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RiKD    United States. Dec 20 2017 00:34. Posts 5117
Lana Del Rey:

My Pussy tastes like Pepsi Cola.

In the land of Gods and Monsters,
I was an angel,
Looking to get fucked hard.

I love this woman. I just wanted to share those two but I am back listening to the Born to Die/Paradise deluxe album. I find I like Lust for Life as well. Have never got into Ultraviolence or Honeymoon as much. I may just be sleeping on those.

Finished the quick intro to Morin and am excitedly waiting for On Complexity in the mail. I don't know what I am doing next. I may finish The Communist Manifesto by Marx or start some Freud. I figure I should finish those 2 before getting to the Postmodernists. Then I will probably go Foucault, Derrida, Baudrillard. Or, I might just read Morin. There is also Tree of Knowledge just hanging out at the moment. I will of course turn to Money by Martin Amis when I want something a bit lighter.

I am a secular extrovert. I am not sure what secular has to do with becoming an unemployed recluse being bad for me. I definitely need people in my life though (extrovert).

I take myself too seriously sometimes. Sometimes it is good to be serious. Other times it is time to lighten up and laugh and smile. I need to recognize this in my day to day life.

I've really just got some time to kill before the meeting. Now I've written some stuff. I might as well click post and add on if I think of anything.

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RiKD    United States. Dec 20 2017 01:32. Posts 5117

I am living in a fantasy world with women who can fuck well on camera. It is the hyper-real. Pornography is more real than real sex. There will be a day when I can hop into virtual reality and have sex with anyone I want. There will become a magic to having vanilla sex with a partner. I mean there already is a magic to that but the hyper-reality of pornography has made it something to be ashamed of. I don't exactly mean that but with the popularity of books like "50 Shades of Grey" and shows like Sex and the City these women at least have fantasies and I think many are willing to carry them out. We all have fantasies and many of my hard ons and orgasms are inspired by pornography. It is one of the few times I experience ecstasy anymore. There is no fervor, involvement, or love though. I shouldn't be going to AA meetings looking for those things. Maybe it is time for me to start taking dating seriously. I have enough of an income we can at least go to some cool places. I don't think I really carry a loneliness with me but I do get lonely at times. Thankfully, I no longer feel alienated.

I am insecure about living with my parents when it comes to dating. I don't think it is really something I should get full acceptance on unless it really is not a possibility to move out and get my own place.

I want to date Lana Del Rey. I love her writing, her voice, the vibes of the production and the songs. I like my women just a little fucked up too. I feel we can relate better. I am still not completely over a woman from like a year ago now maybe more. I had to see her a fair amount after that too. It was always amicable with a few pinches of awkward. I have to go now though. Maybe just when I was getting into some good therapy.

Loco   Canada. Dec 20 2017 02:03. Posts 19392

  I am a secular extrovert. I am not sure what secular has to do with becoming an unemployed recluse being bad for me. I definitely need people in my life though (extrovert).

I mentioned secularism because of the ascetic people who choose to live in isolation because they are religiously/spiritually motivated to do so.

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. (Mencken) 

RiKD    United States. Dec 20 2017 04:52. Posts 5117

Sometimes I cringe at what I might have even written in previous posts. I just read my last post. The last woman I was involved with... Helluva woman indeed. I say I don't want to get involved with anyone in AA (perhaps partly because of that and others experience) but there are a lot of women that are looking pretty attractive.

The weirdest thing has been happening to me. When I share I all of a sudden get really nervous and have like a mini panic attack. Well, that was happening and sometimes I could get through it but the one time I got about 3 disjointed sentences out and just had to pass. Now, I think I am afraid of that happening and I get nervous before too. It's so weird. This has never happened to me before. I think it could be due to trying to please people or impress them. I want to say something profound or recently I don't want to look stupid. The thing is when I do get through it I am making everybody laugh and people comment on it maybe just to make me feel better. Maybe I am caring a bit too much but the feeling of trying to speak lucidly and being hit with adrenaline and anxiety is no fun. Sometimes I think it helps to get like a hyper focus where you just go into the zone and kill it but in a casual meeting maybe I just want to relax and speak as if it is a casual conversation like when I am out on the picnic table eating pizza with everyone. I used to be able to speak in front of 50-100 people no problem. Of course I got a little nervous but it was no problem. I understand getting a little nervous can be a good thing but it seems silly in a casual meeting of like 10 people where I turn into a wreck that is having difficulty just reading out loud to a group of people.

 Last edit: 20/12/2017 04:54

FrinkX   United States. Dec 20 2017 16:28. Posts 7459

bitch on a pension suck my dongLast edit: 20/12/2017 17:22

FrinkX   United States. Dec 20 2017 17:20. Posts 7459

100% move out of your parents house if u want to date succesfully. u know the reasons and it's really straightforward. it's good you're insecure about it.

just get urself out there with the intention of making friends and having fun. the girl stuff always falls into place when that's your plan. when you go out and you're lonely and want to meet a girl, you'll fail so often. u cant help but fish out in some way. if ur urself, ur laid back and 0 pressure and its easy. you're confident and smooth and girls are attracted to that. you'll just clam up going out with expectations

prob stay away from AA for healthy dating simply bc of the logic that those girls are going thru a struggle in their lives and a higher % of the time wont be in a place to have a healthy relationship. Even tho you can perfectly relate with the struggle, no reason to force going after girls there unless u get to know them naturally and u like them. In terms of places to go out, yea ofcourse prob better to go to nicer places, but just go to places where ppl are cool and chill and real, not clubs and all that ego filled money driven drinking BS that i once enjoyed.

in terms of porn > sex, i think in time you'll realize this isn't true. I actually think you should set out to experience certain things that really turn you on from porn. I did a lot of that in my 20s because my first major girlfriend i wound up cheating on with a big tittied stripper who somehow wanted to go home with me. i realized i couldnt resist bc i hadnt fulfilled enough sexual fantasies. also there were plenty of those porn actions i couldnt do with normal girls for the most part (prime example being able to tittyfuck a girl with huge tits).

in time, i really did wind up accomplishing most everything that really turned me on from porn. for me, accomplishing those things really diminished my urges for them. I realized that normal sex really is better than all of that stuff, because u cant replace real deal passion/bodies being in sync with each other. also, u really need to just tell girls u wanna try something out u've never tried (and just lie even if u've done it). girls are SO DOWN for that unless its like a big no-no for them such as anal may be. it doesnt matter if the girl is inexperienced, tighter morals, or is a huge f'ing slut, they're all down to do something new/different or just bc they like to satisfy men.

other side of it is, maybe you'll try that porn stuff out and realize it is absolutely your thing and now you have to do it going forward. Is that really a bad thing? it's part of self discovery. Can't discover your true sexual nature without experience, IMO. Maybe limiting for your dating, but at least you'll know what you want and can have stricter filters for girls moving forward.

People always say it, but there's a direct correlation between your love life and your sex life. if one diminishes, so will the other. If you want a successful long lasting relationship, I believe you need to know exactly what you want in both regards. That's why I'm putting so much emphasis on this porn/sex thing, because that has a time limit for you to figure it out (age/stamina reasons but mostly meaning monogamy). For me, it was about finishing a list of sexual actions/experiencing certain body types & ethnicity, but maybe it's more about just finding out what you like and what your groove is, and once u do that, you'll prob be at your prime in terms of sexual skill.

Even tho you're lonely and want companionship, I think figuring out your true sexual nature is really important. As I said, I hadn't and promptly cheated on my ex. Going forward, I stopped cheating bc I had lots of good experiences and they satisfied my future urges. I also had a realization that, while I liked (and need) good moral/family-oriented/loyal girls, I need someone really hot on top of that bc my sexual urges go thru the roof if all hot girls are hotter than my girl. it may be lame of me, but its the truth.

after a short bad relationship with a psycho girl, i decided to just chill and grind (in macau) and just be single and degen with friends there. Went out with friends a week later with the intention of having fun, wound up meeting a former beauty queen, wanted that pristine lay. casually went after it, didnt resist when the feelings came (never resist, even if ur in a bad place. just dont actively go after those feelings if ur in a bad place), found out shes the perfect girl for me, fell fully in love and 4 years later im back in the US with her. i got lucky AF and a bit of cheat code since its so much easier to meet girls there, but my point still stands. if i behaved any differently it wouldnt have happened, and if i didnt accomplish all of my goals sexually, i would be cheating on her. Now all of those desires are fulfilled thru porn, rather than porn driving my desires

bitch on a pension suck my dongLast edit: 20/12/2017 18:37

FrinkX   United States. Dec 20 2017 17:45. Posts 7459

also online dating is SUPER viable still. we've talked about it before but maybe it's time to really pull the trigger on that. You can get sex out of it, you can get relationships out of it, or you can (and most importantly) get PRACTICE out of it. all your nerves will be calmed with practice yo

bitch on a pension suck my dong 

RiKD    United States. Dec 21 2017 02:09. Posts 5117

I don't think porn is better than sex. Just that porn has become like more real than sex. I have never met a woman who wants that type of sex. I am talking like reverse cowgirl jackhammering away. You have some interesting points about exploring what you like in porn in real life. I think you are on to something there. Ideally I wouldn't watch any porn and just have sex.

The Weeknd has a line something like "I just fucked 2 bitches, we'll go at my tempo." I think it is pretty funny and awesome and I suppose pretty true too but I would always want the woman to get some pleasure out of it. I actually enjoy when they supplement getting dicked with clitoral stimulation. I do enjoy going down though too. So, it's whatever.

Also, the anxiety and adrenaline hits me in actual AA meetings. If I am talking to people after the meeting or going out for pizza I am for the most part completely comfortable. There is a part of me that worries that that could happen on a date but it really doesn't matter it would still be something to push through as it is in the AA meetings.

At the end of the day I think I have a decent idea of my sexual nature. Although, I do have those things that turn me on that I have not experienced yet. I don't know. I am not really looking to chase those things. I am happy with good vanilla sex I suppose depending on what the definition of vanilla sex is. If it is missionary with the lights off than no thank you but I am talking more 21st century vanilla sex meaning it takes some of the hot things in porn and leaves some of the contrived stuff.

It would be good for me to have sex but you mentioned it and just being out with friends and making new friends is where I should be. The instinct for sex will always be there and sometimes it is hard not to meet an attractive woman and think "oh, she might do nicely" and I think that is a natural thing but everything just takes time. I do believe I have to win the trust and admiration of my fellows before the women really take notice.

Anyways, glad to hear you are in a good relationship. Also, glad to hear you are out of the club life. Such pomp and pretension. I don't really look back at all the money I spent clubbing and going to strip clubs and think "ahhh, but it was worth it." There were some good times for sure but I am glad I haven't been in at least a few years and don't plan on going back.

 Last edit: 21/12/2017 02:10


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