some property or beat someone up to feel better, not realizing how the destruction always made us feel worse in the end. We were friends cause we had brief moments of healing together, but we didn't know how to truly heal because everything we'd learned about being a man was getting in the way.

Halfway through my Psychology degree I decided that continuing to get straight A's wasn't as important as diving into the crazy stuff. It started with marijuana. I used the university's resources to do a deep dive into the research, and I found out about the conspiracy theory level shenanigans which had occurred to suppress the scientific truth about cannabis. I realized that the opportunity to legalize was fast approaching and that Colorado could be the first domino tipped to start a process of legalization around the world, so I dedicated myself to the political process and organized my campus. We crushed it and won a huge victory, something I'll be proud of being part of until my dying day <3

Along the way I opened up to alternative healing modalities, and especially the world of meditation and yoga. I'd grown up with exposure to both through my dad, but had always rejected them as woo woo, weirdo, extremely unenjoyable, and a place where crazy people hung out and talked about spiritual mumbo jumbo. But that piece of my personality had fallen of when everything shattered, so I began to tiptoe cautiously into what had always looked like the abyss...

Luckily my childhood exposure to family friends like Richard Davidson, Jon Kabat Zinn, and Daniel Goleman, amongst many other amazing minds of our time, had grounded me in how to scientifically approach the world of meditation. You see, my dad started something called the Mind and Life Institute, which has been bridging science and spiritual practices for over 30 years. It all started by bringing scientists to India for a meeting with the Dalai Lama, and has grown into a vibrant community of scientists and contemplative practitioners who are learning from each other. The meetings inspired loads of research, including the famous studies done by Richard Davidson with Mattieu Ricard. With the data they collected a new mainstream acceptance to the benefits of meditation has developed. I watched that process happen around me as a kid growing up, and it informed so much of how I approached my psychology degree, and my personal dive into the abyss.

As I began to practice yoga and meditation, it became clear that I needed to make it my lifestyle. I became a yoga teacher and began teaching 8 classes a week, of all types and styles. As my practice developed I learned more and more about my body, about my thoughts, about my energy... I began to feel things I'd never felt, see things from new perspectives, and find new ways of interacting with myself. While my personal research into "wtf is going on in this world and who the hell am I" had left me shattered, my practice of meditation and yoga helped to build me back up into a new person, updated to version 2.0.

That started a path of healing for me, which I'm still on right now. I've had a few more upgrades since then, often thanks to the beautiful help given by plant medicines while working with loving shamans, and I know I have many more patches left to come. But I'm finally starting to be ok with that, to be ok with being on this ride, on this journey of growth and evolution.

Resisting what is, resisting the bad feelings, resisting how things are... that has been my habit, that has been my pattern. Meditation has been the great teacher of learning to accept what is, right now, as it is. Learning to allow what is happening, to happen. And to be fully present with myself, my emotions, my stories, my thoughts, my energy, without resisting or forcing anything.

So the journey continues, as I'm just a silly noob who has barely begun upon the path. But I'm happy to see that I'm not alone, as a few of you other long time members are now talking about meditation, Buddhism, addiction, and healing. I guess this site is still about poker, but for those of us who have been using it for over a decade, maybe it's also now about our journey of evolution from the fervent pursuit of money, believing it was what we needed for happiness, to a deep dive into ourselves to find that inner source of happiness which doesn't depend on the transient nature of the external reality.

Or maybe I've just become a woo woo hippie dippy crazy person I guess that's ok too <3


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Noah Levine, a "guru" in the avenues of meditation (Against the Stream), and recovery and Buddhism (for profit Refuge Recovery treatment center and not-for-profit Refuge Recovery) is alleged to have engaged in sexual misconduct with 7 to 10 women as well as sleeping with a married woman, sleeping with students, and misusing company funds for personal use in an "extravagant" and "out of touch" manner. Article here

Makes me feel a little bit better about my caffeine addiction, eating ice cream at lunch, and then being bored so jerking off and taking a nap today and now writing a blog... The answers are definitely in the Dharma and not Bumble. It is the Buddha's teachings that we should be following and not Noah Levine although he was a trusted spiritual teacher to many and I feel for them. I mostly feel for the women abused/harassed. Most of my friends are in Refuge Recovery so it will be interesting to see what happens. I don't see why it couldn't be improved. Buddha should be the icon of Refuge Recovery not Noah Levine.


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Anonymous (2011) - I give an in-depth review, complete with character breakdowns, and plot spoilers (for those unconvinced about watching period dramas like myself) 8/10 this is some good shit bros.
https://foundaz.com/2018/06/10/anonymous-2011/ - link-trailer-review-spoiler-info

https://foundaz.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/anonymous.jpg


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First, I would like to document the difference meditation has made in my life. It is a training of the mind. Quite possibly the most important training one can undertake.

Reflections on Death:

All who are born will die. It is miraculous I woke up this morning in good health! The fact that I may die at any moment means I should be living life without laziness or procrastination. There is only the Dharma.

Reflections on Impermanence:

Nothing is permanent or stable. I repeat nothing is permanent or stable. As much as we like to delude ourselves and cling and grasp nothing is permanent or stable. There is only the Dharma.

I took a walk on the beach last night as the sun was setting. The water was very choppy and chaotic. It reminded me of my thoughts when I first sit for meditation. An airplane flew over. From that perspective the ocean is vast like the starry sky. Even the most choppy of waves have an inception and a dissolving. It was appropriate that when I was nearly finished for my walk at the inlet the waves are much calmer and almost non-existent. They appear and dissolve rather quickly or don't show up on the radar whatsoever.


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So it's time. Looking to relocate to a new poker spot. Quick recap, moved in with that girl, things were ok in the beginning but it has run its course. I actually feel kinda bad now because she's madly in love with me and I dont really feel anything for her at all. Then again I think she may be confusing love with loneliness and she's just looking for someone to settle down with, frequently commenting on how she doesnt want to die alone etc. Believe me I can appreciate that, but I just dont feel anything for her anymore.

Anyway the online poker thing failed, I lost my 3k as quickly as I won it, in no small part due to playing zoom poker. It was great getting paid off by anonymous donks on ignition with inexplicably bad hands, but it's also easy to run KK into AA and get felted by every slowplayed set 10 times in a row. I've been driving for Uber/Lyft in the meantime to make ends meet. Back to live it is, but not in jax!

One of the biggest gripes I ever had about playing in jacksonville FL, in fact the only gripe I had, was the shortstackers. This is pretty common for live but goddamn it's so frustrating, especially when you show up for the waiting list just to get put on a new table with nothing but $100 minbuys at a 2/5 game. And then when they win a big pot they take their $300 and sit in the 5/10 PLO game upstairs. It became such an issue the card room finally bumped the minimum buyin up to 40BB, which helps I suppose, but still a far cry from playing the more enjoyable full stacked poker. The game selection was also always a tiny bit limited, usually 5 tables of 2/5 running, mix of regs, recs, and a few tourists. But lets get real, jax is not a tourist town so you're never really getting these out of towner whales unless there's a huge BBJ running or tournament in town.

So doing my due diligence it seems as though a few new spots opened up for consideration; Tampa, Washington DC, and Houston. So lets do a little pros & cons breakdown.

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Tampa pros: best weather, best city, best social life, best quality of living, best women, casino opened 24/7

Tampa cons: single casino, 40BB buyins, possibly reg infested, semi-touristy town.

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DC pros: 2 casinos, Maryland Live which is renowned among the region with very juicy games, brand new MGM right next to airport/city center attracting all of the fancy businessmen, tons of tourism.

DC cons: terrible weather, terrible social life, terrible standard of living, very expensive, major female:male defecit.

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Houston pros: legal homegames, numerous recently established card rooms that operate on the home game principal, all play extremely deep, TIME RAKE TIME RAKE TIME RAKE TIME RAKE!!!, decent female population, good standard of living

Houston cons: meh weather, meh social life (???), games might run too big, possibly nothing but regs/locals

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Now before we go any further lets take a look at that big fat bold in the houston category. Because gambling is illegal in texas no game can take a rake. However homegames for real money are completely legal so long as the house doesnt get a cut, and you can literally find dozens of nightly games running all over the city from a simple google search. I've been there and done it and they are legit. Some enterprising minds decided to take the next step and open up full fledged card rooms under the homegame principle. This has drew the ire of city officials and nobody knows if it's all going to get shut down or not, but for now these rooms look like mini casinos. They are lavish, well apointed, fully staffed, professional dealers, hot waitresses, full bar, full menu, real food, lounge, tv's, very nice seating, etc. A couple of the rooms themselves look absolutely stunning. They circumvent the system via standard time rake/membership deal. $15 door fee + $15/hr seat.

Everything I have read about the houston games says that while they advertise them as 1/3 games, the max buyin is 300BB's or up to the big stack. 10-15k on the table is very common and with opening raises between $20-$50 and even legendary $100 opens from tilted whales late at night the games have been rumored to be this hidden hush hush poker oasis. Saw a pic of Sammy Farha one night and some instagram pros winning 14k pots with their bragworthy "2.5k buyin 22k cashout" chip porn posts. The time tokens cannot be paid from your stack, so all the money stays on the table! They have memberships to ease the daily door fee's but the $15/hr stays. Considering almost any casino is usually taking $7 per hand in rake then the time structure seems like an obvious win.

Concerns? Well, these games may be a bit *too* deep for me. Some of them turn into 1/3/5/10/25 degen fests and if they all entirely revolve around the local elites then I'll just never be able to get in. However I wont really know until I go there since nobody is expressly talking about it. You can even call the rooms and the hostess will brag over the phone about how their 1/3 game is playing like a 5/10 to entice you to come over.

Thoughts?



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https://foundaz.com/2018/07/29/kon-tiki-2012/ - Trailer-Info-Cast
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/M...0OA@@._V1_UY268_CR3,0,182,268_AL_.jpg
I watched this last night before going to bed and was quite entertained. Nothing really amazing about the movie apart from it being based on real events about some crazy Nord trying to prove that Latin Americans were the ones who populate Polynesia 1,500 years ago by sailing on balsa rafts 5000 miles through treacherous, shark-filled oceans. EVERYBODY LOVES SHARKS AND ITS NOT A DEPRESSING MOVIE SO JUST GO AND WATCH IT.


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Here are two foreign gems around 7/10 each in my opinion, maybe more depending on your tolerance for crime dramas.Happy watching guys.

In Order Of Disappearance (2014) Norwegian with ENG subs
trailer info review cast - https://foundaz.com/2018/07/26/in-order-of-disappearance-2014/
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/umz...fRtMeieGWRPJPAgQsF6JHOc56Z1gibmb8=s85

The Major (2013) Russian with ENG subs
trailer info review cast - https://foundaz.com/2018/07/27/the-major-2013/
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/7jJ...iucYlcBUF8k09XIJuJFyaGUt-kyeZdC6U=s85




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Ghost Stories Trailer,cast,info and review below
https://foundaz.com/2018/06/21/ghost-stories-2018/
Good old-fashioned mystery/horror that doesn't rely on cheap scares. Martin Freeman is here. 7/10
http://static.metacritic.com/images/p...55a0f4350fb87e6e55b3c9ad88d3-250h.jpg


A Prayer Before Dawn Trailer,cast,info and review below
https://foundaz.com/2018/06/06/a-prayer-before-dawn-2018/
Solid biopic of Billy Moore, a foreigner in a Thai prison. It's the dude from "The Peaky Blinders" series and he's great in this. It's not your typical prison movie, as it has got lots of other good elements to it.
https://buzz.tt/media/movies/2106/2106_250.jpg


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I'm looking to book some sort of nofap challenge. Doesn't have to be for much and I'm ok with just competing vs myself and maybe if I lose I do something for charity.


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