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Malheur. I am not even sure if I understand this word because it supposedly has a hard time being translated in English. I mean a simple translation would be bad-time. Misfortune, woe, adversity, affliction with a hint of impending doom. Surprisingly, I am not there at the moment but I think I do understand this word very well.

I had a job interview the other day that I thought might have been the one but it was not meant to be. I am not sure what the owner and store manager wanted but I guess I was not it. They have a business to run but it hurts a little bit. A lot of it is the time and effort involved. I was likely the last cut made but if they don't want me for their business it's their loss and potentially my gain. If I think a little bit harder and reflect I'm certainly flirting with malheur. I'm in a shitty position and don't know the best way to get out. We've been here before. I'm just venting. I'll cross the bridge and ascend.


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I don't think I love my literal neighbors. They are kind of lame. I probably love a stranger from Gaza more. I remember I used to come home drunk and sing Pavarotti at 2am at this one apartment and no one complained. That is love for the wretched not love our neighbor. It is easier to love if you know nothing or everything.


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will post some pictures soon, been going out n meeting people n having fun. golf season again masters is on


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everyone has a life now or something, im retired with so much fucking free time to do what I want, maybe its time I go back on reddit or something. rikd I am reading some novels but reading bores me I like audio books more. I fall asleep reading books lol. there is not much to do with the resources I have so I gotta just like humbly n modestly but hey im grateful I aint slugging out at a 9 to 5 cause I did one of that that n it was brutal. oh well rather chill n relax then work hard for someones dream. I need to find a way to make a bit more money too cause I have so much free time n not a lot of capital to work with. I go to the casino 2x a month to pass time. I also don't think I want kids anymore too much work at my age. I don't know life is super peaceful atm like a buddha life. I need to go to a club or something n have that kind of life again maybe not sure. but right now I don't have much to do so im writing this blog.


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https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/ima...e279c4965e/Brad_Owen.png?t=1708810558

Dear fellow degens,

I know what you’re thinking: “if I had 2 first names instead of a first and last name I’d be a popular poker vlogger too.” Well sorry but there can only be one Brad Owen. And we got him on the pod to explain how awesome poker vlogging is. (Actually it turns out he started vlogging so his parents wouldn’t disown his degenerate gambling ass).

Or something like that. You’ll have to watch to find out what he said exactly.

Anyways, he gets down into the nitty gritty. He tells us everything from:

How he found poker

How long he spends on his Vlogs (fucking long)

How much $ he makes from YouTube

What the future holds

Enjoy episode 17 of the Table 1 Podcast with Brad Owen

Youtube: Click Here

Cheers!


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Whatever will be, will be.

I'm still writing my novel. Up to 80 some pages. I still feel a bit blocked. It's like what I've added some of it is decent and some of it moves the story but a lot of it could probably be cut and it wouldn't matter too much. I'm still stuck on where the story is going and how to finish it. I keep going just figuring I'll figure it out but the writing is ok but I'm not figuring it out yet. People tell me to keep writing which I do but I have to reel it in at some point and tell a good story and end it well. Maybe I should just say fuck the reader and write whatever I want. End the book abruptly with nuclear acopalypse. Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.

I went back to my MacBook Pro today from 2009. 15 years old and it still works. Although it's operating system is too old to run barely anything. It does have a working Notes (word processor). I prefer Notes to anything Windows has to offer. I am thinking of transferring my desktop to Linux. Be that kind of nerd. I was a Firefox / DuckDuckGo nerd on my MacBook Pro.

I'm flourishing in a flourish of Byung-Chul Han. The Compulsion Of Authenticity from The Disapearrance of Rituals has to be one of the better chapters he has written.

It really is que sera, sera though. Whatever will be, will be. Makes me want to read Seneca vs. Jesus. Marcus Aurelius Meditations vs any other religious crap. Sometimes things feel overwhelming. It would be nice to believe in faith. Life is not that simple.


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Back to reading some rikd post so close to all of 7s but nope PR the combo breaker lol


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Comment ca va?


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I'll post some pictures of my city soon, hope u guys do the same. I just went to Canada place n saw Stanley park from afar.


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what y'all been up too? I am getting bored again, poker getting boring again lol. time to count cards at blackjack instead? anyone ever count cards at blackjack n did good?


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https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/ima...aire_poker_coach__1_.png?t=1707582570

Dear Fans, friends, and aspiring keyboard warriors,

Today we sit down with poker legend Jonathan Little, whose story defies the typical "lucky break" narrative. From his initial $50 deposit into an online poker site at the tender age of 18, Jonathan's journey through the high stakes world of poker is nothing short of remarkable. This episode peels back the layers of Jonathan's career, touching on his early days in the game, his approach to bankroll management, and the pivotal moments that have defined his path. We delve into the recent Twitter controversy that's been surrounding Jonathan, providing listeners with an insider's perspective on the drama that unfolds in the public eye.

Listeners will be treated to Jonathan's insights on balancing the demands of professional poker with personal life and business ventures. The episode is not just a walkthrough of Jonathan's poker career but an intimate look at the evolution of a man who has grown and adapted over the years. With stories of networking, big wins, and the challenges of keeping it real, this episode is a fascinating exploration of the life of a poker pro beyond the table. Whether you're a poker enthusiast or just someone intrigued by the stories of people who turn their passions into success, this episode offers a compelling blend of personal anecdotes, professional advice, and the occasional poker strategy tip straight from Jonathan Little himself.

???? Enjoy episode 15 of the Table 1 Podcast with Jonathan Little

Youtube: Click Here

Cheers,

-Art and Justin

PS: I don't know how to resize images using the forum codes...So the thumbnail is more foot-sized. Oh well. Lemme know what you think! =]


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OK guys, the last one, it was such a trip to the past for me, all that awareness was too much, unbearable to finish the last one truly, it's 2am here and I kept procrastinating. My goal now is to start new diaries, think of a better system with dates, maybe categories, There is a book on bullet journalling I might follow. Thanks for reading, and or more importantly, to spam LP one last time maybe






2023


I haven't written in a long time, it feels awkward, can I even read what I write? Positivity - I talk less, only when I need to when I have high confidence. Yesterday was too much, my ego is obsessed with people, how I see them, as quotas I make money from. The key is to see people as well, people, if you need them or not! Chew your food, be mindful, and put your knife and fork down. When you feel like eating emotionally, pause, put your hands on your heart and say "I am a good person" and recall one of your amazing positive memories.

When leading people. Be positive and lead by example, talk to people who are negative privately.

I am in the woods, sitting in a gazebo at Cibulka.

To escape reality of life is why everyone does everything - norm macdonald


I might not have before this world, I was well . . . the happiest in Scotland, before I had my PC, I'd run every day, go after girls, it was the best 2 months ever. Russel from Menprovement figured it out, he just upped and left his business, posts scarcely. Try to have 2 weeks without PC, just write, be with people, work out, do silent time and exercise.

When I focus on reality I discover things, like when I discovered a community garden at Zlicin and just sat on the bench there. Ziglar talks about the need for clean language, and positivity. When you are confident there is no need to make people laugh, you can be silent, be present for them. Someone recognised I worked in sales.

Whesto in 1st armada - focus on positivity, surround yourself by amazing people, if bad apples want to leave - let them. You shouldn't be doing video games at all, so when you play them, do them in +EV way! I feel like I need to increase exposure to women - today I saw a skinny Ukrainian lady at the pond, so I went to the pond! amazing! When it comes to women I need to go someone who focuses on the present moment. Tolle: It's normal for Ego to fight back

I went on POBcast, it was cool to talk about disco. My purpose in life is PEOPLE! All your life you were drawn to interactions, Dating, SC:BW, Poker, Sales, Psychology, Laws of human nature, self-help, Goalkeeping, Dota, Dating meetups, and Radical Honesty. You have always been figuring out people! But, often you are afraid of your purpose, the anxiety actually means you care. Live your life, finally. Lean into your purpose, enjoy looking at people! Have that calm energy about you, always act as if you chose this moment. Act as if what happens is on purpose, be a student. You act now, to make your future great..


I did a gym tour in my 4 am wake up phase
- stodulky, barrandov, went to Prokopak valley, had small cherries from the tree, wild ones. The pond is amazing, calming when I breathe under water. You breathe, hold your breath, that's how you focus on silence and presence.

PPL is +EV
- Learn to wake up early
- Listen to +ev on the bus
- work out there
- dance, hypnosis on the way
- learn discipline
- I can act after
- fun when I am rested. Doesn't matter if I am fucked

I would do PPL, then the pond and even the gym! At the gym I accepted my anxiety, ran into it, towards it, listened to Elliot Roe, found a solution, acted hard and travelled to Liberec.

The simple fact is, you don't need to do anything at all to be liked, to feel liked. You definitely don't have to put people down, tell stories that trigger reactions.
You are not only enough, but you can give people the greatest gift of all: the gift of presence, lack of judgement, curiosity.
Sense of awareness and joy as you open yourself to them, create space for them, steer them towards positivity.
on the other hand it's urealistic tothink you can suppress your ego, it's great to find positive creative and constructive workable outlets where you let your ego have it's time in the limelight.

Like making videos, editing, cutting, entertaining people. You got to live with making misfires when you let your ego loose.

Seek moments of presence, pull out the kind, the positive part of your ego when you can. Know that the best way to people is relaxed presence, that invites them to express their deep self.

You have a fantastic gift of empathy, the connections you make are very deep, as you thought about people's feelings all your life. Your ego lives to create this underlying anxiety, puts attachment so much. Games - big attachment, pixels, fears of losing them. I have so many attachments inpoker, I see people bluffing me as an attack on my resources. Constant attachment to how my sessions are going. NL100, can';t let them run me over.

Every sign of tension os an invitation to relax.
Goals + presence = results
Dreams are your brain taking a shit.


Rokytka while playing poker was cool, I felt POWER - working out is vital.


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If you build it they will come they say. If I could just figure out The Entertainment I could get people to come to my blog and have high replies and viewership. Although the true Entertainment is so entertaining that people die of dehdration consuming The Entertainment.

Who is there to reply and view? This site certainly is not growing and never will again.

Why don't I stop this and write a novel? Well, novels are bloody difficult to write. I'm not sure I have it in me. I should probably just plan to be white trash at this point. Shoot guns, jerk off to porn, be ignorant. That's way less difficult than writing a novel. I already practice the guitar. I need a studio to paint, blah blah blah. I'm frustrated over here ya know?


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Vancouver was snowing recently and it was a blast to play with snow again, felt like a kid. I haven’t really explore the city while it was snowing but finally did. Gotta post some pictures when I figure out which site to use


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OVERBETS SRP
TPGK river after you check called flop vs small bet? Pop in overbets if you missed.
E.G. AJ on AQ4s, you call a cbet, turn gets checked
=> 150% overbet river, you have a lot of missed hands there due to offsuit combos.

BvB KT on K72TQr
- You can overbet river wide after betting flop and turn.
- 3 Barrel a lot, overbet river, put even weak Kx into a tough spot

Top pair SRP
- Someone donked pot into you? He is polarized. Check TP back on turn, snap vs river bets. even KQ K79s
UTG/MP When you flop TP vs blinds
- on e.g. J95s, consider checking back TJ
- the ranges are tight
- hard to get 3 streets

AQ A3Kr COvBB
Solver: bet BIG on the flop. If you do cbet small, then overbet further. You have great range advantage, put value on.


SRP
- Fold 99 vxss 2/3 on TQ8 after flatting big iso
- Bluff more bad runouts even after checking back flop
- Bluff more, look for easy chips
- 44COv BU 375s cbet 25%
- 7d8d cbet 50% KT4s with bdfd, great backdoor with 695 + flush
- Bet 44 on KT8s with BDFD MPvB. You cantake it down now, you canbarrel on turn diamonds, 3 barrel some as you unblockfolds.
- CBet ACTs on 7c6c3h after isolating.
- Peel A8 on J77 vs 27% cbet oop, you got backdoors, sdv
- Cbet AQ on TXXs MPvCO 25%, CO can X down worse Ahi, you get option to barrel with backdoors
- CBet AKT with underpairs BUvSB, consider 3 street bluffs
- Fold Q4 on KQ46 vs big bet and bet
- Cbet QXXm IP wider! in position you can go wide here
- Delay cbet QJ 468A, barrel river a lot
- 98 on 2326 vs check - stab BIG, bet BIG
- Delay cbet T8 on 73QJ and barrel most rivers
- Peel A9 with bdfd on TT2r, value backdoors, leave no stone unturned!
- J8 on QJ3Q9 - let it go on the turn and river vs large bets unless he is mental aggro
- KQ on K54 vs shortie - flat vs big cbet, let him spazz
- QT on 93635 4x flush =? stab river with air!
- let go of dominated draws vsturn raises


3Bets EP/MP
-COvUTG after 3bet AJs, just check back J26s. He has just 2 KJs combos you might get 3 streets from. Mix check backs to call/call.
- AK big squeeze, get called by MP: You caan bet shove 2 street sizing AT9r. The range is narrow, you can stack AQ, AJ, not many other hands call down anyways
- 88 AQ8s UTG v MP: It's okay to raise sets when he cbets small here
- BBvs MP, AQ on K52A => Block turn after you 3bet and cbet.
- BB 3B vs our MP KsQs Qdts9s: Flop easy check back in these positions with the backdoor.
- AA on J83s vs raise BB v UTG 3b pot you can click it back when you get raised small by UTG
- AA 4bet MP v UTG 200 BB deep is a 50% cbet when called pre on T73r. You set up stacks better for turn and river.
- AKo after 3bet iso BU v CO: checkback 572r, nothing worse folds, simples. You also don't blockanything, can checkdown vs Ahi
- dont' be afraid to fold weak pairs vs big cbets if the board is good forvillain
- AK3s SBv MP AT: Can purecbet small. J turn => check. River on AK3J3 blockbet or jam river, either vbet vs Jx or put A in a hard spot.
- T64m BBv CO 3bety: BB bets small. Co has PURE CALL OF FOLD. Too much overpair + flush advantage in BB. Tx blocks a lot of CO's flushes relatively.
- 77 is a mix UTG v MP call 3bet when he cbets 2/3 on 984r, fold to barrel.
- Your ego had a false belief he 3bet wide, I got to beel to the turn barrel. It was ego driven, just fold, let him take it, just because the pots are bigger doesn't mean you need to feel more emotional orengage your ego. 3bet or 4bet - it's just odds and ranges, with just shallowed stack topot ratios.

RAISES SRP
- After check raising use 2/3 or check size on most turns. Even though solvers love to block turns, the strategy gets very complex, 3bets, multi size river etc. Until you figure it out just go for the 2/3 or check turn.
- When you check raise with nut blockers, you either give up turn or 3 barrel. I.e. As7d on 8s4s6sJxKx, got to bet the river with the blocker.
Pete: you just aren't playing the ranges the same way when you have it and whenyou don't. Play them the same, you just have to bluff shove best blockers when you have a lot of nutted hands, no choice there.
- KQ after check raise T9Tr, bet the rag turn, he still has a lot of stuff he can fold, and you still are drawing live vs 9x.
i.e. KQ T9T5 after you CR flop. barrel obvious cards that hit your draws on the river, big 8 6 J, bluff, rest give up.
- Raised flop, improved equity? bet often! did your other obvious deawing hands hit? Good blockers? BLUFF BIG!.
- OK to raise 45 bvb on A76 vs small cbet. If you bet turn you have to follow up on river when your other draws hit. If you don't then check turn call flop
- Dont raise 53 5Q3, check call, be aggro later , cr gutters, A2 46 A4 etc.


A-Game journal
I have music on, lamp on, sit right up, shuffle chips, timer set and have fun!
I think what I am achieving with my ranges. Where I stand relative to my range with my hand. What story is he trying to tell. Who has range advantage, nuts advantage. What will happen on future streers, down the game tree?


MONTH TO SMASH
- punk rock concert drunk
What it you had just a month for poker? Just give it your best, you'd look back at that month where you gave it your all, succeeded or failed? It wouldn't matter.

First song comes on froma shit band
"I'm trying to push the envelope, I sacrifice much and work hard. I stopped being afraid, I push upwards

I don't appreciate Pete enough, I do have a tendency to keep distance from authority, coaches, father etc. But he's been there for me always. It's like wuth GFs. Maybe it's time to stop, be my own player, go after my own goals, not care what people want, and take people in my life as someone I WANT there, not someone I NEED. Take coching points from crushers as advice, but realize the responsibility is in your corner, take it into your own hands. You get to play, and you want to play, every hand is an opportunity. Time to think about the ranges, instinct, and now if your coach or solver will approve of it, what would they show or tell you afterwards.

Listen to solvers, coaches. Not because you are afraid of playing badly, but because they make YOUR game better, that's all you want. Be your best self with allyour mood swings, people see the best you as your potential. Well that's bullshit, you are not your best self, the real you is the sum of your parts, the middling baseline of your A, B, C game, and you need to accept that. Accept your states, your skill at the top AND bottom, work from both ends.

Makes your states the best you can. In the shit, anxious, fucked? Do a nap, hypnosis, take a walk, swim.
At your best? SMASH! Keep PUSHING AGGRESSIVELY with little pauses. Get hungry you son of a bitch, smash in your highs when it's easy! Made an amazing play? Proud and crushing? Keep the fuck GOING relentlessly, ride that high!


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OLLLLD One - 8 years old. These were my first two notebooks ever, it's from a time I played NL16-NL50




Played Svenskaspel - lots of swings with the swedes, easily agitated. So I opened lots of Stars tables when losing, I went to Tesco, bought this thing to think on paper (HOLY SHIT MY FIRST DIARY 8+ YEARS AGO) I like writing down my thoughts - will I read it back ever?
COMMENT: WELL I DID, 8 FUCKING YEARS LATER LOL


I broke intro a children's playground to workout on the swings etc. I couldn't do 3 pullups => FUCK




I spend way too much time online - youtube, facebook etc. When poker goes badly. Do I want freedom or a coach>? Agitation - Girls, Money. procrastinating makes me stressed - I do it because poker goes badly? How to win? 4 Table with focus, tank every decision, sizing progressions. My energy should be spent onpoker, sorting out my life, the there's space for chicks and PUA stuff (COMMENT: Yes, PUA Phase, one of you on LP coached me over skype ). I start my sessions focused, when I lose a couple all ins I open youtube. "I just can't win" "I run so bad", I turned away and started autopiloting. Now I don't feel like playing and fear like it will happen again. I do find it relaxing to turn off everything and just grind - a sense of relieve, I do feel pressure when I do more than one thing, but my brain is addicted to multitasking.

I had a biggest winning day in a month today, felt like a lot of pain but I worked through it, feels more "real" last session had confidence to pull some great moves, realise my range, timebanked every decision on Svenska. Poker was FUN again.

I feel like I stand out above the rest with my lack ofjudgement, attachment, listening skills, curiosity and the ability to be present! I can honestly say that I am a great person, working on myself works.

I should not do more things at once. Even when doing the "bad thing" just focus on it! like dota, movies, youtube. And then focus on the productive things. It's fine to procrastinate, even on hobbies!

I felt a bit agitated with my family, trying to defend myself, my purpose, then I simply said "I am what I am" it felt great - I cna just be me, the best me and feel no need to defend myself. Just say to people I respect them, we both are here, with different values and that's okay. And if family wants to deal with their want for me to succeed in their world framework, there is nothing I can do about it. It's better to be yourself, polarize people, have love/hate than pretend to be something and have mediocre relationships with everyone.

Sugar knocks me out, really bad for me. I was tired, low focus, felt weird, on edge. I really need to cut sugar, replace with potatoes, veg etc.

Running, heater, be a psychopath![b]
I tried running, it felt relly hard at first - stiff body, pain in legs, but I got into it and was Fist pumping + excited near the end. Went for a nap after - counting down from 300, mind overload, I fell asleep after 20 ish. I ran well afterwards, 13BI day, watched a sauce video, doube2 coaching, commented on hands, convo with Midian. I even joked in chat,posted fun hands. Was excited at taking shots at 2/4 and NL50 - made me walk faster, look forward to playing. After a day like this I feel like I belong higher and deserve to play NL50.

I am checking cashier a lot - married to the $, fear of losing => lowered focus? Like I have a limiting belief in playing higher. I am concerned with Bankroll - went to new highs, I stopped focusing, like I feel I don't deserve it. I am attached to the values of money, afraid to lose it => [b]Started playing more NL16, procrastinating with ATH bankroll
COMMENT: This is what messed me up in BW, Poker, other things. Afraid to push when at the top
Self image is low financially? I need to raise my belief system, move up in my head, not self sabotage when I reach success. This is the most I have done in a year - I am attached and afraid to lose it, I stopped focusing ob best plays and building life around allowing me to make them. I became risk averse, but I have NOTHING TO LOSE! I can go back to $600 and make a living . . . Do sweats. coaching, NL50. It's all the same in poker as in life. when I get out of my head, stop obsessing about results, how someone is beating me, what limit I play, what bad beats I get - only then I can pay all my attention to the one thing that matters: PLAY THIS HAND AS WELL AS I CAN. All else is bullshit and chatter. Thinking about bankroll, run good, bad, youtube, people, anxiety - these are attention drains. Drains from the 1 MOST VITAL THING: THIS HAND IS ALL THAT MATTERS, and then the next,and the next. I learn fromsomany sources and only my mind can put them together. I need to give it space with time and thinking on paper. At the tables worry has no place. Not only it's ok to believe in yourself, when losing, it's a necessity to go from good to great! Be like a psychopath at the tables in the long run. Develop the ability to completely control fear responses when necessary. I am very far from psychopathy and not feeling emotions, I a, fearmotivated, used anxiety to perform all my life, in floorball, forced stress before deadlines at uni. I have been capable of surreal feats when pressed against the wall, not so much when gain is at stake. I stop trying when anxiety's low, my drive for positive rewards is not as strong in me (this is how my childhod/parents worked. So I feel anxiety on purpose, make myself feel it when I need motivation. Ike is a psychopath, emotionless does not get affected by swings. It all comes full circle, to be like them one must live in the present moment. Like Cat, like monks. There's no anxiety in the NOW. Focus on the details, breathe, be right now.

coaching
I felt uneasy when I get coaching for some reason - like I am stealing something from the crushe. I guess I feel uneasy when I disagree wity the coach. The feeling I get before sweats and asking for them from crushers is the same before I go to a girl, when I just buck up and do it I feel good. How I feel and think is not as important, I can observe it but what matter is taking action consistent with my values. What I feel bad I should just take action anyways, that's the best remedy. I felt great on a night out, was authentic, sometimes a jackass, but that's me - talked to girls, act of courage, I do it automatically. Used to feel guilt before, now I just had a great time - was polarizing with people for sure, they loved or hated it and that's cool.


This Week: Stars 25hrs/week, Svenskaspel 10Hrs/Week. 5x gym, posted hands, studies.

"Best self" fallacy
When I feel shitty, I'd always compare to my BEST state. And then feel even worse and not take action/wait until I "feel good". When I accept: "Okay, I feel shitty" and shout it out I get a smile on my face. Felt how I felt, started fist pumping, yelling it out, there's nothing wrong with it, I am always here, this is how I am and only important thing is taking action. I can feel shitty, identify it, accept it, take action! Corey: Be yourself, go after what you want. Take action, that is in line with your values. If people don't support you, limit the time you spend with them.

Booze and pron Alcohol WORSENS your state. I feel great,open when sober when I go to people sober, alcohol takes that away. If I want to improve as a person, I have to stop drinking. I am awesome, I work on myself, drinking alcohol makes me less authentic. I don't have to tell anyone I am quitting - it's not a challenge, but how I feel. I show people myself through ACTION. Same with quitting porn - it's no challenge that I quit, just don't do it, no result in mind, because it's in line with your values.
=> I went to expat party sober. At first I was nervous, in my own head, then I went to a lot of people, had fun, played games and got over the anxiety. I need more practice to be genuine and authentic and not hide behind my comedy persona. Be genuinely interested in people. Sober. I went to a concert alone, sober, at first mind was moving, then started counting from 300, immersed myself in music , towards the end I was relaxed, present - get these experiences more often!
No porn is awesome, I feel a lot more attracted to girls, better overall, exercise more. I felt amazing and unstoppable when going to gym, nofap, no alcohol for 2 weeks. Rope climbing - I felt a strong sense of fear, my body wanted to lock up I just started to focus on performance, told myself how I am going to own it - fear and excitement run real close, all I have to do is shift my belief rowards excitement and I can do petty much anything new and become comfortable in all situations. No matter how new they are.

Relationships
People are not honest to themselves. It's hard to cut through the bullshit of self-preservation, patterns created by society, upbringing and the ego. If you aren't honest with self, you can't be honest with others. The best policy is to be our own true self, even if we know it might drive others away, and it should the raw me outward, keep relentlessly being yourself, while working on improving yourself. Be at peace with people that are not compatible. In a healthy relahionship one nust express honestly and constantly what they feel like, what they want, be it positive or negative. If all people were honest and genuine, eb be okay withlosing others instead of modifying and filtering themselves, only people that are truly great for each other would form long term relationships.

It's important to keep giving even when things are bad, and not take things for granted when they are good.
AlWAYS KEEP COURTING, Why treat a LONG TERM PARTNER any different than NEW DATES! She matters more , puts in more effort, it's important. Especially when things are not necessary to gain her love. Hunter mentality - I have to do A to get B, If I get A anyways I don't need to do B anymore, start taking B for granted. Relationships stop being exciting, one orboth stop trying. "Men cheat becauseof the 10% they don't get from their partner, even when they get 90% of what they do want". If one wants to cheat, it's better to talkabout it, do the the hard thing now for the long run. When Oli told her friends and they didn't listen (to verca about breakup) it was hard to tell them later. If one faces fear right away, the better it is. The longer one holds back feelings or talking uncomfortable stuff, the harder it is to express it. This goes to I love yous, positive things etc. the brain wants to keep homeostasis. It's really cool to just put myself out there exactly how I feel without expecting anything in return. It gives you freedom, there is no anxiety, and it people do give back it's a bonus. This makes it' "okay to be nice" not being afraid that niceness won't get reciprocated. You don't give a fuckwhat you get in return. Being in a long term remationship doesn't mean you need to drop what you love, quite the opposite. It's important to be therefor the big things, death in family etc. not talking about it = lackof trust builds, communication is important.


Aceptance and Commitment Therapy.
PRESENCE and present practice. You react to what your opponents actually do, not how you visualise them to actually play. CAT is so present, always scanning her surroundings, being in the mment - be like cat.



BORING exercise - defusion poker play.
1) Do difficult, boring or painful exercise e.g. moving up.
2) Watch for thoughts that are intruding on your engagement with the work. E.g. this cunt got lucky, What if I lose
3) Defuse
- sing, breathe, be aware of feeling, drink water mindfully etc.
It's like your normal thoughts with a supervisor.
4) Repeat: It's ok, I am willing to feel this. Imagine that you created the present sensation on purpose, even the difficult sensatuions.
Do specific days - body attention day, perspective day etc.

You have wasted a lot of your time on Dota,porn, youtube, shows
- expanse, 30 rock, the Office, modern family, married with children, two and a half men, one punch man, mob psycho, game of thrones, sabrina - new one, friends, inbetweeners, office UK, The Orville, TNG, Start trek Discovery, H3H3 vids, harry potter movies, pewdiediepie, one punch man theories, star wars, mob psycho theories, honest trailers, American Debates, Andrew Yangm trump rallies, Mark Dice, DBZ Theories, WW2 vids, cat videos, cryptocurrency - Tone Vays, AdmiralBulldog, Dota replays, Game of thrones theories, Unbox therapy, Colbert, Jananas, Starcraft vids, gilm theories, Corey wayne, Fox News + CNN, watch Mojo, brooklyn 99, zrebny+frlajs, conan clips, barbara 4U2C, Key and Peele, Marle, Mike postle drama, Joeingram, Loquipedia, vypsana fixa, high stakes poker,prime video movies, negreanu vlog.

Seinfeld - I watched all seasons, it was relaxing. Not as re-watcheable as the Office. What I recall:
George acts his opposite, gets a job at yankees. Kramer strong shower disposal. Susan went lesbian. Soup Nazi. Elaine short hair. JOe from family guy face paint. Kramer giddyup. jerry Caddilac for parents, got impeached and had to move. Larry david Frank's Lawyer. Elaine margin sheen => Destined to settle. Kramer brings air conditioning, falls on a dog. Kramer stays at jerry's apartment, has parties, rides bike ect. Jerry comes he freaks because a cup is not on a coaster. Jerry dates a girl that got gonnorhea from a tractor. Jerry dates a chick from sex and the city.


Audiobooks I listened to: Laws of human nature, Sapiens, Liberated mind, Power of Habit, Atomic Habits, Talking to Strangers, Ziglar - motivation x200, Paul Mckenna, Expanse: cibola burn, She comes first, Stories for cynics, Peak Poker Performance,

PRESENT DAY COMMENT: damn, it's actually cool recapping the shit I watch mindlessly like seinfeld! It's hard to avoid moderndistractions, might as well try to do more productive ones, write down what you watched



Poker is NOT a sport
- You do have time to act and defuse, unlike as a goalie.

It was amazing to non judmenetally watch people, mirror theor body language and imagine how it feels to be in their POV. I want you tohave moremindful basketball sessions.

I went to a random gig, it had free beer, bday partyl IPA, non filtr, bernard, with a punk band playing. I let go, meditated and partied like a madman! The band was in the audience, "Shrewd Auntie" awesome dance/rock. "The Gripes" were there too, I was high fiving people in the mosh pit. I then wenthome, while thinking how to make my life better.

Past
When thinking back at my life, how so much of what I do was to anchor to something external to give me self-worth and to avoid emotions. So much hidingin girls, games,food,shows,hockey cards, ziglar, exercise w. tereza, dota, corey wayne etc. Needing external thingsto define me. Well, just go towards it, accept who you are. Evolve, like goku's ultra instinct, your energy goes up and down and starts reintergating into you .


When Playing Zoom/cash
go with your instinct, focus on what is now, trust your gut, this amazing resilience guides your life, things happen for a reason, go with it, but do not deny your gut, be FOR things, you are amazing when you go with the flow.



Today after morning session I wrnt to BBALL field to shoot hoops. Meditation on the way, hand focus firts, then start feeling present. Mindful basketball is awesome. I respond really well to my surrundings when present, it's an insane state when I do it right. Milta told me about junkies, doing heroin in the basketball parl, wagging his feet, then starts knocking on trees. I actually went for a run at midnight - I didn't think, just went. I became a junkie for seeing new places, I saw indonesian embassy, pregnancy clinic etc. Remembered playing bball with pete, and went for a long spring just because. I am excited to start the day (Comment: I guess I did springs every morning at this point damn)


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PRESENT DAY: This is one of my "field" notepads, from time I was doing actually well. I literally took them to the pub with me, write drunk :D:

What the fuck are you doing biatch? Your values are fucking being an AWESOME PRO.
This amazing positive force of nature that pushes forward, fucking LOVES to ride the waves of ups and downs.

Fucking powerful habits like a fucking jedi lizard king, getting a fucking hardon at every possibility of improvement!
https://i.gyazo.com/1e139d7af97b53d095f9f7f82a1fe763.png
Living life to the fullest!

Thefuckyou cunt is this, you have a billion dollar body, you watch junk, you eat junk...ass? You're gonna be in love with pushing the process, doing amazing shit, right now, go towards pain, feel it, then do the awesome thing. You're gonna get excited about making life amazing!
How? Habits! Hard to so something? START! ACT!.

Heavy feelings, anxiety, overwhelmed? You're gonna FEEL IT!
As hardas you can!
Feel it in your GUTS!

Then realize you are NOT THAT ANXIETY. Your mind has awareness of it, It's telling you to ACT, and do something amazing for your life and other people!

SILENCE, SPACE TO THINK!
Is fucking massive. This amazing superpower, use it. How you ask?
Throw ball, shower, clean, listen to music, count from 300, hypnosis.

AGGRO MINDSET
towards improvement. It's absurt you hide in distractions, vides, games, porn, junk food. And remember - smile smile and smile, that's how life is great!



In a club at 9pm
During swedish house mafia I let go totally. Rage came out, I was totally screaming
- runbad
- cold, sick, can't push myself.
- Aunt with alzheimers I have to take care of constantly.
It felt like I reconnectyed with myself, a whole person, same as in the gym. Push it all out, felt serious, like I matter again.



"Watching H3H3 while chugging on nutella at 4AM., WP son. The fuck hah" you're a fucking nutter when I, the supervisor me, take a break.
Defision - give inner monologue a name. Talk to it. Schizophrenia is good when self-induced. You are a madman, and I love it. When it's controlled.

I hope these notepads won't be like nixon tapes.



Corey Wayne
You have to be great with you. You need to believe in your value in order to accept the love of other.
You are ok with just sitting on your own.
Never seek validation from others.
YOU are the source of your validation and motivation, women are not your therapists.
Relax, do what feels right, just act! .
Go in the direction of your passion, and let people hop on and off.
=> Poker was FUN today, I loved the pattern, loved writing through my issues, facing them head on, they quickly dissapeared.

Ask yourself great QUESTIONS!
Win, lose, high stake, low stake, broke , rich, fat fit, nothing changes.
It's about this week, this day, this hour and thismoment. Do your best and that's all here is. Breathe, plan, pause, observe, face reality, exercise, sleep, ask good questions, focus on answers and solutions, stretch.


Sugar is like a fucking poison. Avoid poisoning yourself, take care of yoursels like you would take care of a loved one! Your time is your best resurce, it is VALUABLE!

Pavla + michal BEER WITH THEM IN the tall buulding! It was awesome to see her, talk to her about the bakery,hos she likes girls.

Basketball is great, go again!


mindset
Believe in your strategy, get cocky "I am gong to make the right decisions every hand"
"I will crash and make better plays, sizings etc. than they would if situations were reversed"

Think longer term, consistent right decisions, winning money is not inmportant in the short run, making your best decisions is all that matters in the present. "They'd not bluff here, I will be disciplined and make the rigth uncomfortable bluff = > make $$ in the long run.
Feel GREAT about close folds and think good bluffs, when you play better than your opponents no matter the result.

It's amazing when you do good things like a walk even when you don't feel like it AT ALL, you took action.
Believe in yourself, you are you right now, others are to help you. Ask "what are you proud of" "how can you be even greater?"


FLOW
= Emotions + thoughts in sync.
Goal: pay attention to thoughts that reinforce + support your values.

Default mode network: Mind is active the most when it is resting! Remember the lecture about shrooms.
Defusion helps with calmingyour mind. Notice your thoughts!


Imagine your thought process as 1st graders arguing and you watch them. So what that you feel fat, you worked out, you ate late in the day, you always feel off and that's okay, you had caloric deficit. It's natural you feel anxiety about strangers son, you were overwhelmed, your mind is NOT empty and you have not practiced.
=> Get into advice mode, be a student, get perspective

Aim is to stand back from thoughts with a perspective.

PRESENT DAY: LOL I went to get a few beers, wrote this at a pub from ACT book, then went partying!

LEAVES ON A STREAM
imagine standing on a small bridge, leaves in a brook keep floating on the river, you watch as your float each floats on theleaf, you let it go. If it comesback, you watch it float away again.
Try to catch what interrupted you.

DIFFUSION
1) predictable, repeatable thoughts that seem part of you
- What if I lose?
- I need food when I feel bad
2) Dissapearing into thoughts, failing to get tasks done, letting time pass
=> try to catch the moment when you dissapeared into thoughts, when you fused.
=> Identify triggers.
Record your MIC IN SESSIONS. .

Notice thoughts, diffuse from them (singing, leaves on a stream, 1st graders, writing)
Accept them and act on those that support your VALUES.

I had a weird chat, my "high" self was giving me a lecture, in the mirror and was analyzing my situation, it was being understanding in this schizophrenia. It gave me steps, like I am a kid, I even talked back to him, basically having a conversation with myself. I felt this need for women, playing dota, watching 30 Rock, I wanted to hide away! He told me it was ok, to accept the consequences of eating that unhealthy food, that he gets why I did that . What a virtue signalling cunt! All smart and shit, righteous, he is you! It's hard our there for a pimp though he ain't getting it.


Emotional flexibility.
Corey wayne rules have been damaging actually.

I am a lot like Trump, use the nose breathing to compose myself. I use gestures with hands. I pucked up the head tilt from Jack Donaghy
https://i.gyazo.com/4d98740e2879f67d6c6496e1313989d3.png

I felt just totally awful today. I leaned into it, wrote fast and I started even yelling, took deep breaths, my eyes started watering. I realized "give me more, MORE" as I went overboard with emotions which brought - awareness as I overplayed them! I was smiling like a madman as I felt through that, put on aggro tiesto at Lazarska tram stop.



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Last 21 months ish you weren't updating your game properly. It is normal to struggle.

You are like a dinosaur, people got better, you got worse. You skipped modern trends
- Overbets
- Check/raising
- Block bets
- 3Bet properly, mix in hands like QXs in BB
- Different ranges in SB, BB for 3bets
- You strayed off of fundamentals.

CommentLATE COVID ERA ENTRY - I hit a low there, some of these bad habits I still have:
+ Show Spoiler +

DTTG/Adam Coaching:
+ Show Spoiler +

You feel amazing when you have momentum, but - you have the tendency to feel bad, guilty, like a victim for the past.
=> Instead, accept your situation, make friends with the past and plan for the future. Then all that is left is be in the present.

Yesterday I got rekt around the clock, hard session. Sour taste in mouth from the day before when I got rekt. Face hard days head on! analyze your "bad" hands, feel the feeling. Use solver, pete, snowie, make rational recommendations for actions you can later take. E.g. "I will make a big river fold or two despite my feeling to prove "I am in control. You learn from mistakes, you close the day, make friends with the past. You got to be successful bu continuous work, hard graft. Things are never the same however, you can build on the past and make friends with it, but you are older, situation is different, your body, the games, the times are different, your experiences are different. You get to adapt to the present situation instead of trying to relive your past self.


Whatever your reality is NOW, that's where you ARE. Embrace it, breathe it in, accept your current baseline, the tool syou get to work with. Every moment is like Metal Slug, you get dropped into that fat cunt that eats shit jaffa cakes from local supermarket every day, has rotting teeth, neglected their studies and is atticted to fucking prehistoric video games lol. That's good, look around you, this is what you play with, these are the conditions, this is where you need to smash with your Machine Guns like in metal slug baby. Drop into the present moment, experience the most amazing nuances of the lows and the highs.

Low confidence => you study to feel good, not so you may improve in the future = > sootinh your ego after losing hands. Well no - you should study spots that will make you the most MONEY over the long run.

The pope was visiting the US, and it dawned on him he never drove a limo. So he asked the Chauffeur to swap with him so he can try it on a highway. The pope then got a bit too excited and went too fast, he got pulled over. The policeman took one look at him, ran to his squad car and called the HQ Cop: "this must be some huge deal driver I just stop" HQ: "Is he a mayor?" Cop : "oh no, way bigger than that!" HQ "A governor?" Cop: "Wayyy bigger" HQ "Just how important is he? Who is it?" Cop: "I don't exactly know, but he has the Pope himself as his chauffeur!"

I was so chaotic today. In the end, I forced myself into writing again, it seems so weird as I haven't done it in a LONG time. The habit has been extinguished. I have to think about writig, it is uncomfortable after a break, I need to consider how to write. Like putting down year.

Praha - kyje. I remember Kyjsky rybnik, I just went for the fuck of it, swam in it, had a beer I remember thinking "I get to do this, no work in so long, I get to have a job again, I remember a lot of garbage stuck in my head. We are all one people. Feel your body, use the power of sexual energy, distribute it throughout your body, welcome it. Humans are like ants, all the same at the end of the day, with fun little variations, different functions, but parts of the same whole. And so are you.

Martina Cross. So I met this lady in a shitty techno club. Her name was Martina. Crazy, goes to churches to yell, then she texts me she got beat up after I left. She was 46, telling me about her underground Priests, and that I should totally go to her village for one of the ceremonies. Funny thing is, I did consider it but didn't go in the end. She was a former healer, escort, dancer, even told me about her two abortions.

Focused session
how did it start?
- Drunk
- Stressed
- Could be dropped from stake
- accepted I will do something else, get a job, let it go.
I GET to play poker, this is MY TIME, my responsibility, my life.
=> Talked to Bros staker, he told me about peopel crusing waking up at 4am to play the timezone.
I just did it, woke up at 4am!, then continued, went to the gym, sorted rent etc.

4Am waking up
all around that schedule, gym many times per week, using Sleep With me Podcast at night. Floorball, wotkingout, did driving lessons at the same time etc etc.

Poker
What story is he trying to tell?
What are you achieving?
Break down the combos!
Calm, collected, contemplative and relaxed!
Do the NHL Goalie trick - when they are scored upon, they drink water - focus on the drink, how it goes down, the sensation, break the pattern, let feelings flow.
Visualise - leaves on the stream, rope with a rock being cut. Write your A-game journal, write things you did well, read them in low times.
Do frequent reviews, do "drinking with a notepad" if you have! I went to a concern in a shit punk club and started brainstorming between dancing, drinking and talking to the natives.
See what works, potential, improvements, what doesn't look rationally, evaluate.

Then embrace the grind, schedule makes you money!
Gamify your life - Focus P,ant app. You gain points for not using your phone, make plants that look like tamagocchi.
Nitpick the positives in life! - Ben.nie Podcast


1) Do more Legs, front extensions, as they are great for floorball.
2) I let go, despite doing gym 5x per week, also got beer x2, wanked x2
3) Poscast with ben.nie made be realize I have a long way to go
4) Sprints are key, I used to do 10x10 sprints with variations
5) Discovered figure skating - valieva is a prodigy! Anna - stable underdog, trusova - fiery passion. Tuberidze - treats em like a factory.

I was stressed on Sunday, too many ukraine news watching, there are things you cannot control. There is a whole universe of galxies and you cant control any of them. Sometimes you do your best yet fail anyways. Hard to take, but you need to let go of that controlling attitude, the only thing you can control is YOU.

Clinging to old habits, to way things are doine even when not working is like grabbing onto rotten logs in the river.
Let go, swim towards the vastness of possibilities. Go outside, observe , see what your body does, open, excited about opportunities. Teust in your mind, train it , study those 3 bet pots, review them, practice. Wonder at what your mind has produced, even if they are mistakes!

Walk
I was it was snowing, amazing! I went out in the snow, danced to Tiesto, went to cibulka, ran up the stairs, made a snowman, sweated a lot, took a you know, in the woods.
=> I remembered TMC in ENgland roadtrip, some thai lady outside, tiny screen. "Ladna" on the bench lady"

Imagine you wake up, youe friend calls you, tells you they appreciate you - how would be your day?
C*** boss at the gym, always nitpicking at Cibulka walking around


What's hard about poker is when you use your creativity, exploit, are right, it works out, and then he sucks out - you went out of your way, want to be VALIDATED and rewarded for your UNCERTAIN creativity . E.g. Call JJ MP v UTG to back raise 150bb deep vs spazzy guy that 3bets QJo. He jams AK, turns an ace - no cookie, no reward, no validation, which you seek!
Solution? Validation needs to come from within! take responsibility for your plays and feelings, you think to be amazing in the long run. Confident, exctited to play, pumped up, not chasing one pot results. If it doens't workout, so what? You tried, pushed, thought hard.

Objectivity is vital, Eric Seidel doesn't take losses personally. Treat poker as a business, invest, analyze, it will function as a defusion technique. Work on exact accounting, it should feel great when you invest an hour into your business (aka poker) .
You invest into your poker business, your hours, effort etc. make it count.

You are amazing, the work you have put in will benefit you for the years to come [Present day comment: the 4am schedule for sure did]. I know it might feel shitty right now, but you are pushing your mind andbody, you are building habits that will make you win at life. Keep at it, even a year from now I will thank you for what you have been doing. It's painful right now, thank you for going through it, I love you, sincerely, Future me.

Last week you did 62.5 productive hours. You lost but were excited, proud, fist pumping! The sad fact of life is, many people fo to their graves with their music still in them, This will NOT be you, let your music out there! You have amazing amounts of power because you did the work, gym 5/7 days, group sweat, gro study, social life, pierre, aileen, stuck to routine, checklists, sleep, had long hours, this is vital, makes you feel great.

Keep up the 4am routine, stufy, grind, gym. Youi went through lows, but wrote through it, all he feelings. You get to workout, plau , wake up, study etc. not got to.


[----27 Pages of Fuck, cunt, rage-----]
Look at past 27 pages
your body is rebelling, you have done so much work it's insane how much more you have done in a few months than an entire YEAR before. Your ankle hurt, backgot sprained, wrist was messed up, hurt when you lifted a lot. YOu craved chocolate, ate a lot, slept.

This is NATURAL, your body is trying to preserve homeostasis, you pushed your body, ifyou persist a new baseline will be set. When you abruptly push harder it's normal to feel tired.

Galfond: Don't forget the WAY
Stop
reflect
You are a story teller during hands
A detective.


GYM
Absolutely VITAL. Was extremely hard, pushed often, worked out a TON
=> Increased yields, more and more on elyptical.
variety is great, added music too.

FOOD
I removed a lot of sugar, but overloaded x2 ice cream sugar etc.


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Death = > we all have it in common. Alot of addiction, distractions, religion is there because of avoidance of death. . Accept it, as a fact of life, you don't know when it might come.Even ACTIVELY VISUALISE DYING!
I was watching people on the tram, even young kids, feels different knowing they are all temporary, 100 years fromnow they won't be here and will be just vaguely remembered. Petty squabbles, procrastnation, missunderstandings with people are absurt in the face of death. So are prejudices, anxieties, denial , habits. Would you REALLY spend 10 hours playing dota if you knew it's your LAST few hours you get to live?

It felt tranquil when I made watching the ball in sports my sole focus. In-game, in action there's no point improving shit, FLOW is all that matters, rational improvements do not, as they will just pull you out of flow.
=> Write mistakes down AFTER, review them, make a plan and then PRACTICE. Samewith poker. Even considering your past hands, posting onskype, "what can I learn" should be done after the session is done. It RIPS YOU FROM FLOW! This hand, right now, nothing else matters. I have always had a bunch of knowledge but strigglet to apply it CONSISTENTLY, not just in BURSTS Before deadlines. Habits are the key, so is facing death, when proscrastinating.

Pool is amazing. Listen to thrisha (peak poker performance) on habits, laws of human nature, be realistic. Understand that generation you are in, inner aggression, a dark side, social situations, fear of death habd an impact on you, have formed you. ACCEPT IT, bring SELF-AWARENESS as much as you can. Be readically honest with YOURSELF, while enjoying putting onmasks with others, as you always do. OWN your masculine and feminine strenghts. Singing brings flow, I migth be fascinated in expressive women, drawn to them as I suppress the same within MYSELF. Use your dark side for good, channel it positively.

Star Trek TNG Story:

Wesley fucked up, killed a cadet. He owned up to it later, and Picard told him "You have made a mistake. You are facing the consequences. There are hard tmes ahead, take it as a matter of fact, as taking responsibility for your own actions. You accept the feelings, your new situation, and you deal with it head on"

- Chills seeing Picard deliver that so powerfully without judgement. Both understood the sutuation, the punishment, yet acted as equals, no passive aggression, no yelling, whining, no hiding from the consequences.

Zig Ziglar: There is always something you could do this week to make your life all worse. But that also means you can make it better - the choice and responsibility to act, react to whatever your situation is, is YOURS!

I had some weird experiences, started laughing. Went doing dips on children's swingset, while listening to Laws of Human Nature, contemplating death. While at the same time thinking about trying to fucking channel the nofap energy into more reps. So bizzare I started seeing the ridiculousness of it and started laughing.

Face your own errors, and face consequences. Pain and death are part of life, feel it, acceptit, CHANNEL IT as best you can. Feel your judgement of people, try to balance the natural biases and brain making assumptions automatically.


I keep to rationalise my PAST Actions right away - In poker after a decision I t ry my best to rationalise it retrospectively, often feeling guilty and trying to hide it - this doesn't allow me to face thespot and actually change it. The decisions you make UNDER PRESSURE through IMMEDIATE ACTIONS are a resilt of habits, experiences, you you fed your mind and your current state.
You should NOT:
1) Feel guilty for such immediate actions
2) You should accept it as part of YOU, all your life lead to that monent.
3) If you think you can act better, work on
- habits
- states
- feeding brain with inputs that will lead to increasing improvements.
Study your past actions like an observer or an impartial scientist. Without prejudice. not "I could have done XYZ ro feel better"
It's that "dead you" => focus on present, focus on forming the NOW for the FUTURE. Accept, own up to and take responsibility for your actions instead of getting hung up on the illusion of constant rational control.

It feels amazing with people to notice their bodu language, expressions, try to figure out wgar rget are thinking, feeling, it's like I've been blind and now I amstarting to see. You are you, you mold it slowly by habits, you listen to, read, but use your CHARACTERISTICS = not fauilts but CHARACTERISTICS, skills.

Morning routine:
Bruish teerg
shower
stretch
breakfast
Write
clean
Walk
positive resources like Coray Wayne.


Grandma is awesome, real inspiration. Take care of your body, cold shower in the morning, There is depth in every person, make it your point to take them as facts to be explored, fascinated by
1) body Language
2) Pause know your own thoughts.
BITCH, why do I spend so much time + trying tryong to project them?
3) Try to get into their shoes, figure out how they see the world, what drives them, what their values are, what motivates them, how self-aware they are.

If we don't suffer we don't learn a thing. Life, bu definition is suffering, embrace it, live it = > before sunset at the bus. Live in the moment, just choose to live and be happy in this moment. Trust your uniqueness.

At this point you were meeting Vera, David, Aaron, bash.

I don't APOLOGISE, I take RESPONSIOBILITY . I THANK, accept my mistakes, calmly. I move on, rectify through ACTIONS! I am my own mother, my own father, I look for approval from WITHIN, use my constant creativity, imagination to build my character. I see people for who they are, facts, to be fascinated by, explored, unraveled, with their flaws and strenghts, NOT as a blank canvass I paint my projections, insecurities and hopes on. The MUSE has to come from WITHIN. I have a beatifully creative mind, I can live in fantasy, come up with solutions, idealise people, situations.
=> You project patterns on people instead of making space to get to know their real self. You interrupt with ideas, listen, nmind wants to interrupt, acknowledge that from within Observe it, let it go + listen. You are overdoing projections in poker patterns.

In Love
Make mistakes, keep making them. Worst in us can comeout, make shitty decisions.
BUT! As I WRITE, work, I have strenght, self-control, experience to keep self-control.
=> Try your best to keep self-awareness.
=> Try your best to tone down projections, take people at face value, pay attention to ACTIONS
=> Keep realism, be fascinated by sttrenght

Listen to people, take them as facts. You know your own head, there is no value in talking ot trying to be funny . Get their poing of view, try to figure out how their mind works, find it fascinating.
!Hope! Always have long-term focus, what things you can do to inevitably crush. You are DONE surviving, doing the minimum, trying to please peple.

When planning
Always lookfor realistic delays, things that can go wrong. Budget hours for unexpected events. Plan for what you do if shit goes wrong. Watch your own videos! Why wouldn't you enjoy watching your own work?

Alex
- Poland,22, has mom polish embassy worked, considers herself czech. Camp leader for volunteers - jewish cemetery etc.
Translates between organizers, likes skulls, parents separated, religious reasons
=> This was in meeitings with aaron, bash, Alex. Pointed out I have dated self-centered women.


Nofap
Can't write this one - "getting horny, hot chick yada yada, what I'd do to here"
Use sexuality as energy!


Feels amazing with no porn.
Horny? Exercise, makes you horny, you exercise more => win.

Felt guilty for rejecting O's hand when we met in Brothers when we were crossing a crosswalk, lot of resentment, "take care" as in bze ´: it was over. When I said I was pushed physically I worried that she will judge my character, as weak, or that she will assume my life is tirind. Worrying about how I look in HER eyes = > projection, thinking about me, perception of others.




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