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Gambling Addiction
  Xervean, Jun 10 2012

Don't worry I'm not busto ROFL!

I just watched the video of Brad Booth talking about how he has a gambling problem and is in a huge amount of debt to countless backers. He also admitted to straight up stealing money from WCGRIDER. He was crying and looked like he was at rock bottom.

It got me thinking and I decided to share some of my experiences.

I definitely used to have a horrible gambling problem and was in denial for many years. I have never played a pit game in my entire life but I used to constantly play high stakes cash games while on tilt and under rolled. However I only did this with my own money, and never on the money of other people. If I had people feeding me an endless stream of cash I never would have learned anything. I was only staked one time for 3k back in early 2007, and it went really well and my backer was paid back 6k and I profited the original 3k. Unfortunately when I was back on my own money the next day I tilted it playing 5/10 and was broke again. My backer, Ket, told me that he was cutting me off for my own good because I would never learn anything if I continued down this path. He told me I need to learn the value of money and that I should grind 1$ sngs until my fingers bleed. I knew he was right and that advice stuck with me even though I didn't follow it for a long time because my addiction was so powerful.

I eventually got to the point in late 2008 where I was completely broke and I had no way to get in action. I was at total rock bottom. My credit cards were all maxed out, I had 2-3 bank loans of like 2-3k each, and lots of school loans. I had too much pride to start messaging my poker friends begging them for staking money. I talked to my parents and they agreed that it was time for me to grow up and get a real job. I went and got a job and for 9 months I lived with my parents and 85% of my income went into paying back debts. The road to recovery was long and hard. I had a lot of time on my hands and read countless books and spent many hours working out. I started practicing meditation and spent many hours analyzing myself and trying to understand my addiction and its triggers. Yomer from LP gave me 200$ to play 10nl on and I doubled his money and paid him back. From that point on I never went broke again, even though I did have a few relapses where I would lose 40-50% of my bankroll I never put myself in the position where I had everything on the line. As time went on my tilt control started to get better and better. I started meditating more and more and had a few really huge breakthroughs and realizations. The first time I read the book Siddhartha it was essentially a religious experience for me. It opened my eyes to so many things, and I no longer view the world in the same way. I finally made the decision to quit trying to move up in stakes and to just grind the small stakes games and be happy with what I had. This gave me a lot of peace, and I was finally able to release much of my ego.

Post black Friday I worked two jobs to save up for a live poker bankroll. When I had enough money saved up I continued working 7 days a week and when I would get off work I would go grind at the casino. I got about 3-4 hours of sleep a night. This continued for about 3-4 months and I had a huge run where I didn't lose for 5 weeks. I completely paid off all of my credit card debt and school loans. I'm now completely debt free and am looking to potentially buy a house or condo soon. I quit my second job about 3 months ago and am very well bankrolled for 2/5NL cash games live. I still work a full-time job that I really enjoy, and I just play poker for the intellectual challenge and enjoyment.

I'm a huge bankroll nit and take absolutely zero chances with my money. I will continue working on my game and trying to improve because I really do enjoy playing. I have no desire to play poker for a living, and have no delusions of trying to become rich from it. At this point it is just a nice source of income that I can get from doing something that I enjoy. I no longer feel the gambling sickness inside of me, and when I lose I just accept it instead of feeling the sense of "desperation" that I used to.

I was certainly lucky in the sense that I had parents who allowed me to stay with them while I got back on my feet. I was also able to discover Buddhism and use my time training my mind instead of coming up with schemes to get back in action. I would say that I am probably in the minority of people who are able to overcome the sickness. I think that in the case of many people they would be much better off giving up the game completely.

I am extremely happy with my life now and to be honest I have no regrets. Without my experiences I wouldn't be the strong person that I am today.



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Comments (20)


Hero Poker and Live
  Xervean, May 05 2012

I decided to deposit on Hero poker a few days ago and have put in about 3000 hands so far at 25nl. I'm really enjoying being able to play online again even though it is risky. The money I put on is insignificant so if Merge gets busted I won't be hurt or anything. I accept the risks. The games are "alright" I would say. When I get 50,000 hands played I will post a screenshot of my progress. I just like being able to play an hour or so in the evenings when I don't feel like going to the casino to play live.

I have done well in the local live games and have booked a 2 week vacation to Vegas from 6/22-7/06 so I am looking forward to that. I will be grinding a lot of 2/5 and maybe some 5/10 if the game is really good. Around here 2/5 only runs like 1-2 times a week which is kind of annoying. It's very deep because it is uncapped and a lot of the time it plays like a 5/10 game. It will be awesome in Vegas to be able to grind it on a daily basis.

It feels good to play poker for fun and not have to worry about anything. Getting a regular job was definitely the right move for me. Stress free is the way to be!



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Comments (2)


SC2 Help
  Xervean, Jan 06 2012

I would like to get some protoss coaching if there are some good players out there (which I'm sure there are). Let me know!



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Comments (9)


Live Poker <3
  Xervean, Aug 29 2011

After more than a month of grinding live poker 5-6 days a week my biggest problem is getting my wallet to close and fit in my pocket because its so full of money. This is a good problem to have. I love you live poker!



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Comments (19)


Post Black Friday
  Xervean, Aug 16 2011

I am starting to think black friday was a good thing for me. I had to better myself by getting a higher paying job, and keeping the one I had as a part time gig on the weekends. With the large income boost I created a second bank account and began saving money for a live poker bankroll. I began playing about two weeks ago and have only had one losing day (which was actually my first session). The games are so good that it is actually pretty hard for me to lose. Mainly because the donks don't know how to value bet their hands. Also I play late at night and almost everyone at the table besides me is intoxicated lol!

It has been killer though because I am working 60 hours a week and then when I get off I go play poker every night for 6-8 hours which leads to 4 hours of sleep at best. Down the road a little bit I will certainly leave my part time job. For now though I will suck it up because I am banking pretty hard.

The quote unquote "regs" in these live 1/2 games couldn't break even in a 5nl game online if their life depended on it rofl! I have only seen 2 people in the games that I felt had a clue what they were doing. And just from talking with them at the table they are former online players.



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Comments (3)


Sunday Million
  Xervean, Mar 05 2011

I would really like to play in the sunday million 5 year anniversary tomorrow. If anyone is interested in staking me let me know.



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Comments (5)


Recent Results
  Xervean, Dec 29 2010

I took a nice little break from poker after getting promoted at my job. I am finally enjoying poker again and just play when I feel good. I am pretty happy right now and don't have any desire to move up quickly.



I am gonna start taking Muay Thai classes soon and getting in tip top shape. I also just signed up for some tactical handgun and marksmanship classes. I will be looking to buy a pistol soon if anyone has any recommendations.



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Comments (6)


Xfer Stars to ftp
  Xervean, Dec 15 2010

I need to transfer 600 from stars to FTP. Anyone interested?



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1.2k transfer ftp to stars
  Xervean, Sep 18 2010

Looking to move 1.2k from FTP to stars PM me if interested



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Comments (1)


Xfer FTP to Stars
  Xervean, Sep 17 2010

Looking to move 1.2k from FTP to stars PM me if interested



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