Feel like I had a breakthrough today

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AgentIce . Nov 04 2009 02:47. Posts 28

Today I realized that I have been insanely bashing my head into the wall over and over with the hopes of getting a different result. I did the same thing at poker for a while, until I realized the only solution was to not let my emotions get to the point where I tilted in the first place. I had to identify my triggers that resulted in me getting in a negative emotional state. As soon as I really identified the types of negative thoughts which brought about the negative emotional state of tilt I learned to combat them right away and I was able to control my mood much better.

Well as far as keeping a good schedule or playing poker on a routine or not smoking too much weed, I realize now that I was doing what I did with poker to fix these areas. I was just blindly trying to use brute force to change these habits. Maybe I would play a decent amount for 2 weeks, but inevitably I would be back to smoking weed all day and not working. Of course that would happen because thats what I thought I wanted to do. I didn' realize this though, I figured it was a question of discipline and all I had to do be stronger. But how long can you really fight with yourself?

No it was a question of attitude and mindset and motivation. Today I wrote down all the triggers and negative thoughts associated with them that have lead to this destructive life style. I feel much better about these areas after doing this. I feel the 3 big areas that are triggers for me are mornings, just before I start poker, and at night when I smoke weed. Waking up late leads to starting work later wihch leads to less hours played and staying up later and so on until my schedule is screwed sort of thing. I feel like overall I just haven't really fully appreciated the consequences of my actions. That raised awareness I have now makes me understand WHY I should do things like keep a good schedule. They are in my best interest. I feel like now with constant vigilance I will be able to catch the negative thoughts when they start to happen and replace them with more sensible ideas.

Heres an example of some of the ideas I was writing down. I wrote down the bad ideas/mindsets, and then counterarguments to them. This is what I wrote down for Morning:

I don't need to get up - I've already decided that getting up on a routine schedule is the best way to maximize my productivity and enjoyment of the day.
I can sleep in - You can, but sleeping in leads to not being tired at the end of the day which leads to staying up later than usual. Once you stay up later than usual you will get up later and eventually your schedule is messed up. It's far easier and healthier to just stick with a consistent schedule.
I don't want to get up - The way to have energy is to use energy. If you are tired go for a walk and listen to some music on the treadmill. Get the bloodflowing. Focus on your goal of feeling more awake and having more energy, not on the feeling of tiredness. If you sleep in you will actually feel more tired when you wake up again. You sleep too much.
I'm tired - You are tired because you don't keep a consistent schedule and drink too much caffeine at late hours.
I deserve to sleep in - You deserve to be the happiest you can possibly be, and sleeping in leads to lack of productivity which leads to you not being able to enjoy yourself which leads to depression.

I feel like with poker now if I can just get my work ethic really solid I can make a ton of money. I have been working on my game a shit load and I feel like I've improved significantly as a player. Last month at 50 NL I made 4.5k (not including rakeback) over 40 horus played with a win rate of 19bb/100. I did run good, but with my previous style I never got anywhere close to this win rate. My previous style was heavily dependant on luck of the draw. I also had huge leaks utg and in mp, and I was taking advantage of the button very poorly. My 3 bet game was incredibly weak too. I also never bluffed, and so far my bluffs are working extremely well. I must have watched 30-40 videos last month, as well as reviewed a lot of my hands and different areas of my game.

I plan on posting any interesting hands I play on this blog from now on. It's funny before I never really had any interesting hands, because I was playing like a robot and never bluffing or light value calling. lolz