I am back on Twitter for whatever reason. I suppose the logic is that if I just follow a bunch of dope artists and the sharpest people I know of some good info will flow to me. I saw someone I follow following Riley Reid and I was like "yeah, this could be interesting." Riley Reid and Sasha Grey are two women in porn who I feel like attack it with a certain intensity that just makes a lot of their videos feel more engaging and transcendental. Riley's first thing in her bio is that she is an atheist. Aggro atheists are an interesting bunch. I feel like I qualify as an atheist but maybe not really. The more I have lived the more it feels like something is out there. Aliens for sure somewhere in the universe. I feel like that with what I have experienced the chance of simulation has increased. I really don't know though. What if the biology of rainforests which may seem magical and beyond what anyone can even comprehend at this point could be deemed godlike whatever that means. I don't necessarily feel sorry for those that pray to a patriarchal god. If mental gymnastics can be achieved to the point that Fear in God is the only fear and it can be prayed away then maybe that is not a bad way to go about things. I don't think I will ever make that leap of faith but shit if I could just pray instead of taking an Ativan maybe I should consider that shit.
I was going to do a portion of this blog on the male gaze in porn but I doubt anyone on here is actually interested in that. The only takeaway for LP nerds would be that there is nothing to be learned for guys from male gaze porn. It's actually the opposite. Buy some books or videos that actually focus on having good sex. Not some pumped up bro with a mutant penis pounding away to the degree that it produces a clapping sound for 6 minutes then the guy jizzes into the starlett's eyeball. That is terrible. I think most people on this site are in their 30s if there even are people still on this site so maybe everyone gets it by this point but posting for those that maybe didn't know male gaze porn is not how to learn sex.
I can watch a pornography involving Riley Reid and deduce that this is an attractive woman. I don't know if she is anymore or less attractive than any other porn-star. If I watch more I will find out this is a woman who knows how to suck a dick and has a very high aptitude developed or otherwise in regards to sex. The first non-sexual video I came across was her telling a very good and funny story about the time her and some friends took too much acid. These are all attractive qualities for me.
I was at an over-populated beach today taking my daily walk. There were plenty of women who had the right shape, had a pleasant face, and were wearing a fashionable bikini or whatever. I guess that is not a bad start. I feel like Grimes or any other nerdy type of lady dressed up as some elven creature or whatever at a nerd con is actually more interesting. If any one of these shapely women from the beach simply had some "nerdy" STEM degree that is like a big power up. Or, perhaps, it's even better to have zero degree but still be a badass. It's similar with Liv Boeree. Certainly, an attractive woman but then add on that she is probably at least decent at poker and into astrophysics and game theory and shit. These women are taken anyway but good examples. Us nerds want some nerd shit.
The thing is these nerd goddesses also appreciate power. I am power level 9,000 (!) in heart but power level not so much in actual power. I do not think I can hate on these women for appreciating power. Or, anyone for appreciating power. How can I expect someone to be with me if I can not even support myself? And, there are the stories of the women that like to take care of these like battered, dangerous men. I don't even want to enter that cycle. It would be tempting to take advantage of cougars. That may still be on the table. I don't know if I would be able to respect myself and the fact that I already don't necessarily respect myself for my current position it just leads to a virgin nerd walk on the beach. That is an exaggeration but it does take some pep talks to tell myself the story of a society that has ripped me apart and left me for dead. I don't know if it suits me either. I don't know what suits me anymore. I quite like wearing clothing without buttons or zippers. I quite like long hair and beard. It feels like compromising on these things is the beginning of the death of me. It is actually more dangerous than my liver cancer.
so I searched for Riley Reid coz you got me interested, watched a couple of mins of a youtube interview, really cute and intelligent small girl, positive vibe
then at porn, taking multiple monster dicks for bukakke.
I really wonder what motivates her, to do porns most hardcore paths. Money only?
It's probably part adventure too. "Exploring my sexual fantasies..." At least that is what they tell their stans. For example, I don't think that a room full of very well-hung black men double penetrating x + bukakke is really any pornstars' actual fantasy but pornstars are also a little warped. From what I've seen they are proud of taking big dicks up their ass and shit like that so may be into being a big enough star that the herd of BBC on tiny white girl is now a possibility for them. It would make sense that it would be an aspirational thing for them. This is just me shooting the shit though. To find out you would have to probably watch more Riley Reid interviews where she is being more honest than not which may not be a thing which then you would have to keep trying to find pornstars who are actually telling the truth about the matter.
Quite a while ago I read a book called My Secret Garden that was about women's fantasies. I remember ones about being dominated by big black men and even 1 about being raped by a doberman pincher but it was never a group of men. I have fantasies of owning a giant bed and having FFFFF + myself orgies. I would never go out of my way to be a voyeur in any MMMMM+ + F gang-bang though. Not kink shaming, I just don't understand it and from what I've seen it is very male gazey. There have to be very few women who enjoy getting their faced covered in cum or their mouths full of cum. Probably more women are down for double penetration especially in porn. Remember, there are differing levels of consent. Gargling 3 loads of semen on camera people may agree to do that for $5,000 or something where as those same people might not consent to even swallow 1 load with a sexual partner off camera.
Also, fwiw, 2 days ago I messed up trimming my beard and had to take it all off. It made me sad. Luckily, my beards grow back fast.
But, today was the first day that my hair is long enough to put it in a proper pony tail.
I have bigger fish to fry than simply a man bun + beard guy.
Although, a pony tail is a convenient way to deal with the hair. Takes less than 5 min.
Although, a buzz cut is like the same aesthetic with out the pony tail that takes 0 min.
I have been liking the hair though. Now, I just have to get my beard back. I am too thumb-like. I have a strong brow and cheekbones but not the jaw-line or chin to match. A beard fixes that problem. Also, I despise shaving every day.
I have come to the point that not only do I hate shaving everyday but I also despise buttons and zippers. No more buttons and zippers for me. "Can't nobody hold me down, oh no, we got to keep on movin'" – Puff Daddy (?)
I go to the beach now every day. There is really nothing to think about then I am surrounded by women in bikinis and my mind wanders. It is really not rocket science either. I am not really one to have types anyways. The penis does the picking but there are not really patterns that my penis picks. They have to pick me which seems impossible at this point. It's all for nought.
It's all for nought. It's all for nought.
The only thing that seems to matter is cash acquisition which honestly is fucking boring.
It's the way our society is structured. I can kill myself but that is a hard thing to do for me. I still hold on to the words "hope" and "try." Certain things can get better. Certain things will get worse. It is just the way it is.
Oh well, making a shitty song on Garage Band is better expression than these pithy blog attempts.
So, I am finding GarageBand to be a flaming pile of shit.
Any insight ?
GarageBand 10.
Logic Pro X.
PreSonus Studio One 4 Prime.
Ableton Live 10.
Cubase Elements 10.5.
Reason 11 Intro.
Audacity.
Reaper 6.
GarageBand is nice because I am broke and it is free but it's not really worth the time because I like to do all of the parts of the music myself and can't finish a song with out getting this optimizing garageband bullshit. I actually liked my last song but it cut off the vocals half way through. Thanks a lot garageband!
I'm so fucking sigma bro. Fuck alphas! I haven't touched a women since I got a friend zone hug from my crush one and a half years ago. But, I wanted it that way because I am my own man. My own sigma man.
To be honest, racking up crazy debt and then killing myself hari kari would be pretty non-ironic sigma. If sigma could ever be non-ironic. What if I have my hair in a man-bun and a classic anti-hero beard like Snake Plissken or The Man with out a name?
I don't want to be the swallow a non-lethal dose of benzos cry for help guy. That is so un-sigma. With or sans man-bun.
Then, they would send me back to the psych ward and I wouldn't be allowed to go outside. Maybe that is another moment to test my sigma-hood. Sitting alone in my room writing haikus while the group is enjoying the outdoors.
I will come to the conclusion that the most sigma thing I can do is to jump on a train to San Fransisco and live in a tent and shit in the street. But, then I will realize there are too many betas doing the same things so I will learn to code and start my own software engineering company. I will not wear buttons or zippers or shoes. One day it will be raining with a crack of lightning and a roar of thunder. I am listening to Massive Attack in my headphones and before I know it I get blind-sided by a Tesla Model S drag racing a Porsche 911. My body is smashed and jolted through the air in a brutal display. The concrete road is cold as my last breathes course through my battered body. It kills me. The death of a true sigma. The End.
Sigma like a lone wolf,
My liquor, top shelf,
but no liquor for me,
I lick her and her for free,
Adore the clitoris,
They call me tuna melt because I make the tuna melt,
Synthetic pelt cuz I don't wear leather,
Take my time cuz it makes her wetter,
Gentle before I beat it up like Fedor,
I got that pussy in a kimura,
Gushin' like gushers,
I'm movin' weight better than all the pushers,
but I don't sell drugs,
I give hugs,
I give love,
I give orgasms,
Late-night organ donor named D'or Amour.
I've got some friends that are trying to help pull me out of this thing I'm in (re-boot, re-fresh, re-start).
I think one thing that I have to get over is that I have to think that I can win at capitalism or at least get some scrap of life out of it instead of being perma-DOOM'd.
My output has been off for the last 7 years. That is why I could never get out from under anything. It's all fine and dandy to be a happy go lucky leftist and hang out with leftists friends and do part-time shitty work and eke it out except it's really not all that great. I don't have to wear oversized tuxedos, top cap, and gorge on caviar here. I just have to respect capitalism for what it is and realize it's not going anywhere in my lifetime. Input does not always equal output. In fact, I probably worked harder at these shitty jobs than I ever did at poker or sales but the output was much larger with the ladder and I need to find something that provides output to get me out of my predicament and not just drowning for another 7 years. It's not going to be easy. I like the idea of coding but do I like coding? It's easy to say: code academy ---> bootcamp ---> findagrind ---> cha ching. Man, if I could work my own hours and be my own boss again .... No fucking buttons or zippas niggas. I have a taste for the expensive and expansive. Only show up to the office in Issey Miyake and some barefoot shoes (NO LACES!). I'll wear shoes god damn it but no fucking laces! We have to have some fantasies right? What's the fun with out fantasies? Truth is there is a lot of grind in that path. Oh god, I have to try. 7 more years as a prep cook ... where's the fentanyl?
United States. Jul 22 2021 21:31. Posts 8509
