rocko\'s poker blog

so, i wasnt really planning a big whine post or anything, but maybe i kind of need one.

mainly im thinking about when i've read people like baal post things along the lines of "good players never breakeven for x amount of hands"

look at my graph. i fucking broke even over like 110k hands and it will probably go even longer.

ive made the decision to stay at nl50 until 7,500 bankroll, but with my br trapped eternally between 4k-5k it doesnt look like it will ever happen.

i try to sit down and grind out a lot of hands. i make decent decisions. but the beginning of november just has me absolutely soulcrushed. the point is not that i ran like -600 ev over 6 days, its more that i ran -600 over 6 days in the middle of a 120k breakeven. and i dont really know anymore. i really fucking dont.

i mean ill probably put myself through more nl50 grinding, and im pretty sure ill only play when im capable of making good decisions, but im just stressed, you know? and i swear i only play when im not tilted, i stop when i am, and i put in lots of time, and i read about the game, watch videos, ask for help, talk to fellow grinders.

but what now? im sorry guys, im fucking stressed about this shit. and my results based parents are just putting me worse on life tilt. because i cant just magically produce results. blaaaaah

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Comments (9)

im running -13.95ptbb/100 -$214.78/h for the month of november. i want to die, ive had no results at poker for over 100k hands and i should probably quit this game.

oh yeah, and because i lose so much in the first 200 hands of every session, im only averaging like 700 hands a day, and so ive made like 800 vpp this month.

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im mainly posting because im proud of having hit 30k vpp in 1 month. i played about 85% nl50 and 15% nl100 so i feel that this is blogworthy. i hope to keep up that sort of a grinding pace and hopefully that is an indication that i have potential to be a grinder.



as for the overall month results, nl50 went okay and nl100 downright raped me. i guess i pray to the gods that next month i can get a handle of nl100 but i really dont see that happening anytime soon. as my graph indicates ive had very little results in the past few weeks.



anyway, i should be spot on my goal of hitting supernova by "mid november to early december" as i quoted in an earlier blog. as for getting comfortable with nl100, i dont fucking know. i'll be happy if i can just sustain myself in nl100 for the time being and earn some vpps while im at it.

always trying to improve.. probably asking you guys too many damn questions, right?

cheers from rocko, gl at the tables.

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Comments (15)

im sorry in advance for posting this, but ive lost $770 today and its about triple of what ive ever lost in a day. i honestly do not feel i was playing badly, its been donks with stone cold nuts or donks drawing out (this one more often) today.

you're probably better off just listening to this awesome sad song by gnr :o



what do you do after a day like this? do i step back down? in the last 7k hands my bankroll has gone from 5.7k to 4.4k



a couple highlights

300bb against 70vpip donk on turn 4:1

+ Show Spoiler +

easy fold on turn i got 1 outed obviously

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maybe ill stop the bleeding aa v 7js oh wait no

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this was the kick off to the day kk over qq

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last hand of the day, 70vpip donk "slowplays" aa against my ak. how the fuck do i not snap slamdunk fistpump get it all in here.

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i think that it was a lot of flopping 80:20 and getting drawn out..

i completely acknowledge that i have a lot to learn and im always trying to improve my game, but today.. i really dont think i spewed, i swear to god. usually when im upset i like spew off 1 stack in anger as a big bluff, or something. i didnt.

ill try to plug my leaks, continue on.. *shrug*

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Comments (7)

so ummmmm, update, reached 5k goal, will shoot at nl100fr shortly

im trying to nit it up br wise because i figure if i cant handle grinding out this many buyins at nl50 then i wont be able to stand grinding at higher limits plus it just makes me more comfortable i guess.

goals by end of year:

[ ] become a sick grinder, i still dont play enough i want to be playing like 10-12 hour days and i still only do 6-8 on good days

[ ] hit supernova, should be okay to hit by mid nov to early dec.

[ ] become comfortable with nl100fr on stars. i dont have any definition of what means i have, but ill know.

ive only played like 130k lifetime hands at nl50 and i feel like at nl100 i want to play at least 200k.



shout outs to all lp and in particular all my fr nits , good luck on the tables guys.

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Comments (8)

i had what i believe is my winningest day ever today without really noticing it.. i paid a lot of attention to that darned monthly 100k.. i ended up finishing 153rd for a $100 bonus which was nice since thats still 2 buyins at my level.

i really didnt play a lot in september; i got quite depressed after returning to my 3rd stab at finishing my degree (i have only 3x 4month courses remaining..) which i am still in doubts about

im kind of also in doubt about my academic future.. i was going to apply to teachers college but i dont really think im ready to commit to even going to the schooling for that let alone a very grueling 9-5 type job.

so im going to drop one of my courses and take school a bit easier so i can not stress myself to death; i was really crippled and unable to do school or poker or have fun or anything. which is sucky.

anyway, graphs from today.





current idea is to just stay in nl50 fr until i hit 5k bankroll and then start considering shots at nl100. im just shy of 3k now but i went through some tough times pokerwise in august so i want to be sure i am confident in my abilities and not on a super hot streak when i move up.

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Comments (4)

i think i really lost my mind on this one, its 2:35 and unfortunately only 96kbps cause i couldnt get over 125mb file hosting space per file.

i would really like housey peoples opinions of this one cause i think i really lost my way with this one

www.musicv2.com/direct.php?id=53203

i think im going to officially take a break from poker, the month of august would then end something like $600 over, but at a staggering something like.. 100+ hours played at $8.00 an hour or worse; my last 30-40k hands have been very very bad. when i come back i will have to force myself to do something like stay in nl25 fr for 50k hands or until i make 40 bi or something ridiculous to get my head straight.

school starts soon, i just have a 60% course load to finish and then its off to teachers college so i can get a real career like all the poker books tell me to.. so i guess its good for my karma to focus on that instead anyway

cheers guys, best wishes from rocko @.@

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Comments (1)

i dont know why im doing this, but i just went out and bought "how to practice the way to a meaningful life" by dalai lama and "an open heartracticing compassion in everyday life" by the dalai lama

i plan to read these while playing some poker and i guess while not also, and pokerwise my roll has gone 2550----->1900 over the past 15k hands; pokerev says thats about exactly how below average s-bucks i am. but i dont want to be someone who sways with their run, esp i dont really trust pokerev to be the end all measure of how good i run since it doesnt really say anything about setups and shit, or how badly im playing.

so ummm, cheers folks hopefully ill stop being so pessimistic

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Comments (4)

well so i had what i may call my biggest downswing of a young poker career between last friday and tuesday i dropped like 10BI at nl50

i took several days off, contemplated the meaning of life, played some old MOM/MOO/MOO2 pc games and that sort of thing, and then i made a house mix on friday night and i guess im back for another shot after a nice sweating session with royal_rumble (and some bw games where i did NOT level him obv just lucky )

heres the house mix, id love comments but please only from people who are into the genre at least somewhat, it doesnt help me if a alt rock or hip hop guy comes and says he doesnt like it or what not.

i was kind of confused and wanted to make a progressive and electro and trance mix and i didnt really do a good job of transitioning between them. well sort of. hope you guys can enjoy it.

http://www.musicv2.com/direct.php?id=52615

Description:
128kbps 79:35 progressive electro trance
Tracklist:
1.) Cevin Fisher f. Loleatta Holloway - You Got Me Burning Up! 2008(Tim Davison Remix)
2.) Lange f. Sarah Howells - Out of the Sky(Myon and Shan 54 Black Army Remix)
3.) The Shapeshifters - Chime(Martijn Ten Velden Remix)
4.) Serge Devant - Sweet Harmony(Jerome Isma-Ae Remix)
5.) Jaytech - Groove Nova(Oliver Smith Tech Remix)
6.) Daniel Portman - Wellness Park(Maher Daniels Remix)
7.) FPS - Mist(Original Mix)
8.) DJ Tatana - Spring Breeze(Martin Roth Summerstyle Remix)
9.) Armin van Buuren f. Cathy Burton - Rain
10.) Angels and Wippenberg - Angels Theme(Clokx Remix)
11.) Captured Sun - Inherent Condition(Dima Krasnik Remix)
12.) Ronski Speed f. Aruna - All The Way(Bissen Remix)
13.) Dokmai - Reason to Believe(Original Mix)
14.) BT - Forces of Gravity(Ferry Corsten Mix)

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Comments (2)

i hit platinum again.. this time is more legit, last time was like via 18tabling nl25 shittily

but im running like balls in your mouth, i have been down 8BI over like 30 hours of play since thursday or something :O

its probably because im playing badly, so im trying to like cut out all of my bad habits

im just going to link 1 hand that was like a kick-me-when-i'm-down kind of needle.

+ Show Spoiler +

props to kimseongchan's blog stuff, i want to try to think positively and shit, develop self discipline.. blah

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Comments (1)