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I think these stories deserve their own thread and hopefully mariuslol will post some new ones once in a while.
I'll post all the ones I can find for the people who missed them. If this is seemed inappropiate a mod can always delete this(hope not though  )
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| | On November 03 2011 15:46 Mariuslol wrote:
In Norway a lot of girls wants to pretend they get raped, not sure why, but it's really popular.
This one time I was just doing my thang, owning up in Starcraft, and then some other guys who I shared appartment with were out drinking, and one of them brought home this pretty, a little tall, but not too tall, but tall for a girl with long blonde hair home.
The guy she was into was really good with the ladies, smooth talker, gets her wine, appropiate music. I wasn't spying or anything, but I have to walk past the living room to get to the kitchen, and I go to kitchens a lot.
When it got really late, I was going to the kitchen again, they were right about to do it!! And I think the guy was naked, but he was really drunk, and he had tossed her over the side of the sofa and pulled her panties down, she was really drunk too. And he was laughing and cussing when I came by, and he just started walking towards me. I said hi, sup. And he pointed at his thingy.
"So drunk, no chance I can get it up, fuck it." And he went in to his room and locked it.
Anyway, I got a bit uneasy, was a little weird, had just been living there for a month or so, I moved there to share place with Dokosoko and John, 2 friends, and one last guy I didn't know, was pretty big place, and this was the last guy I didn't know.
So I got some stuff in the kitchen, I had a "peek" nothing too pervy, but just a glance at the sofa, cos the hot girl was still sticking her bum up, almost passed out, think she was muttering something. And after I had walked past the living room in slow motion, I ran downstairs to my room.
Put on my headphones, and headed on iccup.
Then suddenly.... Something.... Someone... Opened my door, it was the drunk blonde, she seemed a little abnoxious, like she "woke up" and was feeling bitchy.
I said Hi, as I do to strangers, she didn't reply back, just stared at me. I do this thingy where you try to not pull a smile even though you want to, and I got really nervous. What was this trickery!!
She then left from the entrance of my room, but didn't close the door, and she started walking back and forth, murmering something. I was to startled to be able to continue playing, and I felt stupid just sitting there, so I thought, I should maybe get up and close my door. I went to the door, and she was only a few "yards" away, I guess I have to use yards since most of you people like that shit.
I notice she had her purple dress on, it was pretty short, like a few cm under buttocks area. And she pulls it up to her stomach, no panties, she probably lost them upstairs in that act they had to abort. But she still looked really pist, one of those moments where you think of those meme pics "I got the weirdest boner right now".
I did what any man would do, tried to hurry and close my door, but she stopped it, and did this demonic evil looking stare at me, like she hated me. I quickly stopped trying to close the door and took a few steps back, she dragged her dress up further and started doing this weird walk/dance down the hall, when the bitch had her back to me, I shut the door so fast. I ran to my computer chair, not really sure what to do in it. But if she came back I could pretend I was doing something technical, so I pulled up some graphs and a few more windows, so now I could look really occupied.
A few seconds later she opened the door, now more pissy than ever, all angry since I closed the door probably. I got tired of being friendly and asked, what do you want? She sat down in my bed, I ran and got her a glass of water (seemed like the appropriate thing to do).
Right around this time, Dokosoko came, not sure from where and I had just given her the water, she poured it out, and she hit my sc cd's.....
Ok that's it, I've had it, I grabbed her arm and "yelled, not too loud, but a lot louder than my normal voice, that's for sure" get out, you piece of shit. Now Dokosoko is trying to come an calm the situation, and I said, Nooo, let's kick her out in the snow, she's being dick, and she's naked, she keeps trying to show her pussy.
He said he knew her, and he'd take care of this, she burst out crying!! Now I felt bad, annoying, but I did the "close my door" trick again (which I kept having very little success with, maybe if I had a key). And I think Doko comforted her, got her some clothes and sent her home.
Then I think he left, cos he wasn't there anymore. So I join a game and I start playing, 1-2 min later I hear people come in the entrance, I just think it's just "someone" and I ignore it. (I think I was a bit moody now).
Then "blam" my door open again, and it's the crazy person. And now I go like "ah fkn crap, now what!!"
And she lays in my bed, she tossed of most of her clothes in the hall and she seem to be shaking. I feel bad, I take my blanket over her and I dim the lights, ok, maybe go to sleep.
And I try to keep playing, but it's hard, I hear some ruckus behind me, so im curious,I pause the game and have a lookzies.
Now she's kicked of the blanket, preteding to be asleep ,but she's done that "drag dress up to stomach" trick again, and got her legs spread, exposing her pussy. (It wasn't an ugly pussy or anything, had some meat to it, was mostly white with a few pink areas I do recall).
I get really startled and nervous, wth is going on, where am I!!
I try to turn but I can't seem to be able to focus on starcraft right now. I take a quick turn and peak a little more, I do my squint with the eyes trick, like taking a photograph, then hurry and turn back again.
Now I'm to stressed to play, not sure what to do, and this will look weird if the guy who was with her comes down, or if Dokosoko comes, or, or or if my grandma finds out....
I get up and i'm about to leave the room to think, and I could have sworn she lifted one of her eyelids, to like, check, check what I was doing.
My spider senses were telling me "it'z a tarp". (My concious mind thinks in linguistics very similar to lolcatz).
So I get a really good idea, I run upstairs and I masturbate. Then no "rape, sleep" violation thoughts are in my head. I did plan to go in my room and keep playing, but I got this other awesome idea, instead I just get her some more water, turn off the pc, put it next to her, toss the blanket over her and I go in another room and sleep there.
The next day when I wake up she isn't there, so I just go about my normal routine, but later in the day she comes to visit, and she is asking for me!!
Now she looks like a different person, all polite, shy, pretty and propper. And she spoke, a little nervously. She wanted to know what happened last night. After her first polite opening, she sounded a little "hmm... mischevious". I think that fits, because she said she didn't remember anything, and wanted to know why she woke up in my room, and why she was naked.
Now I'm 78% more relaxed and not nervous, I easily get nervous around drunk people, but when sober, I am in charge.
I start, oh, I'll tell you what happened, and I go in details, and I go through from start to finish, even the slow motion detail when she was almost passed out earlier in the evening with her bum on the edge of the coach. To the part where she kept wanting to show her pussy, to the part where she pretended to be asleep and spread.
Somewhere around there she burst out crying, didn't seem fake or anything, seemed like propper devestation, she nearly broke down, and she ran out, crying real loud. And after that I don't think she came back to visit anymore.
So the moral of the story, a lot of bitches want to pretended they be getting raped I think!! |
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| | On November 04 2011 05:53 Mariuslol wrote:
Hehe, yeah, but i've grown a lot smarter since then, I think! And I only wanted to damage it so i'd get one of those white thingys hanging down my shoulder. I was very addicted to it back then, the sensation, feeling by playing far surpassed anything I've ever done, and it never seemed to stop lol.
Okay here is another story.
This one time, a female I knew started wanting me to hang with her again, but I have been ignoring her for years, since she was like a non-payed prostitute, and that just makes me feel bad and down. (In retrospect I think she just had sex here and there in the weekends, pretty normal. But it's my story, so for now we refer to her as the former prostitute).
I had gotten the impression that she's "matured" a lot, and had her party days over and done with, and she had gotten all propper now. But I can be very stubborn, so when she kept nagging about being friends, wanting to hang, I wouldn't budge. I still remember her prostituteness. But she's grown a lot more clever, not as stupid as she once was. She starts phrasing sentences more eloquently, almost tricking me. I am le-fascinated, so I have to talk more. Then she asks, what would it take for us to hang n stuff...
I pull my pc chair a little from the screen and turn my head to the left, toward my ear. (My sensory preference is audiotive, when I make "deep" decisions, I resonate with the sound in my head and give myself options). After a littlewhile, when I've got my answer, I reply back to her.
A cape, I want her to make my cat a cape, and I start describing the size of my cat, add some quirks, maybe a story or two. (I like to bring a chair next to my chair when i'm gaming, and I put my cat on it, it just sits there, completly still and just watches, an in between games or breaks, we cuddle, bond, or I toss it some scratches behind the ear n stuff, cats love that. And sometimes if I lose or get owned I give it a little slap or push it off the chair. It's a lot more awesome than what it might sound).
She complies, she's right on it, and she runs out and get some yarn and starts sewing.
So now we're friends again, since I am a man of my word!! (Not really sure if I am, just felt like sounding Alpha lol)
(Cat reacted a lot worse than I thought it would though, no idea why it didn't think wearing a cape was super awesome, oh well).
Ok, onward, I fast forward a bit. I'm skipping the part where she tricked me into starting kickboxing, (was pretty awesome, when I was young I had a huge crush on her, and when she didn't want none of my milkshake and became a prositute instead I took it pretty hard, if she had known how much porn I've watched and prepared, she probably wouldn't have lol). Anyway, I felt I manage to melt away every bit of resentment I might have had, and where there once was regret and resentment, it was now filled with joy and excitment. I've never dreamt or thought about kicking a girl's ass, but man, it's awesome. Like I had a free pass, with no repercussions. I didn't go all out, but around 9 - 18% over what I should have. And I always stopped when she was in pain.
Like, she would get real mad when I punched her in the head, she'd let her hands drop, put a foot forward and just say my name. Marius.... Like giving me some evil stare, and I go "oh oh, sorry sorry". And she says, don't hit me in the head again. So next punch, I hit her in the titty, she screams, MARIUS!! And I have to go, oh, sorry sorry. And then i'm switching it up and start kicking her instead. (I try to hit the meaty part, right under the buttocks, felt best hitting there). Then she'd throw off her gloves, and go "I don't wanna anymore". And I go, ok ok, let's stretch let's stretch. (There were like 3-4 girls in that class, so stretching was one of my favourite parts, they would all wear really tight almost see through clothes, + they were all really bendy).
Sooo, like a month later or more, not sure, i'm just making up the timeframe anyway, she invites me to come to a concert with her, we live in a small city, like 25.000 people, so there are only a few a year. I generally hate drinking, going out, so forth, I could go into details, but I'd keep writing about it for 2000 pages. It's got a lot to do with my cognitive abilities, I can't turn them off sometimes when I start consuming alcohol, and I react strongly to sounds, I notice when people are lying, decieving, not being truthful so forth, so being around people drinking feels like a nightmare. Sometimes when I talk to my mates I can tell by the sound of their voice if they've masturbated within the last 2 hours, I can instantly hear when they go from knowing something about a topic, feeling all manly, to then just making up things on the fly on the next topic.
Ok crap, said I wouldn't go into it, focus Marius, back to the story! Yesss..
So I agreed to go concert thingy, she came picked me up, she has her own apartment and she has one kid (which is astonishing, considering the amount of sex she's had), single mom, but very milf like, but she knows it, so it's not that appealing, it's a remnance of her old prostituteness. Anyway, it was going great, she made me tea, I really like tea, and I get happy when people offer me tea. But the tea was a trick, right after I was forced to shot some black gue, I did, all manly like (almost puked, didn't like it one bit).
She told me we were going to a Voerschpiel, I think that's what it's called, and it was only a few hundred meters away from her apartment. So we went there, I was feeling good since I was wearing a scarf, I've got lots of scarfs.
When we got there it went a lot better than I had thought it would, was a lot of pretty people, males and females, and I knew the host, I think he really likes me too, not 100% sure since I tease him a lot, but then again I tease everyone, not maliciously, but I think everyone's quite funny, in their own way. (Like if you're tall, you've got lower dexterity, so you keep wobbling, hitting things and being generally more clumsy. If you're short, you're more proud, you grunt more and feel you have to prove yourself more and is more easily insulted, hillarious lol. And if your fat, you keep miss-understanding what's said and relate it to something to do with you being fat lol.) Anyway, I digress...
We've been there like an hour, and I've had a lot to drink, I was on my 3rd beer so I was getting pretty tipsy, and when I drink I need to pee, a lot. But the party had gotten to the stage where a few girls go in the bathroom, and one or more starts crying, usually about some guy, and they sit and comfort her, and the main girl wants to kill herself and her friends talking her out of it hugging her n shit. Anyway, all this means I can't pee, so I run back to gurl, tell her I really want to pee, so she gives me the keys to her apartment, says I can use her bathroom.
I smile, do a little thank you nod and run off, way more excited than I should be. As I get closer to her apartment I get this amazingly awesome idea, i'm about to burst, so excited im shaking. Contemplating, going through different scenario's, what if, is this doable, should I?
When I'm real close to the entrance I look behind me from where I came, and I run in, as fast as I can. I get in her apartment and I start undressing as fast as I can, I get naked. I run in her bedroom and I start rolling around in her sheets, I jump in her bed, then I roll some more, then I run out and get dressed as fast as I can. I feel the adrenalin rushing through me, such a sick high lol. I then go to the toilet to start my peeing, but im so excited I start peeing all over the place, so I have to stop the pee mid air (I got sick control on my bladder, so I can stop once i've started by biting my lower lip and releasing forth a low grunt). And I go over to the shower and finish the rest of my business there. After that I have to use like 40 meters of toilet paper to clean up all the mess I've made lol, I find some spray bottles, try to make it nicer than it was. For the shower I let hot water run whilst I finish cleaning around the toilet. After i'm done I run back to the party.
Best party ever!!
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+ Show Spoiler +
| | On July 03 2011 11:25 Mariuslol wrote:
I'm European, I'll give it a go.
This one time, I was in love with this English chick, and I met her on wow, and travelled over there. We had a blast, and it went awesome. I fast forward!!
I'm back home in Norway, on skype, talking with her, and we're talking about things that happened while I was there. (The atmosphere was awesome, she was hysterical and in fits, trying to figure out what the hell was going on the first time we did it, and the second time for that matter).
She said she panicked when I accidently tried putting it in the wrong hole, leapfrogged forward and did this twirl, some cussing and a death stare, freaked when I told her I didn't miss, I thought you were suppose to. (Was my first time lol). And I had been studying watching quite a bit of porno in advance, I even masturbated in her parents bathroom first time I "peed" just in case there would be sex.
I also had no idea of the speed you're suppose to go around doing things. But I felt pretty confident (since I had been studying a lot). So when she first kissed me in her parents sofa, I responded with fingers in her twat, that too caused quite a bit of comotion on her part. Eyes a little something like ÔÔ and a sqwuak. But when she saw I got a bit scared an pulled back, like I did something wrong, she shrugged it off, like thinking "what the hell".
So right about now, I'm telling her I had memorized a sequence for sex from a porno movie, and she's literally peeing herself. But I don't quite get it, i'm so eager to tell my story, so I miss the "brb lol, i'm gonna pee myself any s econd, omg, omg, lol" or something along those lines.
But I'm feeling really funny right about now, and I go off, describing in detail what happened, how I had "casually" been trying to get my finger close to her number 2 without her noticing. And the slap I did on her buttocks was a bet I had with a close mate on WoW (Jinx, if anyone wonders, the guy who made this + Show Spoiler +
)
He'd always make fun of me, saying I was such a pussy, and I was way to nice and chicken, bet me 1000gold I would never dare to spank her. And we agreed that a slap would be enough.
Anyway, I sidetracked there for a second. Yeah, as i'm sitting there in this ephoria, telling my super awesome story. I suddenly get awoken, by this sharp, loud, terrifying scream. Literally like someone is having a heart attack / choking / death scream. And it keeps going on repeat, like "UUuoowahhææ uuuååhhh øøhh øhhh øhhhuuæh" (close enough).
And I freeze, really trying hard to figure out what the hell is going on. Then I hear another voice, I recognize it, it's her older brother. Trying to calm her down (about now I realize what's happened, she left the room, her mom came in and started listening to me describing how I sexed up her daughter, in very explicit detail). So she's having a panick attack, her brother is trying calm her down. He starts screaming for help, her mom keeps going "The Norwegian, The Norwegian"
A few seconds later, the 2nd brother comes, and he's laughing his ass off, the first brother trying to calm his mom, pissed at the 2nd one being so immature. Then her dad comes running up, panicking aswell, thinking it's an emergency. He start screaming too, the immature brother lols and tells him "Marius fucked Xxxxx and mom just found out".
And right around this time, she comes out from the bathroom, and for some reason she starts screaming too, actually never heard her cuss and use that kind of language before, but after some comotion and a few minuts she gets everyone out of the room.
And it's just me and her....
That was one of the few times I was literally out of words, didn't even think it was possible for someone to get that angry.
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+ Show Spoiler +
| | On July 04 2011 04:04 Mariuslol wrote:
Did something embaressing just now, I just got in the door. I have been having weird poop lately, so I had to get a rectal examination.
So I went to the hospital, and got told to go sit wait in the waiting room. I started to get a little nervous, but I did this awesome breathing/meditation techniques, so it passed pretty quickly, although I was still a little eerie. And I started to picture, having fantazies about what would happen. Then suddenly this nurse comes going, and I instantly smile, because she was so pretty. Black hair, some makeup, maybe 35, so a real looker for her age. She turned to the right, and then by musing with my eyes (kinda like my zoom in). I could see the outline of her panties through the green thingy she was wearing.
Then suddenly I regreted it... I started to get eroused, and I started to panic. It'd look real bad if I had a boner in the examination, so was stressing so much, trying to get it down, tried squeezing it when no1 was watching, but that didn't help at all. I tried bringing up a picture I once saw, when I worked at a photo shop. This swedish guy had taken pictures of his massive, oversized wife giving birth, and she literally had intenstense, gore, gue, blood and all kinds of shit hanging out her vagi gi. 8 years since I saw that picture, but it's still the most distubring image I've seen, so tried thinking bout that. But a few seconds after, the nurse came back, and walked the other way, and I was screwed again. But i've been in these kinds of situations before, I know what works (once happend in a funeral, long story). And I rushed over to the bathroom, had the quickest wank ever, from start to finish, like 11 seconds. And I rushed back, hoping my examination would be a little delayed.
And they were, had to wait like 12 minuts more, and it was like, 50% size. So now when I got taken into the examination room by a doctor and a nurse (this nurse was old), so it was np, and I had to strip, I could just pretend my 50% penis was my normal, relaxed state, so everything turned out a lot better than expected. And I was literally almost not nervous at all, since I everted the earlier, potential catastrophy.
(Although, laying naked with ur bum in the air with 2 people looking in it was pretty embaressing too, but i've felt worse lol).
Ok, now im hungry, not been allowed to eat today, and this morning I had to take some clyster shit.
Weee |
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| | Gramatik
You'll probably get downvoted by Republicanfags and Amerifags for evading military service but I upvoted you for it.
Mariuslol[S]
That's the funny thing, I kinda liked the army, and I didn't want to "get away" from it, I just wanted to play Starcraft more.
But I stayed there the whole year and then some, I just took train home every weekend so I could play Starcraft, but this one holliday, it was craving more than usual, so I thought, if I could aquire an injury, like, by running into a wall, they'd let me stay home for a few more weeks.
[–]Mariuslol[S] 1 poeng 26 minutter siden
That reminds me... I shouldn't really open this "Pandora's box", but fk it, here we go!
But the strangest thing happened when I went in the military, it was like I had all this pent up "adrenaline" from playing Starcraft that really needed an outlet, somewhere, or I would burst.
So I started pulling these small pranks, nothing serious or evil, at least not at the start. Like stealing a few bags of coffee and making smileys and stick figures at everyone's bed while they were all out of their barracks. Taping the door shut when a guy's taking a shit, so forth, small stuff.
After a few weeks of these pranks I had to up it a little, I remember having a lot of fun with Nutella, when people in my troop was sleeping I'd sneak into their room. (We had rooms of 4, four people in each room), and I'd smear it at the bottom of their bed, on top of their feet. Then I'd sneak out all cat like, make some noise and run to my bed as fast as I could and wait for the entertainment to start.
Hilarious hearing a raging lunatic screaming at the top of his lung at night "WHO THE FUCK SMEARED SHIT ON ME, WHO THA FUUUUCK, I'M GONNA KILL SOMEBODY!!"
And this is the funny part, I'm the first guy out of my room, pretend to be sick groggy, tired and confused, like I'm coming out to see wtf is going on. "What the hell is going on??"
Raging Lunatic: SHIT, ALL OVER ME, SOMEONE SMEARED SHIT ON ME
Me: Wtf, you have crap on you, that's not cool
Raging Lunatic: I'm gonna fucking kill him
Me: I open the door to my room, wake my room mates, guys, seriously, wtf, someone just smeared shit on xxxxx, if any of you guys did it, this ain't funny, seriously.
He then proceeds to ignore me and start opening every door, screaming and cussing. I run to my bed wiggling and smiling, hard to control the excitement, but it was awesome.
So after a few weeks of pranks around this level. (Burrowing the Major of the camp's car in the snow, camouflaging my Lieutenant's car, taking my AG3 home to show my dad so forth). Oh yeah, my dad got really angry, but then again he'd been angry at me a lot of times. (This one time I made a signature campaign against my dad, and had most of the people in the small town I live in sign it, nearly 3000 signatures). Anyway, I digress. Where was I....
It just felt natural to keep thinking of more creative, and "bigger" pranks. In my head I was going "motto motto".
So this one time I got punished, (I got punished a lot over there tbh, most were really unfair and unjust. Like if you do something bad, you get a refs, then you get a fine and you're not allowed to go home for x amount of weeks, and they call you up in the morning when you're all standing in the front yard, like 300 + people, the Major comes, he yells your name, you then have to go up in front of everyone and he scolds you).
Anyway, I got more "refs" than the rest of the lair combined, 13 or was it 14, I can't quite remember, but most were for silly stuff. Like the AG3 home, they got real mad, and I once hang it out to dry a flag pole. (Had just washed it in oil the day before, was getting it ready for inspection, just had it there to dry). And a few others.
So yeah, I was getting punshied, I had to wash this warehouse, but as I was scrubbing the floors I found these amazing thingys. They were big plastic bags with white rubber bands, there were hundreds of them. I looked at them, and my eyes went ÔÔ.....
I got an idea...
When I got back to my room I had my room mates help me, because they knew I did a lot of pranks and they thought it was awesome, they were always curious, but not a lot of people knew that most of the "weird" stuff happening in camp was coming from me, I liked it that way, things are much more funny anyway if you do it for your own amusement I think.
So what we were doing was cutting up the bands, then tying them together, we did this for hours and hours. So in the end I had this massive, massive pile of a long rubber band, maybe a few hundred yards long.
I "lie" to them and say I'm done for today, but I'm not really, hehe. I get up at night and I work for hours, literally hours. What I did was tie the rubber bands to any surface or hook it would get stuck on, so I started in one end of the Barrack, and worked my way through our hall which had all the guys in my troop, then down to the cellar, then up in the 2nd floor. On the way there I've now successfully made a maze of Rubber bands, hitting door knobs, places to hang your jacket, in through the shower, washing room, so it looked like a gigantic spider web.
So now all I had to do was go to bed and let the fun start the very next day xD
I woke up to the alarm, was really awesome, it was chaos and action, all the "guys" had a big smile and smirk on their face, my room mates were bedaffled, and the Sergeants, Fenrik's and Lieutenants looked fucking pissed. (Which made it even more awesome).
The "unclogging" and the visit to the Auditorium, speech of the Major, and the "investigation" took half the day, if not more, so this was an amazing day for me, filled with more fun and awesomeness than anyone could ever hope for.
They first wanted to punish all of us, until the "perpetrator" would come forth. (I lolled). So they made us do push ups, at the time I weighed 59kg, and if it was one thing I could do, it was take push ups lol. So this just made it more fun lol. (Sorry for excessive use of lols).
Oh, ok crap, look at the time, sorry I can't continue this story any longer, even though this is just a fragment of my Military time, I might continue it some other time if people are interested =]
Chooo Choo
ps, So much "fun" today, from these posts, and then my dad came earlier this evening, asking me what this rape thingy was. My brother linked it to him on facebook in a pm, he read it lol. So he got worried and hurried over lol.
pps, he works at the local newspaper, and he's got a high position, he also told me he'd have some writers look at my stuff lol, and then give me feedback. That sounded cool, not sure why xD but it did. |
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| how can u shove the river, he cant possibly call with worse -TalentedTom | |
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| | On November 05 2011 09:21 RiKD wrote:
cat cape girl story is incredible. your honesty and personality are fucking awesome. someone change thread to "marius storytime" please. |
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| how can u shove the river, he cant possibly call with worse -TalentedTom | |
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Mariuslol Norway. Nov 05 2011 13:36. Posts 4742 | | |
LoL, thanks, okay I'll update here xD
Reply to the guy who said I was gay
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No, but I've got a funny story on that. Most people in my life have kept calling me gay here and there for various reasons lol.
This one time, I had just moved in with a guy, but it was nothing sexual, just like mates sharing a place because it's cheaper, but the neighbors didn't believe that, and they started spreading lies all over the place. (In retrospect I think I might know why, they were an old couple, both pretty retarded, like an 8,0 on a scale from 1-10, and you're allowed to use comma).
They started to hate me when winter came, and this is why. A lot of snow started appearing everywhere, and this one time, her husband was sick, so she came to the apartment and asked if I could plow their snow. I said no, and then I closed the door. (Was pretty busy, owning it up in SC, so not much time to explain)
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A few minutes later she came back, she had gotten dressed and tried plowing it herself for 1 minute before giving up, and she once more told me to go out and plow. Now I realized she wasn't fucking with me, she really wanted me to plow the snow, but I started telling her the reason why I couldn't. I have just recently gotten a Frozen shoulder http://www.apexklinikken.no/frozenshoulder.php and the pain it gives me to use my right hand was almost unbearable, each night, several hours of pain, and the first few hours of the morning, sick painful. Even when I was playing Starcraft I had to struggle through it, because every click on the mouse felt very uncomfortable, whimpering sounds like "owfth, au, shit, ahh, crap, fk, shit, lol, au, eeh" kept coming more frequent than not.
And this crazy person was trying to get me to plow.
But she wasn't interested in listening to my story, she just kept getting more and more pissed, demanding me to go plow the fucking snow. When she just kept interrupting my story, I instead said, no, buzz off. And I closed the door again.
I smile, I feel happy, I'm in a good mood, not sure why, but it always seem to brighten my day when I run into these kinds of people. I go to the kitchen to make some food and I watch out my window, she notices me watching her, and she does the most terrible acting job I've ever seen, pretending to push the snow, and then falling over.
Now I smile even more, people are funny lol.
Anyway, I go back to eating food, and around 10 minutes later I get really startled, the crazy person was there, standing in the doorway of my room. She had bursted right in to our apartment without knocking, she was full of snow, snot all over her face, some goo hanging down her mouth and more pissy than ever.
She didn't say a word, just kept looking at me, I looked back for like 10 seconds, no words were spoken.
I broke the silence and said "what's up?"
She kept staring at me, like I was some douchebag, evil, handsome looking spoiled brat. (ok that last expression she probably wasn't capable of executing, but she was definitely looking at me).
Right around now I started to feel a little awkward, I shrug my shoulders and repeat "what?" once more, but still nothing.
I get annoyed, put on my headphones and tell her to get out when she's done watching me, and I queue up another game
.
Now I think to myself, "phew, finally over". And I keep owning noobs on the ladder (Like Tasteless would say). Then 10 minutes later... Crazy old bitch screaming in the hall.
She's back, angrier then ever, almost crying, wanting me to plow the snow, rambling nonstop. Now I've got these mix of emotions, 1/3 excited, 1/3 annoyed, 1/3 frustrated. She won't ever understand that I can't physically plow the snow, wth do I do. So I try and talk louder than her, NO, I WON'T PLOW THE FUCKING SNOW. (Ok, I probably didn't use the word fucking, I don't swear a lot, just wanted to sound cool there). And she looks at me, like I just killed a kitten, and she starts backing up. She turns around and starts walking down the stairs (We live on the second floor, they live underneath). I walk toward the entrance door to close it shut, and this time lock it maybe, but once I get there, I notice she's about to slip. I try to blurt out "Hey... Watch it!!" But just as I reach my hand out, she falls, mostly because she's exhausted, angry, and her shoes full of snow, and it probably got real slippery.
She screams like a pregnant cow, tumbling down the stairs. I panic, I walk so I can get a better view, I watch her at the bottom of the stairs screaming and cursing. Sounds like she's blaming me.....
So I'm standing there, watching this, and I think.. Fuck it, and I close the door shut, lock it, and go back to owning noobs.
Okay, so, anyway, fast forward a few months....
It's morning, and my phone is ringing, it was my grandma, she lives around 2100km away and she seemed to be really upset about something. I didn't really get it, but I played along (I normally never really listen when people talk about mundane stuff anyway). She said she's always known, and that she still loved me, I thought I had missed a birthday or something crucial, so I felt it was a good idea to just play along in this case as well, replied with "ah thanks, you've always been my favourite grandma" and I didn't quite get why she seemed to be almost crying when she hung up.
Strange I thought, anyway, a few days later she called again, now she told me that my dad also loved me, and I said, oh great, that's awesome, and I hung up.
At this point I've not heard from my dad in weeks, and when he finally does decide to call (he never opens up nor gives me anything close to resembling an emotion or affection). But called just to tell me I was his son, and that would never change, I reply great, and I hang up, getting annoyed with all this trolling, or whatever it is they're doing.
Then around the third time or so my grandma calls, it dawns on me, they all think I'm a faggot lol. (Not that there's anything wrong with that). I burst out laughing, and tell her I'm not gay.
She almost bursts out singing, sounds like she too is about to have a heartattack, but a good one. She screams to my grandpa "Marius, Marius, he isn't a fag anymore, he's proper, he's not gay". Gets back to me, oh my looord, I have to call and tell everyone, I have to call and tell everybody. And she hangs up on me....
So that's about it, so as you guys can see, I'm clearly not gay, in fact, I'm quite manly, if I could say so myself!!
*Roarrr* |
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rubbago Mexico. Nov 05 2011 14:07. Posts 257 | | |
| | On November 05 2011 12:36 Mariuslol wrote:
LoL, thanks, okay I'll update here xD
Reply to the guy who said I was gay
+ Show Spoiler +
No, but I've got a funny story on that. Most people in my life have kept calling me gay here and there for various reasons lol.
This one time, I had just moved in with a guy, but it was nothing sexual, just like mates sharing a place because it's cheaper, but the neighbors didn't believe that, and they started spreading lies all over the place. (In retrospect I think I might know why, they were an old couple, both pretty retarded, like an 8,0 on a scale from 1-10, and you're allowed to use comma).
They started to hate me when winter came, and this is why. A lot of snow started appearing everywhere, and this one time, her husband was sick, so she came to the apartment and asked if I could plow their snow. I said no, and then I closed the door. (Was pretty busy, owning it up in SC, so not much time to explain)
.
A few minutes later she came back, she had gotten dressed and tried plowing it herself for 1 minute before giving up, and she once more told me to go out and plow. Now I realized she wasn't fucking with me, she really wanted me to plow the snow, but I started telling her the reason why I couldn't. I have just recently gotten a Frozen shoulder http://www.apexklinikken.no/frozenshoulder.php and the pain it gives me to use my right hand was almost unbearable, each night, several hours of pain, and the first few hours of the morning, sick painful. Even when I was playing Starcraft I had to struggle through it, because every click on the mouse felt very uncomfortable, whimpering sounds like "owfth, au, shit, ahh, crap, fk, shit, lol, au, eeh" kept coming more frequent than not.
And this crazy person was trying to get me to plow.
But she wasn't interested in listening to my story, she just kept getting more and more pissed, demanding me to go plow the fucking snow. When she just kept interrupting my story, I instead said, no, buzz off. And I closed the door again.
I smile, I feel happy, I'm in a good mood, not sure why, but it always seem to brighten my day when I run into these kinds of people. I go to the kitchen to make some food and I watch out my window, she notices me watching her, and she does the most terrible acting job I've ever seen, pretending to push the snow, and then falling over.
Now I smile even more, people are funny lol.
Anyway, I go back to eating food, and around 10 minutes later I get really startled, the crazy person was there, standing in the doorway of my room. She had bursted right in to our apartment without knocking, she was full of snow, snot all over her face, some goo hanging down her mouth and more pissy than ever.
She didn't say a word, just kept looking at me, I looked back for like 10 seconds, no words were spoken.
I broke the silence and said "what's up?"
She kept staring at me, like I was some douchebag, evil, handsome looking spoiled brat. (ok that last expression she probably wasn't capable of executing, but she was definitely looking at me).
Right around now I started to feel a little awkward, I shrug my shoulders and repeat "what?" once more, but still nothing.
I get annoyed, put on my headphones and tell her to get out when she's done watching me, and I queue up another game
.
Now I think to myself, "phew, finally over". And I keep owning noobs on the ladder (Like Tasteless would say). Then 10 minutes later... Crazy old bitch screaming in the hall.
She's back, angrier then ever, almost crying, wanting me to plow the snow, rambling nonstop. Now I've got these mix of emotions, 1/3 excited, 1/3 annoyed, 1/3 frustrated. She won't ever understand that I can't physically plow the snow, wth do I do. So I try and talk louder than her, NO, I WON'T PLOW THE FUCKING SNOW. (Ok, I probably didn't use the word fucking, I don't swear a lot, just wanted to sound cool there). And she looks at me, like I just killed a kitten, and she starts backing up. She turns around and starts walking down the stairs (We live on the second floor, they live underneath). I walk toward the entrance door to close it shut, and this time lock it maybe, but once I get there, I notice she's about to slip. I try to blurt out "Hey... Watch it!!" But just as I reach my hand out, she falls, mostly because she's exhausted, angry, and her shoes full of snow, and it probably got real slippery.
She screams like a pregnant cow, tumbling down the stairs. I panic, I walk so I can get a better view, I watch her at the bottom of the stairs screaming and cursing. Sounds like she's blaming me.....
So I'm standing there, watching this, and I think.. Fuck it, and I close the door shut, lock it, and go back to owning noobs.
Okay, so, anyway, fast forward a few months....
It's morning, and my phone is ringing, it was my grandma, she lives around 2100km away and she seemed to be really upset about something. I didn't really get it, but I played along (I normally never really listen when people talk about mundane stuff anyway). She said she's always known, and that she still loved me, I thought I had missed a birthday or something crucial, so I felt it was a good idea to just play along in this case as well, replied with "ah thanks, you've always been my favourite grandma" and I didn't quite get why she seemed to be almost crying when she hung up.
Strange I thought, anyway, a few days later she called again, now she told me that my dad also loved me, and I said, oh great, that's awesome, and I hung up.
At this point I've not heard from my dad in weeks, and when he finally does decide to call (he never opens up nor gives me anything close to resembling an emotion or affection). But called just to tell me I was his son, and that would never change, I reply great, and I hang up, getting annoyed with all this trolling, or whatever it is they're doing.
Then around the third time or so my grandma calls, it dawns on me, they all think I'm a faggot lol. (Not that there's anything wrong with that). I burst out laughing, and tell her I'm not gay.
She almost bursts out singing, sounds like she too is about to have a heartattack, but a good one. She screams to my grandpa "Marius, Marius, he isn't a fag anymore, he's proper, he's not gay". Gets back to me, oh my looord, I have to call and tell everyone, I have to call and tell everybody. And she hangs up on me....
So that's about it, so as you guys can see, I'm clearly not gay, in fact, I'm quite manly, if I could say so myself!!
*Roarrr* |
awesome lol |
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HaiVan Bulgaria. Nov 05 2011 14:19. Posts 2083 | | |
lolmarius  |
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Critterer United Kingdom. Nov 05 2011 14:43. Posts 5337 | | |
just read all of them back to back, seriously funny stuff man! i like ur writing style too haha |
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| LudaHid: dam.ned dam.ned dam.ned. LudaHid: dam.ned northwooden as..hole | |
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lebowski Greece. Nov 05 2011 15:01. Posts 9205 | | | |
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| new shit has come to light... a-and... shit! man... | Last edit: 05/11/2011 19:22 |
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Spitfiree Bulgaria. Nov 05 2011 17:25. Posts 9634 | | |
wth did the plowing snow story have to do with the being gay one wwttfff
great stories :D i feel a lil bit trolled tho |
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MiPwnYa  Brasil. Nov 05 2011 17:46. Posts 5230 | | |
id buy your book if u wrote one
(not kiddin) |
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Mariuslol Norway. Nov 05 2011 19:39. Posts 4742 | | |
Thanks xD
I'm not 100% sure why, but I felt the story was pretty relevant, and showcasing that I wasn't really gay, people just thought I was! |
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"I got in trouble for minor things like bringing my AG3 home"
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| f u bw rock | Last edit: 05/11/2011 19:55 |
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| | On November 05 2011 16:25 Spitfiree wrote:
wth did the plowing snow story have to do with the being gay one wwttfff
great stories :D i feel a lil bit trolled tho |
the Angry lady told grandma hes gay ! |
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k4ir0s Canada. Nov 05 2011 21:14. Posts 3476 | | |
| | On November 05 2011 16:46 MiPwnYa wrote:
id buy your book if u wrote one
(not kiddin) |
+1
wow. you're pretty awesome marius
more stories pleasee?? |
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| I dont know what a dt drop is. Is it a wrestling move? -Oly | |
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whamm! Albania. Nov 06 2011 02:45. Posts 11625 | | |
you should write a bio(potentially a tv series) |
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Mariuslol Norway. Nov 06 2011 20:28. Posts 4742 | | |
Love the encouragement, last 2 days I've been "playing" with the idea, thinking, what if, hmm. What do I need to do to become a writer, what courses, how long, where do I start, thoughts along those lines.
It's a fun thought atleast xD
Anyway, here's another small update. This one maybe won't interest you if you aren't an oldschool SC/BW player though. Will be hard to relate to the story otherwise =]
+ Show Spoiler +
| | On November 06 2011 13:59 SK.Testie wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 05 2011 09:11 Liquid`Drone wrote:
| | On November 05 2011 08:56 ImDrizzt wrote:
|
hahaha
another story: once SoL was going to play rS. in a clanwar. Me, Erling, marius and a couple others were at marius' place with multiple computers. erling had the password to SoL.Norts, and logged on one computer using that nickname. Marius on the other hand made a fake SoL. nick, and then through using the sol.norts account, he convinced testie (playing for rS. ) that he was supposed to play vs marius' smurf account. testie ended up winning 2-0 but oh boy was there a ruckus in the channel afterwards, when testie claimed to have won his series 2-0 (and testie himself had no reason to believe he didn't face a real SoL member) while not a single real SoL member knew of any match occuring. pretty hilarious observing both clans flying at eachother in bnet chat, as both teams were utterly convinced that the other was lying. |
YOU PIECES OF SHIT |
Hahahahaha, ohh my o my, if you only knew... (Well technically you will know now and you kinda knew a little bit and because I'm about to tell you, since you're so devilishly handsome, (plus I saw you as a friend) even though I'm not sure you knew me since I kept "befriending" you with different nick's all the time (LoL, I said Nick's), and I had no idea which nicks (it hurts) you knew me on an which ones you didn't. But I do think you realized Mariuslol, or IamMarius was the perpetrator to most of the "random strangeness" happening around you here and there, since you started becoming more and more immune to my shenanigans.
* A normal SC/BW day in a random chat channel *
rS.Testie: --
rS.Testie: --/
rS.Testie: --
rS.Testie: --/
rS.Testie: --
rS.Testie: --/
rS.Testie: --
rS.Testie: --/
rS.Testie: --
rS.Testie: --/
rS.Testie: --
rS.Testie: --/
rS.Testie: ôÔ
rS.Testie: Ôô
rS.Testie: ôÔ
rS.Testie: Ôô
Mariusonasecretfakenick: Hey Testie, did you read that new study they found out about people having red hair n stuff?
(In whispers)
rS.Testie: Hey Marius
Mariusonasecreftfakenick: crap
A really cool Testie story is that one time, I'm not sure if you remember it, but you were playing some King of the Hills thingy vs Draco. Pretty big event, and a lot of people were excited about it, they were also broadcasting it live on GosuGamer.net radio, two swedes I believe. (Back then we had to "listen" to what was going on, and the commentators would tell the listeners what was happening).
An hour or so before the event I started to scheme, I joined the channel for the event and after I've thought through a few potential scenario's I found the nicks of the guys hosting it.
I kept checking for Testie and Draco to come online nonstop in between my talking to the hosts.
To one host I told him I was a close and personal friend of Per. Then the radio guy would go Per?? (Which made it x3 as fun, because my best friend online at the time was Per, also known as SaFT). And I would go, ah, Nick. Nick Perentesis. And he says, Testie? Ah yeah, not used to using his in game name, up here we all just call him Per, or Nick pick.
(This was a very elaborate plot to convince the radio guy me and him were tight, which again was all part of my plan to get in the game and observe, hehe).
So I told him that Nick had been trying out this new Mexican fast food restaurant down the street, and he had some Taco that's been coming up all day plus a slight case of diarrhea , so he might be 5 - 10 minutes late, but he's definitely still coming. He just text me to let you guys know, so consider the message given.
So now the radio guy is all like trying to befriend me and is x10 as nice and is replying at a proper rate. Asking if Nick was alright, hoping it was nothing too serious n stuff.
I just jatted (not sure if this is an actual word, but I felt it fit) along, assured him it wasn't anything serious, just that when he pukes it takes a lot longer because of all the hair, need some netting thingy around it not to get any mess on it.
After I've sweet talked radio host guy #1 I whisper radio host guy #2 and tell him I'm a close personal friend of Draco, and he had been having a huge argument with his dad and he lost his internet, but not to worry, he was running over to his friend's house to play but might be 5 minutes late or so.
So far everything is going pretty smooth, now I just have to catch Draco and Testie when they log on. I keep spamming for them, and when they finally log on I hurry and whisper both and tell them I'm from Gosugamers.net and that there's a slight technical problem, maybe 5 minute delay, so they can just come in the channel, sit down, chill, maybe get some tea, stretch and refocus. (This aligns up perfectly to the 5 minutes delay radio hostguy #1 and #2 think is happening).
I then hurry and whisper the hosts "okay they're here, almost ready, just give em 2-3 minutes".
Now all I can do is "pray" and hope this somehow gets me in the game.
Sure enough, a few minutes later I get a whisper from the hosts asking if they are ready. I then tell them Testie wants this or that version of a map, blabla. Just some random subtle detail just to make it seem 100% legit I know him. (Felt something mundane might fit right around there).
Then the next sentence is game name and password, I join the game and it's the 2 hosts + Draco and Testie. (FUCK YEAH!!)
Man, Starcraft was/is such an amazing game. Was already feeling the adrenaline come start pumping (even just thinking about it now, trying to memorize what happened makes me happy), knowing what was about to unfold. I think I even pushed it and asked the players if they were both ready and so forth, got a little carried away lol. (Out of character for a second, np, I'm still safe, I got this).
So then it starts, the game. Oh man, that game was easily one of my favorite, most fun, perhaps even the best game I've ever been in. (Although I don't really remember anything that actually happened in the game, per se!!) Hmm.. Maybe not best game (I did once nuke H.O.T.4EVER on SaFT's nick in a semi final's once, that was sick fun too, way before people started lifting off with terran when observing, taking the island then going nuke, I think I invented it, won't say for sure but I definitely invented the reaver drop, but that's another story).
Ok, back to the Testie story....
Game starts, players type GL HF, I type to all "Don't worry if you have to pause and maybe go toilet, gl hf, going ally chat" (Just in case one of the hosts still wern't completely sold on my burrito story).
As the game takes shape the radio hosts keep asking me questions, and I just keep making up random bullshit. Told them this match was really special for Nick since he couldn't stand Draco. I think his exact words were, and I quote; "Fuck Draco, the guy is a piece of shit".
Now they start giggling and murmuring on the live broadcast, sharing bits and pieces of the info I'm giving them.
Told them a story about Nick chatting up this e-girl, then losing to some cheese Draco put on him, she had then stopped wanting to hang with him and was later spotted in various channels hanging with Draco instead.
They were loving it, going on about it on air how much Testie wanted to win this fight and how much it meant to him.
I also told them that Testie had a few weeks prior to this printed out a picture of Draco and hung it up in his bedroom, to fire him up and so he'd remember the face he was going to smash in. And a couple of days ago when I was over at his place watching him teach me some TvP FE builds the picture now had stab wounds on it and was almost torn to shreds. So pretty confident Nick got this.
Awh man, I wish I could remember more details, I started this story 10 hours ago but I let it just sit still, tried to have some more thoughts come back, but I can't seem to remember more. (sowy guyz)
I could just make up some though, but it wouldn't as close to truth as this is. All this so far is "close enough" or in the general ballpark, so to speak.
LoL, can't even remember who won the games, maybe Nick can tell us?
=] |
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YoMeR United States. Nov 07 2011 01:11. Posts 12435 | | |
Please continue to blog more stories and even just randomass thoughts. I love your shit and how you think. It's very foreign to me and i think it's extremely interesting. ogogogo |
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Jhyun88 United States. Nov 07 2011 01:37. Posts 1383 | | |
lol biggest irl troll ever. You're awesome.
| | So we went there, I was feeling good since I was wearing a scarf, I've got lots of scarfs. |
Most random sentence ever wtf?
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moonk379 United States. Nov 07 2011 01:49. Posts 355 | | |
i find those random sentences quite humorous |
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Spitfiree Bulgaria. Nov 07 2011 02:04. Posts 9634 | | |
| | On November 07 2011 00:49 moonk379 wrote:
i find those random sentences quite humorous |
+1 |
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whamm! Albania. Nov 07 2011 02:23. Posts 11625 | | |
you are a very odd person and a lot of people find that refreshing |
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