I am reading every article linked in this article and it has been pretty eye opening. There is a lot going on in the world. Neoliberal economics + globalization is pretty terrible. I had no idea that the USA basically just murdered + overthrew any sort of non-US dick sucking government in Latin America except Cuba because Castro was a boss. The USA ignored (and seems to still ignore) any global group that goes against the Americanization of the world in any way. Making the world in the USA's vision (which is fucking scary). Communist countries are future markets and communism may spread reducing market value. So, what do you do? You strategize and support US dick sucking coups that will agree to put manufacturing plants at cheap costs and import and export agreements that favor the US.
Protect the few. The property owners. It has been this way since the inception of the constitution. It morphed into protect the business owners, the corporations, the multinational corporations. Why the fuck should a billionaire get tax exemptions?????? Billions of dollars. I can understand a private jet to travel. Sure, have some security. Yeah, why not buy a nice house on some nice land. But, why do they need tax exemptions? The utility of money gets silly when you are a billionaire. Fucking psychopaths with self-centered cravings of more money and power.
I don't know if I got it all out of my system yet. This anti-communism idea is so strong in the USA globalized earth. I really thought Bernie Sanders was on to something and he was on to something. I hope that vibe doesn't die. All these people thinking that Trump is this hero. Bro, he is in tight with all the 1%. He is the 1%. And I think all these fucking dumb ass white people have this dream of being him. I don't even know. Maybe they just want to fucking dick around with their guns in the backyard. Like, Trump represents freedom.... That happy and docile "freedom" that Bernays loves to manipulate people with. When does it end?
I am just happy I can go train here in a little bit and get a bit high, The High, get a little bit of a pump, and fend off some depression. Read some books and hang out a little bit for a few weeks before I start to sweat a little bit of being eaten back up by the machine. Being unemployed gives me a new perspective. There is something about trying to be efficient and making money that skews it a little bit. There are social pressures. I start wanting more.
Oh well. Fuck it. I have to go train. Bring up my chest, my shoulders, my triceps a little bit. Get a good training sesh in. Be that guy guys want to be and girls want to fuck. Celibate Adonis.............. yeah, right. Fuck perfect. I am just trying to get The High. Flush all this fear and this stress surrounding getting a job and finishing my 4th step and doing a 5th step out of the system for now. I am still too fearful.
I'm fired back up baby!!! Ohhhhhh!!!! Ehhhhhhh!!!!
I never heard this song before today. It was the perfect song to end my training to. Walking out of the gym I was hiiiigggggghhhhhhhh.
Another milestone in my quest to get back to veganism: I am using water in my protein shakes instead of milk. It's tricky though. Well... I mean my goal is to maintain muscle and lose body fat. I still need to eat a fair amount of protein and calories to maintain but a vegan diet definitely helps with losing body fat. I am still eating skyyr. I haven't transitioned yet. If they had packaged bean salads that would be fantastic. But, I can eat some chips and salsa, a skyrr, and a bowl of green beans (without butter) and it is pretty satiating. Burger and fries and 3 servings of sweet tea is also satiating but just plain crazy looking back on it. It feels like it is a lot harder to lose the fat than it was to gain the fat. You think you are free and in bliss eating all that shit but in reality it is an addiction. 30 lbs. later....................................
My mom brought up these vegans that won't eat plants. Well, they will eat blueberries because you can pick them from the plant but they don't eat carrots, onions, garlic, etc. They don't eat any lettuces. Where do you draw the line? Am I a mass murdering psychopath b/c I want to boil some lobster once a year when I'm in Maine? What if we freeze the lobsters to death first?
What if I want to have a bit of pesto and feta with my portabello mushroom burger as the chef intended? What if I want to have some nutella with it's trace amounts of gelatin? What if I want to have an ice cream cone every now and then?
I think I am just more of a moderate vegetarian than anything. Sure, I like the idea of trending towards vegan but if my mom makes a vegetarian lasagna I don't want to say no.
I don't have a problem going vegan on the other issues. That's pretty easy.
I remember listening to this song singing "Merrillville is Killing Me" as I drank myself to death. I just think there are those places that kill people. Account Manager in Northwest Indiana I just couldn't keep it going. I couldn't keep it together. I had a breakdown. I had a breakthrough. Pittsburgh was a good place for me. The largest building was the UPMC building. UPMC helped me come to grips with my bipolar and psychosis. Pittsburgh AA helped me come to grips with my alcoholism and addiction. I think the verdicts out on Charleston. I have been here a year. I love the ocean and the beaches. I have made few friends. I love that the largest building is a beautifully designed bridge. I don't like the fact the next tallest buildings are churches. I can't move anywhere without a job offer. So, I sit and type on my computer keys which will become LP posts, read up on anarchy, socialism, Edward Morin, and train. What am I preparing myself for? Life? I am man-killing Hector preparing for the future. I am Ajax fighting for homeland earth.
That is about the aesthetic I am going for. How vain of me.... I don't know. Why not? What else am I going to fucking do on this earth? Besides save the world from capitalism and neoliberal economics???????
I should like this guy because he gives money to bipolar and mental illness research but he's a fucking douche. Him and his wife give most of their money to Grenwich, CT and Harvard University. So, it is likely a status thing. Or, more so likely it gives his wife something to do. Their philanthropy is relatively equivalent to me giving a bum $5.
Over all these blog posts I wasn't even conscious of it. I was just writing endlessly about myself. Who does that? ME! And I am still writing about myself.
I had a friend tell me today that I should get a job not to make money but because I am a self-centered prick stuck at home with himself all day.
I don't know what else to do besides write about the chick pea curry I ate for dinner. It was fucking great. That is like perfect. I wouldn't want to eat it every meal but it was fucking perfect. I think how I am going to be vegan is I am just going to pretend like I am on the iron chef and the secret ingredient is beans. Garbanzo beans, white beans, kidney beans, black beans, pinto beans, et al.
Now, that my friend called me out for being self-centered and it is painfully true that I am a self-centered fuck it becomes more difficult to write these blogs. I probably still will though. I'll wake up tomorrow morning just as self-centered as fucking always ready to write some more self-centered horse shit.
By the way he buidybuilded professionally and took a lot of drugs. Just a disclaimer.
Aesthetics bro:
Do you even lift bro?
Believe me he gets it right:
Athlete:
Michaelangelo's exhibit in the Louvre led me to believe we should be swimming and eating vegan not weights and protein powder obsessed:
Hollywood had me switching my mind again:
Got me thinking I need to just gorge myself on chicken, rice, and vegetables. Die of an arsenic overdose.
Now, I do the protein powder pre and post workout so I get enough protein in me and then I eat vegan (bean) soups, stews, and curries. The tricky part is getting enough calories to maintain muscle while trying to burn fat. I'd say I go maintenance on days that I lift heavy and then I try and go a bit less on the other days. I am currently 6'2'' 210 lbs. at ~16% body fat. My main goal is fitting into my suit pants for a wedding because I am too broke to buy a new suit and fuck that anyways but I don't want to lose much if any muscle. Otherwise I wouldn't mind just fucking busting at the seams to start throwing more plates on a number of the exercises. Not really though. I don't think developing bellies is a good life strategy.
This is probably about right:
We all have the capacity to be sculptors of our own body. Remember, that Adonis fucked Aphrodite. Fuck, I didn't even really want to go into that (training for female validation). Training gets me High. It wards off depression. I think it gives me confidence even if sometimes I have low self confidence. I was talking to my sister the other day about how I am fat and she was like "Don't be stupid bro, you have the body most guys want." I think it's because I fucking compare myself to sculptures, actors playing super heroes, and male models. I want to be 6'2'' 210 lbs. @ 12% body fat. That takes years of dedication and for the vast majority of the world is an impossible goal. I should just be grateful for what the gods have given me. I was in a meeting yesterday and the chairperson starts going on about instead of taking medications all we need is gratitude. His point was that gratitude hits the same receptors in the brain that say wellbutrin or prozac does which is a fair point but the overall message in a meeting full of newcomers was stop taking your medications and be grateful. So, I just downplayed gratitude. But, I should be grateful for my comfortable bed, the fact I had an amazing mango to eat this morning, the fact that I am 6'2'' 210 lbs. and not actually fat.
When is the best time to train?
I read whenever you actually go train.
Then it said technically when your body temp. is the highest in the mid afternoon.
What about in the morning when testosterone is the highest?
I'll revert back to whenever you actually go train.
I should like this guy because he gives money to bipolar and mental illness research but he's a fucking douche. Him and his wife give most of their money to Grenwich, CT and Harvard University. So, it is likely a status thing. Or, more so likely it gives his wife something to do. Their philanthropy is relatively equivalent to me giving a bum $5.
"It does not actually dictate that the money is spent in any certain way or towards any particular charity or cause, and there is no obligation to actually donate any money."
I should like this guy because he gives money to bipolar and mental illness research but he's a fucking douche. Him and his wife give most of their money to Grenwich, CT and Harvard University. So, it is likely a status thing. Or, more so likely it gives his wife something to do. Their philanthropy is relatively equivalent to me giving a bum $5.
United States. May 23 2018 16:31. Posts 8534
