For someone supposedly being so "smart" JBP misreads seemingly everything. I don't even want to get started on his misreads on the Bible, Nietzsche, and Karl Marx. Oh yeah, Derrida, Baudrillard, Foucault, et al. This fucker needs to stay in his lane. He's a fucking conjuring con man with his fluttering hand movements. I've said it before and I'll say it again anything he says outside of the realms of psychology cannot be trusted yet here he is peddling his bullshit once again.
On July 19 2019 04:17 RiKD wrote:
I think my next painting is going to be a painting of Christ. I was thinking of copying Christ of the Incas by Rouault but I think I may do my own version. It makes me want to re-read the Gospels in Brief by Tolstoy. I don't know who I like better Buddha or Christ or the Spirit of Taoism. The thing about Christ is that he was just out for the marginalized people in life. You can't tell me he wouldn't be out their fighting for trans people, poor people, fucking kids separated from their parents in a detention center without adequate food and water, etc. Yet, some times I see some stunted out large black truck driving like an asshole with a license plate:
It has got to be the most obnoxious license plate in the USA. I don't really want to get on a rant about the USA, and God, and Manifest Destiny, and nationalism, though.... It's nationalism and perverted Christianity. Not that Christianity can ever get it all right because that is far from the truth. All I am saying is I actually like Tolstoy's "Gospel in Brief." Basically, a short story about Jesus that resonates with an atheist, anti-perverted Christian. Whatever perverted Christian even means. I am sure a 2019 Unitarian Church's Christianity is a better form of Christianity that has ever been. You know only 3% of the USA is atheist? There is not many of us. Especially, in a place like South Carolina. I like tapping into the spiritual though. The only problem is when it conflicts with science. Life is hard. There is a lot of suffering and misery in life. I wish I had more friends, I wish I had more family closer, I wish I felt part of a community. It seems as if today painting got me through the day. Not every day is going to be like that. At least I have something that soothes the pain of being more or less an isolated recluse. It's painting and activism at this point. No turning back at this point.
I'm going to suggest that you stop reading the comments made by trolls if you want to keep posting here and I will try to do the same so that you don't have to keep reading my responses to them. You are on a good path. I was just listening to a Russell Brand video for the first time and I thought it was pretty fitting with your blog so here you go:
You don't have to focus less on politics, you just have to focus more on the politics that you can do something about, and also get back to a regular "self-care" practice so that you're not just wallowing in the suffering of the world.
I like that quote from the video (from the Buddha) that it's better to dig 1 6 ft. well than to dig 6 1ft. wells. I remember when I was seeing Yuttadhammo and reading Sayadaw and meditating 2+ hours a day I was learning so much. I've likely already forgotten most of it although if I were to start up again I'm sure a lot of it would come back. I don't want to pick just one but I am realizing I do need more spirituality in my life. Obviously, as you are well aware of I don't need more Yuttadhammo in my life. We could probably go back and check blogs but I remember for portions of that period just feeling very ok. Like, just feeling a very humble happiness. A deep burn. The wisdom of the Gospels though is really out of this world. There is also the Tao te Ching which again is marvelous. I don't want to just confine it to one but I also don't know where I am going with all of this. The one I take the most from the Tao Te Ching is to feel the breeze on your face and watch the birds or just simply do nothing. It's a shame Russell Brand isn't local. I would probably ask him to be my sponsor (which I'm sure everyone already thinks/does). I think that is part of my self care is tapping into the spiritual. I could also see myself trying to find some monk similar to Mathieu Ricard that would be willing to teach me. Although, on the other hand Buddhism can seem to me to be an isolation from the world. I just want to be in a good mode to paint and participate in activism. Some friends, I have a good family. I am actually very grateful for my family. Some form of community. It's funny you were talking about relative poverty. I live in a very rich country club development. It is impossible not to feel worse than if I lived in some barely gentrified area. The people in my neighborhood are young professionals and elite retirees. If I get talking with some of them there may be some things in common but for the most part I am different. I don't have any desire to hang out with these people. I love my AA people but I just never go. I think if they weren't so adamant on getting on my knees and praying to be in God's will I would hang out there more. Oh well, I'll figure it out or I won't. I can't stop thinking about how the peak of that little Buddhist excursion is the happiest I'll ever be. I did the flip side of that in Malta with stacks of Purple Euros, drugs, experiences. I remember I was lost and also kept getting sick at the beginning of the trip. My friend and I would have long conversations of what I should do. I switched to PLO and got addicted. So, my day was weed, shower, weed, chocolate sugary cereal, coffee, weed, coffee, POKER, weed, poker... then a lot of days there was just adventuring. I think I was very sad at the beginning of the trip and then very happy as we found a community of people and did dope shit all the time. Very anti-Buddhist but it was a lot of fun and I couldn't help but be happy. Same in Buenos Aires.
I think there is some truth to what JBP said in that video. It's really not fun to be chased by bill collectors. I am a little ahead of that realm I would say but maybe not. Most consumption never truly made me happy. Meh, this has been talked about to death but I would likely be happier at $40k and even happier at $70k and considering I know how to spend money right I'd be happier at $100k, etc. but the thing is what am I going to have to do to earn that money???? *Shudder* I just can't. So, I stay trapped down here. It's not all that easy down here either. My employer has decided that they are just going to have me work 2 jobs on 1 shift most days. Now, I had help today which was really nice but in many ways poker and account manager were actually easier jobs. It's really fucked up when you think about it.
So, I hope I'm on a good path. That's all I can hope for. A co-worker I like today told me something like "don't lose hope" when I was probably looking particularly miserable when he went on break. Hope is such an interesting thing. I think we do need it to continue to survive.
This song sums up my development at this juncture:
Oh, and of course I'm not going to disengage politics. That is silly.
What would a day off be with out coming on here and putting something out? I am closest to my dreams in the morning and at night.
First of all, INcontrol's death has been on my mind. I didn't know him. Only knew of the name. Dying with out suffering and among friends has to be about as good as it can go. Although, there always seems to be a bit of a tragedy when someone goes young. Death is always a tragedy but when someone was still presumably vibrant with presumably many more years of vibrancy it's more sad at least for me. Rest in Peace.
I went for a walk today at the beach. The weather was clear for 2 hours on the forecast. I got there nothing looked too bad. Then all of a sudden I see lightning. I was like fuck this shit I'm going home and then this massive storm was baring down from all sides. Most people acted as if there wasn't a storm baring down all around them. People were casually walking INTO THE STORM. I have no idea what people were doing or thinking at this point in time. I was speed walking back to my car and was 5 min. ahead of a vicious thunderstorm.
One thing I have been thinking about a lot is the fact that I have to work by myself tomorrow morning. I've never done that before and it's causing a lot of anxiety. Regardless, it's going to be unpleasant and stressful no matter what (unless I get help which I can't count on). At the end of the day all I can do is my best. I want to say more. Like how I think about quitting due to them pushing labor to the max like this. I don't think I'm becoming a self-exploiting project or however Byng-Chul Han puts it. I'm begrudgingly doing it and only worry about maximizing efficiency and speed to survive. I'd much rather take a walk on the beach and paint. Believe me. There are other jobs out there for sure but the problem is I don't know what my next step is. I think I want to get away from culinary so that complicates things.
I'm a little high from painting but I ran out of canvas so I decided to come here. I should note that work today was unpleasant. I was making pizzas the whole time and didn't get any sort of break. It's more fun to talk about painting though. These oil sticks are great! It's a lot of fun mixing and matching the acrylic paint and the oil sticks. I love drawing too. That is my first love but you don't get the technique or the colors as you do in painting. I just need to keep working on different techniques. I'm strongly considering getting some lessons. Maybe that's all I have to say. I just have nothing to do and want to keep grooving.
Are security guards needed at a music festival?
I found this tonight while painting. It was one of those perfect times of life:
If I was retired I would fly around going to protests. Gilet jaunes fighting !!! I still want to organize that music festival in Vexin, France but it seems impossible. When I paint things aren't impossible. I am free. Anything is possible. I think the high is wearing off. I'm still listening to great music but I realize I am now writing on a blog of little consequence. k bye.
On July 25 2019 02:35 RiKD wrote:
I'm a little high from painting but I ran out of canvas so I decided to come here. I should note that work today was unpleasant. I was making pizzas the whole time and didn't get any sort of break. It's more fun to talk about painting though. These oil sticks are great! It's a lot of fun mixing and matching the acrylic paint and the oil sticks. I love drawing too. That is my first love but you don't get the technique or the colors as you do in painting. I just need to keep working on different techniques. I'm strongly considering getting some lessons. Maybe that's all I have to say. I just have nothing to do and want to keep grooving.
Are security guards needed at a music festival?
I found this tonight while painting. It was one of those perfect times of life:
If I was retired I would fly around going to protests. Gilet jaunes fighting !!! I still want to organize that music festival in Vexin, France but it seems impossible. When I paint things aren't impossible. I am free. Anything is possible. I think the high is wearing off. I'm still listening to great music but I realize I am now writing on a blog of little consequence. k bye.
why the question about guards? you want to work while listening to good music? great song btw i love it..
Happiness is so elusive. It is not a lasting state. These days I equivocate happiness with painting. I went out got a bunch of supplies ie. toys to play with, had a bad ass Thai red curry, and painted most of the day. Now what? Now what? Now what? Now what? Tomorrow I go back to work. It will be work. Days at work almost seem like wasted days. I need them to survive but sheesh. I would clean toilets in an anarchist society. If it was setup that every 10 days you clean toilets for 4 hours I wouldn't have a problem with it. Meaning everyone in the world had the same duties. Although I realize I am just taking this every 10 days at 4 hours completely out of my ass. I really have no idea how much manpower it takes to keep bathrooms clean.
God, I wish I could play jazz or play any instrument. Can't do everything in the world though. Not going to happen. I'll take painting. That is more my speed. Painting and activism. I am getting closer. I am still short on the activism but I am getting closer.
One of my paintings was of Mexie today. She has been a consistent muse for me pretty much all of 2019 and before. I liked how it turned out but there are definitely some happy accidents. Some that turned out better than I expected. Others that it's whatever.
I am listening to some Sun Ra. Good music to listen to high but it's pretty good sober too.
Now, I'm listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn and I want to burn my guitar.
I painted 4 paintings today. 2 are finished and I like them. The other 2 are unfinished and one is shit and the other is kinda interesting but I don't know what to do next.
Constant craving. I really should start meditating again. So much bullshit in the world. It seems to just pass in sitting. Yet, at the same time Rage Against the Machine just came on and doing deadlifts to Rage is one of the great joys of the world. Deadlifts, kettlebell swings and then some vegan Indian curry.
Now, we got some Portishead. Portishead in the crib.
I am getting sick of porn. The contorted poses. The fucking jackhammering. The fake orgasms starting from penis insertion. If I'm horny enough it doesn't matter but then post orgasm I snap out of it and I am like what the fuck is this shit?
This is how I'm spending my time. Listening to music and occasionally writing stuff on here... I'm listening to some Spotify mix like Check Your Headphones and some of these songs are fucking krunk. Thanks to my super nice headphones.
Hans Zimmer in the motherfucking house!
I should paint to some Hans fucking Zimmer.
I want to paint more but I am sleepy. I don't know if I have it in me. Plus, I have been painting a bunch of portraits and I feel like that gets played out. I need inspiration ya know?
The school strike is brilliant. A lot of the parents are going to be like "well, what about our kids' futures?!?!?!?" Yeah, what the fuck about your kids' futures?
The painting has stopped and now I am incredibly lonely. It's too late to go to anything involving other people that I know of. Not that I would go anyway. Everything feels played out and I am left with nothing. I painted Edgar Morin today. I think that was my favorite painting of the day. I think I painted 5 paintings today. It's all I did today besides chores and eating some Thai Hot vegan Thai curry. Maybe that's why the comedown is so brutal. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to come on here and kind of write out my comedown.
I have a vision of an anarchist musical festival. It doesn't actually have to be some grand thing in Vexin, France like are in my wildest dreams. The state and private property still weigh down on us like a thousand state buildings. One thousand Cadillac Escalades.
The Bourgeois just as scared as anybody else. More deluded. Clutching and craving at anything they can find. No that 4br and 3 bath isn't going to make you that much happier. Who's going to clean the damn thing? Does driving an Acura really make you that much tougher on the streets? Laughable man. HA HA. Follow the magazines. Follow the magazines. You have to get the magazines to follow the magazines! Conde Naste is your Higher Power. Consume until the hole in your soul disappears. It may blot out the consciousness for a mere chunk of time but it will be back I assure you. Don't laugh at Christ. Don't you ever fucking laugh at Jesus fucking Christ. Unless he's being funny. I bet Jesus was a real funny guy. I think I became a really serious person when I was practicing Buddhism deeply. I am not really sure which way to go next. In this blog post or in life. I tried painting Marion Cotillard today. It looks nothing like her but whoever I painted is beautiful.
I don't want to be in this thing alone. I want to be in this thing together. It's like I am accepting brief online interactions to nourish my soul when what it really takes is the real thing. The Really Real thing. No, not a sexual relationship with Sasha Grey but that would probably help too.
I don't see how air travel is going to cease. Or, how we are going to stop the fossil fuels companies. I am not even really up to date on the facts of the matter. I am part of the problem. I am like some bloody libhurl on this issue. A fucking centrist. SMH. I should really care too. My parent's home or part of my inheritance is going to be under water in 2040-2050. If we are just being self-centered and selfish about the issue which I think at the end of the day most people are. Which always amazes me how selfish and self-centered baby boomers are.
Oh well. It's only the future as we know it am I right?.......... Yet, I am really no different. Educate. Agitate. Organize. I'm not all that educated on the matter (more than most but blah blah blah), Greta has agitated me quite well. She's done her job well. Now, it's time to organize....................... crickets. Fuck. FUck fuvkckfuckfuckfuck. I hate myself sometimes. Like, when I am compulsively lying in bed because I don't want to feed my cats or take my medications or water the plants. I don't want to put toast in the toaster or simply make coffee. When I paint I'm free. The problem is all the other hours of the day especially on days I'm working.
We all die so we have to figure out a way to cope and live. Maybe it is easy for some. I really don't understand it.
Marion Cotillard, Vexin Festival, Edgar Morin, Sasha Grey, Jesus, Byung-Chul Han, and then one kind of stupid one that I basically just wasted paint and a canvas.
I am now out of canvas. The stores are all closed. What am I going to do with myself.
United States. Jul 22 2019 04:14. Posts 8533
