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MARSHALL28 United States. Jan 26 2008 12:59. Posts 1904 | | |
Okay so; most of you have probably been following the Marshall28 soap opera lately I’m sure. How could you miss it, right? LOL. I’m not doing this to try to clear my reputation, or to influence anybody to think about me in any particular way, I'd just hope you can find it within yourself to not judge me for my past mistakes and take this post at face value. Anyways, despite all the negativity the thread produced, I actually learned some things, some things about poker, some things about life, and some things about myself. I’m doing this for myself. To get my own thoughts down on paper in a place where I can come back and refresh my memory about these important lessons if I do end up hitting a wall again in the future, as I have now. This post is going to document those things.
Basically, I’ve been a very self-centered person my entire life. I’m an only child and I got picked on a lot in school so obviously things didn’t start out well. I had a way negative attitude towards everything and everybody. Felt like the world owed me something. So stupid right? I am always going to be like this in a way, as it is a part of who I am, and even though there are some negative aspects to it, I think the positive ones far outweigh the negatives. I’ll explain…
One common theme addressed lately is that I’m too arrogant and cocky. I probably am. I’m probably also a bit misunderstood in the sense that I am joking a lot of the time, and tone can’t be picked up over the internet. But the reason this is a good thing is it gives me the belief in myself to be able to do anything it is that I want to do in life. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what that is in the last six months since graduating college and breaking up with my girlfriend of two years. I think I’ve finally made a decision, at least for this upcoming year. I’d like to be able to compete at 25/50 by Dec 31st 2008. To play at those levels w/ a 50 buy in BR, I roughly need 250k. The reason being “arrogant” or whatever is going to help me achieve this is because it gives me the mindset that I am not cut from a different cloth than those other guys like GreenPlastic, Northface, Daut, MezmerizePlz, CTS, etc. I know that if other people are capable of doing something, if I put my mind to it and devote my entire mind and focus to it, that I can do it as well. In my belief, those guys aren’t that much different than anybody else, they just focused a lot of effort on a belief that they had a very strong faith in, and eventually, actualized their goals. I don’t think anyone who believes this is true can accomplish what they want in life. My deadline of reaching this goal may be too short, but that’s ok. “Shoot for the stars so if you fall, you land on a cloud” – Kanye West. I like that quote. Faith, Perseverance, and Determination are key.
Attitude is the most important key to social dynamics. It’s contagious, and people gravitate towards those who constantly have positive attitudes. This is something I have been working at for a very short time, but now I want it to become a bigger focus, I want to make it a part of who I am. It will help tremendously in poker also. When I was on my upswing, my attitude about playing was great, I sat down expecting to win, and I did. Since my downswing, I sit down and think, how long until I’m about to get coolered? This has to be one of the keys to why I have been struggling so much lately. I may boast occasionally, and downplay my weaknesses, but I’m not one to lie. My bankroll is sitting at 3,000 right now. On Dec. 19th, it was sitting at 42,340. I have a lot of work to do to get back to where I was. But I need to either man up and start taking responsibility for my own destiny, or quit. I don’t know if I could even utter those words, I quit, and mean it.
LOL you know that saying, it’s far better to give than receive? Yeah I think it’s kinda silly too, but I’m starting to realize there is some merit to it. Since I’ve started coaching, I’ve found a lot of joy in helping others. Obviously I am benefiting by being paid, but what I have been doing for my students has far outweighed the small amounts they have paid me, and it makes me feel good. Since I’ve been losing, I’ve actually enjoyed coaching much, much more than playing. I am going to continue to do it, and I want to pick up a few more students, I have five right now, and I did have a lot of requests when I had that random 400 --- > 12k$ upswing in that one night run through the micro stakes, but since I went bust again, I think a lot of people lost faith in me and decided not to give it a shot. Once I get my game back on track and am posting a solid winrate again, I think what I will do is make an infomercial type blog post w/ testimonials from those who I’m already coaching.
Okay, just two more things, one is about my place in this community. I want to set a goal to post at least twenty positive, thoughtful responses to hands in the mid/micro stakes a week. I’m trying to set a modest goal and hope to contribute even more than that. I’ve gotten a lot from this site in terms of motivation, and belief in the possibilities within poker. I’ve also gotten some great advice from people like Myth, Nolan, TalentedTom, Twisted, Doomer, Ket, and probably a few others I’ve forgotten to mention. I want to help keep these positive vibes going and show others the ropes, as I have been shown.
And lastly, what I’ve learned about my game through this downswing. As things got progressively worse, my ability to control my own tilt got progressively worse. I know I spew too much normally, but it got out of control, I started calling 3-bets so light out of position, inflating pots with extremely weak hands trying to constantly outplay people. This isn’t how I built my bankroll; this is the equivalent of going to the casino and playing craps or roulette. I could get lucky, but probably not going to happen. I built it through steady, decision oriented-play, not outcome-oriented play. Each day I’ve been sitting down trying to win back everything I’ve lost in the last month or so. Instead, from this point on, I’ll be sitting down in attempts to make the best decisions possible and to hopefully win two or three buy ins in a session, not 15. So with all that being said 200nl …. HERE I COME!!!
Thanks to those of you who waded through this, and have given me support.
And thanks to those of you to whom I’ve invoked negativity or I have harmed and are willing to give me a second chance.
Marshall28
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21drful United States. Jan 26 2008 13:13. Posts 400 | | |
wow thats a lot to read. you should think that one blog entry is going to change peoples view of you. It may help to clear up your image. If you say you are joking like that and its clearly evident that no one is catching the joke why joke like that. If you want people to view you in a different manner, change the way you act now. |
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twotimesopt United States. Jan 26 2008 13:15. Posts 2393 | | |
wow, 42k -> 3k. that is sick degen.
anyway, gl on your rebuilding. |
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| quit tryin to be a repo man - definitely -EV and negative expectancy - AvidGambler | |
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Definatley a lot to read - I glanced through it, it seems like you at least realize that it's more +EV to be nice as oppose to self-centered and rude (not accusing you of this of course, you always seem nice IMO) which is an important pindime for you. If you keep a possitite attitude and sourround yourself with good people who care about you and support you, then things will almost definatley work out for the best, no matter how grim they may seem at the moment.
This game of poker is more mental than anything, practically everyone playing understands the numbers to some extent, and have basic fundamental concepts eg. position, bet sizing etc... but in the end it seems the guys with the strong state of mind and extraordinary psychology who make the largest profit and benefit the greatest from this game. You have to set a goal to become an extraordinary person and not settle for anything else.
Good luck sir. |
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| Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us and as we let our own lights shine we unconsciously give other people permision to do the same | |
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Nazgul  Netherlands. Jan 26 2008 13:23. Posts 7080 | | | |
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| You almost twin-caracked his AK - JonnyCosmo | |
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| Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had? | |
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Robinson47 United Kingdom. Jan 26 2008 13:27. Posts 992 | | |
WOW long thread, 42k down to 3k id be in a right state phscyologically, you need a strong positive mentality to get over losses that big as i am sure you are aware but im sure you can cope, as to your goal of 250k by the end of year i think your optimistic to say the very least, I think its slighty unrealistic. but i wish you all the luck(unless you play me). Ive only read your recent posts and you seem decent dont b listening to all the haters. GL |
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Logiabs~ Colombia. Jan 26 2008 13:28. Posts 9133 | | |
| | On January 26 2008 12:23 ChoboPokeR_r wrote:
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sOah United Kingdom. Jan 26 2008 13:31. Posts 4527 | | | |
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| not all who wander are lost | Last edit: 26/01/2008 15:32 |
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k2o4 United States. Jan 26 2008 13:42. Posts 4803 | | |
Kill that tilt monkey peter!
Looks like the downswing is doing a lot of good for you. I think you should be grateful it happened cause in the long run you will be a better poker player and a better person ^^
GL! |
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sniderstyle United States. Jan 26 2008 13:49. Posts 2046 | | |
yeah man, good luck recovering but as for offering coaching? Unless you're offering dirt cheap prices, i dont see how I would go to you for that. Who wants lessons on how to spew off their br? |
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| Genginho: lose today 100 dollar only because of fishs they called and had luck on river | |
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BaB Czech Republic. Jan 26 2008 14:10. Posts 44 | | |
Very interesting blog post. You have very clear defined style of writing ( flowing well ), i'm enjoying a lot to read your blog. I think you are clever guy. Don't know if you are arrogant or cocky, but in this word, there is no shame to act a little more like that. As long as you are not harming anyone ( yourselve ) by decision, you should be fine.
For your goal, i wish you best of luck and be sure, all LPer's are going to watch you very closely, let that be motor for your discipline, because that you lack the most i think.
As for your Coaching, i did msg you while you was in Hawai. Would be great, if you can find some time in your shedule. Im not going to be very long term student ( thinking like 1 sweat session per week at most ). So if you are alright with this, let me know.
PS: Here we go NL50 :D
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| Feel the rain on your skin. | |
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MARSHALL28 United States. Jan 26 2008 14:24. Posts 1904 | | |
| | On January 26 2008 12:13 21drful wrote:
wow thats a lot to read. you should think that one blog entry is going to change peoples view of you. It may help to clear up your image. If you say you are joking like that and its clearly evident that no one is catching the joke why joke like that. If you want people to view you in a different manner, change the way you act now. |
i think the first point i made was that the post was for myself, not for anyone else to make a judgment on me. judge away if u wish, its ok, i won't judge u. |
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MARSHALL28 United States. Jan 26 2008 14:26. Posts 1904 | | |
| | On January 26 2008 12:49 sniderstyle wrote:
yeah man, good luck recovering but as for offering coaching? Unless you're offering dirt cheap prices, i dont see how I would go to you for that. Who wants lessons on how to spew off their br? |
i actually have had very good feedback from students, they've left posts in comments to some of my blog threads. like i said, once i get my game turned right side up i'll make a blog post w/ those testimonials |
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Day[9] United States. Jan 26 2008 14:36. Posts 3447 | | | |
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Bejamin1 Canada. Jan 26 2008 14:43. Posts 7042 | | |
| | On January 26 2008 12:23 Nazgul wrote:
Good read. Keep it up:D |
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| Sorry dude he Jason Bourned me. -Johnny Drama | |
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Sounds like you use to be a immature teenager but now trying to become more of an adult. Always good to realize that acting like an asshole in life won't get you far in life, unless your dealing with other teenagers lol. |
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Benzooor United States. Jan 26 2008 15:34. Posts 630 | | |
This is a great blog IMO. Really respect you posting it and think you're doing well.
You're totally right about the positive mindset being KEY KEY KEY. |
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mdom United States. Jan 26 2008 16:08. Posts 94 | | |
surprisingly good/mature post and attitude marshall. keep it up. |
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Baalim Mexico. Jan 26 2008 18:12. Posts 34305 | | |
very different from ur other post, how did u manage to go from 40k to 3k ?
ur essence as arrogant will probably never change, and actually just change slightly is hard, hopefully you do.
Good luck in poker and in ur life, dont buy porsches when u play 400nl and dont sit to my left  |
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