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Poker apathy

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Afterme   Bulgaria. Aug 29 2009 04:00. Posts 23
Hello, this is my first blog ever, but I'm around the the LP community for a long time and think that maybe I'll find some answers here, if I ask my questions right.
I used to play poker for around an year now, and first it was a fun trying to do what others do, then i saw my own potentional and start playing for beating the game and other players.
It wasn't long till I realise poker is not only game where you can achieve only pride and honor, but also a source of money and, in my case, a much, much more money than i would have if getting a regular job here.
The last winter I start to play trying to see exact how much I can get if I play poker not only for the fun of it but for getting profit, and for the next 4-5 months my earnings have increased dramaticly.Having in mind that the average salary here is maybe 700 or a biy less, I was earning at least 3K monthly only from live play, despite the fact that here is only two places with live Texas with regular 1/2 tabels.
These were some strange moments for me.I used to earn my money with work, and this new income made without a lot of efforts and much more than what I could earn from working made me confuse and I can't admit it - happy.So I recapitulate my goals and start playing poker for the money I was making from it and soon it comes.
As long as I just play because of the game and the fact that I can prove smoething to myself it was funny and didn't tierd me at all, but since I start playing it, how I say...for real it starts to get annoying, I start to get bored of playing faster and faster until a session longer than 45mins became a torture for me.
And it wasn't long after when I start to force myself to play poker, just because I get used to the life it offers me.I no longer enojyed the game and and in some ways this left a mark on my play.
So after a little briefing I decided to stop playing poker for a while and find out what's really going on, and what i should do from now on.But yesterday I went to the local casino since maybe a 2 month break, I thought I could overcome myself and sat playing again.It was again 1/2 with only regulars on the table - players that i know for playing weak, calling too much, and seeking cheap pots even for their preflop monsters.For me - an easy table with lot of profit on it.So I brought 200 to the table and for no longer than an hour I was dominating the table with around 800 in front of me.Also it was the time when I felt i can no longer play my game, I felt nervous, I start to play more loose and start to loose pot after pot.Then two rich fishes come and I decided to stay and try to make some real money but instead I continue with the loose maniac style and soon I found myself with nothing.Loosing everything in 2-3 stupid pots where I even shouldn't be.And again I ask myself why I had to stay there, even though i didn't feel like this.Was it for the money or I just get bored of the game and should stop play at all or at least for a long time.Or maybe I need more discipline and try to overcome this weakness in my play behavior...I don't know yet.I'd be happy if someone have ever felt the same way in his poker life and share some thoughts or maybe even advices how to deal when poker become a source of apathy but yet is the way to make money impossible to make in the ordinary life.
I hope my english is readable and wish you all the best on and out the tables.

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Silver_nz   New Zealand. Aug 29 2009 21:04. Posts 5642

yeah, poker is a strange beast...quitting early is just something you have to get into the habit of doing, having a good reason to play, and not playing when you are not profitable for any reason. being honest with yourself.


 



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