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hiems   United States. Sep 20 2021 23:30. Posts 2291

Whatever I'm just annoyed, but I should realize you are ill and at this point you are just talking to yourself more than anything.

I shouldn't expect a logical person on the other end of the computer.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] 

RiKD    United States. Sep 21 2021 02:21. Posts 6875

From a Taleb anecdote:

People like me because when I put an icepick through my hand it bleeds and develops scar tissue. You are an illusion.

I have lost more in a day of my own money than you made in your poker "career" bud.

My actions over the last 7 years have been scared dog that gets a collar and domestication but there is a wolf inside of me that shows itself not a high enough percentage of the time but it is there and there has been greatness in my life. I had to be safe because drinking and drugs ended up dominated my life but don't forget the wolf has not died yet.


hiems   United States. Sep 21 2021 02:45. Posts 2291

Its good you make ego post. Honestly you need more of that attitude.

Im not sure why you are making this about you vs me. I'm not trying to just shit on you by my comments here. Your actions don't make sense so I'm commenting on it.

Your barrier to entry isn't just your programming skill its your job/mental health history. No matter how good you get at programming you really would have to be fucking amazing for a hiring manager to take a risk of a weird work place environment. You keep talking about needing to make money so I'm pointing.out something very obvious.

After I point this out you spew some crap about wanting to make millions in sales which kind of tilted me I don't think its unreasonable to react that way.

I'm going to spare shitting on you for "my poker career" thing. I'm sorry I am kind of an asshole to you sometimes I will admit I am an asshole.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] 

RiKD    United States. Sep 21 2021 16:30. Posts 6875

In all honesty, you are correct about the work history problem and mental health history problem. I am not sure how I overcome that.

Naval says something like it is better to wait and make a good move rather than a mediocre move and attempt to change course later.

Someone else has said if you are lost at sea it is better to stay in place and figure out where you are going than to try and go somewhere.

I am a bit paralyzed with my next move. If truly no one will give me money to do stuff then I am pretty screwed and go on disability. The problem is disability only lasts so long so I will just end up coming out the other side even worse off.

ps, I meant I wanted to be like those salesmen. Carl Boss salary and bonuses were capped pretty hard but he could do whatever he wanted as long as sales continued. Larry Legend was in a unique position. His company at that time gave obscene commission then the new company fired him then he started his own company and raked it in even more. There simply were not opportunities out there like that but I still looked at these people as heroes. Ideal heroes to model myself after. Remember I did have the most profitable account in the region for 6 months which brought me fuck you status so I got a taste. It is incredibly difficult to be a salesmen making more than a million in a year and I didn't assume that I could just easily do that.


hiems   United States. Sep 21 2021 16:53. Posts 2291

Honestly in my opinion in your situation you need to cut your losses. To be frank with you just might have screwed yourself with all your bad decision making and there is just no going back to being accepted by alot of parts of society. Idk this all depends on you because you have demonstrated a constant unwillingness to "not press the dumbass button" over the past many years. Ive said this many times but branding yourself as mentally ill like some cow does more HARM then it does good and look at your situation now you have messed yourself up. PTSD, Depression, Bipolar are just normal parts of life don't believe the cult of psychology this is the biggest thing that has fucked you over.

Aside from that, I'd say start by acknowledging you are likely not going to be some sort of highly desirable man financially or career wise.

I said online English teacher because your skills fit it to some extent. It is in a way a "Wolf" type of job in that you have alot of freedom and really lax barriers to entry. It's basically sales, the best teachers set up well edited profile videos and are attractive and likeable to an extent as well as having good language skills. Look for jobs that have "silver linings". English teacher might not make a ton of money, but you have freedom. It might allow you to travel the world or whatever you want. I find it fun going through this site "Italki" and browsing the Teacher ecosystem. It's kind of like going through sharkscope or PTR and seeing what people are making. There is this Venezuelan chick thats made like $70k in 3 years. IDK about you but that's pretty Wolf to me. There are polyglots with perfect accents and stuff that are charging like $60/hr for English. One dude seems to have made over $500k but over like a 10 year span lol impressive nonetheless.

doesnt have to be english teacher but just find something that makes sense that isnt like...some high status job you are 1% to get. Even the psychology career thing and applying to schools, kind of makes sense in a way but I am assuming you were not accepted. Like I said there are barriers to entry for you at this point. Just figure out a way that works for you.

yea about the salesman thing I worded it that way kinda unfairly. I realize you didnt say that but I was just annoyed that you went on tangent and basically were in a manic state talking to yourself so I probably reacted that way.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] 

hiems   United States. Sep 21 2021 16:58. Posts 2291

"In all honesty, you are correct about the work history problem and mental health history problem. I am not sure how I overcome that."

-The thing is I should not have to be here pointing that out and saying it doesnt make sense your entire plan is to learn coding with no other plan at all. You should be able to figure that stuff out yourself. Like I said there is a "dumbass button" and "common sense button" that you need to learn to press or not press yourself.


[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] 

RiKD    United States. Sep 21 2021 21:21. Posts 6875

Are you in charge of hiring anyone hiems? Do you interview people?

The point of code is that it is permission-less leverage. I can make code out of nothing. Similar to if I wanted to start selling some of my paintings or starting a YouTube channel telling crazy stories about my mental health. Sadly, it feels like I am 1% out of 100% at all of these endeavors right now. More so meaning if Satoshi Nakamoto is 100% in code I am like a 12% right now but there is a lot of room for improvement. If Picasso is a 100% in painting I am like a 76%. There is still a lot of room for improvement but every 1% improvement here is much tougher. If ContraPoints is a 100% on YouTube I am anywhere from a 0% to maybe a 54%. It's just a matter if anyone would care what I have to say and there is like some small percent I go viral but mostly I flop and quit.

Online English teacher is not a bad idea. I would take $24,000/yr if it meant that I could be a well fed, and well homed wolf.

There are a lot of historical areas where I live. My therapist suggested being a tour guide. It sounds kind of terrible but kind of not.

I know. I know. I have a therapist again. There was no ultimatum like I have to get a therapist or I am out on the streets but I kept having to hear about it over and over. She's good, I don't want to fuck her, and it is mostly covered by my insurance so I'll drive all the way out there once a month and I don't have to hear from the "Do you have a therapist?" people.

Also, I don't understand how you can call me mentally insane and then say that my mental illness has no bearing on anything. In the past I would say it had less bearing than expected but I have been in the psych ward twice this year and generally shaken up by it. There is no chance I could hold a job so far in 2021.


hiems   United States. Sep 21 2021 22:14. Posts 2291

I dont hire ppl no but I don't think that makes my point invalid. You face obstacles other than your current programming skillz.

point is there are a ton more realistic ways you can make money right now and certainly your hopes for some improved finances shouldn't be 100% in programming.

ex. join gym get in shredded shape like 10% body fat + learn alot about nutrition and workout. these chain gyms like LA fitness, 24 hours fitness, retro fitness, etc etc etc are hiring personal trainers all day. that is a wolf type job no stress or whatever making decent money. very executable plan for you. whenever I eavesdrop on convos these personal trainers have with their clients they are just noobs. mostly its about how good they look and what type of genetics they have, lol. heck my old gym. which was a JCC/YMCA the trainers were actually overweight and fat lol.

Again clearly this is a much easier plan than programming. you can pursue programming while doing this and making money at least you can build work history. this is just an example fwiw.


  On September 21 2021 20:21 RiKD wrote:
Also, I don't understand how you can call me mentally insane and then say that my mental illness has no bearing on anything. In the past I would say it had less bearing than expected but I have been in the psych ward twice this year and generally shaken up by it.



yea your right me calling you mentally insane is just an expression that temporarily suspends my belief that mental illness or psychology is dumb just for the sake of having it sound nice for conventional standards idk if that is an adequate description. I think mental or mental health exists but its overblown 99% of the time depression exists so does ptsd etc but my stance is that those are all normal things and part of life and you just have to learn to deal with it with common sense.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]Last edit: 21/09/2021 22:21

hiems   United States. Sep 21 2021 22:45. Posts 2291

anyway im sorry this comes across as bossy and annoying.

I'm clearly as bored as you are lol.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img] 

RiKD    United States. Sep 22 2021 01:31. Posts 6875

It would probably take 2 years for me to get into great shape. By great shape I don't even know what I am thinking. Either triathlon level or like 210 lbs. at 15% body fat and fucking strong level. But, honestly, I would prefer just to be 170 lbs. with a little abs showing and in shape but nothing too crazy or to obsess about.

re: mental illness

Do you believe the stories I told in that other thread that one time or not?

I am not talking about my depression. I am talking about my full blown mania/psychosis episodes?

I agree with you on depression. Not that chemical imbalance does not exist with depression but the meds do very little and the large majority of depression is situational.

PTSD I know very little about.

It goes like Math ----------------------------------------------Psychology, Macro-economics, Gender Studies, etc.

but

I listen to my psychiatrist if it seems reasonable because I have no choice, I go drive an hour out of my way once a month to pay $10/session with a therapist to keep people off my back, and if a Yale Psychology course in wellness tells me that sleep, exercise, social connection, and meditation are good for me I can be skeptical all I want but I don't think those activities are going to be proven harmful anytime soon.


hiems   United States. Sep 22 2021 15:20. Posts 2291


  On September 22 2021 00:31 RiKD wrote:


re: mental illness

Do you believe the stories I told in that other thread that one time or not?

I am not talking about my depression. I am talking about my full blown mania/psychosis episodes?

I agree with you on depression. Not that chemical imbalance does not exist with depression but the meds do very little and the large majority of depression is situational.




I can't be 100% sure obv cause I don't interact with you irl.

I remember the last time before you were hospitalized you starting posting on lp with "unreadable text" and typing shit in like robot language kind of like pew pew pew or some shit.

Idk I just don't think a truly psychotic person would know to go to liquidpoker.com and open the popular threads write stuff then conveniently press the submit post button it kind of felt more like you were playing a psychotic person on lp rather than actually being psychotic but thats just my 2c.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]Last edit: 22/09/2021 15:40

RiKD    United States. Sep 22 2021 16:33. Posts 6875

It was decodable text. I knew what it meant but when I am really manic I can get lost in the puzzle.

That's not even really that psychotic of behavior.

What about the ER visits?

What about the psych ward visits?

No one in the history of existence has something that can be diagnosed as bipolar I or schizophrenia?


hiems   United States. Sep 22 2021 16:41. Posts 2291


  On September 22 2021 15:33 RiKD wrote:
It was decodable text. I knew what it meant but when I am really manic I can get lost in the puzzle.

That's not even really that psychotic of behavior.

What about the ER visits?

What about the psych ward visits?

No one in the history of existence has something that can be diagnosed as bipolar I or schizophrenia?



I have no idea about those cause I wasn't there obviously.

Schizophrenia is very rare and debatable idk about that. You likely aren't schizo.

Bipolar I idk what the Roman numeral is for but extreme bipolar is just bipolar (normal thing for all humans, hey! I'm going to do xyz as a New Years Resolution! Ah crap I failed!! So sad) combined with a weak minded person or a dumbass.

Basically a poker/life extreme noob making a blog post not knowing what to expect.



[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]Last edit: 22/09/2021 16:45

Spitfiree   Bulgaria. Sep 22 2021 23:21. Posts 9562

Don't know about you but when I started learning German in high school we had around 35 hours out of 50 only german studies for an entire year...If you really want to learn something you should pretty much spend all your time doing it.

And I'm quite sure all of us experienced the same thing with video games and poker

 Last edit: 22/09/2021 23:22

hiems   United States. Sep 23 2021 00:16. Posts 2291


  On September 22 2021 22:21 Spitfiree wrote:
Don't know about you but when I started learning German in high school we had around 35 hours out of 50 only german studies for an entire year...If you really want to learn something you should pretty much spend all your time doing it.

And I'm quite sure all of us experienced the same thing with video games and poker



Rikd banned me



[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]Last edit: 23/09/2021 00:18

hiems   United States. Sep 23 2021 00:16. Posts 2291


  On September 22 2021 23:16 hiems wrote:
Show nested quote +



Rikd banned me




LOL I FOUND A WAY TO BYPASS THE BAN LOLLLLL

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]Last edit: 23/09/2021 00:18

hiems   United States. Sep 23 2021 00:22. Posts 2291


  On September 22 2021 23:16 hiems wrote:
Show nested quote +



LOL I FOUND A WAY TO BYPASS THE BAN LOLLLLL




All you have to do is press "Quote" on any post and it allows you to post through that.

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]Last edit: 23/09/2021 00:22

hiems   United States. Sep 23 2021 00:27. Posts 2291

Test

Edit: if u want me out ill leave ya alone

[img]https://i.imgur.com/wkwWj2d.png[/img]Last edit: 23/09/2021 00:29

RiKD    United States. Sep 23 2021 03:30. Posts 6875

If I owned a bar and you were sitting in my bar and told me that my life experience of living through nightmares was comparable to some schlub setting some banal resolutions and slipping up in March or sooner I would grab you off of your bar stool and throw you out. That is probably the largest reason I had about enough of your drivel.

I acknowledge as far as playing hands I am way behind the curve in 2021.

I had the toughness but I was never the toughest.

Anybody could read Chen and Ankenman, Kelly criterion, variance calculators, et al. and figure out bankroll management. Most people were awful at it but to be fair it is hard to constantly assess edges in dynamic games. I busted my bankroll but it was legitimately possible to win $2 million. Tilt is a foe. Risk of ruin will always eventually get you if you are not careful. That can be calculated too.

Hell, I am happy that I got out when I got out.

That said if I had moving expenses covered and 6 months living expenses and $5,000 in PokerStars at a fresh market I would consider taking a shot at it.

As far as life noob. As wrecked as I have been in 2021 I don't know if I have that much less or more time at peace or joy than anyone else. Sure, there are outliers but there is no way to really know. You don't strike me as being particular at peace or happy hiems so I don't know why you parade around as if you were Aristotle.


RiKD    United States. Sep 23 2021 03:37. Posts 6875


  On September 22 2021 22:21 Spitfiree wrote:
Don't know about you but when I started learning German in high school we had around 35 hours out of 50 only german studies for an entire year...If you really want to learn something you should pretty much spend all your time doing it.

And I'm quite sure all of us experienced the same thing with video games and poker



You studied German 35 hours a week in high school?

There is a time for tinkering in coding which that time is now and there is a time to blast off if I want to do a Bootcamp or more.

It sounds like German is more important to a Bulgarian than many things.

My brother said it best today that I am in the exploring and tinkering stages of coding. There are no time limits to be set.

How many hours a week did you learn English in high school?


 
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