I am making a big batch of oatmeal downstairs in a rice cooker and it has 20 more min. to go. I don't want to lie down and read the Buddha's words because I might fall asleep and have oatmeal heating all night. I don't really feel like meditating either. My meditation teacher has me on a new walking meditation and I want to be more into it before I give it a go. So, here I am. Those last 3 sentences say a lot about what I have been up to. Trying to get the most out of cooked food, reading scriptures and discourse, and meditating are my life right now. Then, there is work too but I really don't like discussing work on my blog.
I am looking to move more towards this guy's direction:
The main goal being to continue simplifying my life and moving towards Nibbanna. I have really been into Southeast Asian food recently. Besides breakfast (Pumpkin oatmeal with walnuts and blueberries) I have been eating Thai, Vietnamese, Indian, Cambodian for just about every meal. I am really getting into it. Investigating everything. Experimenting with my own dishes. I bought a wok and some cookbooks and have been exploring. I can get out of the local Vietnamese place for less than $12 which is pretty good. It is tough to get out of the local Thai places for less than $25 it seems. The red curry I cooked up the other night was about $7/serving not including the time it took to go to the market and the labor to cook it up. I actually enjoyed doing both things so it is probably fair not to count that into the equation. I am looking forward to getting out to the proper Asian food market tomorrow to see what I will find. Considering I would like to not be eating dairy or meat for the rest of my life there is value in learning how to cook vegan curries and stir fries. I think with most dishes it doesn't even really matter what you put into it it matters what is available, fresh, ripe, etc. but it appears that a lot of the same stuff are showing up in the different curries and stir-fries.
I have also gotten really into candles. I would like to start making my own. My only consumption these days seem to be gifts for people, food, and offerings for the Buddha. That's not a bad way to go. I just think I could make the candles that I want better than overpaying these other companies.
I took a walk on the beach today which I feel like that is a worthwhile endeavor. Sometimes I get these thoughts on how great it will be to linger contemplatively but you know after doing so much meditation I realize that is more or less bullshit. I was better off being mindful. At any rate, it seemed to give me a bump in energy and mood and I didn't end up taking a nap today.
I was feeling a bit lonely tonight and didn't have anything planned so I ended up at an AA meeting. It was an interesting perspective since I haven't been to that one in such a long time. The word that comes to mind is cute. Mostly newcomers beings newcomers and the fact that nothing changes in the rooms of AA. My biggest hangup is the insistence that we need to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. That if we pray to God he will have our backs. It's just delusion. Then again, I am the one that went to an AA meeting entirely on my own volition so I need to be prepared and put up with the dogma. I mostly sat and was bored or entertained or whatever. It was nice seeing some people and having some conversations although I noticed my tolerance for useless chatter has gone way down. I excused myself to take care of my cats and got out of there.
Refuge has been ok. It's really my sole avenue of being social outside of work. I have my gripes with it. Oh well.
Also I'm getting some Poker Merch from Aliexpress for the gym + stream
Maybe even to become an instagram pro? (I tried posting real life shit as I love taking pictures, but it's such a timewaster, deleted the app as I realized I don't need no likes from people to be happy, and followers weren't growing much)
Maybe one day when I'm tired of grinding and coaching online and switch to live and I want to build my brand + get side money that way it might be useful to maintain instagram.
I remember I saved these lines from LP many years ago. Time to put them right back in.
"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours"
"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful."
"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend"
"Men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions"
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
"And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence"
"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one"
"I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence"
"Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned."
/userpoll/draw.php?poll_id=2589
Poll: Do you believe in god?
(Vote): Yes I'm religious
(Vote): No, atheist
(Vote): Somewhere inbetween
(Vote): Don't know
Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, yogis and gangstas, proletariat and bourgeois – we gather you all here today as fellow humans, to tell you a tale of life, a tale that we’ve each personally experienced, a tale about that moment when a human life is birthed from womb to world, water to air, and darkness to light.
Let me tell you about my experience, what it is like for a privileged white boy, who never wanted kids, to start a family. I’ve gone from drunkenly tipping porta potties for fun and angrily beating up strangers to vent, to tenderly holding this bundle of love in my arms and crying with joy as I look into my wife’s eyes. And am I ever glad that I made it here.
We’re both wounded kids, Penpa and I. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has childhood wounds, so I’m not saying we’re anything special. But I can’t talk about our first child without bringing up our root wounds. For us, this journey from pregnancy to birth has been a deep dive into the early traumas which have shaped us, and healing them so they aren’t passed on.
Our wounds were both around broken families. Hers while fleeing Tibet as a refugee and being left behind at a boarding school in India while her parents settled in Nepal to make a living. Mine after a drug bust sent my father to jail, which led to his deportation back to Guatemala and out of my life for 30 years.
So when we found out we were pregnant, we both felt a strong need to be an unbroken family, to be in love and raise the child together as a team, as lifetime teammates. That meant all the lingering bullshit we were still harboring inside us needed to be addressed, and the growth needed to happen now, no more procrastination. In that way, from the very start, this kid was cutting through our self deception and leading us into growth and transformation.
As first time parents, this entire experience has been a novel adventure delivering gorgeous views and regular challenges to step up and grow. As our baby developed in the womb, we both felt a powerful energy sweep over us, inspiring us to face what we’d been afraid to face. The spiritual power of bringing a new life into the world was unexpected, but greatly appreciated. While the pregnancy changed us, the birth was also a rebirth for us into the life of parents.
I’d hoped for a short labor, a “wake up in the morning with contractions starting, head to the birth center at midday, and get home by dinner to celebrate with the new arrival” type of labor.
What we got was contractions starting on Friday, which became intense enough that Penpa couldn’t sleep that night. The next morning they’d slowed a bit but were still coming regularly enough so that we knew it was no longer Braxton Hicks. We already had our 41 week appointment with the midwife set for that afternoon, so we went with our bags packed ready to stay and have the kid.
No such luck, as the midwife checked to find we were only 1 centimeter dilated and she said we were still only in latent (early) labor, which could last a while. She informed us that it was common for contractions to get accelerated at night due to melatonin and oxytocin levels rising, which was our experience that evening as contractions stayed spaced out till nightfall, when they got closer again, making it tough for Penpa to sleep.
Sunday repeated the previous days pattern, but contractions got more intense and we started thinking, “it’s gonna be a Monday baby!”
When we woke up Monday morning (more like I woke up and Penpa braved the day after another sleepless night) it felt like my vision was coming into fruition, as the contractions were stronger and more consistent, generally 6 to 3 minutes apart. By the afternoon we were getting long stretches of minute long contractions spaced 3 minutes apart, and by the evening we hit the magic number of 3-1-1; 3 minutes apart, 1 minute long, for 1 hour. That was our cue to head into the midwife, so we grabbed our bags and made the drive. Upon arrival to the birth center, we unpacked our bags, burned some incense and smudged each other, and got the water started in the tub. It was time to bring this baby into the world.
Or maybe not. The midwife did the cervical check and came back with some rattling news – it was only at 2 centimeters. While active labor is usually indicated by 3-1-1 contractions, the official measure is a cervical dilation of 5 to 6 centimeters. So we still had a bit of time to go, while these contractions were now no joke and happening all the time. It could be another 12 hours, or another couple days, before hitting enough dilation, no way to know for sure. What they did know was that we’re only supposed to be admitted at active labor, so they sent us to labor at home till we hit that mark.
We went home to another sleepless night of contractions spaced 3, or 2, or even 1 minute apart. By Tuesday morning Penpa was beat and saying things like “I think I’m gonna die”, but she kept riding the contraction waves out, switching positions from leaning on the birth ball, to laying in the tub, to child’s pose on the bed, and more. We weren’t sure how we’d know if she was dilated enough, but when the bloody show started increasing quickly and the contractions got so strong that she was beginning to feel urges to push, we decided it was time to go.
We got into the car for what turned out to be our last drive out to the midwife, arriving at 12:20pm. The cervical exam brought great news – she was 7.5 centimeters dilated!
By 1:40pm on October 16th our baby boy, Dorje GEM Khandro, arrived, birthed in the same tub where we’d started filling the water the night before. I caught him in my hands (with the guidance of the midwife) and we brought him up into Penpa’s arms. I cried with relief that our baby was safe and in our arms, relief that all my worries could now subside, our little Gem was here!
Penpa carried him to the bed where she laid down and held him on her chest as she delivered the placenta. The medical staff did their checkups while we laid on the bed with our beautiful baby boy and had our minds blown and hearts open wide from all the love pouring out.
It’s an experience of love that I don’t have words for, and which I’d been told about but never understood. There’s no understanding it till you have the experience for yourself, and I’m guessing any parent reading this knows exactly what I mean. I’ve continued to cry throughout the week since the birth from the overwhelming love and gratitude I feel. On an energetic level, I felt this blissful love blasting through my energy channels and transforming my energy body back to a flow I hadn’t felt since childhood.
After some initial breastfeeding I had the honor of cutting the cord. Then mama and baby Dorje took a well earned nap before we went home to eat dinner with grandma. She was blown away that we’d had the baby just 6 hours earlier, and were now home and eating instead of laid up in the hospital for several days like she’d been when I was born.
That night I couldn’t stop staring at our baby boy, rotating from awe, to tears of joy and gratitude, to relief, to love for my family – the amazing woman who brought my boy into the world, and this precious Gem which was already transforming me on every level of my being.
Since then I felt like I entered into season 2 of LOST and joined Desmond in the hatch, having to hit the button every 108 minutes. The midwifes told us to make sure we breastfed every 2 hours, which we tracked with our phones. Every time that alarm went off, the breastfeeding would start and we’d hit the button to reset the countdown again. We began our baby-moon and entered the world of sleep deprivation, the initiation ritual of all new parents.
After a week as parents Penpa said “Sleepless nights are worth it, when you have a treasure like this.” Oh, how right she is.
I'm now diving into my new life as a parent and an Innovative Yogi. I've been blessed to get to this place, and I feel like it's my duty to share what I've learned.
Meditation, breathing, yoga, mindfulness, and soul work have been the essential tools for my transformation, and through Innovative Yogis I'm offering training and coaching to anyone who wants to learn them.
Poker set me on the path of meditation thanks to a great CardRunners series called "The Eight Fold Path To Poker Enlightenment". While I'd been exposed to meditation all my life, I didn't actually try to get good at it till I realized how much it would help me improve my poker game (especially managing tilt and staying focused).
While my poker skills improved, so did my life overall, and it was the first step on my path of personal evolution to the person I am today. It makes me happy to be able to offer that back to the poker community, so hit me up if you want to my help as you travel your path
P.S. I'm still on the babymoon, spending lots of time with my newborn son, but will be available for online sessions starting next week
I'm feeling pretty depressed about stuff lately and I'm not sure what to do.
Dont have any friends and dating is hard for me. I dont have many avenues to meet new people.
I have a stupid job that I stay at because it pays ok around 72k. Currently have around 150k+ in savings. Living with parents at the moment cause I dont know what to do. Life is passing me by right now...
I kind of want to just quit my job and travel/live in cheap countries for a while. Maybe just the winter and then start working again. I could probably keep doing that every year. Still I'm not sure if that constitutes a real life. It's probably the most realistic plan I have now though.
I'd like to work remotely somehow while traveling but I dont know how to get this done. If I knew I could do the job I wouldn't mind getting some sort of IT or programming skills but I have heard alot of remote positions are for seasoned/high demand workers and I really dont think id have the chops for it.
My original plan was to just keep working, save up like 500k and just live off that forever(in cheap countries). I can't wait that long though. I think if I am very frugal I'm saving around 40k a year right now so that'd be 9 fucking years...
It seems like there are a fair amount of people on this site that have visited or lived in Thailand. I just keep having this nagging in me to get over there. It's funny in my previous life I wanted to ball it up on poker monies and do coke and cum on prostitute tittays (2 prostitutes, 4 tittays, or maybe a cum swap... but I digress). Now, I just want a nice spiritual trip. Check out some monasteries, check out some nice beaches, I am not even really sure yet. I may even want to go up North and hike the forests. I really would like to go to Myanmar (Yangon) as well but I think that might be unsafe at this point?
Suggestions?
I am unsure on how to even go about it. In the past all my traveling has been pretty bourgeois. Hotels and vacation rentals. I would want to do it up pretty cheaply here. Straight up backpacking mode. I don't even know if I would want to bring a laptop. I want cheap shelter, cheap curries, fresh fruit, cheap transportation. Don't mind hiking long distances. Check out some monasteries. Check out the art. Visit some family. I may have to choose between forest and beach. I think it depends on what monasteries I want to check out.
What else is there to do in Thailand?
I want fresh mango and mango and sticky rice. I want to avoid partying and prostitutes. Stay away from big cities and sordidness. If anyone can help please do.
Here I sit on this Monday morning at around 9 am EST. Thankfully I am not scheduled to work today. It looks beautiful outside. I will probably take a walk on the beach and go for a swim. It's ok worker bees I unfortunately still have to work. Not as much as you all. I am typically at 30-35 hours/wk. I worked last night which is probably worse than working a 9-5 on a Monday. I was looking at my expenses for the next pay period. It is literally all food and gas. If I sold my car and started taking alms I would be ok. We've been through this before though. I can't be a monk and I am not going to go homeless in a city center. I would still need health insurance, dental insurance, etc. Working at a monastery or a meditation center makes sense but I would still need health insurance.
Nothing is stable. That truth is disconcerting. I can get a "steady" paycheck coming in and then what? Who knows? I can take measures to stay healthy but it's no guarantee. The thing about work is that you can not want to do something but you sort of have to do it. That causes stress, suffering, and dissatisfaction. I didn't want to make so many god damn pizzas yesterday but I did. At this point it's how I have to be useful. I have a friend who is retired that always harps on being at work is better than being at home. I want to point out the obvious "then why are you fucking retired? Being at home is clearly better than being at work." He says because at home I will be in my head and that's a dangerous place for me to be. I don't know. I get to hang out with my cats, I get to meditate, I get to go to the beach.
The problem is I am starting the cycle again. Work is quite a disruption to meditation. I could have pulled the bandaid off last night but I was so not into it. You would think a good night sleep has a good effect on meditation but I am not so sure. In a way I am starting over or simply maintaining. I made a lot of progress the last 2 days I want to keep it going. I guess the only way I can find out is by continuing to meditate when I can. That's all I can do.
I am writing a blog because when I gave up LP all I was doing was substituting with endlessly scrolling through Reddit: Girls gone wild. I mean I was doing useful stuff too but for me r/ggw is useless and unwholesome. I hadn't masturbated for a long time but I think sitting in a car scrolling through r:ggw led to more desire like a forest fire and I ended up lusting after Lana Rhoades. I satisfied that desire. I felt pleasure. Then what? I have kind of eased back from 8 precepts so does it matter? Not really. I don't feel guilty. I would go into it more but I wonder if this is all jibberish to everyone.
I meditated for a while before I left yesterday and was mindful for maybe an hour or two on the drive. I got to a state where I wanted nothing. I had no desires. No greed, no anger, maybe some delusion. It was really weird. I wanted to always be in that state. It didn't stay for too long maybe 20-30 min. Then I was scarfing down pizza and scrolling through r/ggw on my phone before it ran out of batteries. I think a part of it is on the trip it become so clear spending my days with ordinary folk that that is so not the life for me. It was nice seeing my family but I could just as easily detach and be ok. Even the setup of towns was jarring: Bank, McDonald's, grocery store. I don't even want to go into it too much here either as most people on this site are probably living an ordinary life with aspirations of getting married, owning a house, having children, work, and chores.
My point is I don't think it's all about satisfying desires. Being on call for every thought that arises is madness. It is about detaching from desires. Letting go of desires. Letting go of the habituated paths in our lives. I am not quite there with LP obviously (or pornography and masturbation) but that is ok. I got hooked again in both cases today. I am back home. I have desire for excitement and insight from LP and desire for escape and pleasure with pornography and masturbation. The only useful one is insight and I am not sure how much I actually get from here.
A few years ago I quit poker to enroll in a full-time 2 year web development program. I had to suck up a lot of pride to go back to college in my late 20s. The college then offered me a co-op, and my hopes for breaking into the web field was high. But once my time ended there I found myself back at the poker tables, again - this time live poker. It's easier to grind live poker than it is to hustle my way through an entry level position in an expensive city. Most of last year I played live with success, then I dedicated a few months to online until I realized that I no longer have the necessary skills to make a good living off it. To be honest, I never studied hard enough and I never put enough hours in. It's no wonder I failed. I forgot about the crippling loneliness and isolation of playing online poker, which made the challenge more difficult for me.
In hindsight, I should have stuck to live poker - I would have had more money. But live poker is excruciating boring and the variance is wild. The reason I keep coming back to poker is that it offers me FREEDOM, and there's a lot less freedom in live poker. I was basically grinding at the casino from 9 to 5. I might as well get a job that offers me more opportunity, growth, and freedom in the coming years.
So what do I do from here?..
Its been a year and a half since I did web development work, so I forgot a lot of the things I learned. And it doesn't help that it's a field that is constantly changing. So I have a lot to learn before I'm employable. I'm considering enrolling in a 'coding bootcamp'. The cost is 10k CAD, its full-time, lasts 3 months, and they help you get an entry level position. If I choose to do it I'll have to slum it in Toronto, because it's one hell of an expensive city to live in, and I won't be earning money during the program. Hell, I'll have to slum it even when I do earn money. The starting salary will be ~45-65k, which is dirt in Toronto. The cost alone for a 1 bedroom apartment is $1800 minimum in a decent location. The good news is that as long as I stay motivated my salary should rapidly increase over the years, but I have a long way to go until then.
The way I see it I have no other option. Sure, I'm able to go to university and work on a 4 year degree, but I'm not willing to spend 4 years living with roommates and eating ramen noodles.. No, I need money. I'll continue playing live for a month or two, then I'll likely enroll in the bootcamp program. The thought of living in a new city and the fact that I never worked a full time job in my life is causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. A few months ago I wrote somewhere on this site that "I would rather die than fail" (fail at poker). Apparently my instinct to survive is stronger than my false pride.
The freakshow is back in town. I listened to music for the first time today in quite a while. It got me dancing and then it left me somewhat dissatisfied. I wanted new, better, more interesting music and even that felt like a dud. It coincided with my caffeine iv this morning. I had comic books to sell! There was a lot of interesting things I found out about comic books this morning. Most pretty much just appreciate with inflation or not even but in fact they actually depreciate in my case as the comics books age (comic book grade decreases). So, I had a huge stack of comic books valued at anywhere from $1-$5 ON PAPER. The problem is shipping is $3.75 which kind of kills all of those books on eBay. I could take the stack in to a comic book shop and haggle but I didn't even want to bother so I threw them in the recycling bin. There were some diamonds in the rough however. I am first selling one at about no profit just to get the hang of it. An education/trial of sorts so I know what I am doing when I get to the heavier hitters.
It's so easy on a day off after a big lunch being a little bit dissatisfied to come on here and write stuff. It's a sneaky addiction. I have been trying to follow the 8 precepts of Buddhism. One is eating before noon. I didn't quite make it today. I got lost in the comic book project and then my mom wanted help in the garden. I ate at about 12:30pm. Some days go by pretty smoothly and then others are tough. I experimented with drinking juices at night which is allowable but that seems to just start the craving for food and then sometimes the lust overcomes in a big way. It's actually easier on days that I work nights. I don't even really think about food. Chips and salsa or dark chocolate is a killer for me though.
The Blessed One is the Buddha:
Kitagiri Sutta
"I have heard that on one occasion the Blessed One was wandering on a tour of Kasi with a large community of monks. There he addressed the monks: "I abstain from the night-time meal.1 As I am abstaining from the night-time meal, I sense next-to-no illness, next-to-no affliction, lightness, strength, & a comfortable abiding. Come now. You too abstain from the night-time meal. As you are abstaining from the night-time meal, you, too, will sense next-to-no illness, next-to-no affliction, lightness, strength, & a comfortable abiding."
I actually cannot be a monk due to my mental illness. So, why live the 8 precepts? I think it's the right thing to do. I have noticed my life to be more content and peaceful even if I slip up at times. That is actually the hard part. I just had this romanticism in my mind of doing tedious tasks and loading up on caffeine and listening to music and I just decided to do it. Kind of like I am just deciding to write this blog. I can feel a craving for music pretty strongly now. A craving that hasn't been there for weeks. This is suffering. Almost on a micro level. I never thought about this kind of thing when I was engulfing myself in music. Nothing really that bad happened except I was suffering and craving unknowingly.
Nothing is permanent.
So, I can't be a monk. Not that it was like this slam dunk that I could be a monk but it was motivating for me. Now, I have visions of me just being this shithead guy that calls himself Buddhist. The 5 precepts are rather elementary for someone that is in recovery for substance addiction. I think I still gossip but usually I catch myself or leave the conversation or just don't say anything. I know I repeat myself but I want to be the guy that sells pots down by the river. I have to find my version of that. I have been working more lately. It is harder to find time to meditate and study. I say this while writing a blog and like I meditate 4+ hours a day. But, it is a bit more difficult even if I only meditate 30min - 1 hr a day. I don't know. It's weird though. Now, that I can "only" be a lay person it's like I don't have to care. But, I do have to care if I want to be free of suffering. Not even in a Nibbana (Enlightenment) but just the reduction of suffering, dissatisfaction, negative emotions. I think even my positive emotions get blunted a bit because I know where that leads me too as well but I would like to carry a certain cheerfulness and joie de vivre with me during my days.
So, that's really why I attempt the 8 precepts on a daily basis. Peace and contentment. No euphoria, not feeling happiness or pleasures but an inner freedom. It's really quite different to how I ever lived my life up to 4.5 years ago and it feels like I am only now starting to understand it. For a while, I thought I could just be a "clean" addict. Fashion is "clean." Being cool is "clean." Vagina is "clean." Listening to music really loud and speeding on the highway is "clean." I didn't quite get it or I never really understood renouncement. The more I get rid of the better I feel. Perhaps I am clinging to that feeling. It gets to a point though where it gets tough to give up more. Caffeine has been the toughest thing I've ever given up. Sexual activity also but I am abstinent. I still drink 1-2 Monsters every morning. I would be at 10 precepts except for not handling or using money is basically impossible if one isn't a monk. Monks have 227 rules though. I don't think I have any interest in getting involved with THAT. I've read through them. Many of them are very specific to monks. My goal is just a guy man. A practitioner. An explorer. My fellow sufferers, I just want to suffer less.
Herman Miller vs treadmill deskby drone666, September 04
hi liquidpoker,
I currently have a Ergohuman but its shit and my neck hurts, I think its asian size and its too small, its the worst chair that I ever had,
it pulls my lower back AND my neck forward like its made for those MIB coffee worms, ridic
anyway,
I'm more inclined to buy the Herman Miller Embody but I haven't done any research about treadmill desk, so I'm here asking you to do the research for me :D
treadmill desk looks like another hipster crap like those dorks that sit in a yoga ball,
is that correct or is legit ?
Herman Miller embody costs about 1.6k USD here
I dont know how much a treadmill desk costs
I'm eeking it out guys. Eking it out. I just did my bills and I've been eeking it out. I really don't know. No job is stable. No matter how much I renounce it seems like my monthly expenses are barely covered by my paychecks. It's kind of what I'm going for. To just live a real simple life and eke it out. There is little comfort in this life. I have no desire to chase the worldly life. I feel estranged from the ordinary life. One of my old, good friends just sent me a thank you letter for attending his wedding and my wedding gift. He said he will put the cash towards buying a house. In that moment I just felt kind of bad for him. Marriage, house, kids............ He probably feels kind of bad for me. From most viewpoints I am a bum. I AM a bum that wants nothing to do with society except for maybe some friends but quality friends are hard to come by for a bum like me. I don't want to go out to dinner, I want no part in entertainment, and I want no part in this society. It can be quite a lonely path with out a community but I am not ready to be a monk. Here I am writing a blog again. It's like my dissatisfaction is seeping out into different avenues of addiction which only makes the dissatisfaction worse. Life is a bumpy ride that is for sure.
Contact Users: 1052 Active, 2 Logged in - Time: 09:37
,
,
,
,