RiKD   United States. Jul 01 2025 04:26. Posts 9394
We are a simulated blur. We are tomorrow's dust. I am waiting for a friend to call me back and rifled through a whole bunch of stuff but then I found myself here again. I can only imagine how much time I have spent on this blog. It feels kind of right, right now. I am staying at my brother's house again. My mom has vertigo and my dad is operating on a bad back and two bad knees. They are getting old. I am getting old. I wonder what happens when I can't depend on my parents anymore. I need to grow up. I am not a rockstar. This is real life. As real as it can be. It is not imaginary. Even if the real has disappeared. I don't think my siblings will take care of me. There will be no one to take care of me.
I have been fully immersing myself in music. It is what makes me feel good. At least the initial burst of making something out of nothing. Finishing a song is rather tedius. I have access to a drum set and an electric guitar here which is lovely but obviously I can't jam out with the whole house asleep. The beauty of Ableton is I can take it wherever I go. I miss marijuana joints and red wine. You get a better jam and appreciation for music under that influence. I have to do everything stone cold sober and that can be a bummer. I am not a rockstar. I'm going to have to face the realities of life. I don't want to be a wino on the streets or in prison. One of my best friends just got out of prison. It sounds horrific and adjusting to life out of prison is not easy. I do see a therapist but music is my therapy. I mean obviously I care if it's shit. I don't want it to be shit but even if it is shit that's ok. Strikes and gutters. Those moments when you may be on to something is worth living for though. OK, back to chasing the dragon.
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RiKD   United States. Jul 01 2025 16:15. Posts 9394
Ahhhh, I got some music therapy in this morning. I don't have access to a drum set at home so it is nice to bang on some proper drums with an empty house. The guitar is jacked up. I had to do some guitar tech work to get it up and running. The tuning pegs are messed up and it does not have a high e string but I can still play some stuff.
I miss the forest. We went camping. It was wonderful. It is easy to be chilled out in the forest. I ate too many smores.
Getting back to time. I never really understood when older people talked about time moving faster as we age but I don't know where the last 10 years have gone. I was going over some demos I made from 3 years ago and it did feel like quite a while ago but it also felt like I made those things last year. There was some promise there. Part of the promise was that my stuff sounds better today than it did then. I have definitely progressed as a musician and a producer and an engineer.
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RiKD   United States. Jul 02 2025 16:37. Posts 9394
Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking... Into the future.
I lost myself in drumming and strumming for a good hour there. Now, time seems to have rapidly slowed down. Maybe it is a harsher contrast to completely lose track of time and then to be stared in the face by the abyss. Well, I didn't exactly lose time on the drums. I was keeping time. A human metronome with the help of a drum stick and a hi-hat. Losing time in keeping time.
I just had a conversation about video games for like an hour. I think video games is this person's #1 drug. It was full of nostalgia and longing. They don't play video games anymore because they are too busy. A demanding job and a demanding family does not lend itself to proper gaming. It's for the better. Video games can be a trap. Perhaps nothing in life can compare to the first time a legendary drops or attempting the Steppes of Torment for the first time. We are chasing that high. I mean amphetamines, alcohol, weed, and MDMA at a rave is pretty difficult to top but gaming can reach those highs by yourself in your bedroom sober. I think I would prefer stacking drugs and getting a blow job over video games but it's strange that vidoe games have that much power.
Music can be thrilling. That is where I am looking for my new kicks. Turning nothing into something turns me on. I guess I am still an addict I just try to get addicted in harm reduction. My therapist says I am addicted to not being addicted. With music I let it happen. I should probably get back to the music. Ciao.
Music didn't go so well. I'll just stay up late listening to Daft Punk before I crash. Of course, I was usually full of vino y verde (wine and weed). I seem to be thinking about that more often these days. The biggest thing is keeping life passable so I don't turn to the dark side. My desire is to play live drums but again everyone is sleeping. I'll have my chance tomorrow. I want to work out a few disco beats. I want to take mushrooms and listen to the Bee Jees.
This is the song I've been working on a cover of. The timing is a little bit tricky. The drums are pretty simple but an exact replica is a little outside of my reach. The guitar part is peachy. The rhythm of the vocals takes some getting used to. I haven't bothered with the bass because I don't have a bass and I do not want to downtune the guitar I'm playing. The tuning pegs are a bit jacked up. It is annoying enough to keep tune in standard tuning.
The sound of lawnmowers in the distance. Lawn mowers and large houses. Talk of the value of large houses and the value of stocks. Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Honey Nut Cheerios. Rav 4s and F-150s. Large F-150s without anything in the bed. No tools, no nothing. Excessive food at every excessive restaurant chain. No dancing. Except to the Bee Gees at wedding receptions. No time for anything despite being up to date on 4 or 5 tv shows.
I think I might have had my fill of music for now. At least playing it. I was looking forward to some solitary time to explore. It did not quite turn out the way I wanted it too but overall I got some good drum beats down and practiced the guitar a bunch. As far as creative composing it was not so great. That's ok. I learned how to use my compressor and modulator. The only thing left to do is jam out with my nephew and that is assuming he even wants to partake. The mic is so shitty on this laptop. My idea was I would get some drum beats from my nephew on to Abelton and we would make a song and we would jam some songs together but I don't even know if that is going to happen.
I finished the Baudrillard I was dragging my feet on: Cool Memories. Simulacra and Simulation and Fatal Strategies are probably Baudrillard's best works. He even mentions in Cool Memories that he probably already wrote his 1 or 2 best works and he was correct. He kept on writing into old age regardless. It was his way of coping with existence.
I've been listening to a lot of Air and Queens of the Stone Age lately: