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RiKD    United States. Mar 27 2017 01:24. Posts 8442
The birds are singing, the sun is out. It is the season of spring. I will be moving to Charleston, SC. Joseph Campbell had a saying, "Judge a society by it's largest buildings." Charleston has a beautifully constructed bridge and historic churches. Can I look past the cult of religion for amazing architecture and culture? I just can't call it yet. I only need a handful or more of free thinkers to feel at ease or just some quality religious folk who don't encroach on the subject. I don't want to hear about Jesus just as much as they don't want to hear about how the universe and each and every one of us are in ruins with no redemption.

You know, I am still chasing coffee that my sister had from like months ago. It was some local stuff and they use water infused with some Colombian sugar that is custom there.

I like sex. I like sugar in my coffee. I like a perfectly ripened mango. I am underplaying sex. The animal nature of it. The build up. The release. The potential for frank conversation. Something about a cigarette afterwards. The cigarette that leads to having a cigarette after everything. The cigarette break. The cigarette that leads to having a cigarette before everything. As the tobacco toasts the muses play their song... Until they don't, and there's anxiety, and there's headaches, and there's motherfucking motherfucker. A part of me wants to be open to do anything. Line of coke? Por supuesto. I want the smoke break, the 5 min. breather, the nicotine in my veins, in my brain. I want a coffee and a cigarette. I want a decanter of wine all the time. I want to drown in cognac. Smoke 5 blunts and down some chodine. I want fresh summer corn on the cob with plenty of butter. I want blow jobs. Lots of blow jobs. Enthusiastic, skillful blow jobs. If someone has a comfy couch and some heroin I want to be down. I am a crazy motherfucker. I am an addict. There is no permanent escape besides death. I am cool with intermittent transcendence. A larger being of peace and serenity. Just a little bit of freedom from some of the pains of the world. Blow jobs are nice though. I miss blow jobs. They make me want to get my act together. Make big money and have some big fun...

Hah, butter and religion. What is a vegan athiest to do?

What are the odds on 300 lb. born again by next year? Hah.

I don't really want to go to work tomorrow but how many people do? That is some really amazing shit. That has got to be some hack on life or make enough that you just don't give a fuck. My job is not aids but it kind of sucks and I am not getting paid anything. What am I doing in regards to that portion of life? It is not going to change either by moving location. I will probably be worse off for a bit. Until I hit the beaches. Jesus may save some people but beaches save me. I will go work on a fishing boat or pick collard greens. I will eat rice and beans like the enslaved Africans and get skin cancer for being out in the sun too much. I will have to find a new skin cancer doctor. I will have to find a new psychiatrist so I don't terrorize the city with manic insanity. I am now in somewhat annoying stasis. It will have to do. It will have to do. I do my best to improve my perspective. I am doing better now from my synapses to my guts to my external world than I ever had and there is still distaste? Yes, many flavors I dislike but I must ingest. Sometimes I wonder if I were just not meant for this world. I just don't quite fit in right or maybe I just haven't found the right spot. I am a bad searcher or seeker yet a lot of things have gone right in my life. Things seems to work out. I get acclimated swimmingly. I could just be writing through my anxieties about moving. I could just be writing through my anxieties about everything. I have fears, resentments, and anxieties whether I want to acknowledge them or not. Many time these things are what are blocking me in life. I resent Kanye West for being so free with his expression and having the success and potential for freedom. I fear just not finding anything out in Charleston and being stuck in a menial job with out much funds or free time or friends.

Hope everyone is swell. If anyone is in Charleston lemme know.

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RiKD    United States. Mar 28 2017 03:39. Posts 8442

I just had a stellar mango. Drugs are pretty good but I'll take the mango. Square city.


RiKD    United States. Mar 30 2017 05:25. Posts 8442

I really love fruit metaphors maybe just as much as I like ripe fruit.

Sometimes I get some blueberries and they are from Chile and taste like pesticides. No bueno. With spring comes better fruit. I am already getting strawberries from California. Mangos seem to travel pretty well from Mexico. I have not had anything magical yet but in due time. There are also the peaches. Local peaches picked ripe are a treat and what about a fresh salsa with some lima a punto. I remember the joys of a crisp cerveza con lima. One of my drink of choices out and about now is a san pelligrino con lima. Not as good but much better for me in the long run.

I don't even know why I am writing to be honest. Just to pass the time I suppose. Maybe the right switch will turn on and I can find myself wist away to transcendence territory. I don't like the use of territory there. It sounds like some oregon trail place where we are finding a spot to make a home and a life. I want a more wistful and dreamy landscape. Maybe one with a waterfall and caribbean blue waters and deep, vivid green forestation. Maybe a little fog. Sometimes when writing the brain gets a bit foggy and it is sometimes beautiful and sometimes I just want to go somewhere else to a prettier landscape. Why not up in the clouds in the gates of Olympus? That may be too much. No evidence of those Greek fucks being real anyways. Olive oil is real. A nice drizzle of the good stuff goes a long way.

Do not be so stressed at work that it effects your bowel movements. Your mood affects your bowels just as your bowels affect your mood. Keep these things stable and you can win the day. You can be a real productivity star until they want even more productivity out of the productivity star and the moods and the stress and the bowels get out of whack. Bowel movements are the key marker of life and they can be monitored quite easily daily. Doctors be damned. They are mostly doing their best but everyone has to watch out for the pitfalls of productivity. What is productive for x and y corporations will not be productive for us individuals at a certain point. Sometimes I wish I was born in Denmark or France or Ikaria, Greece.

This is what happens when there is no socialization. I just write stuff I am thinking about on liquid poker. Many nights I just get home too late when nothing is happening. So, I sit in my house and then I find the keyboard and then I write.

I have been on a Radiohead - OK Computer bender. I am just listening to the album and different songs in different order. Such a great album. I think my top three is Kid A, In Rainbows, OK Computer but that is so tough. My life was awesome when In Rainbows came out and I think that is part of why I rate it so high. It was like a soundtrack when I was crushing poker and living in Malta. One day in Malta I played a Tiesto podcast which featured the song "Addicted" by Serge Devant. I more or less played that song and podcast on loop for 20 hours and made $25k. Man, we had some good coffee out there and a great cocktail of hash, weed, and tobacco for a homemade gravity bong. You cut some good focus weed with some nicotine and it's a great poker drug. Sip a little coffee or green tea. Those were the days that I could have a session good or bad and decide to take sun, hit up a beach, go for a shoreline walk, get wasted, have a nice dinner, maybe just get lifted and watch planet earth, man, the possibilities were endless. Way better than read a book, watch tv, or write stuff on lp. At least, tomorrow I have my day off and I can lounge around and drink coffee and get some stuff done and run some errands and then get out and about with some people. You know even though my job kind of sucks and I can't do drugs I am doing pretty ok. I miss my friends from Malta. I miss my LP friends. I will miss my friends in Pittsburgh. I am a drifter. I am a seeker. Charleston, SC is the place I have to be. No telling how it will turn out but I will learn some things and I am excited for the experience.


failsafe   United States. Mar 30 2017 17:39. Posts 1034

it sounds like poker has really taken a toll on you. maybe you should play some hearthstone or something. elky has started playing hearthstone and it seems to be good for his poker habits.

so you can show me some cards 

RiKD    United States. Mar 30 2017 18:53. Posts 8442

Unless some major outlier events made poker silly profitable again poker is over for me. I occasionally play in friendly home games and typically don't enjoy it. I occasionally play in live games and typically leave pretty quick. I do enjoy strategy games though. Hearthstone is not a bad suggestion. I used to love Magic: The Gathering. I play spades occasionally and it is ok but not that deep. I have been wanting to get a weekly bridge game together but in all honesty I would have to drive far and I suppose I am just not that interested. Most times we play Cards Against Humanity for the luls but that can get old. Life has taken its toll on me. 50 year olds tell me how great a year 33 is. It does not always feel that way but all things considered it is pretty true. One of my co-workers is in constant pain even with Vicodins and has trouble sleeping. That is heavy. I am pretty healthy and sleep like a baby yet complain about every last detail sometimes. Poker did take a toll on me though. All that focus with nothing really to show for it besides experience. How important is experience? I have family, friends, and experience. What kind of experience can be gleaned from solitary confinement? Torture? That just seems like not so great experience. It certainly could lead to toughness and gratitude or it could lead to trauma and stress. Am I a better person or a better applicant because I lost $100k in a month? At the end of the day, I do not want to die so I live. So I exist in this absurd world. When I start to get too existential I should go help some people. I should go do some groceries or walk the dog but I can't right now. I am waiting for a woman to come over and see my parent's house. I am trapped in this house. I am trapped in this universe. I am trapped in this existence. Eh, it is ok. Things will get better and then they will get worse. They will get better and then continue to get worse until I die. I will become accustomed to almost anything good or bad. C'est la vie.


failsafe   United States. Mar 30 2017 20:35. Posts 1034

yeah, liquidpoker is a pretty interesting place. i assume many or most players on liquidpoker were part of the poker craze for bw players around 2003-2004. bw was a really complex strategy game at the time, and it's not really surprising that a lot of the most talented bw players transferred to poker.

i was pretty good friends with fira, mez, [vital]myth, midian, and hevad and some of the other players that transitioned from bw to poker with different degrees of success. of course a lot of the bw community was jealous of a younger generation making hundreds of thousands of dollars playing poker. i remember fira tilted off like 165k in a few days playing NL5k, which has to be pretty stressful or confusing if you're barely 18 years old. pretty much every well-known or lesser known bw player who was considered fairly skilled took a shot at poker after hearing about rekrul elky nazgul and LP generally.

for better or worse i was never really that great and usually performed OK at just above microstakes. i guess you could say i never really put into the game at the same level other people did.

of course you could say that to some extent the image is romanticized of a bunch of the stronger bw players taking LSD / hash and getting really loaded up on powerful substances trying to win at poker. i guess that was really the image people had though from rekrul stories and so on of a bunch of talented guys loaded up on cocaine and a bunch of other stuff wagering and doing all sorts of crazy shit to succeed at poker.

it was pretty cool and exciting while it worked out but with various sites closing and online poker being illegal in many places i'm guessing the dream has kind of died. i think it was probably a pretty good thing and apparently very interesting since there's definitely some connection between hearthstone and other online card games and the success of bw/poker pros.

the hearthstone environment seems a lot more dialed back and relaxed compared to the wild propbetting poker environment (and what already probably existed in IRL poker games). successful hearthstone streamers like kripparian, amaz, trump, hafu, and so on seems pretty "real world" and stable so it's a testament to the quasi-success of the earlier generation of bw/poker players.

poker seems like a pretty cool game, but it's too bad that so many of the successful poker personalities seem to feel kind of burned out. i would probably attribute it to all the wild memes in the poker community compared to hearthstone where people are basically laid back streamers.

so you can show me some cards 

 



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