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hiems   United States. Nov 12 2018 03:14. Posts 1498
The mid-term elections just ended. I was watching news when I saw Nancy Pelosi. I google searched "Nancy Pelosi young" then "Nancy Pelosi naked", expecting to see exactly what I saw -- a photo of her face cropped on various poses of naked women. I was kind of turned on by it. More seriously though, I find myself having trouble with political identity. I don't really fit in with either side of the political spectrum. I am fearful that I will always be without friends, without sides, without identity. I am working on this though so we'll see how it goes.



I am pretty shallow. I can't get myself to like a girl unless she is reasonably hot. I also fear that a woman will grow old and fat in a long term relationship. The world itself is very shallow though. I have found that you generally end up with someone similar in attractiveness level to you. The world tells me I am not attractive. It sucks. I posted on social media for the first time in awhile a few months back and a girl liked my post that I think I could have gone out with. She def was not very attractive. She was really asian, church-going, and didn't have her shit together life wise. The thing that annoyed me most was that I got the impression she just kind of presumed that she and I were a great match for some reason which was depressing.

I've thought about getting a cat recently but I haven't made up my mind whether its a good idea or not. I've also thought about getting into scuba diving.

That's all for now I guess.

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lucky331   . Nov 12 2018 03:25. Posts 1081

why not get a scuba diving cat.


hiems   United States. Nov 12 2018 03:45. Posts 1498

hah well i just google searched "scuba diving cat."

this led me to think wow anything is possible...which led me to google search "sex while scuba diving" which leads to a bunch of really funny pornhub videos.


k4ir0s   Canada. Nov 13 2018 22:49. Posts 3443

you have to compromise. if you want someone hot then you need to either 1) be hot yourself, or compensate in other areas 2) date older, poorer, or crazier

I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -Oly 

K40Cheddar   United States. Nov 15 2018 01:28. Posts 2185

Fuck women man just be you

GG 

hiems   United States. Nov 15 2018 18:37. Posts 1498


  On November 13 2018 21:49 k4ir0s wrote:
you have to compromise. if you want someone hot then you need to either 1) be hot yourself, or compensate in other areas 2) date older, poorer, or crazier




I just can't do it man. I dont really see the point otherwise.


hiems   United States. Nov 15 2018 20:13. Posts 1498


  On November 15 2018 00:28 K40Cheddar wrote:
Fuck women man just be you



Well yeah your right. But I am pretty much a mess in most of the aspects of my life right now. Its hard to imagine for some people how much my social life has deteriorated and if "be me" = continuing to do this I feel I have to reexamine. Your right though I mean I need to work on my relationships in general not just women/sex.

I guess another thing to note is that these feelings have been magnified lately by alot due to no longer pursuing poker or gambling at all. This has left a giant void in my life and I am currently trying to pick up the pieces.

 Last edit: 15/11/2018 20:19

k4ir0s   Canada. Nov 15 2018 22:32. Posts 3443

The answer is to be a better you. And to build relationships with people. Find social outlets outside work. If you play live poker you can build friendships there.

I was in a similar position and I'm sort of falling back into it. But within a year I got in shape going to the gym regularly, joined yoga, got a therapist, played live poker, joined improv, went out to meet women on weekends. The will to change has to be strong enough. A year ago I was lying on the beach from 3am to 6am contemplating the worth of my life while talking to a girl on a crisis line. Sometimes we have to hit our bottom to change.

I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -OlyLast edit: 15/11/2018 22:33

soberstone   United States. Nov 16 2018 00:59. Posts 2660

I am a fairly goofy looking Jewish dude with a big nose. I never got girls, and was bullied a little bit in high school. Not a ton, but enough to leave my sense of self-worth and attractiveness battered for life. As a result, I pretty much gave up hope that I would ever be able to "pull" an attractive girl. I dove balls deep into drugs and have spent the last decade of my life on and off injecting coke and heroin.

I have a year sober now and I'm not 'happy' because I still live with the voice inside my head telling me that I'm ugly and not worthy of certain social status's, even though I can rationally recognize that it's really just my old experiences re-living and coloring my current perception.

Moral of the story, I relate, I wish I had answers on how to overcome, but I'm certainly working my ass off to better myself and somehow become content with life and be able to 'be me' in society. Maybe I'll just get a nose job, been thinking about it a lot lately. I think we all relate to the insecurities and self-doubts you are facing, but I think our own personal solutions and paths to self-actualization are different. There is no secret sauce.


hiems   United States. Nov 16 2018 02:35. Posts 1498

^ damn. I dont know all that much about it but congrats on 1yr. I also dont know much about plastic surgery so I dont think i can comment intelligently about it.

good point about all of our paths being different. Honestly when i read k4iros's blogs lately my first reaction was "your 6'3" what the hell has been the problem for so long?" Im not sure how fair that critque is but that was the reaction I got from my experience. I certainly wish i were taller (im either 5'7" or 5'8" ). It also a big disadvantage being an asian male and I have to deal with the prejudice that comes with it. Alot of times I just dont feel like I am a part of the world.

 Last edit: 16/11/2018 02:56

k4ir0s   Canada. Nov 16 2018 02:56. Posts 3443

Lol sure^

We all have deficiencies that hold us back. I may be 6'3 and decent looking. But I'm prone to social anxiety and depression-- that's what held me back. Plenty of ugly people were fucking while I was withdrawn from all of that for 10 years. In many ways, my deficiencies are worse than the physical ones.

I do recognize that fact that you can't change your height or physical attributes. But that doesn't change the fact that plenty of ugly people get laid and have fulsome social lives. Let's work on the things we can change.

I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -Oly 

hiems   United States. Nov 16 2018 13:14. Posts 1498


  On November 16 2018 01:56 k4ir0s wrote:
Lol sure^

We all have deficiencies that hold us back. I may be 6'3 and decent looking. But I'm prone to social anxiety and depression-- that's what held me back. Plenty of ugly people were fucking while I was withdrawn from all of that for 10 years. In many ways, my deficiencies are worse than the physical ones.

I do recognize that fact that you can't change your height or physical attributes. But that doesn't change the fact that plenty of ugly people get laid and have fulsome social lives. Let's work on the things we can change.



I dont have any deficiencies. Im a perfectly normal height. Also there is nothing wrong with being asian. People are just racist/retarded for the most part. I also never said I was ugly.

To be honest you sound like a bad pua coach.


casinocasino   Canada. Nov 16 2018 23:24. Posts 3329

Why did you stop playing poker?


k4ir0s   Canada. Nov 17 2018 17:46. Posts 3443


  On November 16 2018 12:14 hiems wrote:
Show nested quote +



I dont have any deficiencies. Im a perfectly normal height. Also there is nothing wrong with being asian. People are just racist/retarded for the most part. I also never said I was ugly.

To be honest you sound like a bad pua coach.



"Lets work on the things we can change" -> Bad pua coach


I'm just suggesting you make changes, since it worked out for me to some degree. What do you want people to say? That it's tough being asian?


What about asian women? Do they not go for asian men?

I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -OlyLast edit: 17/11/2018 17:47

hiems   United States. Nov 19 2018 22:44. Posts 1498


  On November 16 2018 22:24 casinocasino wrote:
Why did you stop playing poker?



¯\_( "/)_/¯

idk, its not all that interesting or important. probably same reason as a bunch of other people.

 Last edit: 19/11/2018 22:58

hiems   United States. Nov 19 2018 23:10. Posts 1498


  On November 17 2018 16:46 k4ir0s wrote:
Show nested quote +




"Lets work on the things we can change" -> Bad pua coach


I'm just suggesting you make changes, since it worked out for me to some degree. What do you want people to say? That it's tough being asian?


What about asian women? Do they not go for asian men?




Idk read your whole post. Don't know where to start.



Liquid`Drone   Norway. Nov 22 2018 17:54. Posts 2752

k4ir0s sounds like he wants to discourage puaism
you seem like you want a good pua coach

me, I think you should get into scuba diving. I think it's pretty essential for most people to have something that they are passionate about. For the 'bullied nerds' out there who struggle with insecurity from bullying high school years, they generally seem to struggle the most with admitting that they love doing something, because they are afraid of being judged for that, not 'their appearance'.

lol POKER 

hiems   United States. Nov 23 2018 06:14. Posts 1498


  On November 22 2018 16:54 Liquid`Drone wrote:
k4ir0s sounds like he wants to discourage puaism
you seem like you want a good pua coach

me, I think you should get into scuba diving. I think it's pretty essential for most people to have something that they are passionate about. For the 'bullied nerds' out there who struggle with insecurity from bullying high school years, they generally seem to struggle the most with admitting that they love doing something, because they are afraid of being judged for that, not 'their appearance'.



idk does it seem like that? i think pua coaches are somewhat dangerous because they are financially motivated to push their agendas at all costs.

yea pretty much all i do is go to work and after that in my free time i am pretty much catatonic. for the most part i feel like all i can do is continue to work and accumulate money. im in a very fragile state mentally right now so i come up with stuff like scuba diving or whatever else pretty much every week these days. im proceeding cautiously but i feel like ill be fine.


 





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