Another blog

But the cat came back the very next day,
The cat came back, we thought he was a goner,
The cat came back, he just wouldn't stay away.

keep posting it if it provides relief. we can decide whether we want to read/comment on these.

i may be projecting, but it wasn't too long ago that i felt the same disheartened dissatisfaction with life. and kept flipping back between bouts of self improvement drive/motivation and absolutely disheartened futility

I would say you are projecting. I wouldn't say I feel a disheartened dissatisfaction with life. I've said before that I hope to be through with the continual improvement machine. I mean obviously I would like to continue to grow as a human being but it's not an obsession. Sometimes life just is. Life gets prosaic or life gets whatever. There are times when I have to be a bit hurried. Tabs should be kept very closely but not too closely that the soul is not lost. It is ok to be a bit aloof. Not everything is a video game to achieve the high score.

Today, my uncle and aunt came to visit for the day. It was good to see them. They have good hearts. I was mostly quiet. I don't think I found one conversation all that interesting the entire day. After lunch and a walk on the beach I could finally retire to my room to converse with David Foster Wallace and "Infinite Jest." These days I would rather converse with DFW than most people.

As long as I have my soul man. As long as I have my soul.

Actually, I could probably get to absolute disheartened futility but I would really have to let myself go. Not saying it can't happen but my soul is in a halfway decent place and I have some friends and some people I can talk to. When I talk about my soul I really mean a sort of spirit. Like, a shadow. A ghost. Some anime type avatar. RiKD Fighting ^^;;

"It's hard making it in a society that only cares about profit and pleasure" - Unknown

What if I just want to flip the script and only care about profit in so much that I can eat, have a place to sleep, own a car, afford health insurance, et cetera et cetera et cetera.......

What if I don't even want Pleasure (capital P)? The bondage of Pleasure. Pleasure is such a difficult one for an addict like me. What if I renounce Pleasure? Give me peace and satisfaction over Pleasure. Being bored is ok. Not having the high score in whatever game of games and metagames of metagames is ok. We don't need speedballin' blowjobs on secluded beaches getting fed grapes to be ok in this world.

"The achievement-subject competes with itself; it succumbs to the destructive compulsion to outdo itself over and over, to jump over its own shadow. This self-constraint, which poses as freedom, has deadly result." - Byung-Chul Han "The Burnout Society"

Achievement-subject ---> Achievement-project / Immortality-project

It's all a mirage

The "strong soul" keeps "calm," "moves slowly," and "has an aversion to what's too lively."



All of you who are in love with hectic work and whatever is fast, new, strange – you find it hard to bear yourselves, your diligence is escape and the will to forget yourself.

If you believe more in life, you would hurl yourself less into the moment. But you do not have enough content in yourselves for waiting – not even for laziness!

- Nietzsche

The homines sacre of achievement society also differ from those of the society of sovereignty on another score. They cannot be killed at all. Their life equals that of the undead. They are too alive to die, and too dead to live.

THE BURNOUT SOCIETY

I only see my friends to get attention. They are likely the same way. We are all narcissists.

Seek Help

For what?

Some of these topics are very important.

If wobbly had it his way we'd all be in the Republic of Gilead.

Wobbly's a dick don't worry about him

If I have a compulsion to write a blog post and it feels like I am free it doesn't matter because I am not actually free.

Freedom is the opposite of compulsion.

The way time is used needs to be revolutionized, says Han. "Time worked is time lost, it is not time for ourselves."

Authenticity. According to Han, people sell themselves as authentic “because everyone wants to be different from the rest.” This forces a person to “produce themselves” and this is impossible to do authentically because from “the desire to be different creates sameness.” As a result, the system only allows “marketable differences,” he says.

Not a dick.. Just saying like it is. I'm worried about your mental wellbeing, only expressing it in a blunt way.

Get out of my face zombie. You can live your life and I can live mine. I actually truly hope you have found things to be mostly not displeasing with some joy here and there. Perhaps one of the lucky ones. To be oblivious in such an absurd world is such a gift. Whatever you do wobbly do not read Byung-Chul Han. The illusions that are holding your life together may dissipate. Actually PLEASE read Byung-Chul Han. Everybody.

The question is: why do we even communicate? The communication theorist Vilém Flusser says that we communicate to escape death.

Accordingly, we communicate to give meaning to life.

Yes, but digital communication is not fit to make sense. Only a dialogue with one can make sense. A prayer would be a dialogue. No dialogue is possible on Facebook or Twitter, which includes more than "likes". But empty the churches and Facebook fills up. A new church has sprung up, but it does not make any sense. On Facebook, we can not escape death. And because we feel that, we communicate more and more and faster.


On liquidpoker.net, I can not escape death. And because I feel that, I communicate more and more and faster

It comes back to this:

I am a speck of dust living on a speck of dust living in an impossible to understand existence except for the fact that everything is impermanent and that I am going to get sick and die. I can forget this fact, sometimes in great conversation, sometimes getting lost in an exciting football game, whatever but I am afraid of the fact that I will get sick and die. There's not a whole lot I can do for this fear except for repress it as deeply as possible and get lost in illusions.

I have a book called "The Start-Up of You" which is a devilish plot by Reid Hoffman to get people LinkedIn but that's part of the problem. "We're all entrepreneurs!" It's just fucking manipulative seduction by these guys. It's light seduction. They only need to seduce us to the point of self-exploitation. We are already seduced by the achievement society. When I was in a circle of people at a wedding and they were all talking about how they hated their jobs and I just talked about how it's been great, I am mostly just going to the beach and reading a lot they all wanted to kill me (just like everyone on here wants to kill me. Don't worry guys I am employed now. Just as much of a slave as anyone. Let's figure out a way to resist and revolt. No, I won't shut up about it) People can rationalize through status or how they are a better engineer than me but it's clear that being sovereign is better than not being sovereign. Sovereignty is not possible through employment. That is all I'm saying. You can feel as empowered as you want to feel but it's not freedom. I thought I was free to work 80 hours a week and I thought I was free not to work 80 hours a week but I wasn't free at all and I was actually a very sick self-exploiting achievement-subject. I have to be diligent in renting myself out to wage slavery as little as possible and become more of a reasonable obedient-subject than some self-harming achievement-subject. Fucking crazy world we live in.