Tickling the Trout

New to LiquidPoker? Register here for free!

Forum Index > Poker Blogs

kantoiki Australia. May 01 2007 12:54. Posts 3818

Something that happened recently that could be a humourous story:
So two of my friends and I were sitting around at QV (shopping mall thingy) food court eating, talking and generally wasting time when somehow the conversation steers towards masturbation.
For interests sake this is also called:

5 digit disco
Auditioning the hand puppet
Left hand liftoff
Strangling Pete
Milking the cock
Stroking Gandalf's beard
Bash the Bishop/Beat the Bishop
Painting the ceiling
Pat the porpoise
Shaking white coconuts from the veiny tree
Jerkin' the Gherkin
Batter the sausage
Beat your beef

I got most of the above from Wiki
and i have to say twas a funny read. Let me know which ones were your favourite.

Anyway so yeah we were sitting there having this conversation about masturbation and of course it naturally steers to how often, and then how long we'd gone for without "shaking hands with the guv'nor of love".
Then the "Master of your domain" was brought up, for those ignorant of this term get educated, go watch Seinfield. In short it was an episode where the characters have a bet on who has the most control and can go the longest without "polishing the pole".
So with the prospect of a possible contest we had no choice, all 3 of us decided to take the challenge.
Rules were quite simple:

-Not allowed to ejaculate.
-Bet lasts for a month, afterwhich an extension can be discussed if neccessary at our discretion.
-Must inform others of of loss within the hour

To put something of value onto it we decreed that the losers take the winner out for a night of drinking and entertainment, not that we needed anything since the mere thought of challenging and becoming the true Master of he's domain was enough.

So there started the start of what would prove to be a short trip for some and a long tedious journey for others.

We had our first loss about 2 weeks into the challenge.

His SMS to both of us were quite hilarious, the first informing us of his defeat:

"Lol. Ive had enuf. Its just u two now. Good luck. Haha"

and the second a extract of a star sign prediction in a newspaper:

"Haha. My star sign 2day: "A final burst of adrenalin hits as Mars exits. And with a rush of blood 2 the head u quickly finish a project or make an important lifestyle decision. Expansion is the theme, but limited resources hinder u"

Pretty coincidental, although the write probably didnt have "waxing one's carrot" in mind.

Our fellow soldier had a lapse in his will to push on and "pumped his gas at the self-service island" leaving only 2 of us to duke it out.

I have to say that there were nights where you really just sat there thinking, "hrmm you know what would be nice right now?" before remembering the bet and fighting on against the ever rising tide.
My friend would tell me how he was avoiding those nights by spending every night out with friends and occupied someway or another and i tried to do the same.

Some interesting things that we thought would happen or were told would happen included:
"its sick and unnatural, you'll get all aggressive"
"you'll break out in pimples"
"probably going to get wet dreams"
"wake up in the mornings with morning glories all the time"

The days were okay, with me becoming increasingly aware of how attractive the opposite sex were and the nights were long and arduous.
I was suddenly watching Poker after Dark every night as terrible as that show is and I even opted to trolling on youtube for comedy that would take my mind off things.

From my friends point of view I've included some of his quotes that encapsulate his experience:
"Never skipped Uni"
"Along time was a no no"
"My beat off attemps as in going half way or more..."
"Desperate, and pride was the only thing that held it in"
"Friends were faggots and putting on semi-porno stuff"

So the last week was rounding up and the thought of salvation by "Wango Tango" and possible victory pulled me through some difficult nights.

Unfortunately, my friend made it through as well and on the last night we had a conversation that went something along the lines of:
Him: Wait is the bet gone at 12?
Me: Uh, I don't know.
Me: I'm not sure
Me: One more month would hurt
Him: You want to just call it a tie?

No prizes for guessing my response.

An afterthought thats disturbing though is knowing that my when both of my friends whacked off, and vice versa i presume.

The conclusion of the bet i'll keep to myself and for those who really with for me to share your welcome to ask and i'll reply so those who actually want to know can just read the comments.
This way not everyone is subjected to what must surely be at least mildly disgusting by now.

So the end result was a tie between my friend which wasn't to bad and twas an errr i guess interesting experience. Anyway I hope you liked reading this more than I enjoyed the month and if you didn't well you can always go play your skin flute.

Enjoy!