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Many deep chrimbo thoughts |
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Oly United Kingdom. Dec 25 2009 20:47. Posts 3585 | | |
WARNING: I AM EXTREMELY DRUNK AND EPIC RAMBLE AHEAD. GETTING THINGS OFF MY CHEST. SUPER TLDR BUT IF YOU STICK WITH IT YOU MIGHT SPOT A PUN OR TWO.
I'm listening to the cure right now. I don't know why but it was what I saw first on winamp in a rush after pearl jam finished between hands. They are quite good, but what annoys me is that they are what every crap emo band wants to be what and every arty drip round hoxton square (hi londoners) wants to be. Anyway, emos are not the point of this blog, otherwise I would have to cut it short. (I'm a fucking comic genius eh). No, I'm going to slice straight through the nonsense and get to the poker...
Today didn't go well, and I must say I found it rather cutting. The worst bit about this session today was twofold: my internal morality and results. Perhaps the gods combined the two. To start with the results, I ran very very bad in pre-allin situations. Like 3 barreling to the river with a set and getting snapped by the backdoored flush draw kind of thing. That definitely constituted the majority of my losses and felt like it was getting weirdly predictable after a while. Like when you have those irrational thoughts at night that there is something in the room and your obsessive side makes you turn on the lights and look before you can settle (this isn't just me is it??). I also ran 10 buyins below allin EV which wasn't knife. I have attached the relevant graph below. All in all I was pleased that all this only resulted in a 5 buyin loss. Overall I am on the worst downswing I have ever experienced in 3 years of full time poker. It's getting very frustrating. I have experienced times before which I thought were that run of bad luck worse than anything you could ever think possible, but wow. I am not too many buyins down right now, but I expect of myself a very very high winrate since I can only be arsed to play 1/2. If one were to look through my hands of the last 4 days, there are many 400bb pots lost to 1-4 outers and things. So anyway, today's graph:
And this takes us to a lemma between the main corollaries of this post: I won't be posting any graphs or stats again. I was reading the "is liquidpoker +/-ev thread" and was forced to have some reflections about what info is relevant to give out, and what I want from poker.
I'm not feeling too sharp right now, but I'll get to the point. I can't take the immoral side of poker anymore. If I am able to live off the money I make, then others can't. I suppose this point doesn't even need to be argued. We all know that many of the fish are fucking themselves with what they lose to us pros. We absolve ourselves by saying they would lose it someone else anyway. That's not good enough for me. This money is dirty, and I am doing something wrong. I'm not perfect and there are many things I do wrong - I hold myself to very high standards. I carelessly offend people who don't get my sense of humour. I don't take enough direct action against the political wrongs being committed blatantly in front of our eyes. I don't fight this system enough. I keep pushing away girls when they get close. More of that in a minute though, I'll take a stab at that point in a second... My poker behaviour (the playing of) is something I can leave and change by...:
I am currently starting a business with a friend which fits into my (our) ideas of ethical behaviour married to realism - achieving what we can essentially. Even if it's only a blade of grass. The big motivator for that was the emptiness poker presented me with, and also that I quit smoking. I chain smoked for 15 years (I started very very early, fell in with a bad crowd yknow), and quit one year ago. I have achieved some thing in my life of which I am proud, but none so much as quitting smoking. For some it is easier than others. For me it was beyond bad. I am already considered a touch eccentric by my friends and family, but I went completely mad, very very ill. Like weird mental shit. I also got sick for 2 months and then got covered in some undiagnosed rash, head to toe for another two. My body was obviously not happy with the situation. And since then I have realised that I am not only intelligent and a quick learner, but I have willpower to do anything and if I fail with these god given gifts that I can never forgive myself. So back to, literally, business. We will start trading in a couple of weeks and then hopefully I will have an income and then I will never play poker professionally again. I will still seek out friendly HU games and keep a bankroll online for that purpose (HI OSKAR - IT WAS A GREAT GAME LETS DO IT AGAIN).
I've completely rambled but I wanted to get these things off my chest. I have no real life poker friends, and I don't talk to my friends about poker because they don't play so won't understand the very unique challenges. They also don't have the address of this blog. I am not proud of the attitude to fish here, to which I contribute.
If anyone remembers my last blog entry about the fat girl. She wasn't fat!! I was so drunk when I first met her that I had remembered wrong. She was just straight up hot! Anyway, I don't think I have time for her now, she seemed to need attention and stuff, but I think I'll text her next time im in london. Also, thanks for voting for locking her in a cage until she can climb out through the bars - that was my favourite choice.
Anyway that was just a slice of my thoughts, I wouldn't say they were exactly cutting edge.
Cliffs:
Boobies:
On that note, amazing fact: Recently one of my friends and his girlfriend slept with Brian Molko!! I mean, he's bi obviously, otherwise it wouldn't be cool at all.
I'm listening to pulp's different class now so things are much better. Pulp are so cool it's amazing.
Right I'm going to go and watch blade
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| Researchers used brain scans to show that when straight men looked at pictures of women in bikinis, areas of the brain that normally light up in anticipation of using tools, like spanners and screwdrivers, were activated. | Last edit: 25/12/2009 20:52 |
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haha nice blog, read every drunk-cleverly placed word |
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