I always wondered what was like to be on a heater
Now I know
What a sick feeling
Feels like its dirty money and you dont deserve it
One good lesson learned: even overaggro monkey bully fishes get dealt aces once in a while
I wonder however, if it's even possible for someone not somewhat "deep in the game" to even understand it in writing let alone on a personal/real level. I think the hardest part of the job is the way it effects your outside relationships, and unfortunately this is also possibly the hardest and (deservedly) unreasonable aspects to discuss with anyone not with you in the poker world. If you choose to be self-employed you choose to live a lonely life style. I'm surprised when I listen to rappers like Chamillionaire and Kid Cudi constantly talking about how lonely they are and how they can't trust and relate to normal people.
Good examples are in these songs:
Cham - Lonely at the top:
Cham - Life goes on:
Kid Cudi - Save my soul:
I obviously can't make blog posts without including rap songs. However, some of the similarities in these artists feelings in regard to poker are interesting nevertheless. It's also worth pointing out that cham/cudi obviously have way more money and are in the public eye way more than any of us including durr, and so their motivations/feelings are likely even harder to deal with than ours by quite a bit, but regardless, are somewhat congruent with a poker players' even at lowish stakes.
All this being said, I think that if you choose to play poker, or go it alone, you should do so being aware of how it will effect you. I think I was well prepared for this and it shows in my short lived results.
I was motivated to write this because I was recently at my universities homecoming and sort of blew up on a guy I used to live with who was attempting to congratulate me for a quick television appearance at this years WSOP. He had frequently clowned on me for being a poker nerd while we were in school, and I took this in an insulting way. I'm fairly confident that despite my own personal feelings I was in the wrong to lose my cool as dealing with things like this are part of what I chose in taking this path in life.
If you want to move forward you need to leave some things behind.
Anyone think I'm off point here? Not sure how others perceive these things.
So far this month has been good. Started bad because of the major tilt on the end of september when I lost half of my NL25 month winnings on my frustated NL50 shots. First days I decided to play NL10 to build my confidence back again so I could feel better and grind a ton of NL25 again. I I cashed out $300 (my first cash out ever), my bankroll now is around $1.5K (yes, I'm a bankroll nit) and I decided that I'm only gonna give NL50 a shot again when I reach 2K and gonna move down again if I lose 10bi on it. I feel that I'm not playing nearly as much as I should be. I have to dicipline myself into playing long sessions when I'm winning and quit really fast when I'm losing. This month I had 3 losing sessions and they were the longest sessions I played this month so far. I guess this is a very common problem to poker players but not less important than any other, maybe even more important than a lot others that we have to deal with and improve. Now I'm also getting rakeback on FTP!
Pokers been goin pretty shitty latley, had a great month last month, but overextended myself after an $11.2k cashout playing too high in the MTT circuit, no excuses, I just sucked and kept making bad plays at wrong times, getting sucked out on and playing uber retarded, playing in some 109r's and 1091r1a's that i dusted left n right like a jackass.
By the time the volume of 70~200 MTT's were played in 3 days and I had won around 2k and lost about 9k for a total of -7k. I now have less than a 1k left online, and don't really care to play any tournaments at all or deposit anymore money, although I may put 2k on or something to expediate things, although I see no rush, other than getting to 200k VPP (have 180k now)
Fucking MTT...They are so gamble, puts greed in blood, I was attempting to be a fulltime MTT player, but I don't see it happening until I have atleast 45k saved
Cashgame is steady solid and is so much calmer and more relaxed. (Since I moved back to PA 3 weeks part time)
I enjoy havin $ in the bank, have a very soft casino closeby, playing 1/2 there, its roughly $45-$60/hr, compared to vegas where its $18-$30/hr
I'm going to continue to grind live when its lucrative, and continue to play FR cashgames online, playing at 2 cent 5 cent and working up on 100 bi. I'll put $ on for some certain MTT's I want to play or be staked, but the fucking swings in MTTs are so huge and really fuck with my head.
I moved from Las Vegas, got a nice apartment that I'm still furnishing, a new car when I left Vegas (new to me)(that I wrecked into a sign..had to drive it home illegally at night because I was driving with a spider smashed windshield, some near death experiences happened, was nuts, tire blew out, couldn't see through windshield, was being towed down a hill in the rain with bald tires and a donut that blew 2 minutes after we started, and my windshield motor was fucked so I couldn't even repel the fucking rain -_- *happened 45 minutes from home*)
Turned 25 on the 3rd of the month, been blazin alot, relaxing at my new place, spendin time w/ alot of family and friends
(I was playin from bros house last few days when I epicly threw away 50% of my money in three days)
Meh, so you can OPR the results for a giggle if you'd like
I'm gonna go relax for a bit, smoke a fatty and prolly grind some tables
Fridays and Saturdays are my main work days now, 2 days a week in the casino and building on 100bi online (500bi rebuy MTT's/90-180 Man Turbo SNG's) - Some staked MTT's as well, might as well play them without any greed.
I may be hero'ing all the 162's and 55 70k some nights on stake, but playing on 100bi all the way up to NL100, knowing NL100 is my ceiling for now (atleast for 2 - 12 more months) (NL200+ tables are so packed full of regs and pro shorties, NL100 seems to be way more lucrative and much easier)
Mostly a live player now, 25-40+bi there, relaxing, enjoying the lighter side of life, not stressin pokerz, fuck it, fuck paper, fuck life, fuck it all, im just gonna relax and pwn n00bs at the casino and play online on 100bi. Get back to 10k whenever, and start cashing out online again, staying at NL100 until I'm confident that I'll be ready to take the leap to NL200 and maintain a solid 2BB/100+ winrate mass tabling.
I'm tired of turning fpps into cash and then losing on the bubble in the 3r after having a huge stack or whatever, sigh.
anyone want to stake my retarded ass? I'll post some graphs i could find from my old monthly result posts or alternatively you can look @ my ptr where i am a donk over an insignificant amount of hands on stars. Or you can look at my sharkscope where i raped sngs over a huge sample as my first real success in poker.
I dont really wanna play anything below nl25. I'll play mtts like from the $3-20 range or $12 180 mans or wtfever, i don't really care im just tired of making like 1 cent an hour and then losing my 100 cents after what seems like an equivalency of 100 hours of work.
ps - i don't care what you think fayth, or loco, ive beat every limit ive ever played, i don't feel like doing it again, i want to cheat a little, ok?
SO if someone wants to make some money on a risk or whatever, I'm not going to fuck you over, i'm not going to mislead you, i just want a jumpstart and i don't have any money that i can spare to deposit onto a poker site at this moment. I doubt anyone wants to stake me for nl50 or nl100 but that would be optimal, regardless, pm me if you're interested.
What is a good sample size of hands to know whether or not long term u are beating a limit? It doesnt matter to me about moving up or anything like that I just want to know what a good sample size of hands would be to know if that limit has been beat.
I certainly didn't miss these swings. Not a lot buyins-wise but I'm still getting used to not having the money hurt.
Was going to move down to 1/2 to rebuild confidence when I hit -9k in 24 hours but then I godmoded 2/4 deep Finding some fishes helped too
Been considering doing some writing in my blog. I just have a hard time coming up with ideas to write about but I can talk non stop about anything. When it comes down to writing I jsut freeze up though. It's funny.
so, after my last session (you can see on my last blog post) I'm a little bit tilted and I was wondering if any1 here would like to help me a bit on session today. I'm not willing to pay anything, just asking if someone would like make a new friend and help me on your bored time. I'm currently crushing NL25 but I feel that I could do better and will always be nice to hear someone looking my game from outside and giving me some insights. I'm from Brazil and here online poker is not popular at all so I actually only have a couple of friends (online, never even met then) that play so I guess it would be really nice to meet new players and stuff... I'm @ work now, gonna be home in a couple hours but I'm only gonna start my session 6 hours from now.
PM me if interested or add me on msn messenger: arthur.alencar@terra.com.br
and I'm also offering any kind help to any1 that play my limits (untill NL50), would be really nice to share some knowledgy.
I guess my dream to be regular at NL50 will have to wait a more
damn, feels so bad a -4bi loosing session
some motivating word would be nice
and also some critizes about those hands, I know I did not played then well...
on hand2... villain is a 10/7 uber nit, how the fuck he calls that preflop. I just went on super tilt after that hand
I was looking to get a new laptop but I dont know how big I should go. It will only be used for surfing the web, online banking, and poker. I just want it to be fast and have plenty of storage for what I need it for. Was looking for some suggestions if you guys had some spare time. Price range $500 - $1000. Ideas on virus protection would be nice also. Thanks
and here was my response since i didn't get to it last night.
On October 05 2009 12:45 TheTank wrote:
what i thought was funny was a couple years ago in LA thousands and thousands of Mexican immigrants held a rally/protest for wanting easier access to come over, everyone whose already here should be granted citizenship etc etc, and the funny part was 1) many of them were arrested and sent back to Mexico because their not citizens, so they don't have the right to protest in the 1st place, and 2) they were all waving the Mexican national flag!?!?!? i just don't get it. I WANT TO BE AN AMERICAN!!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHHH!
if anyone feels this debate should be continued, i guess post on this blog and it will be a continuation of totheeastsides. If not, well i guess ignore it. I have to go to practice however, so i will not be in the debate. hfgl
Contact Users: 1341 Active, 0 Logged in - Time: 02:27
,
Finding some fishes helped too
(250BB POT)
YEAHHHHHHHH! 
,
,
,
,