Ayahuasca experience

I heard of DMT from joe rogan as well.
Despite the insanity it caused me, it was the most fun Ive ever had in my life. The best nights of my life were on ayahuasca, I only suspect a time that could be better is the day I die and start tripping balls as I die. I know the best nights of my life already happened.

On June 03 2014 12:36 JosephCalgary wrote: I became so mentally ill with paranoia and schizophrenia, I could not attend a movie theatre because evil voices were relentless. I could not sleep in the house with other people because I was afraid of raping them. I slept in parking lots in a car. I couldnt stay at the house any more. So I just started to drive to california for heroin to OD on. I had heart pain whenever I got close to san fransico. I drove for 3 weeks, sleeping in the car before ending back up in Pennsylvania. Even the truck driver stops I couldnt sleep near anyone else. Voices telling me to rape and murder, rape children, just the most evil shit imaginable, non stop for 3 years. I made it to PA and decide to get a gun to shoot myself with. But my mom took me to the mental hospital before I got the gun. They gave me risperdal and it helped with the voices slightly. U have no idea how hard it is to be around another person when voices are telling you to fuck them, murder them, all sorts of shit. Some of the shit I cant even say aloud. Racist voices, sexist voices, For like 6 months I believed people could hear my thoughts. While having all these evil thoughts. Anyway its been years and I been to maybe 6 psych wards with a bunch of suicide attempts. But I had suicide attempts before ayahuasca. some crazy shit that happend while drinking ayahuasca: my hands started talking to me, they would open to say yes, close to say no, they would take me grocery shopping, id ask anything in this aisle and they fucking say yes or no, and they pick out the food. its fucking crazy shit that happened after 7 sessions of ayahusca after 14 sessions, my hands led me to find words on the internet, Brave Truth Autonomy Integrity Trust, those kind of words and like 20 of them. And everytime I found a word I would puke. And these words were placed on my body and this thing would sting my skin in the location of the word to bring my attention to that word. I fucking thought I was chosen. I drank alot of ayahuasca though. I still have disturbing evil voices. and its been 3-4 years.

Holy shit that's intense lol

On June 03 2014 12:36 JosephCalgary wrote: I became so mentally ill with paranoia and schizophrenia, I could not attend a movie theatre because evil voices were relentless. I could not sleep in the house with other people because I was afraid of raping them. I slept in parking lots in a car. I couldnt stay at the house any more. So I just started to drive to california for heroin to OD on. I had heart pain whenever I got close to san fransico. I drove for 3 weeks, sleeping in the car before ending back up in Pennsylvania. Even the truck driver stops I couldnt sleep near anyone else. Voices telling me to rape and murder, rape children, just the most evil shit imaginable, non stop for 3 years. I made it to PA and decide to get a gun to shoot myself with. But my mom took me to the mental hospital before I got the gun. They gave me risperdal and it helped with the voices slightly. U have no idea how hard it is to be around another person when voices are telling you to fuck them, murder them, all sorts of shit. Some of the shit I cant even say aloud. Racist voices, sexist voices, For like 6 months I believed people could hear my thoughts. While having all these evil thoughts. Anyway its been years and I been to maybe 6 psych wards with a bunch of suicide attempts. But I had suicide attempts before ayahuasca. some crazy shit that happend while drinking ayahuasca: my hands started talking to me, they would open to say yes, close to say no, they would take me grocery shopping, id ask anything in this aisle and they fucking say yes or no, and they pick out the food. its fucking crazy shit that happened after 7 sessions of ayahusca after 14 sessions, my hands led me to find words on the internet, Brave Truth Autonomy Integrity Trust, those kind of words and like 20 of them. And everytime I found a word I would puke. And these words were placed on my body and this thing would sting my skin in the location of the word to bring my attention to that word. I fucking thought I was chosen. I drank alot of ayahuasca though. I still have disturbing evil voices. and its been 3-4 years.

Wow, thank you for sharing. I can't help but say try yogic breathing and the practice of witnessing your self and your thoughts rather than fighting them or automatically "going with them". You will likely be led into your past and eventually childhood memories, and fears.. It will be cathartic for you to let it play out in meditation. This is just basic advice for any drug trip and life is a hell of a trip, so I hope not to appear presumptuous.

On June 02 2014 19:09 ggplz wrote: Show nested quote + On June 02 2014 15:58 2primenumbers wrote: I tell about my time up to and in the Ayahuasca ceremony here in this video podcast style I suppose (storytelling) Cool video and it seemed like a positive experience for you. Any paranoia / long lasting issues after it? Seems a lot of ppl in this topic have that p.s. my neck is sore

Thanks, it was a good experience. It definitely melts the ego and the sensory gateways of the body-brain-mind are unraveled. I had a very interesting time the day afterward while smoking weed that I believe further clarifies the effect that Ayahuasca has on the brain. To stay short, a summary of the interesting time the day afterward was that in a room with 3 different conversations going on, my thoughts and my soul were claving to every conversation and it was difficult to concentrate. What I mean by this is that literally every conversation seemed to be clearly allegorical and the topic of it was myself. It was similar in experience to the description of a schizophrenic's auditory gating failure or other "I get overwhelmed" symptoms, where one hears everything around them and if you are unfamiliar, the (soul)claving is the automatic self-relating and adhesion of the mind to a thing.

Are you familiar with how some people have the habit of relating everything to their own experience and regurgitate that out loud even when the history or depth of themself that they reveal appears irrelevant to the conversation? My mind was doing that inside of itself.

The effect has lasted to a certain degree and IMO has truly become more of a super-power that has enhanced my ability to conceptualize and differentiate the Ego from the Self as well as its other parts. It has enhanced my ability to understand why people speak and relate to one another as they do, it restored my sense of the Ghost in the Machine and to identify the "boxes" or the different ways that people go about thinking. More succinctly, the experience enlightened my perspective. BUT super-power or not, this auto-self-relating must be kept in check. Oh, and it turns out that all "thinking" is a form of self-relating no matter the topic. But that is obvious now, isn't it? Being "Trapped in our own heads" and all.

It was an important step in breaking me out of the Matrix of the Ego's unconscious illusions and today I weave my own illusions and dream (well, as God Wills, of course).

Everyone's results vary and reveal themselves differently. I hit upon Ayahuasca at a time when I was searching for meaning, for time away to contemplate my life, and for the way out of a ~16 year depression. Having already been in possession of a large body of mythological knowledge, the experience helped me assimilate the experience into my consciousness without falling to paranoia of being (or becoming) schizophrenic despite the extreme weirdness of various experiences that arise in life. What I knew of the psyche and how to live out my life no longer had to be intellectual fluff. The explicit melting of assumptive thoughts, of the Ego walls built by depression's anxiety, was what I needed and got.

Raw action, the grind, was restored in prominence as the key to leaving behind inaction and depression.

p.s. re: mythological knowledge, I posted a relevant blog, all takers can feel free to challenge me although I do not guarantee a drawn out affair.

Damn, thats some intense shit.

Dunno how many of you believe in spirits/God/stuff like this, but many people say that when you are blacked out, high from some hard drugs, super drunk, add any state when you completely lose control of yourself, evil spirits are free to come and go. What Joseph described sounds pretty much like that. Pretty scary stuff even if you dont believe in anything.

so many batshit crazy ppl here on LP what teh fuck

yo im embarrassed to say how fucking crazy I was
Ill list the crazy shit that occurred before I became severely mentally ill
what the fuck this was my experience, you are going to see me as a retard well im fucking retarded
but im not a retard, i was a successful poker player, strong mathematical thinker, atheist
there so much coincidence and synchronocity that occurs with ayahuasca youlll fucking believe anything
alright this is some funny shit
during ceremony I went in the bathroom and Im naked with a raging boner and I see this orb inside the head of my penis and I think that if the orb explodes it will make me very creative and the way it explodes is getting fucked in the ass.
LOL
so like 3-4 months later I find a mother fucker to fuck me in the ass and he puts his dick in my butthole and I experience a seizure, my body is moving back and forth and breathing deeply fastly to try and mitigate the pain.
fucking anal sex hurts worse than stubbing your toe
fucking insanity for all lp to see I laugh at this shit

fuck My hands told me there was a tape worm inside of me, so I ordered so shit that gets rid of tape worms. I drank the shit and my hands still telling me its there, I keep on drinking this shit and my hands keep telling me its there.
Im literally unaware im crazy at this point lol

fuck Id talk to stones, their energy affected my consciousness and each crystal had a different energy. just fucking crazy ass shit
im telling u ayahuasca u drink enough of it and u can believe anything

i always looked at crystal people and angel people, contacting the dead people as fucking crazy
but then i became one of those people

oh this dude had a headache, my hands told me they could fix his headache, got random food items and threw it together and gave it to him, he ate it and said he felt better lmao

that shit aint as half as crazy as some of this shit
i started meditating and began to believe I was a woman in a man's body
moved to vegas started taking estrogen and wearing female clothes in public
i fucking dressed like a hoe
I went to wsop main event dressed like a hoe
thats fucking cray

On June 03 2014 17:09 JosephCalgary wrote: yo im embarrassed to say how fucking crazy I was Ill list the crazy shit that occurred before I became severely mentally ill what the fuck this was my experience, you are going to see me as a retard well im fucking retarded but im not a retard, i was a successful poker player, strong mathematical thinker, atheist there so much coincidence and synchronocity that occurs with ayahuasca youlll fucking believe anything alright this is some funny shit during ceremony I went in the bathroom and Im naked with a raging boner and I see this orb inside the head of my penis and I think that if the orb explodes it will make me very creative and the way it explodes is getting fucked in the ass. LOL so like 3-4 months later I find a mother fucker to fuck me in the ass and he puts his dick in my butthole and I experience a seizure, my body is moving back and forth and breathing deeply fastly to try and mitigate the pain. fucking anal sex hurts worse than stubbing your toe fucking insanity for all lp to see I laugh at this shit fuck My hands told me there was a tape worm inside of me, so I ordered so shit that gets rid of tape worms. I drank the shit and my hands still telling me its there, I keep on drinking this shit and my hands keep telling me its there. Im literally unaware im crazy at this point lol fuck Id talk to stones, their energy affected my consciousness and each crystal had a different energy. just fucking crazy ass shit im telling u ayahuasca u drink enough of it and u can believe anything i always looked at crystal people and angel people, contacting the dead people as fucking crazy but then i became one of those people oh this dude had a headache, my hands told me they could fix his headache, got random food items and threw it together and gave it to him, he ate it and said he felt better lmao that shit aint as half as crazy as some of this shit i started meditating and began to believe I was a woman in a man's body moved to vegas started taking estrogen and wearing female clothes in public i fucking dressed like a hoe I went to wsop main event dressed like a hoe thats fucking cray

Lol crazy shit

@2primenumbers, very interesting read thx for the response

@JosephCalgary, sorry to hear about all the hard stuff you've went through :/

On June 03 2014 17:09 JosephCalgary wrote: how fucking crazy I was snip

Amazing how much of your experience mirrors my own except that I suspect I was lucky enough to have some better grounding (maybe literal electrical grounding in the brain..? or my familial and personal history -- lucky things I have stumbled upon?) because all of my hallucinations have been self-triggered or I set the stage for them and was ready to accept the vision. If you want details in how our experiences relate let me know, I don't know if just pushing them out in front of you will help you see you see me and see that you're alright despite all that crazy history.

One thing that I just recently read in the Book of Ecclesiastes struck me as.. well.. extremely similar to the way that I personally approached my purposeful descent into madness.. and I was really glad to read that I am not the only one who fell into, then chose to do this and to walk this path with their eyes open as best he is able:

Ecclesiastes Chapter One

12 I the Preacher was king over Israel in Jerusalem.

13 And I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith.

14 I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.

15 That which is crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered.

16 I communed with mine own heart, saying, Lo, I am come to great estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me in Jerusalem: yea, my heart had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.

17 And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit.

18 For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

On June 03 2014 17:09 JosephCalgary wrote: yo im embarrassed to say how fucking crazy I was

Please tell me you've sought professional help, right ?

Hesus Christes, just don't go all religious now. You could find tons of actual writers who's sole purpose of existence wasn't/isn't to control the mass population and with whose words you will most definitely connect

everything has different ayahuasca experiences

i think the ayahuasca consumption as well as the conditions may have exacerbated josephcalgary's symptoms from his mental illness.

i have some issues myself and i am not certain to what extent ayahuasca has contributed or helped, but i can say that the experience i had (the trip, the people i was with, the ayahuasca, etc) opened my eyes and thinking back on it, i am still learning from it years later. something i will forever hold, hopefully vividly, in my memory.

joseph calgary should post his own popular AMA on reddit. You can't make shit up like that, both hilarious and crazy experiences for sure jesus christ. that gym story he did had me laughing each time i read it

Hallucinogens are not the cause of all those bad experiences ppl list here. People and their interiors are. In other words it wont give you paranoia, but it will very likely make you aware of your fears if you have them buried somewhere.
Also I did both couple times at least, and some others, and LSD is more potent then Aya imho.

Anyhow to anyone considering doing them I advice good settings(less urban the better), also intent will always play a big role on how(where) the trip will take you.

They can be extremely useful to those looking to challenge the only reality they have ever known.

Maybe I was guillible and susceptible, but Ayahuasca made me think/feel like a king. And I like an idiot believed it.. It took me like 3-5 months to realize that was bullshit and Im delusional.
There are side effects to taking ayahuasca. My feet started bubbling and itching and i scratched them open and they burned so bad I couldnt walk for a few days. They carried me back into the jungle. My legs started itching and I scratched them open too. Man I dont have any advice to give. Ayahuasca can make you feel things you knew existed but never felt. Its magical in my opinion. Straight up magic.

On June 03 2014 17:09 JosephCalgary wrote: fuck My hands told me there was a tape worm inside of me,

I.. I'm so glad I decided to read this thread. thank you for sharing

On June 05 2014 03:36 whamm! wrote: that gym story he did had me laughing each time i read it

link?

it was in his blog(an alt account of his) i think about how to detect gay guys in the gym lol

Heres my advice
Dont drink 14 times in 30 days, u might go crazy like i did
if you have auditory hallucinations its time to stop ayahuasca and go to psychiatrist
the culture at these centers is ayahuasca is medicine and is always good for you. this is wrong
if your hands start talking to you, you are super fucked.