What do I want?

On April 23 2018 04:07 Floofy wrote: Show nested quote + On April 22 2018 21:08 RiKD wrote: So, I asked this girl out to ice cream in the afternoon (we were talking about it earlier in the convo). She says she works and is free in the evening. There is this bomb ass thai place across the street from the ice cream place. I don't know if I want to just go straight into dinner on a first date though. I was thinking more have some ice cream and walk around the city. My opinion about diner on a first date is: 1: If you don't pay, you will seem cheap to a lot of girls 2: If you do pay, you end up spending a lot of money for something that often leads nowhere (in my case thats 70%+) 3: Its hard to initiate kino in this setting (totally possible, i once started kissing a lot with a girl on first diner date, but that happened once). I think ice cream is a better idea.

If you don't pay you are cheap.

It was nice when I could go out for a $100 meal and not even care or notice. The Thai place would probably end up being about $70 which I really want to be able to say what's the difference but that's not the case for me at the moment. I think that is a part to this whole thing. How do I get back to a place where $100 meals don't matter but my soul is not suffering for it? I think we have discussed this before but in my opinion the perfect first date is at a cool, sexy lounge. I no longer have the money for that and I don't drink. I was talking to this one girl about drinks and was just honest and said I'll have a san pelligrino or a cappucino and I didn't know anything about where to get a drink in this city and she was like "lol, we don't have to get drinks." I have always found it works a lot better to just say a place and a time. Let's go to (coffee place) at 2pm on Sunday. I think that is what the woman wants. I just figured it would be an experiment on going out for drinks. I really wouldn't mind having a san pelligrino or a cappucino but maybe she would.

You and your kino. I have had dates where I initiated zero kino (unless eye contact is considered kino) until I got her home and pushed her up against the door and kissed her. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Kissing in public is not a great look. That's not my goal. My goal is to fuck her in my bed or her bed or on the counter or the couch, etc.

I think ice cream is the better idea as well. I asked her to dinner then ice cream then revised and said "or, we can get some ice cream and go for a bit of a walk?" It feels kind of weak to re-ask like that but I think it makes her more comfortable. My goal is not actually to go to dinner I just thought it was kind of a cool idea. I really want to just get the ice cream and go for a walk so I need to stick to my guns and ask for what I want.

I don't care if it makes me "cheap", if i paid 100$ for every first dates i'd be broke as fuck lol
I rather keep my money for girls i actually have sex with.

grow some balls and more important f***ing grow up.. you sound like a 12-year-old crying for attention from girls

your blog seriously tilts me. You seem very materialistic (or used to be?) and narcissistic. It also tilts me that you float the idea of Buddhism but then go back to talk about expensive dinners and chasing girls. It's like you never take a serious stance on anything, and are basically uninterested in engaging with reality

On April 24 2018 10:29 Stroggoz wrote: your blog seriously tilts me. You seem very materialistic (or used to be?) and narcissistic. It also tilts me that you float the idea of Buddhism but then go back to talk about expensive dinners and chasing girls. It's like you never take a serious stance on anything, and are basically uninterested in engaging with reality

He is an addict and mentally ill (bipolar/psychotic). It's not from a lack of interest. It's how he is. It's an incapacity. The thing is, blaming people for how they're "wired" in a vacuum like this is no good. Mental illness, materialism, narcissism, they all have systemic roots. This is what you expect this system to generate, being degenerate itself, it produces degenerates. This forum is full of degenerates of all sorts, RiKD only stands out because he is addicted to being public about his struggles and obsessions. Poker itself is a degenerative game, it's purely exploitative.

It only tilts you because you're being too self-centered yourself, not taking the time to reflect about how it is possible for someone to become this way. It's not causa sui, at no point did RiKD sign up to become an addict or Mortensen a delusional conspiracy theorist. It's much more an indictment of the neoliberal economic machine and the reductionist paradigm that produces such deficient, confused and unbalanced people than it is anything like the lack of individual awareness and willpower to make things better.

i agree that the neoliberal system is a great contributer in producing these types of people and a variety of mentally/physically ill people in general. Not sure why you'd think I don't agree with you on that point.

I know that you actually understand it on an intellectual level, I'm just saying there is an emotional disconnect in the moment where you are frustrated because you chose to read an addict's blog and it bothers you that they perform, ruminate, etc. and don't change. It's not really meant as a personal criticism of you, it's just an observation (I've observed it in myself too). I just think it's worth saying that the frustration shouldn't be directed towards the person, which it somewhat unambiguously looked like you were engaging in.

Anyway, I've been reading this book on economics that I thought I'd recommend to you while I'm here. You said you were interested in ideas from the radical left so you might have already heard of it (or you would likely hear of it in the near future), it's "Doughnut Economics". It builds on systems thinking. I've uploaded the audiobook and the .epub here if you're interested (to download as a zip: top right corner -> download -> direct download).

Havnt heard of the book, ill look into it

On April 24 2018 10:29 Stroggoz wrote: your blog seriously tilts me. You seem very materialistic (or used to be?) and narcissistic. It also tilts me that you float the idea of Buddhism but then go back to talk about expensive dinners and chasing girls. It's like you never take a serious stance on anything, and are basically uninterested in engaging with reality

I used to be very materialistic. I am working on it but still struggle with what is enough. If I didn't have dental bills to pay I would likely have $500 chelsea boots, $500 leather jacket, and $500 tattoo on the way instead of saving to move out of my parent's place. I am also narcissistic for sure. I have shared the story about noticing my lat in the mirror while fucking a prostitute and flexing. I definitely have an excessive interest in myself and my physical appearance. I wouldn't say it's erotic and I wouldn't say it is as bad as it used to be but it is always there and can likely flare up at any moment. I don't really know what I can do about it. I study buddhism. I practice buddhism. I am not a monk therefore I do not beg for food. I can not abstain from food. As Loco mentioned I am an addict. I obsess about getting to a place where $100 meals are nothing. Again, I am not a monk. I have abstained from all sex and masturbation before. I would prefer to have a healthy dating life and sex life. I don't know what you mean by saying I never take a serious stance on anything. My stance is I would like to take women out to nice restaurants and have a sane sex life. For an addict like me that is not necessarily easy. I also don't want to renunciate everything and wear robes, eat rice and be celibate. I am completely interested in engaging with reality. Most of my dates are coffee and ice cream dates or going on a walk. I don't think you understand what it is like to be me though. I can't abstain from food, I can't abstain from clothing, I don't want to abstain from dating. It is actually very difficult for me to figure out what is enough and live a sane life. Even meditation. I can meditate everyday for 20 min. and feel great does that mean I should constantly be going on 3 day retreats? 7 day retreats? Become a monk?

One thing I want to mention though since this blog seems to be labelled struggles and obsessions. Many times that's what gets on the page but today I am 4 years clean and sober and I am actually engaging in a mostly sane dating life. Yeah, I am getting a little sick with tinder but so far I haven't harmed anyone or gotten completely hooked on vagina and that is a win. Since I do not want to abstain from sex there has to be some ideals and I do have a sponsor that I talk to regularly. I am also practicing under buddhist teachers.

Yeah, I still post here. There are worse things.

I wish everyone the best as we are all just creatures (many whom are fucked up by the neoliberal economy) trying to live.

I empathise with RiKD here. I think a part of our identity is tied up in how we contribute to society, whether through a job, as a parent or other means. When we become disempowered in this regard (for e.g. losing our job - or here - with RiKD going backwards on his personal measure of success in being able to drop $100 on a meal) it's easy to fall into a crisis of identity or existential crisis.
I'd add that the whole neoliberal apparatus is very good at undervaluing the worth of an individual.
Congratulations on the 4 years clean and sober.

$100 meal is not something I need. I know this. I don't have $100 meals anymore. I have had them quite regularly in my life though and at the time it had no negative impact only positive. This is unlike drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc. That doesn't mean I scoff at a good vegan soup at like $2/serving. I have no desire to starve myself or eat small portions of rice. There is a power in dating to eating wherever you want. Especially if you can show her some cool restaurants she has never been to before. The goal is to make her life exciting. Now, I can do that with bringing her out to ice cream and being charismatic and funny. That's like $15. That is the thing. $100 isn't even that expensive. Even if I took her to this lower key Korean BBQ place it is going to be $60 if she orders drinks. I can probably get her in and out of a diner I like for $35. Eating out costs money what can I say? And, no I don't think cooking up my kale and black bean specialty and watching Netflix is going to be a date most women will want to go on initially.

Anyways, I have to go pump up so I can better masturbate to myself in the mirror.

"And, no I don't think cooking up my kale and black bean specialty and watching Netflix is going to be a date most women will want to go on initially."

Depends on the women and on how you bring it up. You'd be surprised how many womens accepted a date directly at home.

My first serious GF of 4 years directly invited to her home and we fucked first night.
My second serious GF of 3 years, we actually went to diner together, but then we kissed in the park and finally almost fucked at her parents home. (second date was insta fuck at my home).
And my third serious GF (current one) you already know.

But obviously, some girl will not want to do that directly. At least 50% of them. And that's ok. But for some reasons my success was never as good with those women. I think women is more likely to accept whjatever date u want if they are truly interested.

Floofy, you are kind of an enigma and an anomaly when it comes to dating. You got like your own niche and game plan that might only work for you. Personally, I don't want to alienate 50% of the women I would potentially want to date by not doing something more standard like coffee, walk, ice cream, dinner, something fun. I do agree with your last sentence though but as a strategy for me it is better to just do something standard and make it fun. So, we have to click but I have to be fun, flirty, funny.

I have to get a better profile. I have to get a better job. I have to get better stuff. I have to go out to better places. I was so much better off when I was sitting in a Tibetan center meditating. My buddhist teacher even said so. 1 hour of peace and contentment where I am not harming anyone or being harmed.

bleh i still think you're under estimating yourself

Any man who's not totally gross looking and has "ok" game (or just acts with common sense, works too) can get pussy. Its just about the brute numbers. If you're a great pickup artist you will pickup higher % than if you suck like me, but in the end, if you try on enough girl, it WILL work lol. Having low standards helps too......

On April 26 2018 02:24 RiKD wrote: Floofy, you are kind of an enigma and an anomaly when it comes to dating. You got like your own niche and game plan that might only work for you. Personally, I don't want to alienate 50% of the women I would potentially want to date by not doing something more standard like coffee, walk, ice cream, dinner, something fun. I do agree with your last sentence though but as a strategy for me it is better to just do something standard and make it fun. So, we have to click but I have to be fun, flirty, funny.

Btw to make things clear, i'm not saying i never went for standard stuff. i probably go for standard stuff more than this whole "home movie" thing. But my sucess rate is so much higher with the home movie thing And i don't really think it "only works for me". Once you get a girl to agree to this, its not extremely difficult to make things work

On April 27 2018 04:00 Floofy wrote: bleh i still think you're under estimating yourself Any man who's not totally gross looking and has "ok" game (or just acts with common sense, works too) can get pussy. Its just about the brute numbers. If you're a great pickup artist you will pickup higher % than if you suck like me, but in the end, if you try on enough girl, it WILL work lol. Having low standards helps too......

My post was more about negative thoughts that may arise. They are based in reality but maybe not Reality. All of those things would improve my "dating score" but is not necessarily necessary. I was just relaying the thoughts that the world is much simpler when I am meditating. I don't have these thoughts when I am meditating (typically).

I think there is a difference here is that my ideal at the moment is to just casually date women and have some fun. I am not necessarily looking for a girlfriend but if it happens it happens. I also have high standards I would say. Not nearly as high as they used to be. I used to be a crazy perfectionist that I am still working on. If I am lacking in dates it is mostly attributed to my profile and my life. It's not even about having a Mazzerati, whatever. I get ghosted when women find out I don't drink, am a prep cook, and live with my parents. Living with my parents would be acceptable if I had something great in the works (somewhat, I am 34 after all). Prep cook would be more acceptable if I was living on my own. The combination of the two seems to kill it for a handful of women (small sample but I don't bring up all 3 at the same time). So, I think drinking doesn't set me down with many women in their 30s especially the ones who have calmed down their drinking since their 20s. Women in their 20s who are heavy drinkers are losing interest fast. Living at home with my parents is passable with my alcoholism and mental illness but women want to see potential. So, I am definitely losing points for living with my parents at 34 but the big thing is there is seemingly no potential there. I am a prep cook with no dreams, vision, goals. That is a major lady wood killer. I do have dreams, vision and goals but it isn't material and maybe doesn't seem the most appetizing for a woman on the prowl. A woman looking for a certain ideal of a dating life or a boyfriend. I don't think I really fit into most ideals in that regard. Now, I agree that there are women out there who exist. This one woman is all over my nuts because I love Pavarotti, Beethoven, etc. I could just start asking all these women over to my place for some french cooking and we can watch "Blue is the Warmest Color." That actually may not be a bad idea. I would be having fun, we would have some delicious food and I would enjoy a movie I love (that is also extremely hot and sexy). Obviously, the ones that say yes would be really into me or a little crazy. To be honest though, part of that is I don't want some random girl in my (parents') place I barely know. I don't want to put in the work to cook a brilliant meal for someone I barely know. Unless I am fucking drunk and high which I don't plan on being I don't really see myself fucking strangers.

On April 27 2018 04:02 Floofy wrote: Show nested quote + On April 26 2018 02:24 RiKD wrote: Floofy, you are kind of an enigma and an anomaly when it comes to dating. You got like your own niche and game plan that might only work for you. Personally, I don't want to alienate 50% of the women I would potentially want to date by not doing something more standard like coffee, walk, ice cream, dinner, something fun. I do agree with your last sentence though but as a strategy for me it is better to just do something standard and make it fun. So, we have to click but I have to be fun, flirty, funny. Btw to make things clear, i'm not saying i never went for standard stuff. i probably go for standard stuff more than this whole "home movie" thing. But my sucess rate is so much higher with the home movie thing And i don't really think it "only works for me". Once you get a girl to agree to this, its not extremely difficult to make things work

I talked about this in my last post but if a girl is comfortable coming to your place to watch netflix she has probably made up her mind that she is comfortable fucking you. This is obviously not a hard and fast rule but anytime I have invited a girl back for champagne, tequila, hey check out my hotel room, netflix, whatever it is just code. Same for women.

I remember the first time I had a one night stand I think I told her we could go back and watch a movie even though we were grinding and she was grabbing my dick and she was wet through her panties. We were holding each other's hand in the elevator on a full elevator and the tension was crazy. We had a sexy as fuck deep kiss as soon as we were off the elevator. So, we get in the hotel room and my dumbass starts drunkenly trying to figure out the remote. She was like what the fuck are you doing?????

I remember another time I was like "hey, come check out my tuxedo." Anything would have worked basically. Sexy as fuck deep kiss. Wet through her yoga pants. Sexy time.

Hey, I got some good weed at the house. Some times you just run into some adventurous pot heads from my experience and context matters too.

Hey, I got some tequila at the house. 1 or 2 shots and the clothes are coming off. Maybe partly because of the tequila and how fun it is to do shots.

Let's talk about buying temperatures. I have heard PUAs talk about it but it is basically a sales term. Like, I have to get them a bit heightened and then ask them out. Some of these women I get lazy and don't talk for a week and then just ask them out with out getting them laughing or turned on. Back in the day I wouldn't just walk into a customer's office that I hadn't seen in a month and immediately ask for business. You gotta get the stupid pleasantries out of the way in a pleasant way. Make them laugh. Get them charged up a little bit then ask. This may lead to more flakes actually though too. If they agreed to something they didn't want. In sales we get purchase orders that aren't going to be reversed and then we have to come through. So, in dating we need to ask at the right time and then come through in the date. A lot of that comes down to how you click. The thing is someone like Drake can put in virtually zero effort. All of his records are basically advertising for how awesome he is. It's the same thing with the Dan Bilzerian phenomenon. Instagram is free advertising for how awesome of a life these women could be living. I have 1 good pick in my profile. Otherwise there is nothing women are really going to get that excited about. I have an existential/buddhist snippet in my bio that I wrote. Well, I put that I am 6'2" in my bio also. That is probably my best attribute on paper. It is like having a nice feminine body for a woman. Not as hot as being a CEO, Drake, etc. Obviously. I spend my Friday nights writing posts on LP. Yeah, that's super sexy..........